Easter Dinner, They Got Sneaky About It

[rszdtrvl]

If you don't want to go, and can get away with not going, then don't go.

That being said, I grew up with family dinners - extended family : aunts, uncles, grandparent, cousins. DH grew up with the same thing.

Now that I am older, I realize my son has none of that, and it makes me sad.

My family (IL and parents) can't be bothered with carrying on the tradition. I think if my parents had more grandchildren and they were closer (they have 2 grandchildren and 2 children living at home still) they would be more than happy to do holiday dinners.

After being grumpy and disappointed all day yesterday because nothing is planned for Easter Dinner I finally told DH that we are going to bust the budget and go to the casino for buffet. He was cool with it.

If we don't have tradition for this once family meal, then by golly we will make our own tradition, as our own family! (I immediately got over my grumpiness and I know that MY family will enjoy it.)

Be lucky that you have stuff like that, even if you don't like it, because if you have children they will cherish those memories, as DH and I did as children.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm also not sure I see the harm in sucking it up for a few hours. If you generally get along well with yourin-laws and have a decent relationshuip with them, I'd probably not want to start risking that to save myself a couple of hours of discomfort.

One of my DSis-ILs is married to a guy who used to be "working" or have some other excuse for every family event. After a while we knew he was ditching/dodging us all the time. I didn't care one way or the other because his presence at any event didn't matter to me, but my late DMIL found it very hurtful.

 

[Katy Belle]

Gosh...just don't go. Tell them you don't like big crowds (the truth) and don't go.

Many of us would go, because we think its the right thing to do.

Many of us wouldn't go, because we think its the right thing to do.

You get to make your own decision. It is your life.

 

[wvjules]

Them damn sneaky ILs! Can't believe they had the gall to change Easter dinner to accomodate family. What were they thinking?

 

[allison443]

Its really sad that so many people don't think there is such a thing has "family responsiblities".

What about if you go it will make his DAD happy? Is it really going to hurt you so much to show up for a couple of hours to do that?

Sometimes you just do things because you are doing it for someone else. Talk about "me, me, me".

I agree.

Also I think she said her DH wants to go. Can't she "suck it up" and go?

 

[tlbwriter]

Also I think she said her DH wants to go. Can't she "suck it up" and go?

Actually, she said her DH dreads it but feels obligated to go. Not the same thing as "wanting" to go.

 

[we3peas]

Don't go. Life's too short to spend doing things you don't enjoy. When I was first married we traveled a lot to see dh's folks 8 hrs away. (My parents live here but we never visited them that often). After 10 years of doing this and them buying a seasonal home near to us to visit with granddaughter I said I will go back every year his gmother has a 5 yr bday(90,95,100) or someone dies. That's enough for me, I'm not a big crowd person and I really don't know all his relatives and I'm good with that. I've told him he can go as often as he wants and if dd wants to go she can go with him. They recently went up for a special bday dinner and I didn't go. I had a great time with my best friend who I don't get to see all that often and they had a great time with his relatives. We are all better for the time away from each other and with people we don't get to see too much of.

So moral of story....do what makes YOU happy.

 

[DebD4T]

I don't know the man, but I know my mother feels happiest when we all show up for family functions. MIL is the same way. And those two ladies are a million miles away from it being "all about me".

Sometimes "family responsiblity" is more than taking care of things for someone. Sometimes it means showing up at a family function. My kids were raised that you show up. You may only make an appearance, but you show up. It really isn't going to kill you.

DH is the 7th of 9 children. Our Sunday dinners are usually at least 35 people.

I know that when New Years day rolls around, (after spending Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and New Years Eve with them) we (DH and myself) are usually burnt out with regards to spending time with family. But try as we might to get out of New Years Day dinner, we never succeed. The phone inevitably rings and it's usually DFIL asking us where we are. LOL! It makes them feel good to have all the people they love and care about with them.

Actually, for the past year and a half we (all the brothers, sisters, in-laws and grandchildren) have been spending as much time as possible with them. DFIL has been battling leukemia and we are trying to cherish this extra time with him. So if the phone rings requesting our presence, we pretty much drop everything and go. God bless my DFIL, he is 81 and is fighting this illness with everything he has.

Many of us would go, because we think its the right thing to do.

Many of us wouldn't go, because we think its the right thing to do.

You get to make your own decision. It is your life.

I agree with this statement.

 

[Liberty Belle]

As I tell my children, and myself...sometimes you have to do things to make other people happy.

 

[dimimi]

DH's Dad and stepmother got back a week or so ago from their winter in Florida. Soon after that we received an Easter card in the mail from them, which they always send each year. But this year's card didn't have details about a big family Easter dinner so we thought they finally gave up on trying to force the families to get together and we were breathing sighs of relief.

Nope. He informed me today he talked to his Dad and his Dad said they're not planning a big Easter gathering on Easter Sunday because "everyone is too busy." They decided to have it the Sunday AFTER Easter. Crap. I don't want to go. It's gotten too big. Too many adults. Too many kids. Too many boyfriends and girlfriends. Too much chaos, confusion and noise. Ugh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.

If the weather is nice that weekend I'd much rather be up north at our property.

We have always been able to "get out of" the big Easter dinner as they always have it on Easter, but I'm an only child so we always get together with my Mom that day, otherwise she'd be completely alone. Now that they've moved it back a week, I don't have that reason not to go. We do the Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings, I think that's enough.

Why don't you bring your mother to your DH's father's house? It sounds like one more person wouldn't be a problem.

 

[kathie859]

I can't believe that several people advocate the "do what makes you happy" school of thought. OP, your DFIL won't be around forever. I'm sorry that you feel that this is a duty visit, but I'd go and make the best of it. At least you and your DH will have lots to talk about after the event

I'm going to my sister's for Easter. She is hosting her crazy inlaws. And I mean they are bizarre. I go to give her moral support and to collect more off the wall stories. My DH isn't a fan of these people but he goes because it's extended family and you can always count on being amused and he knows I love my sister. It gives us something to talk about for days after the event.
It'll be a hoot this year 'cause we're supposed to get more rain so all will be stuck indoors.

 

[allison443]

Actually, she said her DH dreads it but feels obligated to go. Not the same thing as "wanting" to go.

So he "wants" to go to meet his "obligation", right?

 

[cm8]

If it's going to make you feel resentment, bitterness and hatred for them, I say stay home. I would rather have you stay home then bring your" I don't even want to be here" attitude to my home. No one should have to be subjected to anyone's unpleasantness. There is a reason things don't always come out the way we want when we cook. Emotions and attitudes can make or break any situation

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So he "wants" to go to meet his "obligation", right?

Yes but he would prefer not to go.

I would go but then again crowds and crazy family are fun. I love to bring my stick to poke any bears that might be there.

However if I did not want to go for a decent reason, then I would not go.

I like Katy Belle's thread.

 

[Imzadi]

So he "wants" to go to meet his "obligation", right?

Yes but he would prefer not to go.

Meaning: He's feeling guilty and obligated into going and will have a bad time. If he chooses not to go, he's going to feel guilty and bad anyway. Either way, he's going to feel gulity & bad. Either way, it is lose, lose for the DH (and the OP.)

 

[moon]

I don't think three times a year is so much to ask. Why do you hate it so much? I wish I had a large family like that

 

[aprilgail2]

I think that if you spend every easter with your family then youo can put on your big girl panties and suck it up for a family dinner with your husbands side. After reading on here so many women having all these problems with their mother in laws it really makes me happy I don't have a son who might marry a woman like that someday!

 

[ols386]

I'd probably go, but I sure as heck wouldn't stick around for long. Maybe a couple of hours or so. I don't think you should be expected to go and spend the ENTIRE day there.

In your situation, I'd probably take my mom with me, or if you don't stay for very long, then maybe make plans to get with your mom after you leave the FIL's house.

To be honest, if you spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas with this same family/group, I don't think there is anything wrong with NOT spending Easter with them. Not sure why some are making such a stink over it.

 

[ols386]

I think that if you spend every easter with your family then youo can put on your big girl panties and suck it up for a family dinner with your husbands side. After reading on here so many women having all these problems with their mother in laws it really makes me happy I don't have a son who might marry a woman like that someday!

Did you miss the part where she said they spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas with FIL?

 

[allison443]

I'd probably go, but I sure as heck wouldn't stick around for long. Maybe a couple of hours or so. I don't think you should be expected to go and spend the ENTIRE day there.

In your situation, I'd probably take my mom with me, or if you don't stay for very long, then maybe make plans to get with your mom after you leave the FIL's house.

To be honest, if you spend every Thanksgiving and Christmas with this same family/group, I don't think there is anything wrong with NOT spending Easter with them. Not sure why some are making such a stink over it.

You know OP isn't talking about Easter day, right? She and her DH are spending Easter with OP's mom, like they do every year. DH's family is celebrating the week after Easter, so everyone can make it. That's what OP is saying in the title-DH's family changed the date so she can't get out of it this year by saying they are spending Easter with her mom.