Family members not showing up to an event for your kid

[npmommie]

Have you ever had a family member not show up for something for your child? like birthday party, christening, etc........?
did you get upset, hold a grudge, or just let it go as its their loss anyway?

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I let it go. Some family members pay a lot of attention to who comes, but my main focus has always been on my kids, and if they had a good time, then I didn't worry about the other stuff too much. People have their reasons for attending or not, and I would much rather focus my attention on the ones who come, with minimal amount of drama.

 

[golfgal]

Sure, it happens all the time, mainly because we didn't invite them . Seriously though, for baptisms, etc. we would invite Grandparents and Godparents and that is it. Birthday's we never invited family. If they wanted to come fine but never really invited them mostly because we lived 3 hours away but also we usually had friends over for the kids' birthdays.

 

[DebD4T]

I think it depends on the event. If it is an informal birthday party in the house, then I would not be offended. If the family member responded yes to a more formal event where a head count is needed, and then didn't show without any excuse, then I would be annoyed.

IMO, it is next to impossible to coordinate a family event where it is convenient for everyone to attend. Every one has their own lives and activities. DH has 8 brothers and sisters and almost all of them have at least 2 children. We try to make it to all the special events in everyone's lives, but sometimes it doesn't work out. It certainly doesn't mean we don't care about each other or love all the neices and nephews.

Of course, as always, this is just my opinion.

 

[StrollPatrolMom]

My MIL sucks....she rarely shows up for anything important.

Sick, tired, or has to work.

Her loss

 

[dcgrumpy]

For me it depends on the type of even, how close I am to the relative and why they can't come.

 

[ChillyWilleys]

My inlaws tend to not show up for anything we invite them to, if they do they complain it wasn't appropriate to invite adults to, and then they complain they don't see DD enough. Cleary we are at fault.

 

[CraftyMouse]

I think it depends on the event. If it is an informal birthday party in the house, then I would not be offended. If the family member responded yes to a more formal event where a head count is needed, and then didn't show without any excuse, then I would be annoyed.

My thoughts exactly. If it isn't something formal it's no big deal to me.

 

[npmommie]

A few years back my SIL didn't show up to my ds's baptism. her hubby, my BIL had to be out of town with work so he couldn't come.
Her reason I later found out was when I invited her I said " We are having the baptism.....and food at the house after, its on x date.........if you can't make it don't worry about it."
She said my invite sounded like I didn't really want her there.
I don't remember my exact words, but they were something like what I quoted above.
She doesn't have kids, is not a "kid" person.........my BIL already couldn't come, and I didn't want her to feel obligated, ( and I have heard her complain in the past about having to attend other events for niece's and nephew's)

I didn't mean for my invite to sound like she thought it did, ( I didn't think it sounded that way), but anyway, any thoughts? At the time the misunderstanding came out I made it perfectly clear I didn't intend for the invite to imply I didn't want her to come. I thought it was all rather silly on her part to even think that. ( maybe it was her excuse cuz she didn't want to come anyway, )
would you still be a bit miffed? I find myself still being annoyed, not the fact that she didn't come I guess, but the fact that she thought I gave her a "bad" invite.

 

[Allison]

No way would I still be upset about it a few years later and I wouldn't have been upset about it at the time either. Your invitation did sound kind of wishy-washy-you told her not to worry about it but then were bothered when she didn't come. That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

 

[chris1gill]

It's actually happened quite a few times with DH's brother... I just accept it at face value and move on...

 

[npmommie]

Maybe I did sound wishy washy, and it was more to let her off the hook, because I know she doesn't really like going to those events, and she isn't even catholic , she is jewish , so maybe it makes her uncomfortable to go to religious events.
I wanted her to come, but I guess I wanted her to know not to worry if she didn't want to or couldn't.

she is the type too, that criticises things at events, like she described the priest at my dd's baptism ( same priest) as "fat" and "weird" looking.

 

[marlynnp]

Are you serious??? A FEW YEARS ago this happened? I bet the SIL loves being around you, still bearing a grudge over an invitation that YOU worded poorly.

 

[CF'er]

No, but we were the party that didn't attend.

DNephew (8) had a b-day party at the house. My kids had a TKD tournament out of state. I gave them the choice as to what they wanted to attend. They chose the TKD tournament. Now my SIL knew this at least a month in advance. I think it did make her mad. Oh well.

 

[marlynnp]

... she described the priest at my dd's baptism ( same priest) as "fat" and "weird" looking.

I have to ask.... was he???

 

[npmommie]

Are you serious??? A FEW YEARS ago this happened? I bet the SIL loves being around you, still bearing a grudge over an invitation that YOU worded poorly.

How is inviting someone and letting them know not to worry if they couldnt come a bad thing???? I don't like to go to everything I am invited to.......
I don't actually think I worded it poorly, I think she was being overly sensitive.
and she doesn't know I hold a grudge, I see her all the time, I actually don't hold a grudge that she didn't come, I am annoyed still that she used my invite as her excuse, instead of just saying she couldn't come

 

[Allison]

Maybe I did sound wishy washy, and it was more to let her off the hook, because I know she doesn't really like going to those events, and she isn't even catholic , she is jewish , so maybe it makes her uncomfortable to go to religious events.
I wanted her to come, but I guess I wanted her to know not to worry if she didn't want to or couldn't.

she is the type too, that criticises things at events, like she described the priest at my dd's baptism ( same priest) as "fat" and "weird" looking.

Hmmm...maybe she was uncomfortable. That could certainly be the case.

It really just sounds like a misunderstanding to me. You were trying to be nice to her and she felt like it meant you didn't want her there. I have had those things happen before too.

 

[npmommie]

Hmmm...maybe she was uncomfortable. That could certainly be the case.

It really just sounds like a misunderstanding to me. You were trying to be nice to her and she felt like it meant you didn't want her there. I have had those things happen before too.

That is exactly what it was, I was trying to be nice, and let her know if she felt uncomfortable, especially since BIL couldnt come, that she shouldn't worry about it. I certainly didn't mean for her to feel like we didnt' want her to come

 

[PatsGirl]

Well, from the other side... I really don't like being invited to every niece and nephew's birthday party. I have two kids of my own and if they are not in the same age group we generally don't attend. I'm of the school that kids' birthday parties are just that -- for kids. Geez, although my kids have a party most years until their teens I don't invite the whole extended family. Most of the time grandparents are invited either before/after or on a whole different day, depending on what works for THEM. I do send a birthday card with a token $10 for everyone's birthday until they turn 18, when they (well, there's only been two so far) receive $20 and a couple of scratch tickets. My DN called last week and asked if I would help her with her taxes, when I jokingly told her it would cost her, she said "well, you can just make it my birthday present you never got me -- yup, she turned 19 in December and I send an "empty" card, lol" -- guess she's not too happy

I do attend christenings, baptisms, etc. for family members that I am close to. I also try to make it to showers, graduations, etc. but I certainly would NOT expect everyone to make it a priority unless they are VERY close to that person.

I am currently in discussion with extended family members about the necessity of a big, blow-out graduation party for DS in May. I've told everyone that I'm having a small, immediate family- including grandparents and local aunts/cousins, etc. only- cookout following the ceremony for an hour or two. Everyone seems to think that friends, extended family (think MY aunts, uncles, and cousins) and neighbors should be invited. No way! Deal was a one week vacation to UO or a party and trust me, I could have had a catered lobster boil for a party of 100 for what it cost me to go to FL during February vacation

Woops, sorry, I read back and it looks like I've highjacked another thread Short story -- no I would NOT be upset!

 

[Allison]

That is exactly what it was, I was trying to be nice, and let her know if she felt uncomfortable, especially since BIL couldnt come, that she shouldn't worry about it. I certainly didn't mean for her to feel like we didnt' want her to come

I'm sure that isn't what you intended but since the misunderstanding did occur, I wouldn't be upset about it. It doesn't sound like there was any malice on her part-just a misunderstanding both ways.