Free Kate

[FLCyndi]

So it doesn't mean it isn't still a crime, just that they won't have to register? Being gay isn't an exclusion to the law. The law should be applied equally regardless of sexual orientation.

Exactly-still against the law!

 

[skatalite]

I think the main problem is that our laws don't reflect the biological reality that teenagers aren't pre-pubescent children. We have the highest ages of consent in the industrialized world. I don't think teenagers should have sex, but they aren't biologically incapable of consenting. To lump "statutory rape" with rape and pedophelia completely ignores the fact it has completely different root causes.

This is the correct answer.

Biology is biology. A lot of the teens I knew when I was 14 knew what their bodies were made for. Were they all emotionally capable of handling consequences of sex, whether it be pregnancy or feelings? Of course not. But they all knew what they were doing physically.

And as a parent, if I found out that an 18 year old was having sex with my 14 year old, regardless of gender, I'd be filing charges too.

Would the circumstances/situation surrounding the act itself matter to you?

What if they were genuinely in love, or cared for one another? What if they had grown up together (for instance, the 18-year-old girl was the 14-year-old's sisters best friend) and you knew the older teen really well?

The ONLY reason this is a story is because it was a lesbian relationship. Those parents should be ashamed of themselves. They were aware of the relationship and the suddenly had a change of heart? My bet is they were getting flack from family, friends and community and decided that their little snowflake bore no part in this.

When kids of high school age are together, relationships are bound to happen.

Straight up, PrincessKsMom.

--

My wife and I were in high school when we met, became friends and began dating. She was a 15-year-old sophomore, I was a 17-year-old senior. A month after we became "official," I turned 18.

Had her parents been upset with our relationship, I might not be married to my best friend and the love of my life right now. We've been together for close to 11 years, and married for nearly one.

I like to give situations like this a case-by-case look. With Kate's ordeal, I can't help but wonder, "What if they have what my wife and I have, and it's being torn away from them?"

And that makes me incredibly sad.

 

[Disney2013Girl]

I have pretty much narrowed my thoughts down to a few points.

1) If this was M/F instead of F/F, it wouldn't be news. If it was, the M would be drawn and quartered as a perv.

2) Are the girls parents awful people? Perhaps. Are they vindictive? Perhaps. Is the law the law? Yup. Every time I drive faster than the speed limit, I'm assuming a risk of getting caught. She risked getting caught in the law and she got caught. Is the law fair? Maybe not in some cases. However, like someone said, when you loosen up the law, you allow for some people to slip through the cracks. Which way should society err? Stricter and maybe catching people who make "simple mistakes" or whatnot? Perhaps looser and letting a few legitimate sexual predators take advantage of younger partners?

3) As a parent of a son with a November birthday, I am fully aware he's going to be one of the oldest in his class going through school. My husband and I have already discussed how statutory rape laws are going to be part of the sex talk (as he ages).

4) Seeing people talking about how it was "normal" and "healthy" and "consenting" and etc....Sorry, I have a REAL issue with considering a 14 year olds sexual experiences as "normal" or "healthy".

 

[chobie]

I have pretty much narrowed my thoughts down to a few points.

1) If this was M/F instead of F/F, it wouldn't be news. If it was, the M would be drawn and quartered as a perv.".

It wouldn't be news because it happens all the time -- a boy dating a girl younger than him. The high school football playing senior who dated the freshman cheerleader happens all the time. No one considers him a perv, except, maybe her parents, his parents will think she is a hussy, and all the other students will envy them.

 

[RadioNate]

I have pretty much narrowed my thoughts down to a few points.

1) If this was M/F instead of F/F, it wouldn't be news. If it was, the M would be drawn and quartered as a perv.

2) Are the girls parents awful people? Perhaps. Are they vindictive? Perhaps. Is the law the law? Yup. Every time I drive faster than the speed limit, I'm assuming a risk of getting caught. She risked getting caught in the law and she got caught. Is the law fair? Maybe not in some cases. However, like someone said, when you loosen up the law, you allow for some people to slip through the cracks. Which way should society err? Stricter and maybe catching people who make "simple mistakes" or whatnot? Perhaps looser and letting a few legitimate sexual predators take advantage of younger partners?

3) As a parent of a son with a November birthday, I am fully aware he's going to be one of the oldest in his class going through school. My husband and I have already discussed how statutory rape laws are going to be part of the sex talk (as he ages).

4) Seeing people talking about how it was "normal" and "healthy" and "consenting" and etc....Sorry, I have a REAL issue with considering a 14 year olds sexual experiences as "normal" or "healthy".

I'm on my phone so I can't bold but I don't think #1 is true at all. In HS I knew plenty of Juniors & Seniors who dated Freshmen & Sophomores. They were classmates & peers. In some cases in sure some were 18/15. No one looked twice.

My BFF started dating her husband at 16. He was 20. Again no one has ever cared. He went to her prom.

As more & more people "redshirt" boys you are seeing lots of kids turn 19 their senior year. I know I had girls who were 13 when we started HS in my class.

The Romeo & Juliet rule totally should apply regardless of gender.

 

[LisaR]

It wouldn't be news because it happens all the time -- a boy dating a girl younger than him. The high school football playing senior who dated the freshman cheerleader happens all the time. No one considers him a perv, except, maybe her parents, his parents will think she is a hussy, and all the other students will envy them.

I agree that it wouldn't be news because it happens all the time. But it is still a crime and if it is reported to the police, he will be charged (assuming there is proof). I don't see this case as being any different in that sense.

 

[luvsJack]

I have pretty much narrowed my thoughts down to a few points.

1) If this was M/F instead of F/F, it wouldn't be news. If it was, the M would be drawn and quartered as a perv.

2) Are the girls parents awful people? Perhaps. Are they vindictive? Perhaps. Is the law the law? Yup. Every time I drive faster than the speed limit, I'm assuming a risk of getting caught. She risked getting caught in the law and she got caught. Is the law fair? Maybe not in some cases. However, like someone said, when you loosen up the law, you allow for some people to slip through the cracks. Which way should society err? Stricter and maybe catching people who make "simple mistakes" or whatnot? Perhaps looser and letting a few legitimate sexual predators take advantage of younger partners?

3) As a parent of a son with a November birthday, I am fully aware he's going to be one of the oldest in his class going through school. My husband and I have already discussed how statutory rape laws are going to be part of the sex talk (as he ages).

4) Seeing people talking about how it was "normal" and "healthy" and "consenting" and etc....Sorry, I have a REAL issue with considering a 14 year olds sexual experiences as "normal" or "healthy".

Sadly 14 year olds having sex is fairly common. But the thing to me is that its not normal or healthy if both parties are 14 or if one is 17/18.

And I don't think a boy of 18 should be called a perv no more than I think this girl should.

Didn't she just turn 18? when does the younger girl turn 15?

 

[LisaR]

I'm on my phone so I can't bold but I don't think #1 is true at all. In HS I knew plenty of Juniors & Seniors who dated Freshmen & Sophomores. They were classmates & peers. In some cases in sure some were 18/15. No one looked twice.

My BFF started dating her husband at 16. He was 20. Again no one has ever cared. He went to her prom.

As more & more people "redshirt" boys you are seeing lots of kids turn 19 their senior year. I know I had girls who were 13 when we started HS in my class.

The Romeo & Juliet rule totally should apply regardless of gender.

Just because no one looked twice doesn't mean it wasn't illegal. Teens drink and do drugs on a fairly regular basis and most get away with it. It is still illegal. If caught having underage sex, drinking, or doing drugs, they will be charged. Most look the other way, but when the police receive a call that an 18 y/o is having sex with a 14 y/o, they have to investigate. And when the 18 y/o admits she did have sex with a minor, she will be charged.

 

[chobie]

I agree that it wouldn't be news because it happens all the time. But it is still a crime and if it is reported to the police, he will be charged (assuming there is proof). I don't see this case as being any different in that sense.

I agree with what you said. What I don't agree with is that there is a double standard and a senior boy would be burned at the stake, no questions asked. There would be just as many people ready to point the finger at the younger girl,

A coupled of months ago when the Stubenville rape case was all over the news. There were people all over the Internet (including here on the Dis) insisting that the girl shared the blame for getting drunk.

 

[LisaR]

I agree with what you said. What I don't agree with is that there is a double standard and a senior boy would be burned at the stake, no questions asked. There would be just as many people ready to point the finger at the younger girl,

A coupled of months ago when the Stubenville rape case was all over the news. There were people all over the Internet (including here on the Dis) insisting that the girl shared the blame for getting drunk.

 

[Colleen27]

It is ridiculous, but I'd feel the same way if she was a boy in a straight relationship. Statutory rape laws often go overboard, IMO, and should hinge no strictly on age but also on age difference. The aim of the law is to protect children from being victimized by adults, and to that end it should look at the relationship and balance of power between the two people involved - a high school romance between peers, even if they are a grade or two apart, should not be treated the same as a grown adult seeking out a relationship with a minor.

 

[Bluestars]

I'm not a parent, so I'm wondering for all of you parents out there:

(first, some say she was seventeen. According to their birth dates, she was 18 when the first encounter happened.

Would you really not have a problem with an 18 year old guy having a relationship with your 14 year ol daugther?

And for the parents of boys, would it be OK with you to have an 18 year old woman having a relationship with your 14 year old son?

From my non-parent POV. I find an 18 year old with a 14 year old skeevy

It might seem skeevy, but my grandmother was 15 when she married my 20 year old grandfather. They were married for 70 (seventy) years. He wasn't a sexual predator, although in today's times he would have been considered one in the eyes of the law.

I think a 14 year old having sex with an 18 year old who goes to the same school is much different than a 30 year old having sex with a teen. I do not think the 18 year old girl is a sexual predator. Nor do I think an 18 year old boy with a 14 year old girlfriend is a sexual predator. I think the laws need to be changed.

 

[Colleen27]

Would you really not have a problem with an 18 year old guy having a relationship with your 14 year ol daugther?

And for the parents of boys, would it be OK with you to have an 18 year old woman having a relationship with your 14 year old son?

From my non-parent POV. I find an 18 year old with a 14 year old skeevy

For me, it would depend on the kids involved. Personally I care more about the kids being at roughly the same stage in life than about age... 18/14 could be a junior dating a freshman... or it could be a college freshman dating a high school freshman. I see the latter as far more worrysome than the former. I have kids at both extremes within their grades - a son who was held back in early elem and is 2 full years older than some classmates, and a daughter who has a late birthday and will still be 17 when we send her off to college, so I can understand how kids at different ages can be at the same place in terms of maturity/interests/social circles. I just don't think there should be anything criminal about a junior or senior having a relationship with a freshman.

 

[Colleen27]

So the College/HS thing is an issue, more so then 19 & 14? I was 17 when I started my Freshman year at college. I didnt turn 18 until a month into college, so I was 18 all the way into the 1st month of my Soph year.

HS Sr / FR may date -- but if it gets to the point of sex, the 18 yr old best know that things could get really ugly if the parents want it to or the 14 yr old has a change of heart and wants to say it wasn't so mutual.

And I agree with others.....the girl / girl aspect of this is the only reason this is getting so much attention. Guy / Girl this isn't a story and almost certainly would not be trying to portray the older of the two as a victim.

I think that's all the more reason to change the laws. Is helping parents put an end to relationships that they disapprove of really a valid use of law enforcement and criminal justice resources? Because that's really what these cases boil down to - in this case, parents that don't want their daughter to be gay, but probably wouldn't have filed charges had it been a straight relationship. In other cases I've seen, it coming down to the parents objecting to the boyfriend's race or religion or lashing out over their daughter coming home pregnant... All parenting matters that became court cases because of statutory rape laws that don't take anything other than birthdate into account.

 

[jerryscott]

exactly.

thank you has everybody else forgot about the law?she is14 a14 year old can not cosent to sex point blank.

 

[RadioNate]

Just because no one looked twice doesn't mean it wasn't illegal. Teens drink and do drugs on a fairly regular basis and most get away with it. It is still illegal. If caught having underage sex, drinking, or doing drugs, they will be charged. Most look the other way, but when the police receive a call that an 18 y/o is having sex with a 14 y/o, they have to investigate. And when the 18 y/o admits she did have sex with a minor, she will be charged.

As a parent, if my 14 year old DD had consensual sex w/an 18 year old peer, a fellow HS student, I wouldn't be happy however I would not have him (or her) arrested for it.

I would make no criminal complaint.

 

[Colleen27]

Now, see its not that way here at all. The kids all have friends in varying grades and ages and they do hang out together. Dances, parties, football games, etc. There is no hard and fast dividing line.

Here too. I think in my area it is a function of school size - there are so few kids (<600 in the whole high school) that they can't really separate themselves by both age and interest. My son is in band and the "band geek" social group is 8-12 graders. Football is the same way, from 8th grade ball on up to varsity is one big group that hangs out together. Add to that the fact that few kids get their licenses at 16 around here because so many parents just can't afford the insurance rates that come with having a teen driver in the house and 16 isn't the dividing line that it was when/where I went to high school.

 

[LisaR]

As a parent, if my 14 year old DD had consensual sex w/an 18 year old peer, a fellow HS student, I wouldn't be happy however I would not have him (or her) arrested for it.

I would make no criminal complaint.

I understand that, but that is you (and me, for that matter). But let's switch that around. You are the parent of the 18 y/o and s/he is having sex with a 14 y/o. Again, you may let it go, but the reality of it is the parent of the 14 y/o may report your child. If that happens, your 18 y/o has clearly broken the law.

I speed. I am breaking the law. I get away with it most days, but it doesn't change the fact that I am still breaking the law. If caught, I pay the consequences.

Teens have illegal sex all the time. Most get away with it. If someone chooses to turn them in, they will be charged with a crime because sex between an 18 y/o and a 14 y/o is illegal. Until that law changes, it is what it is.

 

[Colleen27]

As the mother of a 13-year old 8th grader I am torn. On one hand, I would not be supportive of my 14-year old freshman daughter dating an 18-year old senior.

Have any of the articles mentioned the grade difference between the girls? Is the younger a freshman?

I think the reason I'm so sympathetic to the older girl in this situation is that I have a 15yo 8th grader - on the older side for his grade to start with (Jan b-day/Dec cut-off), then held back before we got his dyslexia dx and appropriate accommodations - and an 11yo 6th grader. So 4 year age difference, but only two grades apart and still very much in the same stage of life with a lot of mutual friends and shared activities. In fact, I'm sure we'll have to have some talks with DS about these issues as he gets older because I know he went through a phase of liking one of DD's friends and that two of her friends have had crushes on him.

 

[luvsJack]

thank you has everybody else forgot about the law?she is14 a14 year old can not cosent to sex point blank.

It may technically be the law bit I agree with others that it is wrong for parents to be able to use tie way they do.

14 year olds can and do consent to sex all the time. Its more of a "you CAN but you may not." Its not the best choice they can make but its not a worse choice because the other person is an 18 year old senior rather than a 17 year old junior.