Feel bad for my friend but....

[Luv Bunnies]

My friend & co-worker is in a really bad situation. I feel terrible for her and her family but I also feel like they could have avoided it if they'd done some saving and planning.

Her DH worked for 18 years as a police officer. After an incident in January, he was put on paid leave. The incident was investigated for months and he just found out that he's being terminated. He can still appeal to the personnel board but that process can take up to a year so, essentially, he's unemployed as of next week. My friend and I are teaching assistants so we don't get paid during the summer. She and her DH will have no income until his unemployment kicks in and, of course, it won't be anywhere near what he was making before. Their house payments are very high and they'll have 2 kids in college starting next month.

My friend confided to me a few months ago that they have no savings at all. They spend everything they make each month. When her DH was put on paid leave he didn't get any of his usual overtime pay, just his base salary. She said they really missed the extra money and were already having trouble meeting their monthly bills. She told me their dishwasher broke over a year ago and they don't have $250 to replace it. Yet she spent over $500 on a prom outfit for her daughter because she wanted her to "feel like a princess." They would cash their paychecks every month and spend until it was gone - going out to eat, buying pricey things for their kids, etc. Once they were staying overnight in a hotel for their son's baseball tournament and chose a really expensive hotel because the kids wanted a nice pool. Her explanation was that they had the cash in their wallets to cover it so why not? Saving just never crossed their minds and they figured the husband's job was secure.

I've been e-mailing back and forth with my friend since she told me about the termination. My DH has been out of work for a year and I've been telling her about things that have helped us - the best job search boards, how to sign up for benefits through the school district where we work, possibly refinancing their mortgage, etc. It's hard to think of ways to help them because they've really dug themselves into a hole. Besides their own mortgage, they're paying rent for one kid at college and about to be paying for another. It just blows my mind that they have absolutely no savings to fall back on. I just feel so bad for them but don't know how else I can help them.

 

[blondietink]

I hate to tell you this, but if he was terminated because of whatever they found in the investigation, he will not be eligible for unemployment benefits. Both of the kids should get a part-time job at college, student loans and pay their own way. There is no rule that says parent need to pay for their children's college education. If your friend won't listen, then you have done all you can. Just MHO.

 

[patsal]

People create their own messes. I have a sister like this. I have watched over the years, no way I'd ever want to be in her shoes, but they manage. I don't know what they will do if anything happens to my parents, I know I will not be picking up the slack. The sad part for you will be when your suggestions are ignored and you see them overspend on a new big ticket item for fun. I find it hard to be compassionate when I know, especially in my sister's case, the same opportunites were there for her, she just refused to take them.
Your friends made very good money and decided not to save, that was a choice. Your friends hubby decided to break some code that ended up getting him fired. That too was a choice. As I say to my children, live with the consequences of your choices. If they lose everything they have it is becasue of poor choices, not a health crisis or something that is a fluke that they did not have control of.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I hate to tell you this, but if he was terminated because of whatever they found in the investigation, he will not be eligible for unemployment benefits. Both of the kids should get a part-time job at college, student loans and pay their own way. There is no rule that says parent need to pay for their children's college education. If your friend won't listen, then you have done all you can. Just MHO.

Wow! I didn't know that! She mentioned that he would be applying for unemployment but I never thought he might not be eligible.

 

[NYCDiane]

Wow! I didn't know that! She mentioned that he would be applying for unemployment but I never thought he might not be eligible.

He was terminated for wrongdoing. I highly doubt they will allow him to get u/e. He can apply and may even get it. However, if the PD he worked for says he's ineligible due to his own misconduct, they'll cut him off.

I suggest he go out and get a job instead of "hoping" for u/e benefits.

I suggest the kids gets jobs and pay their own rent at college or go to a college close to home so they can live at home.

I suggest your friend also gets a job to pick up some of the bills.

 

[tinker&belle]

It is hard to watch the decisions others make but the best thing you can do is not get in the 'I told you so' mode. (It doesn't sound like you have at this point though) She will need your friendship and maybe more ask more financial questions soon if this is a strength she knows you have. I have a good friend who has confided in me the amount of student loan debt she and her husband have. It literally made my jaw drop. She knows we budget, and she has asked me for tips before, some of which she has taken but many she has ignored and that is okay. People make their own choices, but it is unfortunate when situations like this happen. You never know about the impact you made; maybe some of the advice she didn't need then will be really helpful for her now. Best wishes for your friend.

 

[Cruise]

but I also feel like they could have avoided it if they'd done some saving and planning.

90% of people in financial messes could have avoided it if they'd done saving, planning, and been even halfway responsible.

I realize unexpected life events happen that put even careful people into a financial mess too... and I save every bit of sympathy I have for that 10% of people.

 

[mom2val]

Does her dh not have anything in retirement? An IRA or 401K? Did they plan on him working until he died?

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Does her dh not have anything in retirement? An IRA or 401K? Did they plan on him working until he died?

He does have money in a deferred compensation plan that he can pull out but with major tax consequences. If they blow through that now it will greatly impact their retirement but they really have no choice. He's also in the public employees retirement system but I don't know if you can pull that out early (he's only 44). My friend just started back to work 3 years ago after raising the kids. We work 25 hours a week for 10 months a year. She may have to either look for a full time job or pick up another part time job to make ends meet. I have no idea what they'll do about the kids' college expenses. I don't think they've gotten that far yet. What a mess!

 

[patsal]

He cannot access his retirement until 55 with 30 years of service (usually there is a formula, he would need to check his contract). If he was terminated, he may be at risk for losing that perk as well...that is why many who are being investigated for wrong doing retire before the termination hearing.

 

[Zoesmama03]

I feel bad but also agree if they were having a good income they should have been saving.

I've never been in a position where I have made enough to save so I'm in a similar boat. I went to school and left a pretty good paying job to do the required internship for school and never got a decent job in that field or otherwise. I've have been unable to find work for almost a year. Its so easy for people to spout off "go find a job" but its not that easy. If he's been doing police work for so long places will overlook him for not having recent experience in anything else. For me its an over qualified for certain work(like McDonalds or other retail work) and not experienced enough in my field to get a job.

He may or may not be eligible for u/e. I know my ex was fired for wrong doing(not his fault at all) and was eligible and received u/e for about 3 months until he found work. This was when the job market was a lot better in 2005. It really depends on what the employer tells u/e when the call to verify things.

 

[disneylove69]

There is not much you can do but be there for support. Being an ex-cop he shouldn't have trouble getting a job in security/ loss prevention fields. Some of them even pay more then what officers get. I do. Living in California he deinatley won't get u/e if he was fired for misconduct. As for the kids they can get jobs, pay rent, go to community college, etc. Maybe get them the "Money Makeover" by Dave Ramsey.

 

[quentina]

Wow! I didn't know that! She mentioned that he would be applying for unemployment but I never thought he might not be eligible.

If you are terminated for willful misconduct....no UC (unless they have an agreement to not challenge UC and the employer does not fill out requested forms).

I am in HR....I fight UC every week. This week I have the pleasure (aka wasting my time) of going to a hearing for someone who admitted to over $10,000 of theft and was charged. I just don't understand why an appeal's are filed for this stuff! This defines willful misconduct in my eyes.

Oh well....we all have rights!

 

[JoiseyMom]

THe parents need to write letters/contact their kids financial aid office and tell them there was a change of circumstances, and they just lost their main income. Their aid package should change depending on the school.

DS25 went to a private college and DH got laid off. They adjusted the financial aid package to cover what they said was our parental share. He got grants, scholarships, work study and loans. They gave him a little of each to cover the costs we as a family were to pay.

 

[the Fidge]

say a prayer and don't pass judgement

 

[wide awake]

They probably didn't save for retirement. If you're a police officer in CA your retirement is 90% of you regular pay. Obviously no overtime, but still a VERY nice check. Whatever this loser did to deserve the termination...he is going to have a darn hard wake up call. Your friend needs to be looking at full time jobs, the kids should be applying for financial aid...dad isn't going to have a dime to help them w/ school expenses.

 

[Zoesmama03]

OOh I never thought of the school stuff. Yes the kids should look for work and if possible live at home(dunno where school is compared to home) and help pay the mortgage.

I agree DEFINITELY call the school and have finances adjusted. They can be adjusted and with only the one income they should be able to get pell grants for the upcoming semesters.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Is this the officer (Phillips)? Who drove his extremely intoxicated chief of police home after a traffic stop without arresting him?

He will have a very hard time finding a new job - being publicly fired will most likely not help in the search.

Be kind to your friend and offer help when asked.

 

[semo233]

wide awake: Quote "Obviously no overtime, but still a VERY nice check. Whatever this loser did to deserve the termination..."

Police officers are put into very difficult situations every day and need to make split second decisions, many of which I would not want to make. Please don't pass judgement. Normally, the base pay of a police officer is nothing to brag about either....

To the OP: First things first: They need to sell the house. You say they have large payments; they need to get their spending under control and the biggest expense is housing. With two kids going off to college, they can also downsize.

Whatever advice you offer may or may not be taken. Be a friend and lend support.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Is this the officer (Phillips)? Who drove his extremely intoxicated chief of police home after a traffic stop without arresting him?

He will have a very hard time finding a new job - being publicly fired will most likely not help in the search.

Be kind to your friend and offer help when asked.

No, it's not that guy. The incident had to do with handling a combative suspect after his arrest. There were several officers involved but it seems my friend's husband was singled out because he was the arresting officer. I don't know all the details of the investigation so I can't even begin to say whether or not the officer was guilty of wrong doing. I just don't know. Obviously, the investigators at the PD thought he deserved to be terminated and that's the only opinion that matters in terms of keeping his job or not.

I've told my friend that I'm here to support her and to call if she wants to talk or get out of the house. I will be happy to offer advice if she asks but, otherwise, I will just be supportive. As many of you said, that's all I can do right now. Thanks to everyone for the input and advice.