Friend trip that is becoming a big mistake

[rie'smom]

Thanks for the responses. I would just cancel, but I bought non-refundable plane tickets, plus I'm past the deposit deadline. I would lose $$$.

I called her and told her I had some issues I wanted to discuss, but didn't want them to be discussed via email or phone. She told me that she is going shoe shopping and I could join her if I wanted to talk.

Seriously? Grrrrr.

What I would do is change the resort reservations. If you lose $100, I think in the end you would feel it is a small price to pay. Just get a regular room. If you call Disney, they are pretty understanding about things like this.

As I see it your choices are:

1. Go with this woman and be miserable and not lose your deposit.
2. Go with your daughters, have a wonderful time and maybe be out a bit of money.

 

[N&B'smom]

Be the villain...embrace it.

And go ahead and have a GREAT time at Disneyland .

agnes!

Tell her that you are sorry you haven't been able to get together to plan the trip and that you think it is best that you go your seperate ways. Period. She is not being respectful of you and I wouldn't waste another second on her. You've already made seperate arrangements and she can do the same.

ETA: Saw your update. There is no way I would vacation with that woman. Go your seperate ways and have a great time.

I agree with both of these!!!! It's obvious that you guys aren't REALLY friends, if you were she would have returned your calls/emails and showed up at the coffee shop. Just tell her you're going your own thing and she can plan her own trip!

 

[lovetoscrap]

Thanks everyone. I just feel guilty, but I'll get over it.

I'll give her a call tomorrow and tell her it just isn't working out.

I am not sure you want to do that quite that way. I think you need to just stick with a "here are my plans, call and we can meet up when we get there" and have as little conversation with her as you can-- DO NOT initiate any further communication with her. This way you are taking the high road. By telling her that it isn't working out and you don't want to travel with her she may then start telling people how you ruined her vacation, canceled her trip, broke her son's heart blah blah blah.

By letting her know your plans and making sure she has your number you are putting the ball in her court to be in charge of her own trip however she wants to do it. And if anyone tells you she has said anything you can just tell them that you had everything all planned out and she knew exactly how to reach you and how you were sooooooooo disappointed that you never heard from her -- all with a big friendly smile.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OMG, cancel your trip with this woman and write her off as a friend. It is over. Her level of disdain for you is utterly disgusting.

 

[Ceila]

I am not sure you want to do that quite that way. I think you need to just stick with a "here are my plans, call and we can meet up when we get there" and have as little conversation with her as you can-- DO NOT initiate any further communication with her. This way you are taking the high road. By telling her that it isn't working out and you don't want to travel with her she may then start telling people how you ruined her vacation, canceled her trip, broke her son's heart blah blah blah.

By letting her know your plans and making sure she has your number you are putting the ball in her court to be in charge of her own trip however she wants to do it. And if anyone tells you she has said anything you can just tell them that you had everything all planned out and she knew exactly how to reach you and how you were sooooooooo disappointed that you never heard from her -- all with a big friendly smile.

OP, please take this advice. It's excellent!

 

[*BTMRR*]

I wouldn't risk a Saturday afternoon picnic in the local park on someone like that, let alone a Disney trip. I agree with lovetoscrap's advice. I hope that once you're on your way, all this irritation will be just a memory and you'll have a great trip.

 

[MsDisney23]

I feel bad for ya, I have would not go with her in anyway. Just explain to her that things are not working out. Be very honest with her. I won a trip for eight when they started the Grand Gatherings. I invited 8 friends. during the planning process we discovered that one in our group had a serious drinkking problem, that none of us ever knew.

 

[Rora]

Tell her you are going and doing your own thing with your DD's. And DO IT! Trust me...I see disaster written all over this one.

This for sure!!

Don't put yourself through this!

 

[SC Minnie]

I agree with lovestoscrap. Give her your itinerary along with times and places you have booked ADRs. Let her know which parks you plan on going to each day. Tell her up front if you guys are rope drop people or late night people. Let her know what time you will be heading to the parks every morning and give her your cell number. If she wants to join you she can. If she doesn't she can just 'wing it'.

 

[goofy4tink]

Gotta love 'friends'..if that's what you can call this woman. This is what I would do....I would send her an email, telling her that I had made plans, and this is my itinerary. Then, tell her that she is free to do what she wants to do...you're more than happy to hang out with her and her kid(s), just call and let you know where to meet up.
I would explain that there is no issue with the kids other than your dd having some personal issues that are best not shared with anyone outside the family and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with this other womans kid(s). Tell her that if she chooses to cancel, that's okay..you had planned on going anyway. Tell her that you choose not to 'wing it'..that you have done that at Disney before and it's just not your cup of tea but if this other woman chooses to do it that way, that's her choice. The ball is now in her court. Then, go on your trip, have fun. I wouldn't try to touch base with her again after sending that email unless she tries to contact you. But it's time to stop reaching out to her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You guys are too nice. I would have told the women off long ago.

If a friend ignored my calls, emails, and let me sit in a coffee shop for 45mins alone, I would never speak to them again.

 

[disneychic2]

Hope everything turns out okay. I'm so glad you are not sinking to her level and instead are trying to maintain an adult attitude that will do the least damage. Gotta love someone with integrity! Have fun with all your DDs, whatever the outcome. Put the focus on them and you'll be fine. Lesson learned...for me too!

 

[robinb]

I agree with lovestoscrap. Give her your itinerary along with times and places you have booked ADRs. Let her know which parks you plan on going to each day. Tell her up front if you guys are rope drop people or late night people. Let her know what time you will be heading to the parks every morning and give her your cell number. If she wants to join you she can. If she doesn't she can just 'wing it'.

I agree with lovestoscrap too.

I know that she has been a bit annoying but I keep on putting myself in her shoes imagining the OP turning on me at the last minute and being so mean to me as some people have suggested. Especially since she is doing now exactly what the OP wants her to do. She dropped staying concierge sharing a room (at a Disney resort I assume) to stay in her own room at a hotel that she thinks will be a dump. Ohhhhh that rude witch! How dare she do what the OP wants her to do?!?

And yes, I do think the OP is too sensitive about the term "Hobo's" instead of "Hojo's". MY opinion of Hojo's is pretty low. Think Days Inn low. I am not surprised that she has objected staying at a dump even if it is "right across" from Disneyland. If I were a newbie I wouldn't be able to get past my prejudiced and it took me years of reading nice things about that particular Hojo's before I stayed there. I even remember after I made the reservation my DH said to me, "We're staying at a Hojo's? You've got to be kidding!" That was until I sent him a link to Tripadvisor's reviews and a link to the hotel website and he changed his mind. Of course, we had a perfectly nice stay there and would return.

 

[N&B'smom]

Hope everything turns out okay. I'm so glad you are not sinking to her level and instead are trying to maintain an adult attitude that will do the least damage. Gotta love someone with integrity! Have fun with all your DDs, whatever the outcome. Put the focus on them and you'll be fine. Lesson learned...for me too!

 

[Phil Cirrone]

I would cancel.Tell her something came up.
Lisa

 

[krcit]

Gotta love 'friends'..if that's what you can call this woman. This is what I would do....I would send her an email, telling her that I had made plans, and this is my itinerary. Then, tell her that she is free to do what she wants to do...you're more than happy to hang out with her and her kid(s), just call and let you know where to meet up.
I would explain that there is no issue with the kids other than your dd having some personal issues that are best not shared with anyone outside the family and that it has nothing whatsoever to do with this other womans kid(s). Tell her that if she chooses to cancel, that's okay..you had planned on going anyway. Tell her that you choose not to 'wing it'..that you have done that at Disney before and it's just not your cup of tea but if this other woman chooses to do it that way, that's her choice. The ball is now in her court. Then, go on your trip, have fun. I wouldn't try to touch base with her again after sending that email unless she tries to contact you. But it's time to stop reaching out to her.

I wouldn't even tell her that dd has a personal issue. I woold leave it that she is just not comfortable sharing a room, no other info needed. If the 'friend' wants to try to turn in into a 'your kid doesn't like my kid' thing, well then you see the maturity level that you're dealing with, you know what I mean? I agree with the rest of the advice...it's now up to her what she chooses to do.

 

[disykat]

I wouldn't even tell her that dd has a personal issue. I woold leave it that she is just not comfortable sharing a room, no other info needed. If the 'friend' wants to try to turn in into a 'your kid doesn't like my kid' thing, well then you see the maturity level that you're dealing with, you know what I mean? I agree with the rest of the advice...it's now up to her what she chooses to do.

I agree. It's not about the daughter. "DD and I prefer to have our own room." Plain and simple. Don't blame it on DD. Surely someone who looks down their nose at "hobos" isn't going to be upset about paying for her own room? (Personally I'd rather stay cheaper in my own space than share with another family at a more expensive hotel)

 

[HOGFAN]

I went on a trip with a 'friend' like that..It was a disaster..The trip was prepaid and she wanted to go but was a you know what the whole time..Im thinking of taking a redo trip..

 

[MrsPete]

Here's what I see as the real problem: You have this friend, you like her, your kids like each other, you have talked about Disney trips in the past, she's interested in Disney trips . . . taking a trip together sounded like so much fun!

Until you discussed details. And at that point you realized that you're a budget Howard Johnson's type of person, while she wants conceirge and wine. You had different trips in mind from the beginning. She's not a villain for wanting to stay in a luxurious hotel. You're not a grinch for wanting to plan your meals and itinerary. You two just aren't compatible travelers.

If y'all had discussed the details before jumping into the reservations phase, you would've figured that out before trouble began.

A better solution would've been for you each to make reservations at the hotel of your choice and to make plans to do a couple things together -- but not to try to stick together for the whole trip. In the end, I'd be willing to bet that you'd each think that you ended up with the better trip: You'd think you'd had more fun because you'd been on more rides, she'd think she'd had more fun because she and her son'd had time to relax around the great pool at their hotel.

I got into a situation like that once:

A group of us went on a trip (not Disney) together. We'd agreed on a rather hectic touring schedule, but once we arrived it became clear that one person considered our plans "suggestions". While the rest of us wanted to go-go-go and see as much as possible, she wanted to blow off our carefully-made plans. She wanted to sleep later than we'd agreed, skip a museum so we could have a nice sit-down lunch instead of a quick fast-food meal, etc. So we let her go do her thing. She was a little miffed that the rest of us actually wanted to do the things we'd chosen . . . but we realized that most of us saw the trip as a learning opportunity, the chance to do something new that we couldn't do at home, while she saw it as a time to relax. She was wrong to agree to one itinerary and then think we'd all blow it off, but we realized that we weren't operating on the same travel-value system, and we haven't tried it again.

 

[beaucoup]

Before taking a WDW vacation with anyone, we spend 1 day with them at a local amusement park first and see how that goes. Lots cheaper than making a mistake on a more expensive trip.