Dysfunctional Families

[Tea Please]

Did you grow up in one? I did Well for a while anyway. My dad was a big drinker up until I was about 7 or 8. Then he stopped And our life got so much better. Of course back then I didn't realize anything was abnormal. But it was a complete turn around once he put the bottle down.

And I suppose alot of people my age were raised with drinkers due to no real awareness.

Do not get me wrong, I would never love him any less, but a sober dad is a better dad.

Hopefully, my kids won't be on the internet 20 years from now, telling 65,000 people that they grew up in a dysfunctional house.

 

[GlennandAnn]

I grew up in a dysfunctional home, and in many ways my parents and siblings are still dysfunctional. Growing up that way taught me what I didn't want to do with my family. I look at the things that my parents did and go the other way.

Ann

 

[Pete's Mom]

Oh yeah. Survived and ran away from that freak show when I was 18 and never looked back. Haven't see or spoken with them in 17 years and I never will.

 

[always quiet]

I didn't but my DH did. He doesn't know his father, his mother was an alcoholic who drank and according to his older sister, tried to literally kill him on 2 occasions when he was a baby/toddler, she had a stroke when he was 5 from which she never recovered enough to assume custody again (a good thing!! ), then he was placed with an abusive aunt, who God saw fit enough NEVER to give her a child of her own. After several years of abuse from her, she placed him in a "childrens hospital" where he lived til he was placed in a loving foster home at 12 yrs. old. Not a childhood anyone should have to live through.

 

[MosMom]

I think there are more people who have grown up in abusive, alcoholic, & dysfunctional homes than you would think.

 

[sue1013]

MosMom I have to agree. The older I get, the more people I meet I don't think there are many "normal" families.

 

[onecoolmama]

I dont think there is any "normal" families anymore. And what consitutes that anyway.

YUP! DH and I both grew up in dysfunctional families. His father cheated on his mom many times over and his mom use to hing him in a rice sack and beat him for not gaining weight. As for me, my dad..well, he beat the crap out of us before we left and my brother continued the abuse until he left for college.

I left at 18 and while I love my family and we are VERY close..I would never live with any of them ever again. Some people just can't live together and we fall into that catagory.

Then both of us got a little older and found out that neither of our families..my mom, dad and his mom and dad had "normal" families/up bringings. My mom found out in one day that her FIL, husband, dad and MIL (my fathers parents) were all alcoholics. And the things that went on between their brothers and sisters..YUCK. And dont even get me started on DH's parents horrendous upbringing!

While we would never raise our kids the way we were raised...I am sure we are not normal in other ways that our kids will call abnormal.

 

[kaseyC]

Its funny, when you are growing up in a dysfunctional family, - in my case it was a verbally abusive alcoholic father - all of the families of your friends seem so normal. It was not until high school and college that I began to realize there were alot of families like mine.

 

[niks81]

Well as my family says, "We put the FUN in dysFUNctional" LOL

My life was pretty mainstream until I was 12. And then my dad decided that he would have a midlife crisis and up and leave our normal life, after first verbally abusing my mother. And it went to completely unnormal from there. My mother became anorexic right before he left, she was unable to function, and I became a mother at 13. I bought the groceries, I took care of my brother, and did all of those types of things. I didn't see my dad either so there was always a war concerning that--which led to mediation, court battles and the like. We were in the courts for 7 years finalizing everything. My mom remarries a great guy (I have a stepdad I wouldn't trade in for the world--he is building our deck as we speak ) that has a horribly dysfunctional ex wife and children. We went back to court to get custody of his daughter, who in return, stabs all of us in the back repeatedly. I don't even want to continue with that conversation--its not even believeable anymore Let me put it to you this way: EX'S ARE NOT FUN!!! And his ex is a complete looney toon with a pea sized brain LOL As my family attorney says, "We are their best clients."

I guess the fact that we are able to joke about it makes it all liveable. I like my life just fine. My husband and I are very close with my parents and my brothers, we take many vacations together and talk often. I don't care that we've had our share of problems and that we are considered dysfunctional--I love my family anyways. I often think that those that can admit there are problems instead of pretending there are none are better able to deal with life.

I dont think there is any "normal" families anymore. And what consitutes that anyway.

ITA I know so many of my friends families that try to play it off like they have no problems and their marriage is perfect, and they are so close with their kids, and everything is just dang peachy. PLEASE!! I know better....I remember staying at my friend's house one night and her parents got into an all out war in their bedroom--then I heard her mom say she forgot I was there and they'll continue the "discussion" after I left--because god forbid their family 'might' not be perfect.

 

[cgcw]

I didn't think that I did, however, when my dad passed away when I had just turned 18, it became very apparent.

My Dad was the glue which bound our family together. Prior to his death, we were very close. There is a big age gap between the oldest and youngest -- 18 years. I always wondered if that was part of the reason. My older brothers and brother-in-laws all worked for my Dad in the company business. Weekends they were always around our house -- vacations as a family were a regular occurrance -- as well as just about every weekend camping together as a family.

Then he died. Along with him our family also died. We have never recovered. I remember standing along side my older sisters and brother at our brothers funeral a couple of years ago. It was such a lonely feeling. We were suppose to be together, supporting each other because one of us was no longer around. That wasn't the case.

Today I have very little contact with them. I see my mom but not as often as I should. Once in a while I will run into one of my sisters over there. Strange as it sounds, I did meet up with one of my brothers at WDW last month. We went to dinner -- not something we ever have done at home. I know very little about their lives, they know very little about mine. I do email with one of my sisters every so often, which is nice. But, for the most part, it's better for me if I keep my distance.

It's very important to me that my children end up being friends and a support system for each other. I hope they are able to be.