Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[Granny square]

There is always something "better" to spend money on. I find it funny that each person thinks THEY have the perfect formula and other ave to abide by them.

 

[Sagginit]

Nice.

First, she wanted to go. If you didn't want to go, don't go. Why couldn't you buy her a ticket?

Second, unless she insisted on centre orchestra seats, they're not that expensive. Side/back orchestra are <$100, and tiers can be had for much less.

Third, if you're going to compare what you spend on a gift experience for someone else vs. what you'd do with the money, just don't buy anything for anyone then, and tell them you don't want to spend money on anyone but you. Because how does that not apply to every gift you gave anyone? Couldn't you have used the $ for Disney?

well here is a little more on it. she would need someone to go with and said her "children". my bro and wife take off to go see her family for christmas to combine it with a ski vacation. that leaves me to take her myself and be with her on xmas eve and xmas. heck they haven't seen her since thanksgiving so that leaves me with her the whole month.

she only wants to go somewhere if she gets good seats, the last time i agreed to go to a play it was $140 orchestra seats. i have opera glasses and would gladly sit in the back myself. she had said this in passing weeks ago, she says lots of oh we should do this things, i looked into pricing thinking i might surprise her but when she didn't bring it up again for weeks i thought it was just a truly random comment. she brought it up again on christmas morning (before we even opened gifts) and was like sigh.....i really did want to see the nutcracker with my children, i guess maybe next year. that is when i let her know i did check but thought it was very pricey. thus her comment of well we could have at least tried to get last minute seats for cheap. since we had not even opened gifts yet i was little offensive she was basically complaining she already didn't get what she wanted. (ps she did ask for other things which i bought her).

and disney comes into play because we have gone twice and she has stated in the last year or so she wants to go back, but then will state she doesn't have the money for it. well if she didn't impulse spend on things like hundreds of dolllars on a last minute football game she could save all year and go. in fact i was going to try to convince her for xmas we should both open a savings account and instead of gifts put money in for each holiday so we can go in the fall, but i know her reaction of not giving physical gifts to achieve a long term goal would be

 

[SaraJayne]

Better that then guilting the giver because they didn't obey!

Not quite.

But I won't be taking the chance of opening the exact same thing for the third year in a row.

There are lots of things my husband is wonderful at ~ gift giving is not one of them.

 

[artemis908]

It annoys me more when people don't put any thought into the gift and it was obvious they picked it up the night before or day of. Like my MIL giving me magnets and chap stick... that was two years ago.

 

[wvjules]

I'm unclear on what the problem is? Is is that they gave you chocolates that you don't like or that they spend $50? It sounds to me like you would have been ok witht $50 if it was for a restaurant GC so you could go out? So the $50 spent would have been ok if it was for something that you approved?

 

[Granny square]

Not quite.

But I won't be taking the chance of opening the exact same thing for the third year in a row.

There are lots of things my husband is wonderful at ~ gift giving is not one of them.

My husband isn't either so I don't worry about gifts. I can have what I want. So it is all good. I love gift buying and have a good time with it. He has learned to not feel bad. That I am happy and content with our holidays and our lives.

Please read this without a snotty attitude. It is just our happy place.

 

[Kitzka]

I use to get upset with the gifts my MIL would give me but have learned to get over it. Now I laugh.

Here are some if the gifts I have received:
Sponge (like a kitchen sponge)
Sea sponge (like for the bath)
Coconut bra (just the bra part)
Coconut purse
Lizard made from recycled metal

This year I got a 'vase' but it looks like a cup.

 

[artemis908]

other BIL only shows up at start of party them disappears only to pick up his kids and his kids gift at the end of the party. And he never buys for anyone

My step-BIL never buys us anything and we use to get him something so he wouldn't feel left out, now we don't bother. He's 24 and lives with my FIL and his mom, so it's not like he's having to pay a mortgage (or anything). So, I quickly learned that if he doesn't want to put in any effort into the holidays, that's fine.

 

[ChrisinNJ]

I use to get upset with the gifts my MIL would give me but have learned to get over it. Now I laugh.

Here are some if the gifts I have received:
Sponge (like a kitchen sponge)
Sea sponge (like for the bath)
Coconut bra (just the bra part)
Coconut purse
Lizard made from recycled metal

This year I got a 'vase' but it looks like a cup.

Sounds like my MIL. I have gotten cans of tuna and rolls of paper towels for Christmas.

She also loves to bring over holiday paper plates and napkins while telling me she thought the kids "needed something a little festive." Mind you, my house looks like Christmas threw up in it, decorations in every room, but thank goodness I have her plates and napkins to make it festive for my kids

I think some people have the best of intentions, but just aren't always the best at follow through. The first time she made the "a little festive" comment I was hurt and insulted by it. Now I expect it, and laugh to myself if she forgets to say it... that is just her.

 

[disykat]

As far as the Mac thing...Using Christmas to spend money you don't have in the budget to spend is not the way to make a spouse happy!

 

[Disneybuckeye]

we all have these moments. my mother can go overboard and sometimes she buys me stuff that is just unnecessary.my brother and i will put our foot down at times. this year she hinted, well flat out said, how much she wanted to see the nutcracker at lincoln center. well i was not spending $300 or so to take her. she brought it up on xmas eve, i told her how expensive they were, and she says oh well maybe you can get last minute ones cheap. so for her gift she wanted me to take her there and hope we got tickets? even i if i had the money i think to myself with that and a nice dinner/drinks we could put that towards a few days of disney!

But is that is what she really wants for Christmas why not get it for her? At least you know she will like it. If is is way out of your price range is there another sibling or two who could chip in? I hate trying to come up with things my mother would like and wish she would just come out and ask for something. We do spend $300 easy on her too.

Edited to add I missed your reply in the middle. Sometimes there is no pleasing people at the holidays.

 

[mrzrich]

I'm unclear on what the problem is? Is is that they gave you chocolates that you don't like or that they spend $50? It sounds to me like you would have been ok witht $50 if it was for a restaurant GC so you could go out? So the $50 spent would have been ok if it was for something that you approved?

No, I really wish she hadn't spent any money. But I know she did. This was not a re gift. She was truly very proud of herself when she gave it to us. I was very gracious at the time....but inside I was thinking "What a waste of money"

I mentioned the Gift cards, because I feel like if she felt compelled to spend $50 it could have been on something that the receiver would have appriciated.

Free things I would have loved....

A nice letter.

My Grandchild's hand prints

A few hours respite from caring for my disabled son.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I didn't, but I was mad on behalf of my four year old DS. He got from IL's $50 and a walmart GC from his aunt, my SIL - absolutely no thought or care went into the gift. just shows once again another example how little they know him. Of course I didn't show him I was mad but he immediately forgot the gifts two minutes later. Dh was really unhappy about it too.

 

[RadioFanatic]

This would upset me as well so I do understand. The thing is you have stated that you had a long conversation about what you could afford to spend. That's the sticking point for me. If dh and I had agreed that we could spend $200 on each other and then I opened up a 1200 dollar MacBook I would be gracious but inwardly panicking about where the money was going to come from.
An extra thousand dollars doesn't happen around here. It's all earmarked. For us it's because we want to go on vacations. We choose that together. An extra thousand dollars would come out of the vacation fund. It would make me panic. We are grown ups who know whats coming in and what we can spend. We make our financial choices based on conversations and mutual priorities.

So like I said, I get it. I would also feel really bad about hurting his feelings and not being excited about the gift. Overall it would be an awkward and avoidable situation if the budget had just been stuck to.

I totally agree with what was said above. Same thing happened to me last year when husband decided to buy me a $900 camera. Only reason I found out before christmas is bc our checking account bounced as a result (I keep most money in savings, just bill money in checking). I panicked when I saw why and thought someone stole our cc. I made him return it and it was a HUGE fight. This year though, he did an amazing job and didn't try to break the bank. I was very proud of him.

 

[eliza61]

My husband isn't either so I don't worry about gifts. I can have what I want. So it is all good. I love gift buying and have a good time with it. He has learned to not feel bad. That I am happy and content with our holidays and our lives.

Please read this without a snotty attitude. It is just our happy place.

That's why we stopped also GS. The last couple of weeks, these boards have been full of threads saying pretty much the same thing.

X got Y a gift worth more
Grandparents didn't give #1 kid a good gift but kid #2 got a bunch.
Brother comes to dinner empty handed.

on and on.

So my question (and it's a general question)...

Is anyone simply happy with the holidays anymore? Heck, my jingles start jangling if I get 3 days off of work.

My dh and I stopped gifting each other specifically at Christmas years ago and we loved it. First, my dh was great with coming home and saying "let's go out for dinner and a movies" or seeing some thing he thought was nice in the window and picking it up. Now some times they were hits and some times they were misses (the "Beyonce" type mini skirt for a 50 year old thick gal still makes me wonder what the heck he was thinking) but all and all I can't complain.

If gift giving brings all this stress why bother?

 

[Robbi]

Last year my friend gave me a Chamilia bracelet with a couple of Disney charms. I told my husband I thought it was cute, so he bought charms for it last Christmas and this one. The thing is I really don't like these bracelets. I would never tell him that though. He got a hug, a kiss, and a big thank-you. It's the thought that counts. Oh and my friend gave me another charm this year too. She also got a hug and thanks.

 

[AJ1983]

Well said. I find shopping for extended family especially difficult, and we all feel the same way and end up giving each other random gifts cards on Christmas Day. So this year, we each contributed what we WOULD have spent on gifts and sponsored a family through the local low income single parents group. We were given a list by the parent of the kids' ages and what they wanted for Christmas, as well as their sizes and any clothing needs.

It gave us all much more satisfaction on Christmas morning to think of those kids opening their gifts, and knowing they will be warm all winter, than to worry about "how much should we spend on person X? Should I buy a gift for person Y in case they get one for me?"

 

[pigletto]

Is anyone simply happy with the holidays anymore?

Yes. 100%. I have zero complaints about anyones appreciation, what I got, what I gave, how anyone acted, or any aspect of the holidays. It was awesome from start to finish. I was definitely stressed trying to get everything done in time and get to this event, and making sure the kids had their outfits and lines memorized for plays and ..... etc etc. But once we accomplished everything we had on our to do lists I sat back, ate too much, was surrounded by love and laughed until my sides hurt. I would not do any of it if I didn't really enjoy it. It's an absolute joy every single year!

My only teensy disappointment is that one extended family get together was cancelled yesterday for the storm but it's been rescheduled for Saturday

 

[tina.tina]

I know how the OP feels because I would rather my sister didn't buy for my kids. She has 2 kids who go without things they want/need on a regular basis.

My sister asked my Mom for luggage this year. So I got luggage, too- even though we already have 12 pieces of luggage for our family of 4, half of which we received as gifts from Mom previously. Oh well!

DH is not a very good gift giver, either. It seems he just can't help it. He said he still needed to get me something for a stocking stuffer. I told him I'd like some bodywash. I also made comments in front of him before I wrapped my Mom's bodywash for Christmas, saying that even thought it didn't cost very much at Walmart, it smelled really good. I left it out so he could look at it to see what kind and even what scent. Before we left for church on Sunday, he picked a piece of hair off of my coat. I made an off-hand comment that I needed a lint roller. Well, I don't need one now- one showed up in my stocking without any bodywash.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

OP is upset because her DD has different priorities. IMHO, she has the right to tell her daughter that she is making questionable decisions because 1) its her daughter and 2) she has been on the hook to help with the car, etc.

As for the $500 from Grandma...is it possible that DD thought an IPad would be a gift for the house? I mean you can't eat it like its expensive chocolates. You can use it at home can't you? Either DD thought it was a gift for the home, or she is one of the many twenty somethings that is only interested in #1.

As for getting the gift...your daughter's thoughts were in the right place even if her priorities are not.

My inlaws enjoy getting me gifts to make fun of my weight. When we were newly married and I was just overweight...they would buy me nightgowns that you could put a whole circus troupe in at the same time. I seriously hated getting clothes meant for the person too fat to leave the house. Over the years, I have gotten a little heavier. So now, they will get me a size 12 dress and say...I hope its not too big. I mean who couldn't wear something so enormous!

Hubby and I have birthdays 9 days apart. His Dad likes to take HIM out for his birthday. They just spring it on him when I'm not around. So one night, hubby comes home and says that his Dad had taken him out for his birthday. I thought...how special for you, but was ok with it. He then said...they got you a card. Oh so they remembered my birthday, but didn't want to take me out...Yay! Well, let's see the card. I thought it can't be worse than last year's card. The year before they had gotten me a card that said...its not your birthday until the fat lady sings...and then the inside had a fat lady singing. Well...the only thing worse is to get the exact same insulting card.

The point is...there are worse gifts. Your daughter meant no harm.