Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[ceecee]

Gifts with stipulations are obnoxious.

A previous boss of mine gave us all $200 and took us to the mall. We had an hour to spend it before we met back up for lunch and showed everyone what we bought, we had to buy something for us, not kids or anyone else. Of course several took it back and rebought at the after Christmas sales!

 

[bumbershoot]

So.... I saved and bought myself a motorcycle . Well dad changed his mind PDQ and the next year helped me buy a new car,,seems he felt safer with me driving on 4 wheels than 2.

To be quite honest, most gifts make me a teensy bit mad. I really don't like getting gifts.

Two friends brought hostess gifts yesterday, which was okay because they are gift people and like to do that - but it wouldn't be my choice. Other than that I got no gifts. It was great! We'll do gift exchanges with family later this week and it's already stressing me out.

I'm definitely with you on that. I bought almost all my own "gifts" this year. Couple pairs of $10 earrings, a jewelry case on clearance (seriously INexpensive), brought out some of the Disney chocolate coins we bought for stocking purposes in October...it was all good. DH and DS bought me some other chocolate coins and that was good. I like getting what I NEED and like, I don't like spending much on it. It's fun to surprise DH and DS, but I just don't like surprises, not even gifts at gift-giving occasions.

Nope, unless they are in your pocket accept the gift and hold your tongue on the cost.

She did accept it and hold her tongue with her daughter.

And they are in their pocket to an extent.

We had just loaned them our car a few days earlier because they couldn't afford to get theirs fixed until pay day.

I once gave someone a $50 box of chocolates. I had them shipped from Belgium and they are the best chocolates I have ever had. I knew the recipient liked chocolate and was perfectly fine with something like Whitmans, but I wanted her to have something she'd never get for herself. If she ever had the attitude that I should have come up with something else in order for it to be a success, it be the last gift I ever give them. Geez, how about some appreciation for someone even giving you a gift, not condemnation because you didn't want it?

But part of giving a GIFT is that you give them something they will at least like, and hopefully love. So if you gave that poster a box of those chocolates, when you know she likes Whitman's, then you are just giving something YOU want to give. You're not taking the recipient into account.

If you spend money on something that the person won't like, and hopefully love, then honestly you might as well not have gotten them anything, because your money is wasted. Don't you want the recipient to LOVE what you got them, not just accept it without much liking it?

I
My DD got a check for $500 from her grandmother last week as a housewarming/Christmas gift. In the card her GM told her to buy something for the house. She didn't spend it on the house, or the car, she bought her DH an Ipad for Christmas with the money.

Yikes.

I don't mind gift-money with strings. If I don't want to follow the rules, I don't accept the money. Learned that i need to do that or I feel guilty forever. When FIL gave us money to buy a certain thing for DS, and for whatever reason we did not buy that thing, it bothered me tremendously. And then FIL died before we could say "see? we bought that!" and it will bug me forevermore. And now DS is too old for that item. So now we follow the rules of the gift-giver.

...second he got me a cheap one from Walmart that is 18K gold over silver which he knows I am allergic to anything that's not 10K or 14K gold. So I'll wear it for a few days to make him happy then it will go in my jewelry box when I break out and he'll get offended when I tell him I had to stop wearing it because I'm allergic .

You can't just tell him that you're allergic and *have to* return it? For me, I would be more offended to have a gift be totally wasted (since you canNOT wear it) than to have it returned, even a special gift like that.

And from what I'm learning with DH as time goes on, just because they KNOW something, it doesn't mean they can bring that knowledge up on any given occasion. Sometimes I think there are walls in the brain, and sometimes there's an opening in the wall so info can come through, but sometimes the wall is solid. So he's at the store and thinking "must give ring", and the info "should probably get something more real AND need to get certain type of gold" just didn't cross that wall at that moment. He probably thought that 18K would be better. I know my MIL would never ever deal with 10 or 14, and would never even consider that it might cause a certain reaction. She gave me (for some unknown reason) one of her rings and some other jewelry about a year ago, and has now started to give me crud about not wearing it. My engagement ring is incredibly plain, half-bezel set, and platinum. I never wear anything much fancier-looking. I don't own or wear anything but white gold, silver, and that ring. WHY she thinks I would happily wear her encrusted, yellow gold, intricate and HUGE pieces, I do not know. Plus the ring doesn't fit on any finger but my wedding ring finger, and I'm not going to replace something DH got me with something her husband got her (to make up for her finding out about yet another girlfriend)! [I tried really hard to not accept it but she pushed them into my hands and refused to hear me]

People just don't think of those things.

 

[jahber]

Welllll...I have an awesome husband. He's usually so thoughtful and kind. But I'm in charge of Christmas at our house, I find out what everyone wants, buy the gifts, wrap them, etc. I give very specific hints (more like outright statements, actually) about what I want every year. I asked for the Nest thermostat this year, fwiw. My DH does not give me any clues. He has returned nearly everything I ever bought him. So this year I told him I wasn't going to buy him anything. Well that got his dander up. He ended up telling me he wanted a juicer on the night before Christmas Eve and was shocked--shocked!--when I told him I would get it for him after Christmas because the next day would be so busy for me. So I rearranged my day and went out on Christmas Eve to the mall before going to church (an all-day affair) and bought him his gift plus two other thoughtful gifts.

On Christmas Day, I kid you not, after the kids had opened their present and he his, he looked at me and asked where MY gift was. I looked at HIM and asked how would I know? Then he ran out to the car, ran to our room, and came back with my gift stuffed in a random M&M's World bag he found in the closet. It was a travel mug and two packets of hot chocolate. Which had been in the trunk. I had seen them days before and thought Wouldn't it be just awful if that were my Christmas present? Ha. Turns out, my big Christmas present was the money he had given me earlier in the week to get my hair done. It was $200, so not shabby at all. Money is tight and all, but I had thought one splurge would be acceptable, as I usually go to Hair Cuttery every 6 months or so. (My poor hair!) Apparently it's ok to splurge, as long as it can be written off in his mind as a holiday gift. Although it would have been nice if he had told me that was my gift.

Oh man, just retelling this is making me laugh. Usually he hits the ball out of the park, but this time he really made a mess of things. I don't even drink hot chocolate and I have half a dozen travel mugs! Why would he buy me that? Why???? But at least I'll have nice hair!

 

[KristiKat]

Yes, I too have gotten a teensy bit mad about a gift I've received. Every year my in-laws decide to draw names and without fail every year no matter who draws my name I get re-gifted. It's always obvious. For example last year the person who drew my name had teenage daughters so I got what was obviously a sweater one of them got and didn't want. It was a junior size and so obviously would not fit a grown woman. I smiled said thank you, I love it, yada, yada, went straight to Goodwill bag when we got home. We didn't have one of those stores in our area so I couldn't even return it. This year I got costume jewelry that was obviously meant for someone who was a lot more mature in years than me. I don't even wear jewelry. I did the usual thank you. This time the person actually admitted to me that they got it as a gift themselves. Very tacky. The thing that bothers me the most is I go to the trouble of spending the set amount on whoever I draw and then I'm left with nothing. I really wish they would stop and lets just buy gifts for the little kids.
I don't blame you for being upset about the chocolate. It's very frustrating when someone gets you something and you know they need that money and could really use it towards their own expenses. Makes you feel guilty in a way.

 

[ellone]

Yeah, my MIL's gift. Last year and this year she gave a donation to a charity she cares about (but I don't really care for) as our gift. A donation would have been fine as long as she had given to a charity that *I* or my husband care about.

Of course this year I knew she was doing this again so her gift was a donation to a charity I care about.

 

[Joan S.]

I have to admit I was a bit irritated with a couple gifts this year. I never would tell the giver, I just said thank-you, but it did bother me. DH got me a ring to replace a ring he had given me for our first anniversary that had broken (we've been married 17 years). First, I was a little irritated that he didn't give it to me for a more personal occasion like our anniversary which I got nothing for, second he got me a cheap one from Walmart that is 18K gold over silver which he knows I am allergic to anything that's not 10K or 14K gold. So I'll wear it for a few days to make him happy then it will go in my jewelry box when I break out and he'll get offended when I tell him I had to stop wearing it because I'm allergic . We were very poor when we first got married so I wore the other ring in place of an engagement ring and now that we aren't struggling anymore I was hoping for something along the lines of an engagement ring, not costume jewelry.

He did get me other gifts that were thoughtful though and the kids told him I wanted an ipod nano so he got me that.

Maybe you need to TELL your DH that what you want is an engagement ring?? Men can be CLUELESS You could pick it out together (so that it is 14k) And let him decide what occasion you get it as a gift. My DH loves to buy me jewelry (but he has horrible taste) so after a few years of expensive items I barely wore,I now pick out what I like and he makes the purchase. Makes us both HAPPY. Joan

 

[finz2left]

I would have been a bit frustrated, but honestly, I would enjoy every last morsel. Then, when she asks for another loan, simply say "NO." You can't control her wasteful spending, but you can control your enabling

 

[kirstenb1]

Not for Christmas, but for Valentine's Day last year. DH bought me those "snuggie" pajamas. They were solid pink with feet, and I swear they looked just like Ralphie's little brother in the Christmas Story!!!

Now yes, we have been married 23 yrs, but I do try to stay in shape, and generally look presentable. I refused to even put them on!!! I was so livid!!! Our 13 yr old loved them, and said she'd have them. I should also mention they were from that Pajamagram website, so probably cost a hundred bucks!!!

Nothing says romance like a snuggie pajama gift!!! DH said he was looking for something comfy and warm, which really is very sweet, but really?

 

[anniemck]

Hubbies family has done the drawing of names for quite a few years. Then everyone buys for the under 18 set... there are 2 nephews and one great nephew that fits that. Last year when there were 4 out of 20 out of work they said kids only. That was fine with me. This year they said $15 grab bag gift and buy for the kids $15 limit. We were not going down so we did not participate at all. The two nephews are 14 and 17, we do things with them all the time, including one of them going to TN with us in February for a week. The baby will not remember that he did not get something from someone that has only seen him once in his 4 months of life. They are down from TN and already complaining about the amount of things they have to take back with them as other than my dh and I, no one else down here has seen him since he was born, so everyone went overboard. UGH.

 

[plummer925]

Will the chocolates keep for a little while? (Most do) If so, set them in a cool place until Valentine's day, add a fancy ribbon and maybe a silk flower, and return them to DD and say "I remember how much you like this brand..." (just be sure you remove any identifying marks and be sure she didn't slip anything inside the cardboard...)

Fantastic idea!

 

[dsneprincess]

Not for Christmas, but for Valentine's Day last year. DH bought me those "snuggie" pajamas. They were solid pink with feet, and I swear they looked just like Ralphie's little brother in the Christmas Story!!!

Now yes, we have been married 23 yrs, but I do try to stay in shape, and generally look presentable. I refused to even put them on!!! I was so livid!!! Our 13 yr old loved them, and said she'd have them. I should also mention they were from that Pajamagram website, so probably cost a hundred bucks!!!

Nothing says romance like a snuggie pajama gift!!! DH said he was looking for something comfy and warm, which really is very sweet, but really?

Every year at Valentine's Day, I hear the pajamagram ad for those pjs & wonder if they actually believe that a grown woman would want to receive that for Valentine's Day. Guess I'm not the only one who wouldn't. LOL

 

[richmond282]

I ALMOST got a gift that would make me mad...
I asked for a coat with a hood for Christmas. I have several nice jackets, but none with hoods. This very important as my job required me to run in and out of buildings all day. It's too much of a hassle to carry an umbrella around all the time when it rains and I usually end up just as wet once I close the umbrella, etc.

I opened my gifts yesterday and did get the coat I requested. Yay! DH tells me later that he originally decided not to get me the coat. He said "I bought you earmuffs instead. I know how you are about not spending a lot of money." My response "Earmuffs don't keep your head dry or water off my glasses AND if you didn't buy me the coat for Christmas, I just would of had to buy one after Christmas." I couldn't believe he was actually dumb enough to even admit that to me.

 

[danielle79]

I swear I got the same ugly sweater 2 years ago from her, it is something she would never see me wearing. She has known me for 15 years and keeps buying me this ugly crocheted sweater! I'm in my mid 30's and like to pick out my own clothes!

 

[Sagginit]

we all have these moments. my mother can go overboard and sometimes she buys me stuff that is just unnecessary.my brother and i will put our foot down at times. this year she hinted, well flat out said, how much she wanted to see the nutcracker at lincoln center. well i was not spending $300 or so to take her. she brought it up on xmas eve, i told her how expensive they were, and she says oh well maybe you can get last minute ones cheap. so for her gift she wanted me to take her there and hope we got tickets? even i if i had the money i think to myself with that and a nice dinner/drinks we could put that towards a few days of disney!

 

[reginaastralis]

My FMIL made a comment to my bf that she was going to get me some giftcards to a couple of my favorite stores and Sephora so I could spend some money on clothes because "she's really looking run down lately" (which was insulting enough.)

So, I got a giftcard to the mall for $47. I was super annoyed, thinking she'd just passed on a giftcard, but then I saw that they charged a $3 fee to buy their giftcards. I don't want to sound displeased, because I never spend any money on myself, so making sure I have to spend money on myself is a good idea ... but it was the way she said it. She also threw it in a bag with two "antique" serving dishes.

 

[dreamin_disney]

I got a lil mad at BIL and his wife. They have 3 kids 10,12 15. We got BIL and his wife a dinner giftcardfs and they always get us the same a giftcard.

We always buy their kids each a gift. Last year they gave Me, dh and dd(was 13 last year) movie passes. Dh called and asked them what each kid wanted so we got it. fine

This year dd is 14, They gave us a dinner giftcard. Luckily MIL gave dd a gift so she had at least one gift to unwrap. I was annoyed because On xmas eve they pass out gifts and everyone put their pile infront of them. DD only had one box. I just felt bad for her cuz the others kids had more.

My sil has had trouble finding work so we didnt expect anything from her. She made us a nice movie night basket which was a nice family gift so I had dd unwrap that too. She usually buys my daughter a gift

BIL gave us a family dinner giftcard, which was a shock because we've never reived anything from him before

other BIL only shows up at start of party them disappears only to pick up his kids and his kids gift at the end of the party. And he never buys for anyone

Just the BIL and his wife really bugged me with their gift . I dunno , i guess I just felt bad for my daughter she usually has 3-4 gifts to unwrap and this year just one, next year I might bring a few lil gifts for her to unwrap.

ps and dont get me wrong it could have been an inexpensive gift for $5 just soemthing to unwrap. ok i'm over it

 

[cornflake]

we all have these moments. my mother can go overboard and sometimes she buys me stuff that is just unnecessary.my brother and i will put our foot down at times. this year she hinted, well flat out said, how much she wanted to see the nutcracker at lincoln center. well i was not spending $300 or so to take her. she brought it up on xmas eve, i told her how expensive they were, and she says oh well maybe you can get last minute ones cheap. so for her gift she wanted me to take her there and hope we got tickets? even i if i had the money i think to myself with that and a nice dinner/drinks we could put that towards a few days of disney!

Nice.

First, she wanted to go. If you didn't want to go, don't go. Why couldn't you buy her a ticket?

Second, unless she insisted on centre orchestra seats, they're not that expensive. Side/back orchestra are <$100, and tiers can be had for much less.

Third, if you're going to compare what you spend on a gift experience for someone else vs. what you'd do with the money, just don't buy anything for anyone then, and tell them you don't want to spend money on anyone but you. Because how does that not apply to every gift you gave anyone? Couldn't you have used the $ for Disney?

 

[Robbi]

No... she bought them. They are actually an ongoing bone of contention for DH and I. DD and SIL keep this particular brand on hand in their home. They are very excited about them and want to share them whenever anyone comes to visit.

My DH was fuming the first time she brought them out at her house and told him that she had spent $75 on a box. We had just loaned them our car a few days earlier because they couldn't afford to get theirs fixed until pay day.

Don't let them borrow the car next time. They apparently do not appreciate what things cost. Your generosity makes it easier for them not to understand. In psycho babble, you're enabling them. If they keep spending foolishly, they'll lose what they have. It might be a tough lesson but it will be a lesson.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

I avoided this thread like the plague all day. Wanted to reply/Didn't want to reply.

OP so she made an error in judgement and purchased a gift out of her range and to you not useful, BUT....

Did you ask her why she chose those chocolates? Could they have some meaning you don't know about? Maybe she is trying to tell you something or remind herself of days gone by.

I agree if you feel she is horrible with her money, do not enable. But I also think before you get upset it may be a good thing to find out the "story" behind the chocolate. Take her out to lunch. Just the two of you. Talk to her and bring it up in a non confrontational manner. You may see it differently after all.

 

[Granny square]

I avoided this thread like the plague all day. Wanted to reply/Didn't want to reply.

OP so she made an error in judgement and purchased a gift out of her range and to you not useful, BUT....

Did you ask her why she chose those chocolates? Could they have some meaning you don't know about? Maybe she is trying to tell you something or remind herself of days gone by.

I agree if you feel she is horrible with her money, do not enable. But I also think before you get upset it may be a good thing to find out the "story" behind the chocolate. Take her out to lunch. Just the two of you. Talk to her and bring it up in a non confrontational manner. You may see it differently after all.

Nice. They obviously mean something important to her.

I'm in the crowd of being thankful rather than looking to be offended. I figure I screw up sometimes too. Grace goes both ways.