Eloping vs. the Traditional wedding

[bigsis1970]

PLEASE HELP !!!!!!

I’ve been married before (1992 divorce in 1998) and I just don’t remember it costing so much – maybe cause my parents paid the bills I didn’t see that much but anyway now that I am getting married again and have to pay for it myself I am like OMG !!!! even with only 75 people I am still looking at around $6K and that isn’t anything very fancy ya know the hall and buffet, a DJ, the invites and church stuff… I don't even have $1K and don't think I could save the $6K in a year like we were thinking so then I stated thinking elope, just elope, why not been there done that right?? except then I think I am cheating my future hubby – FH - (and his family) out of a wedding as he’s never been married before PLUS I have 2 kids – I don’t think I should leave them out right?? I can do at an Inn here in my state of Maine – an hour away – for $750 (which would be on my FH CC's) for a 2 night pkg and it could include my kid if I chose at no extra cost to be at the ceremony .. I would still get a dress either way – so I estimate about $250 for that, my FH would just wear his good suit if you chose this route (if my kids go – my DD has a dress she just wore to her 8th grade semi that is very nice and I’d have to get my son something – so $50 for him) then we’d just be spending gas money and some $$ on food (I would have someone come pick up my kids later that night I think so we could Honeymoon for those 2 nights alone) so it could be a nice ceremony with kids included then I’d have my sister come and get them after it was over. This is exactly what I get for my $$ …. I get a little cottage with a 2 person Jacuzzi and a Log post bed, breakfast for 2 both mornings, chocolate covered strawberries in our room, a cheese and fruit tray in our room, roses in my room to use a bouquet, champagne in the room, use of the Inn’s facilites – lake equiptiment, hot tub – and a fridge stocked with waters.. it would also include the JP for the ceremony, a small cake and a CD with 50 or so pics of the ceremony.. It is soo tempting … oh and well we are not even officially engaged yet… we’ve been looking at rings – so if we do it this way just wedding rings no engagement one right?? again that would be less for my FH … I just don’t know what to do.. I’ll listen to everyone’s input so feel free to leave me a message!! Thanks !!!!!

Oh and ps -- my FH is fine with eloping he just wants to marry me, gosh I that man to pieces.. we actually could do it over my b-day weekend in Oct -- not right on my Bday mind you but the day after..

 

[IndyBride]

That does sound like a very nice weekend! If that's what you would prefer to do, why not?

 

[Lavender_Blue]

That sounds wonderfully intimate, I think. Heh, would you mind PMing me the link to that Inn? I'm a little interested in checking that place out myself...it sounds nice!

My fiancee and I are having to actually get married by the JOP first (this year) and then have our bigger ceremony later in WDW (2010) because, yeah, it does cost a lot to get married sometimes and, financially speaking, you're in a better position when you're married, I think. For instance, my fiancee and I are both 21 and we can't get any financial aid for school or reasonably priced insurance, even though we're living on our own. Sometimes, for whatever reason, it's just better to get things done in a more efficient way first.

We do plan on having a little mini-party and honeymoon though with our wedding this year. We just have to figure out still what to do. =P My fiancee is soooo indecisive and such a procrastinator!

 

[lurkyloo]

If your DF is fine with eloping, then it sounds like he won't miss having a big ceremony with all the family and friends. $750 sounds like a BARGAIN, and the plan is very romantic - I say go for it!

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

Im all about doing what you two want as opposed to family pressure to have a big bash/party

me & DH eloped to wdw & had an intimate wedding & it was AMAZING!
we saved on money, chaos, stress, deadlines..all that & we dont regret a thing.

when your ready & you start planning Im sure you will know what you want when you get the ball rolling
Intimate or Traditional...im sure it will be wonderful!!!

 

[tinkerkel2u]

You do what is right for you! If your FH is fine with eloping, then go for it!! My DF and are are "eloping" with my two boys next May! There is a place we have fond memories of on our last trip to Orlando, that has agreed to let us use their facilities for FREE for a small (me & DF & two boys) ceremony....and I found a officiant that gives a military discount. His fee is $90. We are then (the four of us) hitting Universal Studios and Islands of Adventures for 2 days (because the boys are older, and they are more into the more adventurous rides), and then we are flying the boys home, and we are then going to spend two days alone at WDW, and then a 3 night cruise to the Bahamas. Total cost is going to be around $3600 for EVERYTHING. We "elope", take the boys for a while, so they don't feel left out, and then have our romantic short Disneymoon and cruise (non-Disney) too. Another thing you might consider is JOP at home, and then a Disney Honeymoon. Also, you'd be surprised how many other venues you can get married at in Orlando, that wouldn't cost an arm & a leg.

P.S. The main reason we are doing the above, is I REFUSE to go into a new marriage/life in debt!

 

[DigitalLove]

Hiya!!

I've been married before (1993 and divorced in 2002) but my OH had never been married, so I kind of felt the same way about depriving him of a wedding with his family present, but the thought of a big fancy wedding with hundreds of people filled me with dread. Sooooooo.... we didn't elope in the strictest sense of the word... We already had a holiday to Orlando booked (a present from my parents). Me, DF, my Mum, my Dad, and Joe (who is my 13 year old love of my life), so I suggested us getting married there and we would just pay for an extra flight ticket to take his Mum with us.

OK, so it wasn't a Disney wedding... we got married off property, but held our wedding meal at The GF and then went on a cruise on The Grand 1, so it was still small and intimiate.

I'm an only child and I am incredibly close to my folks who have seen me go through some pretty rough times in my first marriage... I really couldn't imagine them not being there when I got married the second time to the guy who my Mum loves beyond all words because she sees how happy he makes me. She reckons she got her daughter back when I met him! BUT if we hadn't have gotten married in Florida, then we possibly would have done it in our own country... but it still would have been something exactly like you describe!

Do what makes YOU and your DF happy, and not what you think others think you should do!! It sounds like you will have a brilliant time

Tina

xxx

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

Another vote for do what is right for you! I am eloping (my first marriage of 25years didn't survive ex-hubby's mid life crisis) this time around. We were going to have a ceremony but things kept getting more complicated. So, we are running away BUT have invited DS, DIL, DGS, and DD to go with us to Disney for our honeymoon. We figured it would be a great way to start a "new" family. AND there are enough things to do at Disney to satisfy everyone. We can have our quiet time too...we required everyone to stay at a different resort!

Whatever you choose to do CONGRATULATIONS! Have a great time!

 

[bigsis1970]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the support.. let's see acutally my parents offered to pay for the elopement ! But over the past few days when my FH said something about eloping his Mom had a tizzy making him feel guilty by saying "you'd deprive me of seeing my first born's wedding" and how sad/mad she'd be, which of course upset him, so he is rethinking it which is upseting me!!!! UGH.............................. double UGH..............................

so right this very minute we have plan A : Elope 10/4/08 with my children included then have a family dinner (my parents, his parents, my sis & her GF, his bro & GF and his Sis = 9 + us 4) at a local restaurant and break the news, give my children to my Sis for the night then she'll turn them over to their dad on Sunday, we'll honeymoon at the inn for Sat and Sun nights in a little private cottage and come back to work and real life on Tues as Mr & Mrs Mac.. which my parents have offered to pay for, total cost $800.. Sounds good right??!

now for Plan B : have an intimate wedding at the inn on Nov 28th with the 11 of us - actually 12 his sis should be able to bring a date if she wants - we'll all be having dinner there, we'll have bring in a cake, flowers, favors, we'll stilll give my children to my Sis but for 2 nights now, we'll honeymoon at the inn for Fri and Sat nights in a little private cottage and come back to work and real life on Mon as Mr & Mrs Mac.. total cost $2,000 so even if my parents still offer their $800 someone - NOT me as I don't have any $$ - has to come up with $1200..

I really wanted to run away - just do, just us - but of course I am starting to feel guilty and I don't want my FH to feel bad or like he jipped his family out of something so if they want to come up with the extra $$ and my parents are still ok with their part then a wedding we'll have instead of an elopement..

oh the Inn is called Bear Mountain Inn in Maine ( or you can look up Bear Mountain Weddings too) it's a beautiful place I would post the website but i don't think that is allowed but if you google it comes right up as long as you put Maine after it.

 

[mrs_hower726]

Apparently, you sound like you would both be happy with the elopment and a weekend getaway at the cottage. My DH and I eloped back in 2004 and I have absolutely no regrets about it. We had a small reception at a restaurant and we went away to Baltimore for the weekend. The best part about it is like a PP said, we didn't go into our marriage with debt.

I understand that his family wants to see their son get married in a traditional setting. But they also might not realize the cost of a traditional wedding. Maybe you two should sit down with them and explain why you want to elope vs. traditional and try to have them see your point of view. It's just not worth the extra stress of trying to save the money if that's not what you want to do. Then after the meeting if they still want the big wedding, they can pay for it.

You also asked about the rings, if I'm not mistaken. I think it's perfectly okay to just get the wedding band and pass on the engagement ring.

I hope things work out! Good luck!

 

[bigsis1970]

You also asked about the rings, if I'm not mistaken. I think it's perfectly okay to just get the wedding band and pass on the engagement ring.

I hope things work out! Good luck!

Oh right I'd forgotten about that part.. Yes we've decided just wedding bands - again lower cost for us ... I have enough debt so i'm good on racking up anymore bills!!

 

[disneybridetobe]

That sounds wonderful. We had an Intimate Wedding at WDW in '06, and my only regret is that we invited our less-than-immediate families!

We're hoping to do a VR in 5 or so years, and it's going to be just us!

 

[PamOKW]

....weighing in on this. Think before not including the parents. I've seen parents so hurt by being left out of seeing the ceremony that the "rift" never really heals. For many moms -- and this lady sounds like one -- it's more about being included in being a witness to the ceremony than the desire to be part of a big party celebration.

 

[bigsis1970]

Traditional it is ... thanks for all your help
for details follow my PJ link...