Ettiquette question (ordering dinner on someone else's dime)

[PollyannaMom]

4 years late! Yet another zombie thread I'm sure courtesy of the suggested threads at the bottom.

I still forget to check sometimes!

But I guess there's really no time limit on this one - it's more of a general discussion - so I'll play anyway.


In most situations, I try to stay vaguely in the same range as the host. (A couple dollars over is fine.)

The exception would be something like my folks or DH's taking me out for my birthday, specifically to a lobster place because I love it. Then I'd order that even if they chose something else, since it was the whole point.

I tend not to order alcohol or dessert unless someone else is, anyway (I guess more as a social thing than a money thing) so that wouldn't come into play for me.

 

[Gigi22]

Well, if I am being treated to a meal out, I usually look at the menu and then ask my host/hostess, "What looks good to you?" If I've never been to the restaurant before and the host has, I often ask, "What do you recommend?" I let their answer influence my selection, fortunately I am not a picky eater!

 

[Sabeking]

I usually order down the middle. I appreciate when someone offers to pay but sometimes I would rather pay myself and get what I want.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

OOOOOO This is a zombie thread. We therefore will see what the zombies say.
6 out of 10 zombies said order the brains. You can't go wrong. 3 said save the host some money and eat the host. The last one asked us if we'd like to host him for lunch. So we discontinued the survey.

 

[ols386]

I try not to order anything expensive if someone else is paying.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

What's the correct ettiquette for ordering off a menu, when someone else is paying?

When you've been invited out to dinner, do you feel you can order anything you like on the menu?

Or do you try to order something inexpensive, to keep costs down?

I know someone who, whenever we take her out, will order whatever grabs her fancy (usually expensive), and then insists on ordering wine on top of that, even if everyone else at the table is drinking water. She doesn't think twice about adding in appetizers, either. Or dessert. And she'll try to talk the kids into ordering more, too, because she doesn't like being the only one eating dessert.

Another person I know say this is a terrible breach of etiquette on her part. He says we should always try to order the cheaper items on the menu, out of consideration for the host. We should stick to the basics and leave it up to the host to offer extras like dessert (but not expect them). And we should always offer to pay for our own wine, especially if we're the only one drinking. He says a guest should NEVER order the most expensive item on the menu, or have the largest portion of the bill.

I find this dispute kind of odd, especially because the first person I described is actually the one with all the fine manners, high society attitude, and fussiness about table ettiquette. The second person is very down-to-earth and "small-town". He wouldn't lick his plate in a restaurant, but he'll do it at home. And he insists she's the rude one.

So... I'm curious. What's considered "proper" here?

I am ordering what is good at the restaurant.

That being said, if we go out everyone pays for their own meals. If someone wants to foot the bill, I try to insist on paying the tip.

As far as your friend, I could not afford her, lol.

 

[smiths02]

I would order whatever entrée I wanted and a soft drink, maybe a side salad. Appetizers, wine, dessert...I would wait for the host to ask or order it for the table.

 

[Daisy62]

When we invite we expect them to order what they want. I will order a full course just to make them feel better ordering full course too. Lol.
My husband holds our company Christmas party at Ruth's Chris every year. It's anything goes and believe me they get what they want. Wine, mixed drinks, appetizers, main courses, and desserts. We expect them to get what ever they like to eat and drink and certainly not feel guilty about it.

 

[Art 1]

When we invite we expect them to order what they want. I will order a full course just to make them feel better ordering full course too. Lol.
My husband holds our company Christmas party at Ruth's Chris every year. It's anything goes and believe me they get what they want. Wine, mixed drinks, appetizers, main courses, and desserts. We expect them to get what ever they like to eat and drink and certainly not feel guilty about it.

The scenario about an employer throwing a Christmas party is not even close to being the same as inviting someone out to eat. And the invitee knowing how to order. But it's very nice of you as the host when you do invite someone out to order like you do so that your guest feels comfortable ordering, wether you want to eat a full course, or not.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

When we invite we expect them to order what they want. I will order a full course just to make them feel better ordering full course too. Lol.
My husband holds our company Christmas party at Ruth's Chris every year. It's anything goes and believe me they get what they want. Wine, mixed drinks, appetizers, main courses, and desserts. We expect them to get what ever they like to eat and drink and certainly not feel guilty about it.

A company Christmas party is quite a bit different than going out to eat with someone their treat. The former is usually far more extravagant.

 

[MickeySP]

It's a Walking Dead dinner party !

 

[minnie mum]

Inviting someone for a meal at a restaurant shouldn't come with caveats, IMO. If you can't afford the more expensive items on the menu, or if you can't afford a multi course meal, don't make the offer in the first place.

Whether we invite friends or family, we expect our guests to order whatever they want, and if we haven't hosted them before, we say so. Don't make people guess. If I am a guest, I assume the same, unless I am given to think otherwise.

But I don't think I've ever been in a situation where looking at a menu and ordering is done in comp!ete silence. Usually there is some light discussion over menu items, what looks good, recommendations from someone who may have eaten there before, etc. Pay attention to the others around you and act accordingly. Cost aside, I wouldn't order an appetizer, dessert, or alcohol if no one else at the table did. That's just being a good dinner companion.

 

[North of Mouse]

I've always been instructed to not order anything thats more expensive than what the host is buying. Meaning if his plateis a filet mignon for $19.99 not to order a plate thats more than that. If that's true or not I dont know but that's what Ive always gone by.

This is also what we've basically gone by, if not that, no more than something mid priced. Just seems common decency and sense to me. Not being able to afford the most expensive thing is not the issue to me, it's the courtesy of the choice not to look so 'piggy'!!

 

[RedAngie]

I went out with my cousin to a restaurant a few weeks ago. She said she recently treated her son and DIL to dinner at the same place. "And [DIL] ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, like she always does." Then cousin rolls her eyes.

Well, stop treating them to dinner if it bothers you. Or perhaps say something discretely to your son about it.

 

[PigletsPal2]

You can't always know what the host is ordering; in my experience, the host usually orders last! I try to get a read on the situation by saying something like "Oh, everything looks so good I can't decide. What is everyone else having?" or by telling the server "Come back to me, I haven't decided yet." Of course, if everyone uses these tactics, you're back to square one!

Queen Colleen

 

[AliceAnn]

Then call me "small town". I'd rather be mistaken for a rube than a ******* any day.

 

[Daisy62]

A company Christmas party is quite a bit different than going out to eat with someone their treat. The former is usually far more extravagant.

Yes it is much different but we do the same when we invite friends out. I can't imagine inviting someone to dinner and expecting limitations on what I think they should order. Of course none of our friends have ever ordered a bottle of expensive champagne or something like that but lobster or the like gets ordered if that's what they want.

 

[shoney]

I find the host usually picks the wine, if ordering a bottle. Of course, they usually ask the table first. I would never turn around and tell them no pick the $150 bottle!
I personally wouldn't order an entree that was double the price of the rest of them. I also wouldn't order the grilled chicken because it was the cheapest! $5 or $10 here or there I don't see an issue with.
I wouldn't order an appetizer if no one else was, not really a money thing, but it would be strange to be eating in front of everyone. If we were at a casual place with "sharing" apps, I may say would we like "whatever" for the table.

With our friends and family, we don't nickel and dime. We may pay one night and they pay another. No big deal!

 

[OceanAnnie]

When I go out on someone else's dime, I never order anything that I wouldn't order if I were paying. That works well for me since I'm cheap

And I won't order alcohol unless everyone else is having it, too. Honestly, most of the time when I go out to eat, I just get water anyway.

That's my rule of thumb too. I only order what I normally would order, something moderate. I do watch to see what the host is ordering, but even then I stick with what I like and don't go overboard.

I have seen people go "whole hog" when being hosted and I just cringe, especially when I know the same people would never dream of ordering like that on their own dime. To me, that's just taking advantage. I wouldn't do that to someone and I wouldn't want it done to me. But, to each their own.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Yes it is much different but we do the same when we invite friends out. I can't imagine inviting someone to dinner and expecting limitations on what I think they should order. Of course none of our friends have ever ordered a bottle of expensive champagne or something like that but lobster or the like gets ordered if that's what they want.

Very few hosts would place a hard limit on what guests order. And that is precisely why it is bad manners to significantly out order the host unless given a clue to do so such as I'm not in the mood for it today so I'm ordering the chicken, but try the surf and turf. And if ordering first, try to find something middle of the road in price and listen for clues. Don't take advantage of the privilege applies.