Ever felt relief when someone passes away?

[poptoone]

My grandfather has been in hospice care for 17 days. He has had no artifical feeding or hydration for this time (per his wishes in his living will) and was unable to eat/drink due to a blockage in his throat. He was alive and kept comfortable (pain meds), but he was not living only existing. He passed away this morning and I fell bad that I feel relieved. We are a small family and someone was staying with him 24 hours. Both my father and uncle are self-employed with no employees so it was taking a toll on them physically and financially as well. My father never wanted to leave his side, unless we forced him too.

I know he is no longer suffering and was a born again christian so I know he is much better off in a better place but I still feel guilty that I'm not more upset he's gone.

 

[Hercules10]

I know he is no longer suffering and was a born again christian so I know he is much better off in a better place but I still feel guilty that I'm not more upset he's gone.

My condolences.

Don't feel bad...with me the grief came later. It was in stages. I do think it's a relief to see someone out of pain though.

"God saw you getting tired
and a cure was not meant to be.
So He put His arms around you
and He said "Come to me."
With tearful eyes,
we watched you pass away.
Although we loved you dearly
we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest.
God broke our hearts
to prove to us,
He only takes the best."

 

[Disney1fan2002]

My brother and father. I grieved the loss of my brother because he was so young, (48) and enjoyed life, and did not deserve to suffer the way he did. But he did suffer, and there was no beating it, so the only thing we could do was pray for it to end.

My dad, I cried when they unplugged his life support. But, I have not grieved for him. He was 70 years old, raised 12 kids, buried my 45 yo brother 5 months before finding out his eldest son had an inoperable brain tumor. He did not want to live to bury another child. He lived his life. Had he lived, his life would be a living hell. Death was a blessing for him.

 

[RadioNate]

Don't feel bad. I felt the same way with my grandfather. He had Parkinsons and for the last 5 years he would hallucinate, he couldn't eat or drink with out help and anything he did eat had to be the consistency of baby food. People had to bathe him and take him to the bathroom. Sometimes you could tell his mind was working but his body didn't work well enough to get the words out. It was terrible. He too believed in a better place. For him death brought peace.

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[Jessd]

I can relate. My MIL passed away 3 weeks ago. She was in hospice a little over a week.

We all felt terrible for her because she suffered so much toward the end. She was in constant pain and didn't want to take the medication because it made her halucinate. She refused to eat or drink and was so weak that she couldn't sit up or speak. It was hard on everyone when she died, but I think everyone agreed that it was better since she wasn't in pain anymore. Nobody wanted to see her live like that.

My condolences to you and your family.

 

[lindakmonty]

Sorry for your loss. I went through something similar w/my great grandfather a few years ago. He was 92 and at the end my mom sat at his side...and told him it was ok to go... just close your eyes and you'll be w/Jesus...and he did just that. Now that I have tears streaming down my face here at work We don't want our loved ones to suffer and your grandfather even stated so in his living will. He is in a better place try not to feel guilty. He wouldn't want you to I try to think about the good times we had and celebrate his life. Hopefully now your dad and uncle can grieve and try to get back into their work. Sometimes it is good b/c it takes your mind off of the situation. Good luck and you and your family will be in my prayers.

 

[luvwinnie]

I think whenever someone has suffered there is an aspect of relief once they pass. Two days before my mom passed she was SO SO sick and praying for God to help her and I prayed for Him to do whatever SHE wanted...if she wanted to go and be at peace, then I had to deal with it...I felt selfish praying for her to stay here and suffer. I knew she had had enough after going through a very courageous battle.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

My mom died in May. She was diagnosed with early dementia last summer, and her decline was swift. I last saw her at Christmas, and she knew it was a holiday (but thought it was Easter), knew my kids names but not ages, you could have a simple conversation with her. When I finally got through on the phone to her (I live 200 miles away) to tell her that I'd given birth to my fourth child 2/26, she told me she couldn't talk, she had to pack to go camping with the boy scouts. That's the last time I talked to her.

She kept falling, didn't recognize my sister, could no longer feed herself. Soon, she could no longer speak. My siblings and I were having the feeding tube discussion--we knew we didn't want one, but WTH kind of choice is that to make for yor own mother? We were less afraid of her dying than living for another 20 years. When her heart gave out, it was sad, but a relief, too. My sister made sure she got last rites before she passed (I dearly hope she understood at least a little of what was going on). We know she's at peace and with our dad. I'm sad she's gone, but sorry? No way. She deserved better than to live like she had.

There's no one way you should feel when someone dies.

 

[Patty3]

13 years ago, my Dad suffered a major heart attack followed two days later by a major stroke. At that time, I pleaded with the doctors to save my Dad. One doctor told me that if my Dad did not die, our problems are just beginning. I thought he was the coldest person I ever met. Looking back, he was right, it was just his manner in saying this that was cold and cruel. My father did live. But, he could not read, write, talk, feed himself, or care for himself in any way. He lived like this for 8 years. My mother was the primary caretaker and it tore our family apart. My father has been gone for 5 years and I miss him everyday. I know that my dad would not have wanted to live that way. He was not living, just existing. It was a relief when he passed. But even though it was a relief, it was still hard.

 

[chyam]

My grief came later also with my mother, she too was in hospice and it was getting very difficult for me to see her that way, I prayed she would go since I knew she was no longer there anyways, alot of times it is tougher on the people close to the patient than it is on the patient, and it is a relief on those people when the loved one finally crosses. So don't feel bad and don't blame yourself for feeling relief in their passing.

 

[PaulaSue]

Sorry about your Grandfather.

We felt the same way with my Grandmother. She had kidney cancer (and it spread) and was in a nursing home for 3 years with hospice most of the time there for her too.

 

[froglady]

DM is almost 85, and is slowly going downhill. She's relatively happy and pain free now (but lonely since DF died a few years ago) but has also given DNR instructions to her DR, hospital, family and staff at her assisted living facility. There's even a sign on her door.
Anything that would cause her to need CPR at this stage in her life would probably leave her permanently incapacitated. Her children, and most of her grandchildren, are adults. She even has a few great- grands, and two great-great grands, so really does not want to live long enough to see her children start dying of age related illnesses. (My oldest brother is 65)

 

[TheOtherVillainess]

DH and I were both a little relieved, but also sad, that his grandfather passed away the first week of July. DGranpa had been suffering from Alzheimer's, as well as several other problems and had been in hospice care for a few weeks by that time. It had been taking a toll on DGramma and the rest of the family who was taking care of him. DFIL had been flying up there several times a month to help relieve the brothers/sisters wh o were on care duty, which took a toll emotionally and financially I'm sure.

While we were visiting for the funeral, a bunch of the 'kids' decided to go to Bronner's (the world's largest Christmas store) and DGramma went with us. Her spirit seemed so lifted as she bought tons of woodworking/tool themed ornaments because she said this year she was going to dedicate the decorating of the Christmas tree to DGrampa (a skilled carpenter).

TOV

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, my dad was in so much pain before he died, it was a relief. He had been recently moved to a nursing home which he just hated with a passion. He was given a lot of morphine for the pain but it meant that he was unconscious for the last week of his life.

Before he got really bad, he told me to make sure that I pasted a big sign with DNR over his bed. He told me that if I let them try to resuscitate him, he'd come back and haunt me. He would've, too.