Ex spouse trumped my vacation to WDW with the kids

[jalpert]

I didn't read a lot of the comments, too busy at work. You're friend did the worst thing she could have. His goal is to hurt you, and she let him know it's working

If someone was going down to his level, they should have thanked him. He should have been thanked for taking the kids to DW, reminded that now they'll be extra excited to stay on property and that he is helping the kids and you live a dream you had for them, back to back Disney vacations.

Your pain is his only victory, if your okay with it, he looses.

I am SO thankful for everyone that has responded. In my own wallowing you guys have mentioned things I had totally forgot and completely shed light on things I have either taken for granted in the past or not even known. EMH is brilliant! I love the idea of staying out till 3am and then just sleeping the morning away while there is so much hustle and bustle going on outside. Just the thought of walking around the parks at 2 in the morning when it is so quiet is extra magical. And totally didnt even think of the behind the seeds tour, we love that place. Pressed pennies, right up their ally.

hugs to everyone that shared their personal story. Its so hard not to just break down sometimes, but you have reminded me of what is truly important here and I just needed to hear it so I can pick up my bootstraps and have the courage to get through the next 9 days. Thank you Thank you Thank you.

xoxoxoxo

p.s. out of anger a friend called him yesterday blasting him for what he did and how could he knowing how hard we had planned and saved and his response was "what's your point"

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

Way to take a thread that was teeming with love and support for the OP and turning it into a "He said" "She said" type of argument. How adult of you to call out the validity of the OP when all she was trying to do was gain some support from her fellow DISers. For shame on all of us who only wanted to allow her to see the bright light at the end of tunnel, even if said tunnel is one sided.

I said what I said in my previous posts because my father could be this guy's twin they sound so much a like. I was sharing my experiences with the OP because I know how my mother felt when this same thing happened to her and she was beyond crushed.

So I apologize if my supportive ways got in the way of your macho man way of thinking. I'll just keep my thoughts to myself from now on.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I haven't followed everything here, so I may have missed it, but if this man took these children out of state, it would be illegal, and she should call the police!! I think I read something about a 10 hour drive... that could still be within the state, but you bet your butt, if my EX took my children that far away from me, without telling me, wheather it be Disney or not, I'd be either driving myself down there to get my children, or calling the police to do it for me.

Exactly! OP said that he knew they were planning on gong. I'm not sure why she told him but I think she has learned not to trust him.

Is it really illegal for him to take his children out of state? NOPE If he has weekend custody he can!

Unless your custody agreement explicitly SAYS the children can not be taken out of state, then they can be and there is nothing the custodial parent can do about it.

The custodial parent has to show good reason to the court why she would not want the children taken out of state in order for it to be in the decree. Like it or not, the non-custodial parent is just that - a PARENT. Why should he not be allowed to take the children out of state on vacation, to visit family, etc...?

The posters yelling about kidnapping have obviously never dealt with this before. The police wouldn't get involved at all over something like this. The father didn't kidnap the children, he took them on vacation.

 

[kidd_freeper]

I'm very sorry to hear this has happened.

First let me offer some consolation:
- I can guarantee that the Disney magic that your children experienced was diminished (maybe a lot) with the father's new wife along. It was likely very awkward for them.
- Your children got to go to Disney. Good for them.
- Speaking from experience: older children do NOT like one parent hurting the other. They do not forget something big like this.

Here's the hard part:
- Do not retaliate against the other parent. Be enthusiastic for the kids. Find out what they liked about the trip and what they didn't like. Find out what they wished they could have done but didn't.
- Seek legal advice about potential custody violations, but do it quietly. This is the time to draw the line in the sand (otherwise he'll continue to push you out of the picture). But you have to keep the legal stuff out of the ears of your kids.

Here's the easy part:
- Take the WDW trip. It'll be comforting to the kids to go without a stranger along. They need it. You need it.

 

[Invisable89]

The downside to such a long thread is that people have to spend a while reading through all the posts. Which most haven't got the time to do. My advice is to go to the OP's profile & look at all the posts she has posted on this thread so you don't miss any posts she might have added.

The OP has stated that her ex DID know about their holiday & was perfectly aware on how excited they were & how long they had been saving & planning for it. To me their father taking them to WDW so close to their original holiday is extremely selfish & cruel. He obviously did it on purpose, OP has already said he's always making life very hard for her.

Anyway, like many others have said i would sit the children down when they get back & talk to them about the holiday with their Dad & obviously ask them if they would like to go again so soon & if they do then talk about what they didn't do so you can do it with them. But i'd imagine you're already planning on doing that anyway!

 

[BigEars151]

Way to take a thread that was teeming with love and support for the OP and turning it into a "He said" "She said" type of argument. How adult of you to call out the validity of the OP when all she was trying to do was gain some support from her fellow DISers. For shame on all of us who only wanted to allow her to see the bright light at the end of tunnel, even if said tunnel is one sided.

I said what I said in my previous posts because my father could be this guy's twin they sound so much a like. I was sharing my experiences with the OP because I know how my mother felt when this same thing happened to her and she was beyond crushed.

So I apologize if my supportive ways got in the way of your macho man way of thinking. I'll just keep my thoughts to myself from now on.

If your post was full of support and love then my comments were not meant towards you and i am sorry if you took them as such.

My comments were directed towards those who took the opportunity to bash the ex, give advice as to how to outdo the ex, or that the kids would have a better time with her or even suggest that she should have somehow stopped the ex.

I think the bigger point is that the thread lost focus on the kids and quite frankly so did the OP. Even if the ex did this merely to spite her and she has been nothing but a model citizen and been the better person, i don't understand when parents put their feeling above their kids joy. I understand that it is disappointing and that she put in hard work. But at the end of the day if her kids are indeed the center of her world and they love Disney why would you be upset that they get to go?

PS. Why all the negative comments towards the stepmom? I don't remember her being mentioned (other than she exists) in the OP good or bad. I have seen posts mentioning wishing a boulder would fall on her head or that her presence would ruin the trip for the kids

 

[SafetyPinndSally]

I get that some people on here may be taking things a little too far in reguards to "getting back at ye olde ex" but those posts have been few and far between (and yes, I've read the ENTIRE thread) and I don't think it's helping any for some to say that the OP is over reacting or that the ex was just trying to be a good dad or that there are two sides to every story ect. We know that there is another side, but I'm sorry my loyalty lies with another Diser and her side more than it's going to lie with someone who, like I said before, I'm pretty sure isn't someone who deserves anyone's support or loyalty right now.

If people have doubts about the OP's story and what is real and what may be fabricated to get sympathy, then I think it would have been more appropriate to PM the OP instead of publically laying doubt down on the table concerning this topic.


Like my Granma used to say with a bar of soap in her hand, "If you ain't got nothing nice to say about someone, then you best not say anything at all."

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

PS. Why all the negative comments towards the stepmom? I don't remember her being mentioned (other than she exists) in the OP good or bad. I have seen posts mentioning wishing a boulder would fall on her head or that her presence would ruin the trip for the kids

That is always the case on the DIS. StepMoms are all evil - just like in Disney movies. There is no way a StepMom can possibly be a loving parent to children from her husband's previous marriage.

 

[mommyrosa2]

Wow... was reading this post yesterday when there were only a few replies and not quite sure how or when it got so "blown off course" but it really has nothing to do with "good mom/bad dad". The bottomline is it really doesn't matter whether the "ex" was a male or female, IF the parent knew of their planned trip then what they did was mean-spirited. Unfortunately, in this particular case, the "ex" happens to be a male. Disney is not the only place he could have taken them on vacation so it appears that he only wanted to be "spiteful" which is sad because in the end, it is the children who suffer. With that said, I believe the OP was looking for advice on what to do so here's my two cents:

I agree with the majority of the earlier posts: You planned this trip with your children, you've been looking forward to this trip with them for quite some time. So bottomline: GO AS ORIGINALLY PLANNED!! I don't know any kids who would be upset by back-to-back Disney trips. Each visit is a different experience and it doesn't matter how soon or how far apart those visits are. The best thing you can do now is not dwell on the fact they are already there with him. Try to be encouraging to them when they contact you - it's so sad to hear that your daughter was apologizing to you via text - that's just wrong and she shouldn't be feeling that way. Concentrate on all the things you will be doing with them and in the end, you'll see how great of a trip it will be!

 

[sp0ngem0nkey]

After speed reading 14, no 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 pages... I can't keep up.

This is how I see it.
Father gets remarried- possibly good.
Father does not invite kids to wedding- WHAT?!!! I mean not good.
Father took his kids to Disney- good.
Father did this right before Mom's trip which she saved for. - not good.
Kids text mom where they are- good.
Kids phones are shut off by Father- not good.

My opinion- I have thought of both sides. What is not clear is why he would not have his kids at his wedding? a) wife says no b) feelings of kids so soon after divorce c) he did not want to tell his ex about the wedding so he could not have the kids there.

All answers not good considering the only thoughtful reason is b) but then why subject them to enormous amounts of time with his new wife if he was trying to ease them into the marriage thing?

Then back to subject- Taking the kids to Disney days before there trip. I'm thinking it was spiteful. There is not any other way to look at.
to confirm the theory he is not just a dad taking kids on a cool trip. HE TURNS OFF THEIR PHONES. The poor daughter has to "text" her mom instead of call her. yep, safe to say, he is trying to make her life miserable.
****

I agree with the majority of the posters.

Choose to be Happy. DON'T let him take that away. Let the kids know you are okay. They will worry for you if you don't tell them otherwise.

Tell them you are excited to spend time with them on vacation where ever that may be but you still would love to take them to Disney but let them decide.

If a yes, tell them to be super nice to CMs since they might get recognized when they go back and get recognized. (maybe special treatment or shout out)

Plan things just you on the resort can do.

While you have time, look up their favorite characters at each park on www.presscoins.com

Epcot Japan you and your DD can pick a pearl.

Disney Quest is ridiculously fun. Esp when you make your own roller coaster.

Just be fun at what ever you do. Like give them Tinkerbell treats under their pillow at night. Might be corny for their age but they will look in the morning under the pillow to see what she left them.

Make a pirate map treasure search (like for the press pennies or to the restaurant you are going to). Make pirate Mickey ears for the door. Their are tons of great DISigners in the "Creative DISign" threads here that can help you with their names on the doors.

Try a funny way to make your Christmas cards while you are there.

I agree on the hotel on property. I have been on and off property. It is really different on property. Besides off property the pools close by the time you get back. The pools on property they stay open longer. Nice for pool or jacuzzi time under the stars.

You sounds like a good mom. Have fun and don't let anyone spoil your surprises you have in store for you kids. Have a great trip!
~Sp0ngie

 

[MegaMater]

First of all let me say, i am so sorry to hear about your divorce and your horrible ex-husband.
I agree with spongemonkey and most of the early posts on this thread. Go! Take your kids to Disney! they are going to enjoy going again and knowing that they spent a lot time and effort into saving for this trip with you, it will be more meaningful. they will always remember that. yes, it will be the summer that they went to Disney twice, but the trip with you will be more special. You sound like a wonderful mom! stick to your original surprises that you had planned, im sure your ex wouldnt have thought about them, and definitely had a few extra small surprises for them. Take them to the places they didnt get to go to, def check out all the parades that Disney has to offer. Dress them up as pirate or a princess! pick out a special gift (wether its jewelry or something else) for your DD and DS that they will always have to remember your trip as a new little family.

I wish you the best of LUCK and have a Wonderful trip! xoxox

...for those people who turned this thread into a "he said, she said" and "blame game" fight...SHAME ON YOU! OP came here for support from us fellow DISers. She deserves that from us.

 

[Beauty & the Best]

I'm always surprised at the lengths people will go to to hurt those who they once loved

OP, I too am very sorry that you were put in this position. If anything, the trip was done not out of positive emotions but was done to hurt you. Remember that nobody can make you feel anything that you don't want to feel - take control and don't let this have the desired affect.

Continue with your trip and adjust as needed - if you feel that the children will have a better time going at a different time of year (like fall for MNSSHP or the holidays), change your plans and do the trip then.

Every disney trip is different, so don't feel like your trip is ruined just b/c your children have recently been to wdw. While they're there, they are probably thinking "wow, mom is gonna love this" and "I can't wait 'til we can do this with mom."

When they return, ask the kids all about their trip and fix your trip to fall in place with what they liked and change your plans to avoid what they didn't like. And of course, don't make them feel guilty or bad for going on the trip w/ their dad - just look at it as a "test run" for your trip b/c now you can fashion the trip to their exact likes & dislikes and add in all of the special info you have gained from the dis!

Good luck & Hang in there Heather. This too shall pass.

 

[FireDancer]

In my years on the Dis, I have watched many fathers/men in general being made out to be the bad guy when an ex partner posts something about them. All you have to do is look around and you will see it all the time. In fact there was a thread about this Dis phenomena a while back and even that one had posters bashing the men.

My point is that we have one side of this story, yet everone is able to infer that this os the correct side. In many cases, there are three sides - the ex-wife, the ex-husband, and what really is going on.


If the OP's husband truly did this out of spite, he is a complete JA but I doubt we will ever know because he won't be here to offer his side.

I am always skeptical of posts that make the ex (either wife or husband) our to be this terrible monster. My parents are divorced and I know that both of them always paint the other in the worst possible light.

Without hearing the rebuttal from the ex I'm not going to pile on and say he is a terrible monster. He may be, he might not be. For all we know he had this trip planned...it does appear the family went often in the past.

OP, I'm sorry for the disappointment but this falls into the "accept that which you cannot change" category of life. Kids aren't dumb, they will know the motives of their father and whether they are genuine or spiteful and they will remember that as they grow up. I know that from experience.

You can't get a refund so as much as going right back might not be ideal go and have a good time. Talk to them about their trip with their dad and plan to do things they didn't do when they were down there. This would be more of an issue if this was their first trip down but it isn't so don't sweat it.

 

[TinkerBelle920]

That is always the case on the DIS. StepMoms are all evil - just like in Disney movies. There is no way a StepMom can possibly be a loving parent to children from her husband's previous marriage.

I'm a stepmother and I consider myself a good step mother and my child's mother is actually quite crazy and a bad mother. It's funny to me how many people on this thread automatically take the side of the OP and are against the father. The mother has actually done some pretty pychotic and controlling things from reading her posts. There are a lot of mother's out there who use the poor me I'm divorced and my ex has moved on card and it only ends up hurting their children. That being said there are also many wonderful single mothers. But people seem very quick to jump on the side of the woman.

For example the poster who said a rock should fall on this woman's head and kill her. I think that person may need some counseling. People should not judge just because someone is a stepmother. And the best thing in the interest of the children is to encourage a good relationship with their stepparent but many parents are too selfish to do so. Why would you not want your child to have a happy and healthy life in both homes.

Not all stepmother's are evil

 

[mom2rtk]

Honestly, people just need to stop projecting their own experiences into the OP's situation.

She's not perfect and right because she's the poster here. She's not right because she's the mom. She's not right because dads and stepmoms are evil. She's not right because it's Disney and stepmoms area always evil in Disney.

Honestly, if she came here and explained that the dad had been saving for 18 months to take the kids on a special trip, and then said she wants to take them too, but the 2 weeks prior are the only time she can get off so she's doing it............ I'd be siding with the dad.

I'm sure there's a WHOLE LOT of this situation we don't know and have no business knowing.

But the bit we do have is more than enough for me to know VOLUMES about what sort of a person he is.

 

[Pirate at Heart]

OP- my heart goes out to you. Went through a difficut divorce myself with my 2 girls. I can say, 2+ years later, things do get better with time. Children grow-up. They see, they hear, they remember!

After my divorce, I took my girls to Disney to celebrate our "new" life together. It was one of the best things I ever did, for all of us. We will remember that trip forever!

Your children will remember dad's trip, how it happened, how he handled it. they will remember to, what you all did to save, skip work hard to go on your trip.

In the years to come what do you think they will feel about all of this?

Take your trip. Your children and YOU need it. Don't think about dad. Don't think that he "out trumped" you because, you may feel he did now, but believe me he didn't.

 

[BigEars151]

Honestly, people just need to stop projecting their own experiences into the OP's situation.

She's not perfect and right because she's the poster here. She's not right because she's the mom. She's not right because dads and stepmoms are evil. She's not right because it's Disney and stepmoms area always evil in Disney.

Honestly, if she came here and explained that the dad had been saving for 18 months to take the kids on a special trip, and then said she wants to take them too, but the 2 weeks prior are the only time she can get off so she's doing it............ I'd be siding with the dad.

I'm sure there's a WHOLE LOT of this situation we don't know and have no business knowing.

But the bit we do have is more than enough for me to know VOLUMES about what sort of a person he is.

Which brings us back to the point that most of us are making. Stick to the point of the thread and leave out the social commentary.

It is selfish of the OP to be upset to the point that it effects her children having a good time at a place that they apparently enjoy just because they are with their father. If one of her children were invited to go to Disney with say a cousin and it didn't cost her a thing would she say no because she is going later in the month. I don't know. But I would ask a lot of the commentors the same question and think of it in those terms.

Go on your trip and enjoy yourself, your kids will enjoy the trip with you.

 

[Sandy321]

The downside to such a long thread is that people have to spend a while reading through all the posts. Which most haven't got the time to do. My advice is to go to the OP's profile & look at all the posts she has posted on this thread so you don't miss any posts she might have added.

The OP has stated that her ex DID know about their holiday & was perfectly aware on how excited they were & how long they had been saving & planning for it. To me their father taking them to WDW so close to their original holiday is extremely selfish & cruel. He obviously did it on purpose, OP has already said he's always making life very hard for her.

Anyway, like many others have said i would sit the children down when they get back & talk to them about the holiday with their Dad & obviously ask them if they would like to go again so soon & if they do then talk about what they didn't do so you can do it with them. But i'd imagine you're already planning on doing that anyway!

Its even easier than that - just click on the main page the post count to any thread - a pop up will come up with who has posted in the thread - and how many posts they have made - click on that number - and a page will pop up with only that posters posts on that thread!

OP I hope you had time to look at the DVC trip reports I posted about AKL and the mom who went solo with her 2 kids, they had some great experiences imho!

 

[BigEars151]

Honestly when I saw the title to the thread I really thought that the story was going to involve an ex-spouse that was so hateful and jealous towards the other parent that they wouldn't let their kids go to Disney.

Instead we get a story about parents getting upset because they are trying to out do each other and who gets to take kids on vacation first.

And a bunch of people that are encouraging that behavior.

 

[agame2323]

I'll say it again....

Goto Universal. Problem solved.