Foreign Exchange Student hosting

[RMO87]

My wife and I are looking into hosting a foreign exchange student through AFS. We are considering a 17-year-old female from Thailand (we’ve received profiles of five and she seems the best fit) . We have two daughters, aged 8 and 6.

Has anyone hosted an exchange student before? What are some of the potential cons to be aware of?

Thanks in advance!
Ryan

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

When I was in high school, my parents hosted a 17 year old from Spain. I was 16 and an only child...so initially there was a lot of catty behavior (mostly on my part). Eventually we became great friends.

I would think with younger children, there would be less chance of them being territorial and jealous. I imagine the smaller children would really take to her right from the beginning.

The absolute worst part is seeing them leave.

 

[clm10308]

When I was in high school, we had several different exchange students over 2-3 yrs.

I would warn you to be prepared for typical teen behavior that you haven't had to worry about yet with your little ones such as dating, curfew, etc.

As you are making your selection, I would suggest that you think about what ethnic groups are already in your community. We hosted a girl from Venezula who we liked, but Houston is full of recent immigrants from Spanish speaking countries, and often she was treated the same way by the school and the community in general (not always nice and definitely not like she was someone special)
On the other hand, when I lived in a small town in West Virginia, there were very few people from other countries the exchange student was a big deal at school.

 

[Binnie]

I haven't hosted, but I was an exchange student many, many years ago.

I must say that with kiddos that young, I'm not sure that I would host a student. The transition to the new country is a tough one, especially when you don't understand the language all that well. It really helps to have someone your own age, even if you're not great friends, to show you around and help you ease through it.

The program I did had us move to several different families over the course of the year. The first family I stayed with didn't have a kid my age, and it was very difficult for me--so much so that I almost left. It sounds silly now, but not having someone to help me get to and from school and to show me around once I got there was really awful. It was just a lot harder to become part of the community than it needed to be.

 

[disykat]

That's a really good point, Binnie. I wonder if the OP knows any teens who would be willing to take on a "host sister" role. Maybe a neighbor or friend from church etc. Someone friendly and outgoing who could introduce her around.

I've had lots of friends who have hosted. Most of them had teens as well, but not all of them. I only know of one that was not a fit at all. This family had hosted several students with great success, but when a very quiet young lady from Japan moved in it just didn't work. They were a busy family and the mom is very personable, but no matter how hard she tried not to, she seemed to "scare" the student! She ended up moving in with an elderly couple and was much happier.

 

[traviesojmt]

While it has been many, many, yes, many years ago, our family hosted 2 exchanged students. The first was my jr. year of high school and our exchange student (from Sweden) was the same age. My parents hosted the second when my sister hit her Jr. year.

I think that there are several question you need to ask yourself. How involved are you willing to be in High school events? It was an easy transition for my parents because they already had high school students at home. Are you prepared to take them to ball games, school activities and such? I only say this because there was another family that hosted that did not have children. The exchange student was from Japan and he was more isolated because they didn't bring him to outside activities.

My exchange student and I were instantly friends. I was able to include her in activities and introduce her to all the kids at our school. For my parents, it was a lot like having their daughter's friend come and stay for a year. They didn't have to change their schedule.

I am not trying to discourage. I just know that as a teenager, she is probably not going to want to spend all of her time at home. She is going to probably want to date, go to parties, ball games and the such.

 

[MichelleinMaine]

I did brief exchanges in Germany and in France. I agree with the person who said it would be very tough to not have someone in the house a similar age as the student.

My friend will be hosting a young lady from Spain for the upcoming school year. One thing that I didn't know (and I am not sure if this is a local thing?) is that all exchange students are considered seniors (even though hers is only 15, same age as her daughter.) So, while, of course, you don't have to look at college costs- there will surely be some "extra" senior expenses you'll have to budget for.

 

[Caropooh]

Having only 2 younger children in your house, I would encourage you to pick an exchange student who has younger siblings at home. When my daughters were 3 and 8, we hosted a girl from Denmark who was 15 when she arrived here. She only had an older brother (4 or 5 years older). It was not the ideal situation. She was not used to the toys, constant chatter, etc. She spent very little time out of her room when she was home. She really never bonded with our family and by January was finding out if she could switch host families. She did end up staying with us, but it was an awkward situation.

 

[StephMK]

I think a lot depends on the interests of the student but agree that you may need to be prepared for lots of HS social events. DD's good friend hosted a wonderful girl & the whole group of them became so incredibly close. They had tons of sleepovers & spent weekends going here, there & everywhere.

I know the family also did some traveling over the year so the student could see as much as possible while here. It could work but just be aware that HS kids have totally different sets of issues that could come up. Curfews, dating, classes & homework, etc.

On the positive side, I know this family considers her family and they have kept in touch w/other kids they have hosted over the years. DD has plans to visit this student & they have already talked several times over skype - she just left recently!

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

We have hosted several students during the summer months. We stopped hosting about 3 years ago. I liked 3 out of the 5 students we had. The two young men we had from Africa and Bolivia were difficult and irritating. I couldn't wait for the summer to be over. They expected the woman of the house (me) to do everything for them (cook, clean, have dinner ready at a certain time, take them anywhere they wanted to go, etc).

AFS has a bigger time commitment than the company I went with, and the only advice I have is to be prepared to spend a LOT more money than you were expecting to. Mainly on food. I really wish AFS could provide some type of food allowance for families who want to host.

Your girls will really like having an AFS student around. I know mine did.

The key is in finding the right match.

 

[ladypage]

We've never hosted any, but I had a few friends in high school who did. There were two my freshman year, both from Brazil. They were great, but I didn't really know them all that well, or the family hosting them, since they were juniors. But I know they did great in school, and were extremely friendly. Everyone loved them.

The third was not so great. He was from South Korea, and had a much different upbringing. He didn't view women as complete equals, and the family caught him kicking their cat. They tried to move him in with their grandmother, but she spoke Korean, and one of the requirements was that no one spoke his native language in the home, it had to all be English. Eventually they had to move him in with one of our guidance counselors and his family. He treated the counselors kids pretty badly, but they just kept on until it was time to leave.

He really wasn't a bad kid, he just was raised completely differently. He tried to fit in, and change it, but it's hard to just change everything you've been taught. We did our best, I had him at my sleepover birthday party (wow, sounds lame written down ), and he got along all right, even started to treat us girls a bit better, but it was just hard all around. We still chat sometimes, but not often, and my friend, whose family hosted him, have decided to never do it again.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I have never hosted a student for a year, but we have hosted 11 different ones for shorter stays and I WAS an exchange student to Spain my sophomore in highschool, so I have experience on that end of it as well

Personally, I am not sure that having a teen yourself matters much. I thought it would be much easier hosting now that my kids are teens, but so far that has not been the case. The last two kids we got were not great matches and they were not interested in doing much of anything with my kids--which was awkward and kind of hurt my kids' feelings. When they were younger it made sense if a teen did not want to do as much with them (though several did--we have had some GREAT experiences).

I agree with the poster who said to be prepared for it to cost more than you expect.
Really think about every family outing, dinner out or vacation and add in the cost of one more adult priced ticket, meal, hotel room that sleeps 5 (if you plan to travel as a family at all while she is visiting), etc.

For food, you will need to think about feeding an extra adult sized person plus snacks and some meals for her to have friends over just like any normal teen would.

I also agree that you need to be prepared to enter the world of being involved in highschool. MANY cultures (including here in Germany where I now live) do not have much, if any, extra curricular stuff at school, dances, etc. You will need to be involved to help explain what is going on and what she can do, etc.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

My SIL had a girl from Spain one year, she said it was a nightmare.

I'm of the opinion that may have been the exchange student's take on it....

 

[pyrxtc]

We've never hosted any, but I had a few friends in high school who did. There were two my freshman year, both from Brazil. They were great, but I didn't really know them all that well, or the family hosting them, since they were juniors. But I know they did great in school, and were extremely friendly. Everyone loved them.

The third was not so great. He was from South Korea, and had a much different upbringing. He didn't view women as complete equals, and the family caught him kicking their cat. They tried to move him in with their grandmother, but she spoke Korean, and one of the requirements was that no one spoke his native language in the home, it had to all be English. Eventually they had to move him in with one of our guidance counselors and his family. He treated the counselors kids pretty badly, but they just kept on until it was time to leave.

He really wasn't a bad kid, he just was raised completely differently. He tried to fit in, and change it, but it's hard to just change everything you've been taught. We did our best, I had him at my sleepover birthday party (wow, sounds lame written down ), and he got along all right, even started to treat us girls a bit better, but it was just hard all around. We still chat sometimes, but not often, and my friend, whose family hosted him, have decided to never do it again.

I had the same issues with a student we hosted from Vietnam. Horrible experience. We got a call a couple years later to temporarily host a student whose host family had dropped out the day before, 2 days before he was to fly. I felt bad and we said yes but we had all little kids.

We were very lucky and the young man from Serbia was awesome. I had friends who had teens his age so they were able to show him around and introduce him to people. It was definitely an experience that we would repeat. I still talk to him on Facebook and am waiting for the day his country will let him back to visit.

I would do it again when my boys are in high school because it does add so much more to your life.

 

[LisaR]

We've done two summer exchange students. I would never do an entire year. One was decent, the other wasn't. We also got together with all the other host families on a weekly basis for BBQ's, baseball games, etc. and some of the horror stories were enough to turn me off to ever doing it again.

I know it is never good to generalize so I apologize in advance. Based on the group of teens I met during our two exchanges, I find they were by and large spoiled kids who are over here to have fun and really don't care about learning our customs. Most (not all) were more interested in getting together with other teens and having a good time. Playing board games with the family wasn't what they had in mind. While I get that that isn't unusual for many teens, the program is touted as one where teens become part of your family, do what you typically do, and learn more about our culture. I found most had other ideas. I know at least two dozen families that have hosted and I only know one that ended up getting a student that really clicked with their family and continue to have a great relationship with that person.

 

[Geoff_M]

When I was in HS and early college, my family hosted a series of 5 students from YFU (Youth for Understanding). The first was from Norway, the 2nd was from Finland, and the last three were from Japan (the 1st and 3rd were siblings). Overall it was a very good experience for us and the students. But here's some points I can offer:

I agree that having a host sibling that is close to the age of the foreign student is a big plus.

If they still give you the student's application to review beforehand, be sure to read the student's answers carefully. Concentrate on "why" the student wants to participate in the program. Looks for signs that the student isn't trying to "get away" from home or it is their parents' idea. The parents of the girl we had from Finland had recently divorced and Lena later found out that her Dad had had an affair. In essence she was trying to get away from her home situation. Needless to say, it impacted her view of father-figures and she initially projected some of those negative feelings onto my Dad and they periodically "locked horns". Things got better over time, and it all had a happy ending. But when we went back and re-read her application, we realized there were warning signs we missed.

We also had friends that had a bad experience with a girl from Germany. Her basic problem was that she didn't like the United States in particular or Americans in general. She was never shy about pointing out our culture's perceived shortcomings and why this-or-that was better back home. We never could figure out what in the world possessed her to want to be an exchange student here in the first place.

Sometimes the "problem" isn't with the student... We weren't the first host family for our first student, Rune, from Norway. Rune's first host family basically spent every evening huddled around the TV set and Rune liked to get outdoors and was an ardent student. They also wanted to "convert" Rune to their particular brand of Evangelical Christianity. It was "oil and water". Rune was miserable, and the first family complained that he didn't spend time with them (watching TV) and "studied too much". On that 2nd count, the family did have a minor point... Rune (a doctor now back in Norway) spent HOURS studying every evening. At times my friends and I would have to "kidnap" him to get him to go out and have fun! The ultimate example was when we had to almost drag him out of his room to go do our graduation party because he was still working on a paper that he hadn't turned in.... even though we graduated earlier in the day!

 

[AlaskaMOM]

We just hosted a student from Italy, he left last week.

I think the things to consider when choosing a student/or choosing to host at all:

finances, AFS tells you it's like having another child, and that's what they mean. You will pay for all their food, family entertainment, gifts (like christmas, birthday) school fees, special clothing (like for the Alaska cold or sports) and school supplies. We put down on the application that the student would be responsible for his own entertainment, like our own kids (out with friends, movies, coffees, etc.) Our student did bring his own spending money, but teens sure can eat a lot, our grocery budget increased 35-50%.
Time: AFS has monthly meetings (not mandatory, and local) and 3 mandatory meetings the beginning of the year, the middle, and the end. For us we live quite a distance from Anchorage, which is the AFS hub for Alaska and it was quite the inconvenience to get him there for the mandatory ones (and AFS's reimbursement for travel is a pittance) They also have other outings planned thru the year that sometimes included the host siblings, and or host families, and sometimes cost something.

Also you need to be able to have transportation for the student after school if they are participating in sports/activities. (which AFS strongly encourages), and the time to see them in their games/programs.

Setting down the rules: AFS tells you to do this, and do it!!!! Every kind of rule you can think of, bedtime, computer time, what food is snack food and which isn't, homework time and place, etc. The rules can be lessened or eliminated once the student gets into the groove of your family. We had rules, but not many so there were a few that we had to address once the year started.

This year another of the AFS families in this area hosted a Thai girl (16-17), that was great. The family has 2 girls (8 and 13). The family seemed to mesh very well with her.
The Asian students tend to be a little (or more) reserved and are typically not demonstrative. But are good students, and polite and respectful. Unlike the Italian we hosted that was a big hugger! (who was a good student, but a big procrastinator)
There were actually 6 AFS exchange students in our area this year, and 8 from the different programs in our high school (size of about 480 students) A few too many I think!

All in all I don't think we would do it again, but it was well worth it for my son (17 y/o) Our family has had a rough couple of years and my DS really, really, really wanted to be an exchange student himself: I can not let go of him any earlier than I have to (he graduates next year ) so we compromised and got an exchange student. The 2 boys are already planning for my DS to vacation in Italy, and maybe meet up in the lower 48 for a vacation in a couple of years.

Hosting: there's good and bad.
You really need to KNOW WHY you want to host and can open your heart, family, and home to a child/teen for 10 months!

Good luck in your decision!



PS looking thru the applications...... Aren't the kids just amazing? so smart, talented, and brave...