For couples who work opposite shifts-do you feel that your relationship is stronger ?

[princesspumpkin]

DH and I have worked opposite shifts since we met 14 years ago and I really feel that this has contributed to our wonderful marriage. We don't come home at the same time, feeling the same way, doing the same things day after day. When one of is "up" and awake, the other might be winding down, which is great when DD-7 is "up". Many times we have a conversations where one is truly the "talker" while the other is the "listener". Having the bed to yourself every once in a while is great, too And the joint days off are even more special. I think that it makes life more interesting. What about you?

 

[MScott1851]

I agree TOTALLY. I don't think it is the sole reason our marriage is great, but it definitely makes things interesting, and also, it's nice to have odd little pockets of time off together, instead of having to do the "drive home at five, dinner on the table by six, TV at seven, news at ten, bed at eleven" monotony we used to be in...Now we go to breakfast, catch an afternoon movie, etc.

Everyone we know says, "I bet you guys hate being on opposite shifts." But we don't mind at all. I work 7pm-7am, but only three nights per week. My husband goes to work at 4am and gets home at 2pm, Monday morning through Friday morning. It works out perfectly, because I get home and get at least six hours of sleep until he gets home, then we are up together until he has to go back to sleep at 7pm, and I go back to work at 7pm. The nights I'm off, I stay up and cook breakfast for him when he gets up at 2am, and then go to bed when he leaves. We do cherish our weekends though, and I usually deprive myself of sleep after I get off Friday mornings so I can go to bed on Friday night when he does, and we get up super early on Saturday mornings to start our weekend, and he stays up late on Sunday nights to spend as much time as possible with me....

In fact, he just called from work to "kiss" me goodnight...so I'm off to bed to dream of him until this afternoon when he gets home to kiss me good morning!

 

[believe]

For DH and I, I think it is because we focus more on making the time we do have together quality time. DH and I only see each other for a few minutes each day (Mon-Fri), as we hand off the kids. He gets out of the vehicle, I get in and drive away. We both have the weekends off, but on Sunday we are at church the majority of the day. That leaves only Saturday for things we plan. There are times it is more stressful because we need to discuss something and have to wait till the weekend to do it or try to discuss it over the phone. Some things just have to wait for a face to face discussion. Do I think our marriage would be as strong if we were on the same shift....YES! I believe we would put just as much emphasis on growing a stronger marriage as we do now, we would just have more time together to do it in.

 

[Hillbeans]

My DH and I used to work opposite shifts, however it was very difficult for us. For some couples, it works out very well, just for us it had the opposite effect. This was about 7 years ago and we were engaged.
We now both work the same shift, in fact we each work a 10 hr/4 day workweek.

 

[JoNo]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
My DH and I used to work opposite shifts, however it was very difficult for us. For some couples, it works out very well, just for us it had the opposite effect.

I agree with this! we once worked different shifts, with me working the graveyard shift. needless to say I was so tired by time I got home, I had to sleep all day and never got to see my GF. It was pretty disasterous. I had to quit my job b/c they wouldn't give me better hours

 

[tkd lisa]

My in-laws worked opposite shifts for nearly 30 years, and they have one of the strongest marriages I know.

MIL was a night shift nurse, and dad was a salesman.

Dad would wake the kids up in the morning. Mom got home about 7:30, he went to work, and she put them on the school bus, then went to bed til about noon. She's get up, do all the housework related things, meet the afternoon bus, get dinner ready. Immediately after dinner, she went back to bed while Dad supervised cleanup and homework. Dad would wake her back up about 10, with a cup of coffee, kiss goodnight, then he was off to bed while she went to work.

It taught my DH (and his 4 brothers and one sister) that a man was capable of doing dishes, and supervising the kids. Dad even did the occasional dinner (the kids always laugh about them though!). Given that my in-laws are in their mid 70s, it was very unusual for the time.

 

[snoopy]

We work opposite shifts usually two weeks of every month. I absolutely HATE it. I don't like sleeping in my house without DH there, and me and the kids miss him when he's not around after school/work. This is his graveyard shift work week -- I'm already dreading it and its only Monday.

 

[powellrj]

I think it works if you have some days off together, but that has always been our problem, different days off and its really been the major stress in our 26 years.

 

[KJo719]

My husband and I work opposite shifts- he goes in to work at midnight, so he's usually in bed by around 5:30 and I don't get home from work until about 4:30, ao we only have about 30 minutes together during the week. It's very hard, but I think it definitely makes us appreciate the time that we have together. We've only been married for a little over 8 months, but he's been on this shift for a few years now, so we've been dealing with it for awhile. It definitely takes work to make it work when you don't get to see each other much, but I think it has made us stronger. We're actually both off this week- I'm a substitute teacher, so no school this week and he took off so we can actually spend some time together- yippee!!

 

[daughter_of_amid_chaos]

We're not on opposite shifts but we are 45 minutes away from each other and he is working and i am in school. Luckily this semester my schedule and his line up pretty well but we don't get to see each other much during the school week because I have homework and he works at 5 AM.
He gets up at 2:30 AM (when I am going to bed usually) and I get up at 7:30 AM so we leave each other offline messages to wake up to.

I think our relationship is stronger because we live 45 minutes away and i am at school while he is working. We aren't around each other enough to stress each other out.

 

[lindamg]

My husband and I have been working opposite shifts since August. I'm a teacher, He's a machine designer who can't find his kind of work here in Florida, so he's stocking shelves nights at Sam's. He comes in the door as I leave, and he's asleep when I get home. He has to work Sundays, so we only get one evening a week when we are both home at the same time and awake. We really don't like it! He's trying to find a day job, but when you're 46 and over qualified for alot of jobs, nobody wants to hire you! We're surviving, but only being married six months, we'd like to do more than survive!

 

[Microcell]

I work around DH so someone is always with the kids, but we are usually alone with the kids and it makes it hard to get anything done for yourself. We are looking forward to the day when I don't have to rely on him to be able to work ie when the kids are at school- three years to go! He is a General Manager in retail and has more closing shifts than he should so I can work, so we both are looking forward to school for both kids!

 

[classicpooh4]

My DH and I work different shift for the last 7 years exception to this last year and we've been on the same shift. Now I have a different job where I work 9am-6pm so he gets to pick up the kids because he gets off before I do, although I drop them off at pokies house on my way to work. Being on the same shift has helped us out alot. Although it took me at least a good month or two to adjust sleeping in the same bed at the same time, because I would work midnights up until this last year. I think being on the same shift has helped us out alot. Especially with him still getting adjusted to being home from the war.