Facebook & kids???

[laurie31]

DD13 has one; we are making DD11 wait. I am her friend and I look at her page. Most of her friends are in our youth group, and the Youth Minister is her friend, so she knows that everything she posts, he will see. That's a great filter right there!

It is true that ALL of DD13's friends are on there, and yes, they use it to keep up with social things. Our church youth group even has a facebook page. All the Youth Minister has to do is post there, and voila, all the kids know. If that wasn't available, he'd have to make 50-75 phone calls. Think how long that would take!

It's really amazing what you learn on Facebook. My sister found out my DD had her tonsils out when she posted that she was home and doing well. (oops...can't believe I forgot to call, but life is crazy for both of us) I found out friends of ours had divorced (after nearly 20 years of marriage) when I got a notice that their status had changed to "single." Wow, that was a shock! I also found out my best friend from high school was coming home to visit her parents, and we were able to set up a time to get together as well.

Because of my work schedule, I can't really call people to chat at normal hours, and I'd feel weird sending out mass emails to everyone in my address book all the time. Also, I don't even have email addresses for half my facebook friends. This way, I can post about me, and they can post about them, and I can scan and read at will. I don't have time for all the games (Farmville and all that) but it really is a nice way to keep up with lots of people.

 

[kydisneyfans]

Our church children's department has a page too, along with the children's church leader. It's easy to post something for all 150 kids to see, instead of making a call to each. I assist on occasion and have most of the 4th-5th graders as friends. The baseball team of 11 year olds are also on my list. It's a neat tool to use.

It's simple to snap a picture and send it to family 300 miles away, give instant traffic alerts, play games, or just get a load off your chest.

 

[MELSMICE]

Can I monitor what she does without having an account myself? Can you look at other peoples' accounts/pages without having your own account? My page would be the most boring, lol. I kinda would like to see what she would do with the account, because she's riot. She and her friends crack me up.

You can monitor her page if you have her password, which I'm assuming you would.

I have to admit that I turned up my nose at FB for the longest time & I am now a FB junkie, along with my 3 DD's (& DH, but he won't admit it in public). We are all friends. I am even friends with many of my DD's friends!

I like that I can keep up with the things my family is doing - I don't see everyone all the time & we don't talk every day, so having a FB keeps us all up to date on each other. I love knowing what my nieces are nephews are doing. I also have reconnected with cousins that I haven't talked to in a while.

Of course, I've reconnected with some old friends, but I really like it to keep up with family.

Honestly, if you monitor it I don't see a problem with it. I don't agree with your DD that EVERYONE is doing it, but I would bet that more than 50% of her peers are!

 

[MELSMICE]

Our church children's department has a page too, along with the children's church leader. It's easy to post something for all 150 kids to see, instead of making a call to each. I assist on occasion and have most of the 4th-5th graders as friends. The baseball team of 11 year olds are also on my list. It's a neat tool to use.

It's simple to snap a picture and send it to family 300 miles away, give instant traffic alerts, play games, or just get a load off your chest.

I also have a regular page for my business, along with a fan page.

I send out notices via FB that people respond to immediately. It is definitely a good way to communicate to a lot of people all at once. Similar to e-mail in a way, but so much more fun!

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

OK, so if I create my own account... Do I have to use my real name? I like Hidden Mickey!

 

[Hidden_Mickey]

OMG... there's another person with my name that has an account!

 

[SaraJayne]

DS15 set one up while at his girlfriend's house. He came home and told me right away. We then logged on together and I changed all of his settings to be friends only. I also reminded him that like texting need to be careful what you say/comment on. I also reminded him not to accept any friend requests from anyone he doesn't know and is not allowed to post his location.

Like a PP, I do not necessarily want him to "friend" me since he doens't need to see what my friends and I are posting. I trust him, but also will be checking the settings randomly to make sure still friends only (he's only been signed up a week or so).

Personally, I like facebook because it allows me to "chat" with friends - I don't have time to call everyone all the time to keep up with the day to day. It also allows me to share news/photos with friends/family in one shot rather than a generic mass email. So imo it is more personal than email.

You can set up filters so he doesn't see your wall. I am friends with my DS, but he is blocked from seeing my wall, as are all my other under 18 friends (nieces, nephews, etc). It's my page and I get to decide who sees it and who doesn't.

 

[RadioNate]

Full disclosure, I love Facebook.

I do think kids that age are on FB. My 8 year old is NOT but I'll allow it at 13 if it is still around then (and the "in" thing.) Several of his friends have accounts and so does the 5th grader across the street, none are close to 13. They all mostly just play Farmville.

I can absolutely see how you could feel left out at that age if you weren't on. Party invites go out via facebook and you miss a lot of social stuff if you aren't participating in what your peers are. Like it or not, social connections are VERY important in middle school and it can be very difficult if you are on the outside.

While I don't like that she did it behind your back, she DID tell you about it. I would monitor it VERY closely and allow the account. I'd make sure all settings are set to friends only and that she doesn't accept any friends she doesn't know in real life.

I'd change the default email to be YOUR email address and I'd get notifications about wall posts, photo tagging, friend requests etc...all sent to you.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

Speaking of Facebook, I seriously do not get the hype about it. Everyone says it's so they can keep in touch, etc. Can't we do that through email? Or (gasp!) the phone?

Sure. Of course, first you need to actually have people's email addresses. Or their phone numbers... and you need to have the time to call every single person you know and fill them in.

After talking on the (gasp!) phone all day at work, the last thing I want to do is talk on it when I get home. I won't even answer it if it rings. That's what text messaging is for.

I am friends with a lot of people from high school and college who I fell out of touch with because life got in the way.

If people don't want to use it, fine. I couldn't care less. But don't condescend to those of us who do by reminding us of the other forms of communication available to us. I'm sure at some point, the comment was made "why do you need email, can't you talk on the phone" or "why do you use the Pony Express, can't you just walk over there".

 

[SaraJayne]

I'd change the default email to be YOUR email address and I'd get notifications about wall posts, photo tagging, friend requests etc...all sent to you.

If you already have a Facebook account set up with that email, this won't work.

Facebook only allows one email account per account...and if it's already been used on one, they won't allow it to be used on another one.

 

[grumpeeduck]

DD12 may create an account the day she turns 13. But fb does not have an option for "under 13 with parental permission." So underage kids are lying when they create an account and check the box declaring themselves of age.

I have no desire to teach my kid that it is ok to lie if she really really wants to do something that's against the rules. Where do you draw the line? You can lie to these people but not to me???

You are exactly right! We were all set to allow dd12 until it came to the birth year-then no way! Every child under 13 has had to lie in order to get a facebook-NOT at good example.............at all. She will not learn to lie from us.

 

[aprilgail2]

I teach 9 and 10 year olds and many of them have Facebook accounts. I only know because a few of them have asked me if I have one because they want to be my friend

My 10 year old has had a facebok for about a year now- she started using it to keep in touch with her grandparents, uncles aunts and cousins and then this past year many of her friends have joined so she has all them as friends on there- they also have friend requested me and I have accepted them all- I like being able to see what they are up to. My daughters teacher from last year is my friend on there too (SHE requested me, I didn't request her)

 

[RadioNate]

If you already have a Facebook account set up with that email, this won't work.

Facebook only allows one email account per account...and if it's already been used on one, they won't allow it to be used on another one.

you can change the default email address. DH just did. His old email was from his last job and he changed it to his new job's email.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

Sure. Of course, first you need to actually have people's email addresses. Or their phone numbers... and you need to have the time to call every single person you know and fill them in.

After talking on the (gasp!) phone all day at work, the last thing I want to do is talk on it when I get home. I won't even answer it if it rings. That's what text messaging is for.

I am friends with a lot of people from high school and college who I fell out of touch with because life got in the way.

If people don't want to use it, fine. I couldn't care less. But don't condescend to those of us who do by reminding us of the other forms of communication available to us. I'm sure at some point, the comment was made "why do you need email, can't you talk on the phone" or "why do you use the Pony Express, can't you just walk over there".

Whoa partner! I wasn't condescending so please don't read into my statement and turn it into something it's not. Good grief. I was giving my opinion, that's all. I have many friends and family on Facebook and I don't condescend to them or make them feel bad for having one. Heck, my 85 year old grandmother is on Facebook!

 

[luvsJack]

Dd is 11 and has a facebook account with my full permission. Most of the kids in her class have one and they are all friends and just post cutesy little things on there and send each other little "gifts" and that is about it. Dd has never posted anything remotely personal. She knows not to accept any friends if she doesn't know who they are. I have noticed that a lot of the parents are friends with their child and with their child's friends; I stopped it at dd. I do check out her page every so often but have yet to see anything even remotely worrisome.


ETA: I personally do not really use it that much, only to check in with ds and ddil that live out of state and my best friend. I have fb friends that are people I went to hs with, but we don't really "talk" or "catch up" the way I would love to.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

My boys have FB accounts. I have their passwords but I am not their "friends". I keep my FB page "adults only". They are also only allowed to be friends with other kids...no adults. One benefit to checking their page via the password, rather than just as a "friend" looking at their page, is that I check on their inbox messages. Yep, I totally snoop.

 

[leagirl12]

DD12 may create an account the day she turns 13. But fb does not have an option for "under 13 with parental permission." So underage kids are lying when they create an account and check the box declaring themselves of age.

I have no desire to teach my kid that it is ok to lie if she really really wants to do something that's against the rules. Where do you draw the line? You can lie to these people but not to me???

ITA!!!!

I told DS12 basically what you said that in order to get one right now he would have to lie and how that is wrong. He understood and hasn't pushed it.

He did say the other day that he can't wait til his birthday so he could get an account. I said "Hey that could be your birthday present".....yeah that didn't fly...LOL!

 

[4forMe]

My boys have FB accounts. I have their passwords but I am not their "friends". I keep my FB page "adults only". They are also only allowed to be friends with other kids...no adults. One benefit to checking their page via the password, rather than just as a "friend" looking at their page, is that I check on their inbox messages. Yep, I totally snoop.

Another reason that it is better to have their password is that if you are listed as your child's friend, they can set their privacy settings so that everyone EXCEPT YOU can see their posts and pictures. Having the password is the only way to have full access to your child's FB information.

If your child does have a FB account, please be sure to make sure any identifying information is not made public. For example, their profile picture should be set for friends only. Make sure their year of birth as well as hometown or high school/middle school is not listed in their public profile. Go to the privacy settings to check their public profile page and what it looks like. Last year we had an police officer do a children/teens and internet issues presentation for parents. The officer explained that sex offenders will specifically target kids based on year of birth and community locations and that computer savvy individuals will be able to access a person's page through back door routes. Please discuss internet safety with your children and emphasize the importance of not accepting anyone they don't personally know as a friend.

Finally, if and when my child has his FB account and if I discover I have been denied access through changing of his password, he will not only lose computer - the cell phone will be taken away as well as the computer and this will be explained beforehand so he is aware of the consequence. No cell phone = no social connections for awhile.

 

[Disneycrazy!!]

We just went thru the same thing with our 12 yr old a few months ago. She also opened an account and lied about it behind our backs. I changed her password and I keep it and sign her on now, if she has chores and homework done. I also monitor all activity, set everything to private, deleted people she didn't really know and only allow family and close friends on facebook. I don't believe a child their age should have free access to the internet or facebook or myspace. It is to dangerous and we have been given so much advice from several family members who are in law enforcement over this issue. they all agreed it is dangerous, if a child is not monitored.
We actually know of some of our friends who have allowed their 5 year old to open a facebook account....blew my mind!!

 

[allison443]

My dd got one when she turned 13, she really wanted one so she offered to give me her password, also the email address she uses is her home email so I get all her notifications. She also friended family members so I know nothing bad is going on!

An email came in that dd had friended her best friend as well as the friend's brother. Meanwhile their mom (my friend) had been insisting to me that her kids did not have facebook accounts, weren't into that, etc. It turned out they had made the accounts without telling her and were logging in from their ipods so she didn't realize it.