Facebook & kids???

[Hidden_Mickey]

DH and I don't do Facebook... We just aren't interested, like to maintain our privacy, and don't have the time. DD12 has opened an account without our permission (she did it with a friend's help at the friend's house). When I told her "we don't do that" and she wasn't allowed to have an account, she pitched a fit and said "everyone has one" blah blah blah and she is kept out of social circles at school (middle school). So, not having experience with Facebook ourselves, should DH and I be concerned or are we being overly protective? Do kids really have accounts at that age, or is DD exagerating? What the heck do they need it for? Are there parental controls? We have heard so much negative stuff, from kids using it to bully to creeps using it to stalk kids...

Any advice or suggestions you have would be appreciated... Thanks!

 

[Danauk]

I teach 8-11 year olds, many of whom have facebook accounts with their parents permission. We remind them that facebooks terms state that you must be 13 to hold an account. However if their parents allow them to have an account underage to please make sure all their settings are set to friends only. This way any pictures, comments or likes posted by them can only be seen by people they have as friends. I have also made sure they are aware to only friend people they actually know in person.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd13 and ds11 have accounts, I am their friend, and I have their passwords. All of dd13's friends have an account, and lots of ds's have accounts. I could see your dd feeling out of the loop - maybe let her have one, with the knowledge that you will be logging in to check a lot?

 

[luvmy3]

Yes, kids that age have them. My kid that age does not and I'm not sure she will be allowed at 13. She threw a fit about it not being allowed, but she got over it

 

[marcyinPA]

Admittedly, I am a Facebook addict. My Dh has an account too, as does my DS14. My DS10 does not.

Our rule is that our DS must be friends with both of us. We have his password, and he knows that his account will be shut down if need to. We have already suspended it once, due to his grades.

I also remind him that when he posts something, especially on someone else's wall or photo, EVERYBODY can see it. We had a little "incident" about a month ago. He posted a comment on a girl from school's photo...he told her she was "HOT"... I found this out just by clicking on the link that said he posted on "so and so's" photo. We talked about it...I am not really fond of the word "HOT" to describe a person. I find it somewhat degrading. Pretty, cute, are fine. HOT, not so much.... Also, this girl has a boyfriend. Not really smart to make comments like that about a girl who has a boyfriend!

Anyway, after some discussion, he deleted his comments.

We also talked to him about what he posts...his language, etc. One of our favorite questions is "Would you be OK with Pastor ____ reading that??" If the answer is NO, then don't put it on your wall.

 

[Thumper_Man's Wife]

Dd13 and ds11 have accounts, I am their friend, and I have their passwords. All of dd13's friends have an account, and lots of ds's have accounts. I could see your dd feeling out of the loop - maybe let her have one, with the knowledge that you will be logging in to check a lot?

I agree with this...It seems that your dd has already gotten access at a friends house, so who's to say that she won't do it again behind your back. At least this way if you let her have an account and you have access to monitor it, at least you will know what is going on and you will have one less worry. Facebook is the popular thing right now, and I believe it's relatively safe as long as the settings are set right and it's monitored for someone that young.

 

[golfgal]

Dd13 and ds11 have accounts, I am their friend, and I have their passwords. All of dd13's friends have an account, and lots of ds's have accounts. I could see your dd feeling out of the loop - maybe let her have one, with the knowledge that you will be logging in to check a lot?

Same here and yes OP most kids have Facebook and along with texting this is how they organized things these days. For the various sports teams, band, clubs etc. the all have Facebook and that is how they schedule practices, etc. As long as you set her privacy settings so not everyone can see her information and she only allows kids she actually knows she will be fine. I would also make sure that her email address is not visible but other then that, they are fairly safe.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

Facebook is how DS14 keeps in close touch with his cousins in MN and alot of his friends.

Without it, he wouldn't have as a close of a relationship with his cousins. I do have his password and keep a close eye on his account. So far, so good.

 

[MushyMushy]

I didn't allow mine to have one until she was the "legal" age for it -- 13. Then I had to know the password (which I do monitor!) and she has to friend me.

I wouldn't have been happy at all if she'd set up an account behind my back! But I agree with what other's have said that if she sneaked to do it once, she can sneak to do it again and get even better at the sneaking! Some kids are spelling their names backwards to avoid getting caught (like Yhsum Yhsum for mine). I think I'd prefer to go ahead and get her password, make your own account and monitor what she's doing.

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

Thanks, that's about what I thought. Yes, we've already talked about not writing, texting or posting anything (including pictures) that she wouldn't want the entire world to know.

How do I keep her from changing her password without my knowledge?

 

[dislaney]

DH and I don't do Facebook... We just aren't interested, like to maintain our privacy, and don't have the time. DD12 has opened an account without our permission (she did it with a friend's help at the friend's house). When I told her "we don't do that" and she wasn't allowed to have an account, she pitched a fit and said "everyone has one" blah blah blah and she is kept out of social circles at school (middle school). So, not having experience with Facebook ourselves, should DH and I be concerned or are we being overly protective? Do kids really have accounts at that age, or is DD exagerating? What the heck do they need it for? Are there parental controls? We have heard so much negative stuff, from kids using it to bully to creeps using it to stalk kids...

Any advice or suggestions you have would be appreciated... Thanks!

Your house - your rules but If my DD12 had opened an account without my permission - it would be closed. There are kids that do have accounts at that age but I don't think is necessary. That being said if you are going to let her keep it make sure you set her privacy settings and I would also make sure that she only adds people that she really knows. I also remind mine not to post anything that they wouldn't want their Grandmother and their principal at school to see. Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

My DD's friend who is 9 has a facebook account. I don't understand why a 9 year old would need one but obviously that's her parent's decision.

OP, if it were me and my DD did that without my permission, she'd be grounded from the computer for a while. IMO, 12 is too young but that's just me. There are so many stories about perverts trolling the internet. I don't think I'd be comfortable allowing my DD to do that at 12.

Speaking of Facebook, I seriously do not get the hype about it. Everyone says it's so they can keep in touch, etc. Can't we do that through email? Or (gasp!) the phone?

 

[MM27]

I teach 9 and 10 year olds and many of them have Facebook accounts. I only know because a few of them have asked me if I have one because they want to be my friend

 

[remfam5]

My DD13 has an account, but unlike the other posters- she is not my "friend" but I DO have her password and log in every few days to monitor.

My reasoning for her not being on my friend list is that I do feel that there are people who don't have filters and my page is for grown-ups only.

I still cannot even wrap my mind around all the technology our kids have nowadays, and while I don't particularly like that my daughter has an account, I feel better knowing that she didn't sign-up without us knowing and that we can log on to her page at any time.

Good luck in whatever you decide! Isn't it FUN being a parent!

 

[golfgal]

Facebook is how DS14 keeps in close touch with his cousins in MN and alot of his friends.

Without it, he wouldn't have as a close of a relationship with his cousins. I do have his password and keep a close eye on his account. So far, so good.

DD discovered through Facebook that one of her best friends here is a cousin to one of her best friends from our old town--small world.

Thanks, that's about what I thought. Yes, we've already talked about not writing, texting or posting anything (including pictures) that she wouldn't want the entire world to know.

How do I keep her from changing her password without my knowledge?

You can't other then trying to go online and finding that she changed the password. If she does that and doesn't tell you and you find out, then she pays the consequences like no computer for a month. This is a VERY good way for your DD to earn your trust. If you go around as a parent trying to look for every negative that your child might do you end up with a child that is in trouble all the time, if you expect them to follow the rules, they do most of the time and when they don't they pay the consequences and have to earn back that privilege. Our kids have never lost computer time for changing passwords without letting us know and they have been on Facebook for quite a while now. They don't want to lose the use of the computer and they know we will follow through so they don't change their passwords. It is as simple as that.

 

[mrsv98]

DD is almost 10 and we let her get an account this week. She wanted to play Farmville and we thought it was a fairly harmless request. I set up the FB account and gave her a pseudonym, I didn't want her name out there even with the privacy controls. I set everything to "friends only" and she cannot accept an invitation without my consent.

With those controls we feel it is fine and it gives us an opportunity to reinforce the rules about internet safety. She already plays on Free Realms and Webkins, well, from time to time, the fads seem to come and go, and I figure as the weather gets nicer (please heaven someday soon!) she will lose interest and it will fade away.

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

Your house - your rules but If my DD12 had opened an account without my permission - it would be closed. There are kids that do have accounts at that age but I don't think is necessary. That being said if you are going to let her keep it make sure you set her privacy settings and I would also make sure that she only adds people that she really knows. I also remind mine not to post anything that they wouldn't want their Grandmother and their principal at school to see. Good luck whatever you decide.

She hasn't seen the computer here since. I'm more worried about what she will do at the library with her friends. I can't keep her locked up, unfortunately! (JK!) I don't want to be so strict that she goes behind our back, so I said I would think about it.

Can I monitor what she does without having an account myself? Can you look at other peoples' accounts/pages without having your own account? My page would be the most boring, lol. I kinda would like to see what she would do with the account, because she's riot. She and her friends crack me up.

 

[kristilew]

DD12 may create an account the day she turns 13. But fb does not have an option for "under 13 with parental permission." So underage kids are lying when they create an account and check the box declaring themselves of age.

I have no desire to teach my kid that it is ok to lie if she really really wants to do something that's against the rules. Where do you draw the line? You can lie to these people but not to me???

 

[mom2travel]

DS15 set one up while at his girlfriend's house. He came home and told me right away. We then logged on together and I changed all of his settings to be friends only. I also reminded him that like texting need to be careful what you say/comment on. I also reminded him not to accept any friend requests from anyone he doesn't know and is not allowed to post his location.

Like a PP, I do not necessarily want him to "friend" me since he doens't need to see what my friends and I are posting. I trust him, but also will be checking the settings randomly to make sure still friends only (he's only been signed up a week or so).

Personally, I like facebook because it allows me to "chat" with friends - I don't have time to call everyone all the time to keep up with the day to day. It also allows me to share news/photos with friends/family in one shot rather than a generic mass email. So imo it is more personal than email.

 

[mrsv98]

She hasn't seen the computer here since. I'm more worried about what she will do at the library with her friends. I can't keep her locked up, unfortunately! (JK!) I don't want to be so strict that she goes behind our back, so I said I would think about it.

Can I monitor what she does without having an account myself? Can you look at other peoples' accounts/pages without having your own account? My page would be the most boring, lol. I kinda would like to see what she would do with the account, because she's riot. She and her friends crack me up.

You would have to be "friends" with her to be able to fully view her page without a password. It is very easy to set up an account and you can leave it very very simple.