Ever get a gift that made you a teensy bit mad?

[luvmy3]

OP, I know where you're coming from. I think if someone gave me a $50 box of chocolates my frustration wouldn't have been due to the cost of the gift (but obviously that's an issue when you know your DD's current situation). However, I would have said, hmmm, they obviously don't know me if they think I'd appreciate a $50 box of chocolates. Anyone who knows me understands I'd be just as happy with a $10 Whitmans Sampler. If they want to spend $50 on me, they have to come up with something else (books would be a good start!) if they want the gift to be a success.

I once gave someone a $50 box of chocolates. I had them shipped from Belgium and they are the best chocolates I have ever had. I knew the recipient liked chocolate and was perfectly fine with something like Whitmans, but I wanted her to have something she'd never get for herself. If she ever had the attitude that I should have come up with something else in order for it to be a success, it be the last gift I ever give them. Geez, how about some appreciation for someone even giving you a gift, not condemnation because you didn't want it?

 

[jenndisney]

Nope, unless they are in your pocket accept the gift and hold your tongue on the cost.

regardless to what you think they need, if they earned the money legally and are not neglecting the baby it's their money.

there is always some thing that folks think are not worth the money.

I completely agree with this. Everyone has a little something they want to splurge on. My sister and her hubby like to drink and go to the casino. So not our idea of fun. We love going to the movies all the time. My mother repeatedly tells us all how we are wasting our money. Again, it is our money and we can spend it as we want.

All young couples need to learn to budget and prioritize. To the original poster, I say if it bothers you how they spend their money, don't go bail them out when they do not spend wisely. One of the best things my parents did was not loan me the $100 to pay my water bill when we were first married. We went a week until payday before we got our water back on. Not fun but not the end of the world. In the 20 years since, we have always paid our bills first. Parents are too quick to want to rescue these days.

 

[SaraJayne]

I once gave someone a $50 box of chocolates. I had them shipped from Belgium and they are the best chocolates I have ever had. I knew the recipient liked chocolate and was perfectly fine with something like Whitmans, but I wanted her to have something she'd never get for herself. If she ever had the attitude that I should have come up with something else in order for it to be a success, it be the last gift I ever give them. Geez, how about some appreciation for someone even giving you a gift, not condemnation because you didn't want it?

I think the OP has an issue with the gift (and the cost) because her DD is dead broke and can't afford $50 chocolates.

If you need to borrow someone's car because you can't afford to fix your own before pay day, but then go out and buy very expensive chocolate, there is a problem there.

 

[luvmy3]

I think the OP has an issue with the gift (and the cost) because her DD is dead broke and can't afford $50 chocolates.

If you need to borrow someone's car because you can't afford to fix your own before pay day, but then go out and buy very expensive chocolate, there is a problem there.

I can understand the OP's issue about the financial situation her dd is in. My post was a response to the pp I quoted, not the OP.

 

[mrzrich]

Nope, unless they are in your pocket accept the gift and hold your tongue on the cost.

regardless to what you think they need, if they earned the money legally and are not neglecting the baby it's their money.

there is always some thing that folks think are not worth the money

$50 dollar chocolate
$200 bottle of wine
$1500 pocket book (my vice, can't tell you how many times my MIL comments about what I could have done with that money).

I was in whole food markets the other day and they had kobe beef on sale for 100 bucks a pound. A 5 pound ribeye roast was 500 bucks and people were buying it. I kept wondering what exactly was done to this beef to make it worth 500 bucks. yikes.

So accept the gift in the spirit that it was offered and enjoy them.

I know, I know. Thats why I came here and whined to you guys instead of saying "Are you nuts?" when I opened the box.

How many pounds were in the box? My favorite chocolates are $24.95 a pound and DH likes to buy me 2 lbs so he and DDs can have some too.

When we were younger and didn't have money it was a 1/2 lb but as our income has gone up so has the amount of chocolate.

OP, perhaps your DD scrimped and saved to get you that present. Perhaps you should think of it as the fact that she loves you so much she wanted you to have something she, herself apppreciates.

20 Chocolates, no clue what they weigh. The thing is, I don't even eat chocolates. The only candy I ever eat is starburst and twizzlers, and thats rarely.

No scrimping or saving. They don't scrimp or save for anything. They are into instant gratification, buying whatever they want, eating out several times a week. This is an ongoing bone of contention for DH in particular.

 

[SamSam]

I once gave someone a $50 box of chocolates. I had them shipped from Belgium and they are the best chocolates I have ever had. I knew the recipient liked chocolate and was perfectly fine with something like Whitmans, but I wanted her to have something she'd never get for herself. If she ever had the attitude that I should have come up with something else in order for it to be a success, it be the last gift I ever give them. Geez, how about some appreciation for someone even giving you a gift, not condemnation because you didn't want it?

I agree with you. I always taught my kids to be greatful no matter what the present was because the gift giver took the time to shop for them. However, I do understand the frustration of receiving something you think is out of the gift giver's budget.

Still, be happy they are gifting you. 2 of our kids simply don't gift us at all, guess we said too often, "you're on a tight budget, please don't spend any money on us". Hmmm, no longer on a tight budget but the pattern has been set.

 

[mrzrich]

I guess my issue is more about the money than the gift. Although the fact that the money was spent on something so frivilous and not suited to the tastes of the receipient is particularly unsettling.

My DD got a check for $500 from her grandmother last week as a housewarming/Christmas gift. In the card her GM told her to buy something for the house. She didn't spend it on the house, or the car, she bought her DH an Ipad for Christmas with the money.

I think these concerns have been bubbling up with me and DH for a while so the box of chocolates although a trivial thing, is just a little thorn in my side.

 

[anniemck]

Last year two of my daughters pitched in together and purchased me a Coach purse from the Coach store in the mall. I had given them each a Christmas card that I had made with $50 in it, and the oldest ones boyfriend a $25 gift card for Bass Pro. I felt so bad about the price of the purse they gave me 1. I never usually carry a purse, a clutch maybe but not a purse 2. it was very light colored, which makes it even worse, afraid to get it dirty 3. I don't want to carry a purse that cost more than the amount of $$ I could even think to have at any one time in the purse.
My kids were never name brand kids until my youngest one started dating a guy who is in to the names... heck for Valentines Day she bought him an $80 Coach Wallet and I about died.
The year before I had won an iPad at work and they bought me a case for it that had a bluetooth keyboard.. now that is a gift that I loved... probably the best gift I had received in years.

 

[SaraJayne]

I can understand the OP's issue about the financial situation her dd is in. My post was a response to the pp I quoted, not the OP.

Ahh, gotcha. Sorry.

 

[mrzrich]

Underlying all this is a little resentment. I am human, I can admit that on occasion I have ugly feelings. I wish that they hadn't spent $50. They can't afford to spend $50...BUT...BUT... If they felt that $50 is what they wanted to spend, a little, ugly monster inside me wishes that it had been on something we would actually enjoy. They know we love Disney. They know we like to eat out but rarely do because of $$$. Gift cards would have been greatly appreciated. They know my DH likes Southern Comfort, but rarely buys it for himself because of $$$. A bottle would have been nice, etc, etc, etc.

People that know us well, and put a little thought into it could have come up with something more appropriate.

Like I said before...she could have offered to stay with her brother for a few hours so we could go see a movie. I would have been over the moon with joy.

 

[disykat]

It may not have helped. Every time my ILs ask for suggestions for my girls they flat out ignore what my husband or I suggest. This year when they asked where to get gift cards, DH said X, Y or Z. SMIL said - what about M for the younger two and P for your oldest. DH replied, no, they don't shop there at all. ever. Guess what they got? Gift cards to M & P. Once they got the girls a gift card to a store I flat out told them we did not have here. The nearest one was 3 hours away.

Sometimes I think this is some sort of learning disability - or an "on the spectrum" thing. My husband would hear that whole conversation and remember that we talked about M and P and convince himself that M and P were their favorite stores. That makes it sound like he doesn't care, but he does! He just has a very difficult time deviating from a plan.

DH bought his family gifts this year that I think are cheap and poor quality. We had this whole conversation where he ended up agreeing with me and we made a plan about what we were going to buy instead. We even set a date/time for the shopping trip. I came home one night and he said "I ordered the gifts for my family from x catalog" - the orginal idea he had! When I got a little irritated with him, he remembered. He had just gone all Sheldon Cooper on me and was thinking "must get gift, this was the plan, must order now" and totally disregarded anything else. He has a very one track mind.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I have to admit I was a bit irritated with a couple gifts this year. I never would tell the giver, I just said thank-you, but it did bother me. DH got me a ring to replace a ring he had given me for our first anniversary that had broken (we've been married 17 years). First, I was a little irritated that he didn't give it to me for a more personal occasion like our anniversary which I got nothing for, second he got me a cheap one from Walmart that is 18K gold over silver which he knows I am allergic to anything that's not 10K or 14K gold. So I'll wear it for a few days to make him happy then it will go in my jewelry box when I break out and he'll get offended when I tell him I had to stop wearing it because I'm allergic . We were very poor when we first got married so I wore the other ring in place of an engagement ring and now that we aren't struggling anymore I was hoping for something along the lines of an engagement ring, not costume jewelry.

He did get me other gifts that were thoughtful though and the kids told him I wanted an ipod nano so he got me that.

 

[SamSam]

Underlying all this is a little resentment. I am human, I can admit that on occasion I have ugly feelings. I wish that they hadn't spent $50. They can't afford to spend $50...BUT...BUT... If they felt that $50 is what they wanted to spend, a little, ugly monster inside me wishes that it had been on something we would actually enjoy. They know we love Disney. They know we like to eat out but rarely do because of $$$. Gift cards would have been greatly appreciated. They know my DH likes Southern Comfort, but rarely buys it for himself because of $$$. A bottle would have been nice, etc, etc, etc.

People that know us well, and put a little thought into it could have come up with something more appropriate.

Like I said before...she could have offered to stay with her brother for a few hours so we could go see a movie. I would have been over the moon with joy.

I do get what you're saying. It was sweet of them to get you something, but how much nicer if it had been something that said 'I pay attention to you, enough attention that I know what you would like'.

It is hard when you know your kids our struggling with bills, etc. and then they spend money in ways that seem totally wasteful. We deal with that too, and it didn't used to bother us as much but this past year we've been helping out which makes their spending take on a whole nother significance. Time to stop helping out, but it's difficult when there are grandchildren involved.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Can you retrn the chocolates and claim that you are ill or diabetic or what have you and then get something else you'd like better?

 

[sydneysmom]

I have to admit, my first thought was "well, it's a gift, it's not very nice to be ungrateful".... but then reading further, I really do agree with you.If someone is struggling financially, you do wonder, "are you plain NUTS for getting $50 candy as a gift?" Especially if their car is run down, etc. The only thing I can say is, you just never know someone's motivation in selecting the gift.

Last year my DH got me a Nikon DSLR and spent a fair amount of money on the camera, lenses and a good tripod. I seriously thought he lost his mind. Especially since we set our limit at about $100 for each other. So it made me really mad that he did this. It was not a great Christmas. My mom and dad were there, and my mom pulled me aside and told me that he had called her and told her that he was getting me the camera and told her why. He told her that he loved how I took pictures and really wanted to see how I would do w/ a good camera. He also told her that in doing this, we could go on day trips and spend some good time with each other exploring different places. Later on, he and I talked about it and he told me all of this and why he did this. And that he saved his change and other small money over time in order to get this for me. It turned out to be one of THE most romantic and selfless things he's ever done and I've loved my camera ever since....not because of what it IS, but what it REPRESENTS. He thought enough of my creativity and enough to want to spend some quality time together to put this gift together.

So while you may not know what the motivation was behind the gift, they may be one that's really very nice. It may be something as simple as her wanting to get you something so frivolous that she knew you would never get for yourself. who knows....

 

[Gorechick]

Some people just don't have their priorities straight and there's not much you can do about it.

 

[NYCDiane]

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much you can do about the present at this point. It is too bad that they spend that much money on something when they're struggling.

I will say that my DD10 did open a few presents that I had to question and am just a little frustrated by. My dad and stepmom gave her a leggings outfit, pajamas and a jean jacket. Very cute things. But 2 sizes too small. And from a store that my DD can no longer wear things from (Children's Place).

They never bothered to ask what size she wears. And the items were purchased at an outlet store so I can't return them at my local mall. I will have to drive 1.5 hours away to return them. I know that I'm being ungrateful, but I just wish they would have asked me first. Also, I don't even buy clothes for my DD for Christmas or any other time for that matter.

I can't imaging buying clothes for someone without asking about the size, especially a child.

On the flip side, my FIL gives DH and I money every year and we buy things on his behalf! It's a little more work for us, but we know what she wants and what is on her list. So she opens presents from her grandpa that she loves! I just wish my own dad would do this or at least ask us for ideas beforehand.

Why bother returning them??? You'll waste more time and gas than it's worth. Why not donate them to a church or women's shelter so another little girl can enjoy them?? Use the money your FIL gave you to buy her a couple of outfits and PJs.


The gift that made me "mad"? One year, my husband (NOT "DH") was being a lazyass about gift shopping. He went and got me an ugly blouse that I wouldn't wear in a trillion years --- not to mention, it was a size SMALL and I wore an XL. It was obvious he just grabbed whatever his hand touched first at the store. Then, he got me a MENs wool scarf and a MENs Ralph Lauren warmup jacket. In addition, he bought me a massager --- the kind with the long handle that you run up/down someone's back. I have very bad back issues and he said "this way, you don't need me to rub your back anymore". Oh, yeah, VERY relaxing to have to contort myself to rub this stupid thing up and down my back.

I actually took everything and dumped it in the donation bin at the Salvation Army without a blink.

 

[mdsoccermom]

My DD got a check for $500 from her grandmother last week as a housewarming/Christmas gift. In the card her GM told her to buy something for the house. She didn't spend it on the house, or the car, she bought her DH an Ipad for Christmas with the money.

Gifts with stipulations are obnoxious.

 

[daughtersrus]

.

I will say that my DD10 did open a few presents that I had to question and am just a little frustrated by. My dad and stepmom gave her a leggings outfit, pajamas and a jean jacket. Very cute things. But 2 sizes too small. And from a store that my DD can no longer wear things from (Children's Place).

They never bothered to ask what size she wears. And the items were purchased at an outlet store so I can't return them at my local mall. I will have to drive 1.5 hours away to return them. I know that I'm being ungrateful, but I just wish they would have asked me first. Also, I don't even buy clothes for my DD for Christmas or any other time for that matter.

You may be able to return them at that local store. I've purchased items from Children's Place and Old Navy at the outlet mall in the Wisconsin Dells and had no problem returning them at our local mall. Most stores in outlet malls are not true outlets. It wouldn't hurt to call your local store and ask.

 

[mrzrich]

Gifts with stipulations are obnoxious.

Her grandmother would not have sent her such a large check if she hadn't just moved into a new house. It was meant for the house.