Free Kate

[LuvinLucifer]

I agree with what you said. What I don't agree with is that there is a double standard and a senior boy would be burned at the stake, no questions asked. There would be just as many people ready to point the finger at the younger girl,

A coupled of months ago when the Stubenville rape case was all over the news. There were people all over the Internet (including here on the Dis) insisting that the girl shared the blame for getting drunk.

The two cases aren't similar. One would involve victim blaming. The other merely asserting there is no victim because sex between post-pubescent individuals should be legal like it is in most of the industrialized world. This is why I hate "statutory rape" laws. They conflate an act of violence with an ill advised sex act. Rape isn't about sex. It's about control. No one asks to be raped. Even using the term with "statutory" before it to describe something completely different diminishes the horrific nature of the act.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Nope. Not going to petition to free Kate in any way.

She's 18 and should have known better.

Ever hear the phrase 15 will get you 20? Although in some states it's 14 will get you somewhat less than 20 I guess.
Ever hear the phrase Jail bait?
They still apply.

That it's two girls doesn't change that.

In any relationship where an 18 year old and someone underage (note the age limits vary by state) engage in sexual acts, the parent's of the underage kid can report it and ask that charges be filed. Whether they're mean, vindictive, hateful, or nice, understanding, and cool is immaterial. If the DA determines a crime has been committed and he or she thinks the evidence is there for a conviction, well the DA is going to pursue it.

 

[CaliBear]

I don't think an 18 year-old should have to register as a sex offender unless there is more than one account. But I definitely think 14 and 18 is too big a gap, regardless of gender, and I thought so when I was 14 as well.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Nope. Not going to petition to free Kate in any way.

Good. Don't. Nobody asked anybody to. The original poster said she's been getting petition requests, but that's it.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Good. Don't. Nobody asked anybody to. The original poster said she's been getting petition requests, but that's it.

I never said any particular person did. But the site linked to sure did. And that is what I was addressing.

 

[dogluva]

I have both a 14year old and an 18 year old. The difference in their maturity is huge,. The 18 year od drives, works and is off to college in the fall. The 14 year old is still a kid and very easily influenced by other kids. I am sure he would be thrilled if a 17 or 18 year old paid attention to him. I would be furious. I don't think it matters that it was two girls or if it was too boys,. If she was s o smart and such a good kid, she should have known better. My 18 year old has no interest in 14 year olds, she hangs out and goes out with boys her own age. Yes, in five year maybe it won't matter but in reality, the 18 year old will be college age and the 15 year old is still very much in high school. I think she made a very poor choice. However, her life should not be over because of it either.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

I hear everyone saying that they don't think having the relationship was wrong. Ok, well that's an opinion, and you are entitled to it. The LAW says an 18 year old having SEX with a 14 (or 15) year old is wrong. Totally NOT an opinion. Whether or not you believe the relationship was wrong is not the issue. The ACT was illegal.

I remember being 14 and living in an apartment complex after my parents got divorced. I made friends with an 18 year old guy who lived there and liked to play tennis like I did. He was sweet, and I wasn't overly attracted to him. He wanted to take me to see a tennis match that was coming to town. My dad, who pretty much let me do whatever I wanted, said absolutely not. I went through the whole "but why? we're just friends! Please!" argument. His answer was, "You're 14, he's 18. You're not going alone in his car to a tennis match." That was it. End of story. No, it wasn't a relationship. No, there was no physical contact. And my dad made sure of it. We could be friends and play tennis all we wanted, but he wasn't going to put me in a situation where that could evolve. I so didn't understand then, but I soooooo do now.

I'm not trying to say how anyone else should raise their kids, but you better believe that I will not be ok with my 14 year old having a "relationship" with an 18 year old. And you can also count on me reporting ANYONE who either does or attempts to have sex with my 14 year old. WHY? because it's freaking illegal.

 

[Nancyg56]

I understand that, but that is you (and me, for that matter). But let's switch that around. You are the parent of the 18 y/o and s/he is having sex with a 14 y/o. Again, you may let it go, but the reality of it is the parent of the 14 y/o may report your child. If that happens, your 18 y/o has clearly broken the law.

I speed. I am breaking the law. I get away with it most days, but it doesn't change the fact that I am still breaking the law. If caught, I pay the consequences.

Teens have illegal sex all the time. Most get away with it. If someone chooses to turn them in, they will be charged with a crime because sex between an 18 y/o and a 14 y/o is illegal. Until that law changes, it is what it is.

This is the conversation that I had with my sons when they were teens. I am not sure how this Romeo/Juliet law works, I had never heard of it, but in our house, I wanted to make sure my sons were knew that there could be severe consequences if they exercised poor judgement.

I do think that most parents would not think twice about two girls who are friends, so Kate's parents may not have had the same kind of conversation that might have protected her. I also believe that the 14 YO's parents should have thought long and hard how they wanted to handle this. I understand that they regard Kate as a predator, and blame her for their DD's orientation. I don't agree, but I do understand. I also believe that no matter how angry they are, this decision to prosecute Kate may irrevocably change how their own DD feels about them, and as a parent, I could not live with that.

 

[tcufrog]

This is one of the reasons why I think freshmen shouldn't be in the same school as 10-12 graders.

My sons are 4 years apart and I will be making it very clear to younger brother that older brother's friends are too old to date and vice versa. I am pro LBGT rights to the point where we haven't joined Boy Scouts because of their stance on homosexuality. I don't care though if someone is a girl, boy, or alien. My son's won't be allowed to date them if they are 4 years older or younger when one of the people involved is in high school.

I'm not sure what I'd do though if they choose to defy our rules. I think how we'd handle it depends on the nature of the relationship. If it's predatory or abusive in nature I won't hesitate to report it to the authorities.

 

[diamondpixienc]

Sexual orientation has no place in the discussion. It's the fact the victim isn't old enough to give consent, plain and simple.

ITA also this sadly happens all the time with high school age children. Yes, children. Anywho, everything is cool until some one's parent or guardian find out their "angel" is human and all of a sudden the kid who just so happen to have turned 18 before graduating and depending on what state or county will now have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their lives because of a high school romance. So sad :0(

 

[NaLisa]

FYI, here's a link to state laws on "statutory rape," although it's noted that only five states actually use that term. As a PP said, I think that language is faulty.

http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/08/sr/statelaws/summary.shtml

 

[Nennie]

Rooting for jury nullification!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[tzolkin]

Just to...

We are in a small rural school district. Maybe 2 or 3 kids in the school (grades 7-12) are "out." The opportunities for these kids to have romantic relationships are drastically fewer than their heterosexual peers.

Ex. 10th grade class of 60 kids, half male/half female, a heterosexual girl potentially has 30 guys in the same grade she could date. A homosexual girl in the same class has maybe one or two possible dating partners in the entire school.

In my earlier comment about my own DD's age, just dating someone one grade ahead could result in the same age difference between the girls in this case.


Also, read any study about sex ed and most teens in this country do not consider anything outside of intercourse to be sex. I don't think most parents have detailed conversations with their kids about what acts are covered under what laws. A just-turned-18yo boy may know that he's not allowed to have intercourse with his still-15yo girlfriend, but they may believe that "messing around" is fine.

I guess I will be looking into the laws and having more detailed conversations with my kids.

 

[Octoberbride03]

This is the saddest story. I'm just south of Sebastian, so this story has gotten a lot of local airtime, and I am appalled at how it is being handled. These are 2 high school kids, good kids, and this has been turned into something that will haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. I can't believe how the parents of the younger girl are behaving... supposedly they want to protect their daughter, and they do this???

If this was a senior boy and sophmore girl, there would be no issue whatsoever. The fact that the older girl is being dragged through the dirt for having a high school romance with an underclassman of the same sex, and being treated like a sexual predator totally demeans true sexual abuse is!

If I were the parents of either child there I would have HUGE problems with this. Same sex/Opposite sex doesn't matter. 14 is TOO YOUNG PERIOD to be dating. Dang right I'd be pressing charges!

 

[FireDancer]

This is the conversation that I had with my sons when they were teens. I am not sure how this Romeo/Juliet law works, I had never heard of it, but in our house, I wanted to make sure my sons were knew that there could be severe consequences if they exercised poor judgement.

We had this drilled into us by my parents. Our state is a little different because the age of consent is 16 and there is a proximity of age rule but we knew what the law was and knew not to break it because it could ruin our lives. A high school fling is not worth a lifetime of misery because of a statutory rape conviction.

Also, read any study about sex ed and most teens in this country do not consider anything outside of intercourse to be sex. I don't think most parents have detailed conversations with their kids about what acts are covered under what laws. A just-turned-18yo boy may know that he's not allowed to have intercourse with his still-15yo girlfriend, but they may believe that "messing around" is fine.

That might have been the case before, say, 1998.

 

[goodeats]

I remember senior boys dating freshmen girls when I was in HS. I assume the girls' parents allowed it (or they were hiding the relationship at school), but I don't see the criminality.

With "redshirting" of kindergarteners nowadays this is going to cause problems in highschool. There will now be 19 year olds in school with possibly 13 year olds (fall birthdays not held back).

 

[tzolkin]

That might have been the case before, say, 1998.

Really?

I didn't think I was that old and out of touch. (I graduated from HS in 1999)


There have been numerous studies conducted (well after 1998... )

Here's one from 2007 that found
"A total of 83.5% of adolescents reported that an adolescent was still a virgin if he or she participated in genital touching, and 70.6% of adolescent believed that girls and boys retain their virginity if they participate in oral sex."
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1941649/

 

[Colleen27]

If I were the parents of either child there I would have HUGE problems with this. Same sex/Opposite sex doesn't matter. 14 is TOO YOUNG PERIOD to be dating. Dang right I'd be pressing charges!

Why? Why press charges? What happened to grounding and taking away the car and otherwise controlling or disciplining our own kids rather than expecting the law to take care of the situation? Why put all the blame on the other child because you don't know how to effectively impose your rules on your own?

 

[Colleen27]

I hear everyone saying that they don't think having the relationship was wrong. Ok, well that's an opinion, and you are entitled to it. The LAW says an 18 year old having SEX with a 14 (or 15) year old is wrong. Totally NOT an opinion. Whether or not you believe the relationship was wrong is not the issue. The ACT was illegal.

And I think the POV some of us are coming from is that the law is flawed on this issue, that it criminalizes normal behaviour, that the punishment does not in any way fit the crime, and that it is applied unevenly based on the demands of parents acting from their own biases.

If a parent thinks 14 is too young for dating or too young for sex that's an issue to address as a parent. Teach your values, set and impose rules, provide supervision. Don't demand that the criminal justice system step in where parental authority has fallen short.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Equality means living under the same rules. It's not okay for an 18 year old boy to have sex with a 14 year old girl, so it's not okay for a girl to do so either.