Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[Mickey'sApprentice]

That's the point of the "gift" to insult the poster. They buy something that's too small for the poster (but presumably bigger than they think she "should" be wearing) then go on about how they hope she can wear it, it's oh so big and huge, knowing it's too small.

Like if someone gave Melissa McCarthy an outfit J.Lo wore and said gee, they hoped she could fit into that because everyone knows J.Lo has the biggest butt in show biz (I'm just being facetious, not calling J.Lo or anyone else fat). It'd be a way to insult McCarthy.

Yes! That's it.

I had to look up who Melissa McCarthy is.

So...to recap...when I looked like Melissa McCarthy they would get me stuff for someone that weighed 600-800 pounds. Now that I am more the size of Mimi on The Drew Carey Show...I get things that would be close to the top size in a store that would never dream of carrying something plus sized so a big size is like a 12. I haven't worn a 12 since 5th grade. I'm then told it is the most enormous piece of clothing they have ever seen. Obviously, they didn't look at that size 8X moo moo they got me when I first got married.

Frankly, I have very little to do with my inlaws. I get angry every time I walk in their house. My husband and I gave them a portrait of the two of us. They have it on their mantle, but cover my side up with a small teddy bear. Hoping it was a cleaning oversight, I moved the teddy bear just to find it moved back the next time I was there. I now manage to see it every 2 or 3 years, or less if I can help it.

I go to a doctor that is one of my husband's friends from grade school. He said, your DH would be a great DH (and he is great)...but you must be a saint to put up with your inlaws.

 

[mrsksomeday]

Like I said before...she could have offered to stay with her brother for a few hours so we could go see a movie. I would have been over the moon with joy.

You have mentioned this several times in this thread. Have you ever asked her to do this for you? Sometimes people don't think of the obvious and need to be asked for help.

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

I have to admit, my first thought was "well, it's a gift, it's not very nice to be ungrateful".... but then reading further, I really do agree with you.If someone is struggling financially, you do wonder, "are you plain NUTS for getting $50 candy as a gift?" Especially if their car is run down, etc. The only thing I can say is, you just never know someone's motivation in selecting the gift.

Last year my DH got me a Nikon DSLR and spent a fair amount of money on the camera, lenses and a good tripod. I seriously thought he lost his mind. Especially since we set our limit at about $100 for each other. So it made me really mad that he did this. It was not a great Christmas. My mom and dad were there, and my mom pulled me aside and told me that he had called her and told her that he was getting me the camera and told her why. He told her that he loved how I took pictures and really wanted to see how I would do w/ a good camera. He also told her that in doing this, we could go on day trips and spend some good time with each other exploring different places. Later on, he and I talked about it and he told me all of this and why he did this. And that he saved his change and other small money over time in order to get this for me. It turned out to be one of THE most romantic and selfless things he's ever done and I've loved my camera ever since....not because of what it IS, but what it REPRESENTS. He thought enough of my creativity and enough to want to spend some quality time together to put this gift together.

So while you may not know what the motivation was behind the gift, they may be one that's really very nice. It may be something as simple as her wanting to get you something so frivolous that she knew you would never get for yourself. who knows....

Very sweet story.

Gifts with stipulations are obnoxious.

So true. It's a way to control the person you're giving gifts to.

My husband and I usually buy our own gifts. He makes his own beer, and I knew he wanted, uh, beer-making stuff, but I wouldn't have any idea of what specifically to buy him. Meanwhile, he knew I wanted a Kindle, but didn't know which model. So, he bought himself a barley grinder.

I bought myself the Kindle I wanted. We wrapped them up and acted all surprised when we opened them.

My kids are the greatest: all three bought me wonderful gifts. Oldest bought me a new carry-on suitcase, second one bought me a few wine accessories, and the youngest? An AWESOME action figure of the monolith from the movie "2001: A Space Odyssey"!! I can't stop touching it.

 

[DVC Daisy]

Yes! That's it.

I had to look up who Melissa McCarthy is.

So...to recap...when I looked like Melissa McCarthy they would get me stuff for someone that weighed 600-800 pounds. Now that I am more the size of Mimi on The Drew Carey Show...I get things that would be close to the top size in a store that would never dream of carrying something plus sized so a big size is like a 12. I haven't worn a 12 since 5th grade. I'm then told it is the most enormous piece of clothing they have ever seen. Obviously, they didn't look at that size 8X moo moo they got me when I first got married.

Frankly, I have very little to do with my inlaws. I get angry every time I walk in their house. My husband and I gave them a portrait of the two of us. They have it on their mantle, but cover my side up with a small teddy bear. Hoping it was a cleaning oversight, I moved the teddy bear just to find it moved back the next time I was there. I now manage to see it every 2 or 3 years, or less if I can help it.

I go to a doctor that is one of my husband's friends from grade school. He said, your DH would be a great DH (and he is great)...but you must be a saint to put up with your inlaws.

That make so much more sense now.

I think calling you a saint is quite the understatement!

These people do not even deserve your time or energy, or even thoughts, DH's parents or not. They obviously don't make any effort to play nice because you are married to their son

They don't seem to even care if you are a nice person, love their son, or any number of other wonderful qualities that you have. They care about what you weigh?????


Because you deserve them! A person is NOT defined by their weight!

 

[Mom of three]

Forgive me...I haven't been to bed yet and Im perusing old threads...

My sister was thrilled to give me my gift this year. She actually wouldn't shut up about it.

Christmas morning we went to my folks house for breakfast and gift exchange.

My sister proceeds to tell me something "happened" to my gift and plopped it onto my lap.

It was a decorative scarf, nicely wrapped with something in it. I opened it, and inside were small broken pieces of.....SOAP???

Umm...ok??

Her dog got ahold of my gift and she felt it would be acceptable to give it to me anyway, broken up into pieces. Really??

I did not find it humorous at all, in fact I found it slightly insulting. I would rather have not gotten anything, she could have just told me what happened.

Who the hell gets soap anyway?

 

[artemis908]

Forgive me...I haven't been to bed yet and Im perusing old threads...

My sister was thrilled to give me my gift this year. She actually wouldn't shut up about it.

Christmas morning we went to my folks house for breakfast and gift exchange.

My sister proceeds to tell me something "happened" to my gift and plopped it onto my lap.

It was a decorative scarf, nicely wrapped with something in it. I opened it, and inside were small broken pieces of.....SOAP???

Umm...ok??

Her dog got ahold of my gift and she felt it would be acceptable to give it to me anyway, broken up into pieces. Really??

I did not find it humorous at all, in fact I found it slightly insulting. I would rather have not gotten anything, she could have just told me what happened.

Who the hell gets soap anyway?

What about the scarf? I actually had a co-worker give us soap but it was really cool because she made it herself.

 

[Pigeon]

You seem to be upset about a whole lot of things that are manifesting in your lack of appreciation of the chocolates.

Your dd doesn't seem to manage her money the way you would like. If she's an adult, that's her problem. You don't need to help her with a car, etc., if you don't want to. Let her and her husband figure it out as adults. You can't control what other adults do with their money. You don't need to enable what you perceive as bad behavior. Just back away.

You also seem very bitter about having to care for your disabled son constantly. While it would be nice if she offered to do respite care, she might not be interested. Have you asked her if she would be willing to watch him occasionally? If she won't, perhaps you should spend any money you give your dd to help with her financial problems to hire a respite caregiver for yourself instead.

 

[brertoad]

Answer to original question...Yes, practically every gift I ever get from family for Christmas is HORRIBLE. I give a list of things we like, they ignore it, or they get everything horribly wrong. I once put "Beck CDs" on a list of what my husband wanted, included the album names he is missing, and my SIL bought him a Jeff Beck CD, no lie, and a Jeff Beck Book, I almost think that she is maybe pickled or extremely passive aggressive. How do you return this stuff? I can't even bring myself to ask for a receipt of any kind. It's like they are making more work and hassle for you to change something. She probably would be offended if I pointed out how she bought the wrong thing.
She has always made a point to make sure she tells us what to buy for her 2 kids, and I have always bought accordingly, but when it comes to reciprocating she won't spend the correct amount or buy the correct items.

One year, my MIL bought me vintage lamps that looked like they had condoms on them. They were beige teardrop shaped lamps, with condom/blood cell shaped ovals all over them. I never took them home. My MIL bought this metal chinese floral design etched/red painted table, she prefaced it by saying about how much she spent, blew her whole budget for me on this table...guess what...she got the table. I hated it, she probably paid $300 for it, and that was that, I never took it home, I hated it. We have spent about $1500 per year on them and each year we got nothing...NOTHING...I've shed so many tears over horrible Christmas gifts, I thought they were doing this to me on purpose. It is inconceivable how they can be so BAD at giving gifts. After many years, we started saying, "just give us giftcards please". And then they buy us gift card to stores I've never heard of, or been to, or shop at. It NEVER ends.

Last year, I said $25 limit, that's all we're going to spend on you all, and please do not spend more than that on us. I thought it turned out fine.

This year, my MIL says, you do what you want and we'll do what we want.
So, this year the value of gifts we gave was about $300, my SIL has a new husband and he has SIX more family members that we had to buy for. I ended up spending about $50 per person because they poo poo'd the $25 limit. Here is the thing though, I re-gifted stuff I had, and spent about $100 out of pocket, and supplemented with things I already had that were new around the house. Afterall, why should I feel bad after 15 years for all the tears I have had. Maybe they didn't have the best Christmas this year, but I won't get taken advantage of anymore. I hate feeling this way for Christmas, I get so much anxiety every year over it. I wish it would just stop.

If any of you folks have a single person or couple in the family and you have a larger family, please make sure your gift exchange is equitable. For instance, my SIL and BIL have two kids, we are expected to spend $50 on each that is $200 for 4. But she will spend $100 on us (2 people). And my husband just goes along with whatever, sometimes he doesn't even realized we've been taken advantage of.

In addition to the lamps and chinese table... here are some other gems...

Pink Bikercap...(for the record, I have never worn anything like this in my life)
Jean Jacket hoodie pullover kind (never ever worn any jean jacket, let alone this dark blue rockin' mom jeans fabric)
Pink Cowboyshirt...
Reflexology Foot thing
Groupon (my other SIL was supposed to spend $200 on us according to the rules and she bought a $100 groupon...are you kidding me...and they are well to do...)
Telescope that never worked...



I agree about the $50 chocolates, that is excessive. I think a $50 visa card or giftcard to a store you like would have been better. I once gave my BF Harry & David truffles (definitely under $15) and she kind of looked at them funny...until she tried them. She actually commented about how great they were and how surprised she was that chocolate that good could come from a bag.

 

[Pigeon]

For all you folks who find gift exchanges so annoying, you do realize you can stop?

Just give them a year's notice that you will not be participating in any future gift exchanges, period. There are a number of excuses you can offer--it's to expensive, not enough time to shop, you'd rather focus on the true meaning of the season, etc. But whatever your reason, offer no alternatives and refuse to engage.

We did this with dh's very large family. The gift exchanges had gotten ridiculous. Oddly, the people who objected the most to our opting out were the same people who bought the most thoughtless gifts.

We had to repeat our position very firmly. The first year, some people still gave us gifts, but we did not return the favor. They weren't happy, but eventually they got the message.

 

[brertoad]

I agree. It's harder to stop with some people, they act like children, my MIL must have a screw loose. She wouldn't let my dying father and my side of the family come to Christmas dinner, but she is gaga for Christmas. Seriously, she has a screw loose. I want all the things money CAN'T buy.

For at least 3 years I have really been laying it on thick for them, getting to what I really believe to be important is being together as a family and making memories. Not spending money that no one can afford on more crap that no one really needs. Trying to set a reasonable limit of $25 per person...really even that is ridiculous multiplied by 10 people...

We all have jobs right? We can buy what we want. I would prefer to spend money on the needy than on those who can provide for themselves. Christmas is about charity, being good to one another.

I'll have to give them some advanced warning for Christmas 2013.

 

[Bob NC]

The only candy I ever eat is starburst and twizzlers, and thats rarely.

Just can't stop thinking about how great a present $50 worth of Twizzlers would be!!!

 

[Disney Addicted]

When I was 18yrs I got a wool poncho for my birthday and my brother got a new car,,ah dad had a problem with girls driving cars. So.... I saved and bought myself a motorcycle . Well dad changed his mind PDQ and the next year helped me buy a new car,,seems he felt safer with me driving on 4 wheels than 2.

Love this Mel!

When my parents married, they were young (ie, 20-22) and my dad only in Canada for a short time (3-4 years - Italian). My mom had a motorcycle and he insisted she give it up. He also insisted she not drive... So one day she took his keys, went for a drive and came back with a copy of her own key for the car.

 

[ceecee]

If any of you folks have a single person or couple in the family and you have a larger family, please make sure your gift exchange is equitable. For instance, my SIL and BIL have two kids, we are expected to spend $50 on each that is $200 for 4. But she will spend $100 on us (2 people). And my husband just goes along with whatever, sometimes he doesn't even realized we've been taken advantage of.

I suggested we draw names for my girlfriends's 6 kids and my one. Even at $20 each, we were spending close to $200 and she got DD an ornament and a game worth $10. She quite speaking to me shortly after and told another friend how cheap we were. Her own sister quit the gift thing years before.

 

[*Seanaci*]

I can understand why you're not happy with the gift.

On the flip side, you and DH need to let go of the reins on her. She's an adult now. Married and with one child. She's not living with you guys...she's living in her own house with her own little family. She's going to buy or spend her money how she wants...regardless of how you and DH feel about it. It's not your money that they are spending.

As adults, we live and learn when it comes to spending responsibly. Sometimes it takes having heat or water shut off until the next pay day to understand the value of a dollar.

DH, DS and I live with my parents. We have since my son was an infant. My parents help us out minimally. But its because I'm to proud or ashamed to ask for help. I like to think I can work things out on my own. Even if in reality I can't. We bought my parents a new camera for Christmas. They are always their for us...and will help us out without us having to ask. They were very appreciative...but insisted while we were all at Disneyland last week to NOT buy them anything else. So we followed their request and did not get them anything for Christmas while there.

 

[kamik86]

I think the closest would be when my mom opened the Kindle I gave her last year and said "Hunny this is way too much" it was ok though when she realized it was my old one and I didn't spend that much on her present.

 

[DVC Daisy]

Love this Mel!

When my parents married, they were young (ie, 20-22) and my dad only in Canada for a short time (3-4 years - Italian). My mom had a motorcycle and he insisted she give it up. He also insisted she not drive... So one day she took his keys, went for a drive and came back with a copy of her own key for the car.

Originally Posted by bababear_50
When I was 18yrs I got a wool poncho for my birthday and my brother got a new car,,ah dad had a problem with girls driving cars. So.... I saved and bought myself a motorcycle . Well dad changed his mind PDQ and the next year helped me buy a new car,,seems he felt safer with me driving on 4 wheels than 2.



It love these! I never had to deal with this - but the same premise. Dad was pro-active on this one. Mom had to save for a car & then ended up buying one that constantly needed fixing when she was a teenager. My Dad (they were already together by then) or Grandpa were always working on it.

Fast forward, they have my sister & I. My Dad insists that we get new cars for our 16th birthdays as he does not want us getting rides in cars with boys nor does he want us in cars that are always breaking down. Our Mom did not agree at all.

Guess what we each got for our 16th birthday? Brand new shiny very cool Mustangs :

GO DAD!!!

 

[brertoad]

I suggested we draw names for my girlfriends's 6 kids and my one. Even at $20 each, we were spending close to $200 and she got DD an ornament and a game worth $10. She quite speaking to me shortly after and told another friend how cheap we were. Her own sister quit the gift thing years before.

This is exactly the thing I am talking about...

Why does your girlfriend think that it would be appropriate for you to spend so much on her kids, when you have one child? Six kids vs. one? It always amazes me how people act about gifting, like their brains just fell out, you aren't supposed to be subsidizing their Christmas gifts. Especially when kids are involved, they act like money grows on trees and we can simply pluck off as much as we like to shower their kids (or them) with gifts. For some reason they think because it's a child that the child doesn't need to reciprocate - but the gift is not being taken from the child's allowance, the parents are the ones buying all the gifts. That was $200 that could have went to your child to make her Christmas very special.

People work hard for their money. I think some people love Christmas as a way of getting back more than they put out, like gambling. Your ex-friend probably loved that she was getting all the extra gifts for her kids when it only cost her $10! Same with my family, SIL loved that she was getting one over on us every year. How many times I listened to her complain about this person and that person, and how they didn't even buy this or that for her kids or they only spent this much and it wasn't enough. Ugh.


Consider it a blessing she stopped talking to you.

We had friends kind of like that, we had spent a lot on inviting them to Christmas dinner, and a lot of presents - too many really (in retrospect that was probably our own fault - lesson learned), but they were incredibly rude, their gifts to us were obvious re-gifts. The husband drank about 20-25 servings of alcohol, blacked out for 5 hours, his wife took a nap upstairs, we had to carry him out to the car. He made a pass a me while my husband was in the bathroom and his wife was napping. I told my husband after they left, and we cut off contact with them. They still send a Christmas card, but I don't have the heart to tell her what her husband did that offended us so badly.

They also would be the ones who want to split the dinner bill but always would be drinking and ordering more than us! My poor hubby just goes along with it time after time, until I got really bent out of shape about it and insisted on seperate checks. Just goes to show that people will take advantage if you let them.

Don't even get me started on birthdays...

Last year we decided we're doing Disney for birthdays and holidays as much as possible. We're going to take time off for ourselves and enjoy. WDW really and truly is my happy place.

 

[luvmesometigger]

Don't even get me started on birthdays...

Last year we decided we're doing Disney for birthdays and holidays as much as possible. We're going to take time off for ourselves and enjoy. WDW really and truly is my happy place.

I don't do birthday parties anymore for our kids. It was getting too out of hand. This year, for my son's 12th birthday, we went to WDW. For ODD, we went to Hershey Park. YDD we went to Sesame Place. This year, we are planning a week at the Jersey Shore for YDD (she is a July birthday). The other 2 will decide where they want to go as it gets closer. Just the 5 of us. I usually end up spending LESS on these family outings then if I had a big birthday bash for them. And less nonsense that comes from dealing with the extended family. And my kids remember the trips.

 

[elfbo]

The DH and I went out of our way to get presents for my aunt that we knew she would enjoy, a framed picture from the wedding with her and the nephew and starbucks stuff which is her favorite place. What we got in return was: a watch that didnt work, an ugly calendar with pigs on it (some kind of hint?) and super long ugly earrings (she knows i only wear studs). Total cost of our gifts to her ~$50. Total cost of her gifts to us ~$8.

We wont be getting her anything special for her birthday.

 

[Colleen27]

I will never forget my first Mother's Day after DD11 was born... DH took DS out and spent $100 on a huge, gorgeous bouquet of roses. I could have throttled him! We had a preschooler, an infant, a new (less than 6mo) mortgage on a house we bought out of foreclosure that needed any number of practical things, including landscaping, and he spent that much on CUT FLOWERS?!? Of course I smiled and played happy for DS's benefit (he was 4 at the time) but in private DH did hear about it and he certainly learned his lesson - the next mother's day he bought me 3 beautiful rose bushes, which lasted far longer and didn't cost nearly as much. He did things like that pretty often in the first couple years of our relationship out of some misguided ideas about things men "should" buy their wives (too many commercials, I guess )

I can't recall ever getting that annoyed at anyone else over a gift. I guess I hold DH to a higher standard when it comes to knowing what I want/like?

I've been on the other end too... I'm sure MIL thinks we shouldn't have spent what we did on her this year, since she knows we just had to replace our van unexpectedly and that private school tuition for 2 kids has us stretched a bit tight to begin with, but it is so rare that we have a chance to buy her something really meaningful and wanted that we jumped at it. Years and years go buy where I'm making up "movie baskets" with new-release DVDs, popcorn, and homemade treats or giving framed photo collections because my inlaws are so hard to shop for, so this year when she took up golf but had been sharing clubs with her sister because a set of her own is "just too expensive", we did a little bargain hunting, found a decent beginners set that came to 55% off after stacking a coupon on top of a sale price, and splurged.