Easter Dinner, They Got Sneaky About It

[low-key]

Tell him to bring ya back a plate.

 

[Art 1]

You are lucky to have a family, take your mother and go have fun. You may not get the chance next year.

 

[Singledad]

uggg... I know what you mean! I may like the family members on their own, but too large a crowd is just that a crowd and NOT family. Just a mass of humans.

So, during times they try to get HUGE gatherings like that together, I find a way to pick up hours at work, and say why don't we do a small dinner just us on this day instead?

Then I see get to see them, but I don't have to fight the press of too many people.

 

[shortbun]

I think you should say you weren't expecting the event and you can't come but your DH can, and send him. If they ask, he should just say, 'she just had a bunch of things already planned.' Then, you should have a day for you. Do your nails, wash your smalls, clean out a drawer, take a long bath with a glass of wine, rent a chick flick....kwim?

 

[MIGrandma]

And she does get to spend Easter with her mom and then the next weekend with his mom. I don't know - I wouldn't have a problem with it. It just sounds like a large gathering but nothing too toxic. Sure some people don't like large gatherings - but one day to see everyone - I would do it.

Liz

IMHO, you should suck it up and go. Twice a year is hardly "enough" if it is at all possible to go more. If your husband wants to spend the time with his parents, you certainly should not refuse. How would you have felt all these years if he had refused to go to your mother's for Easter?

I guess some of you missed the fact that it's not DH' Dad and Mom, but his Dad and STEPMOTHER. I had no problems whatsoever getting together with his side of the family when his MOM was alive. She was a WONDERFUL mother-in-law, we had great times together. But his Mom passed away about 11 years ago from ALS, a year later his Dad remarried. Please don't misunderstand, we are THRILLED his Dad is happy. NO PROBLEMS with that. But. They insist the families get together. DH has two sisters and we love getting together with them. We travel together, camp together, etc. etc. His stepmother has a son and daughter and between them they have 8 kids. The gatherings were tolerable when the kids were younger. Now, several of them are grown, one is married with 4 kids already of her own, and the others bring boyfriends/girlfriends, other friends, etc. It is just TOO BIG and TOO CHAOTIC.

uggg... I know what you mean! I may like the family members on their own, but too large a crowd is just that a crowd and NOT family. Just a mass of humans.

So, during times they try to get HUGE gatherings like that together, I find a way to pick up hours at work, and say why don't we do a small dinner just us on this day instead?

Then I see get to see them, but I don't have to fight the press of too many people.

I agree! It's just too big of a crowd. We have nothing in common with the step-siblings and get so tired of being forced to spend time with them.

I loved it when I was working and they would plan gatherings and I had to work, "oh sorry, but I have to work."

We saw his Dad and step-mom when we were in Florida in January, spent a couple of days with them and went out to eat. It was NICE, just the 4 of us. Plus DH and his Dad are in partnership (farming) so it's not like he never sees his Dad.

We just dread these BIG gatherings that seem to get BIGGER and BIGGER each time. DH doesn't really want to go but feels obligated. So, in turn, I feel obligated to go with him. I just hope it's a dreary, cold, rainy day so we're not wishing we were up north!

 

[kamik86]

Hmm I wonder if my husband feels this way about my family gatherings... They do keep getting bigger with us 4 kids spouses and children (I'm guessing this one will be 13 people this year)

 

[tlbwriter]

Can you go for a very short amount of time? Especially since this is kind of last minute... tell them you had plans in the morning or evening and arrive just in time to eat or leave right after eating, rather than spending the whole day there.

 

[snapppyd]

If he is only going out of a feeling of obligation I say don't do it.

You are adults who can do what you want. A friend told me this last year when I didn't want to do Thanksgiving with my family. They just have to understand that sometimes you have to do what makes you happy. My Dh and I stayed home alone and had a great Thanksgiving dinner, just the two of us. No stress from all the traveling and family tension.

I see nothing wrong with telling them you had plans to go North. It's not like his dad and stepmom will be alone, they will be surrounded by people. Don't take this wrong, but if it's that big or a crowd, they probably won't even notice you aren't there

 

[luvsJack]

I guess some of you missed the fact that it's not DH' Dad and Mom, but his Dad and STEPMOTHER. I had no problems whatsoever getting together with his side of the family when his MOM was alive. She was a WONDERFUL mother-in-law, we had great times together. But his Mom passed away about 11 years ago from ALS, a year later his Dad remarried. Please don't misunderstand, we are THRILLED his Dad is happy. NO PROBLEMS with that. But. They insist the families get together. DH has two sisters and we love getting together with them. We travel together, camp together, etc. etc. His stepmother has a son and daughter and between them they have 8 kids. The gatherings were tolerable when the kids were younger. Now, several of them are grown, one is married with 4 kids already of her own, and the others bring boyfriends/girlfriends, other friends, etc. It is just TOO BIG and TOO CHAOTIC.


I did miss that but it doesn't change my opinion. You should go. His dad won't be around forever, he should spend time with him. Besides, again, how would you have felt if he had been acting like this about going to your mom's all these years?

My in-laws have 7 kids, each one is married and there are 20 grandchildren, 6 grandchildren in-laws and 5 great grand children and 3 more on the way. Plus numerous boyfriends/girlfriends or just plain friends joining in. EVERY get together is a big. And then on Christmas Eve we ALL go to his great-grandmother's house and SHE had 7 kids who are all there with all their kids and grandkids and inlaws--I don't even know all these people. I know about big family get togethers.

I don't always want to go, sometimes I have a lot of school work to catch up and would rather do that--but I know that dh doesn't get to spend a lot of time with his family, so I go.

Its a few hours one day a year, if it makes your dh happy you should go.

 

[Allison]

Oh well. Sometimes we do have obligations to family. Put a smile on and go.

 

[MichelleVW]

I guess some of you missed the fact that it's not DH' Dad and Mom, but his Dad and STEPMOTHER. I had no problems whatsoever getting together with his side of the family when his MOM was alive. She was a WONDERFUL mother-in-law, we had great times together. But his Mom passed away about 11 years ago from ALS, a year later his Dad remarried. Please don't misunderstand, we are THRILLED his Dad is happy. NO PROBLEMS with that. But. They insist the families get together. DH has two sisters and we love getting together with them. We travel together, camp together, etc. etc. His stepmother has a son and daughter and between them they have 8 kids. The gatherings were tolerable when the kids were younger. Now, several of them are grown, one is married with 4 kids already of her own, and the others bring boyfriends/girlfriends, other friends, etc. It is just TOO BIG and TOO CHAOTIC.

I didn't miss it, and it doesn't change my opinion, but then again I think it's great when the whole family gets a chance to be together.

 

[tlbwriter]

I did miss that but it doesn't change my opinion. You should go. His dad won't be around forever, he should spend time with him.

She didn't say she never wanted to see his dad. She said she didn't want to visit on this one particular day, when tons of other people will also be there.

 

[MIGrandma]

I guess some of you missed the fact that it's not DH' Dad and Mom, but his Dad and STEPMOTHER. I had no problems whatsoever getting together with his side of the family when his MOM was alive. She was a WONDERFUL mother-in-law, we had great times together. But his Mom passed away about 11 years ago from ALS, a year later his Dad remarried. Please don't misunderstand, we are THRILLED his Dad is happy. NO PROBLEMS with that. But. They insist the families get together. DH has two sisters and we love getting together with them. We travel together, camp together, etc. etc. His stepmother has a son and daughter and between them they have 8 kids. The gatherings were tolerable when the kids were younger. Now, several of them are grown, one is married with 4 kids already of her own, and the others bring boyfriends/girlfriends, other friends, etc. It is just TOO BIG and TOO CHAOTIC.


I did miss that but it doesn't change my opinion. You should go. His dad won't be around forever, he should spend time with him.

I guess you also missed the fact that he does spend time with his Dad. He works with him.

 

[luvsJack]

Its really sad that so many people don't think there is such a thing has "family responsiblities".

What about if you go it will make his DAD happy? Is it really going to hurt you so much to show up for a couple of hours to do that?

Sometimes you just do things because you are doing it for someone else. Talk about "me, me, me".

 

[tlbwriter]

Its really sad that so many people don't think there is such a thing has "family responsiblities".

What about if you go it will make his DAD happy? Is it really going to hurt you so much to show up for a couple of hours to do that?

Sometimes you just do things because you are doing it for someone else. Talk about "me, me, me".

What's really sad to me is that so many people have been raised to believe they have to make themselves miserable when it's not necessary. Where do you get the idea that they are neglecting their responsibilities regarding her FIL? He's going to be surrounded by family on that day. For him to feel abandoned just because two people are missing from the crowd would be very "all about me."

 

[MissUndastood]

Its really sad that so many people don't think there is such a thing has "family responsiblities".

What about if you go it will make his DAD happy? Is it really going to hurt you so much to show up for a couple of hours to do that?

Sometimes you just do things because you are doing it for someone else. Talk about "me, me, me".

I agree. I also know that families grow. Each year our holidays get bigger and bigger and I love it. I love meeting the nieces new boyfriends, and girlfriends I love when new babies arrive, it all just makes me grateful to be part of a big extended family

 

[DisneyChula]

My DH came from a very small family (as in his mom and his sister...that's it) so he gets very overwhelmed when it comes to holidays with my family. At first there were the 'I have to work' or the 'I don't feel good' excuses, but my family wasn't stupid. Now, I just tell them that he loves us all...in small doses. We do have a tendency to get a little loud and there seems to be more and more people every year. I do think that it's great that your FIL and his wife are making the effort to bring everyone together for the holiday even if it can't be right on the holiday. Personally, I am of the mind that sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do. That being said, it would be much better for you not to go than to go and it be obvious how much you do not want to be there!

 

[snapppyd]

What's really sad to me is that so many people have been raised to believe they have to make themselves miserable when it's not necessary. Where do you get the idea that they are neglecting their responsibilities regarding her FIL? He's going to be surrounded by family on that day. For him to feel abandoned just because two people are missing from the crowd would be very "all about me."

 

[luvsJack]

What's really sad to me is that so many people have been raised to believe they have to make themselves miserable when it's not necessary. Where do you get the idea that they are neglecting their responsibilities regarding her FIL? He's going to be surrounded by family on that day. For him to feel abandoned just because two people are missing from the crowd would be very "all about me."

Oh, for the love of pete. And worrying about being "miserable" for an HOUR OR TWO, to make someone else happy is not "all about me"?? This is his son, maybe he wants to know that his son actually cares about the family? I don't know the man, but I know my mother feels happiest when we all show up for family functions. MIL is the same way. And those two ladies are a million miles away from it being "all about me".

Sometimes "family responsiblity" is more than taking care of things for someone. Sometimes it means showing up at a family function. My kids were raised that you show up. You may only make an appearance, but you show up. It really isn't going to kill you.

Its one flipping day. Its not like anyone is suggesting she move in with her fil.

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Personally I think its great that they care enough about everyone to have such a big gathering. If you decide to go why not take your mom? You'd have someone to hang with and she wouldn't be alone. If that's not an option let dh go and you do something else.

I'm not sure how you feel about dh's family, but my sil hates coming to things for our family, but she is very happy to spend every holiday with her family. Shame on my brother for not realizing we'd like to spend time with them and their kids too.