DSIL is in a coma

[kaffinito]

Sorry to be a downer, but DSIL is in a coma. My DH's sister.

She took an over dose of drugs last night -Valium - and passed out. Her 'friend" found her slumped over and blue and called paramedics. They couldn't revive her, and the hospital couldn't either. She's on a respirator, and the neurologist said that there is no brain stem activity and no hope that she'll pull though. They expect her to die in the next few days.

So with all of that, DMIL has her son, who is 4 and has CP, and her other son and daughter are with her helping her. She doesn't want my DH around - he tends to go off and order people around (his way of dealing with stress) and he upsets everybody. So should we stay in town and I could help out DMIL my taking DN4? Or should I help out by keeping DH out of the way (we were supposed to leave tomorrow for WDW)?

I'm in a pickle as to what to do here. I want to be a help, but am thinking that keeping DH from bellowing at everyone might be the best help. DMIL doesn't care either way.

 

[hollieplus2]

I'm so sorry no words just

 

[Rora]

I am so sorry. Good thoughts being sent your way.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

If it were me I would cancel the WDW trip. I would tell DH to stop ordering everyone around or keep him away and then I would help my MIL with whatever she needed. I am so sorry your family is going through this.

 

[AmyinKY]

So sorry to hear what your family is going through. Could you take dn with you on the WDW trip?

 

[terri01p]

If it were me I would cancel the WDW trip. I would tell DH to stop ordering everyone around or keep him away and then I would help my MIL with whatever she needed. I am so sorry your family is going through this.

I have to go with this no matter what you MIL says she need help at this time, it sounds to me as if she just doesn't want to put you out.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure what I would do, but I unfortunately wouldn't be going on my trip to WDW.

As for handling your DH...I'm sorry for what he is going through--but if it were my DH, I'd be getting him in line as close to quick as possible.

He is suffering a loss here and you are his companion and your first priority is him.

Helping with DNephew might expose him to unnecessary stress. While it is kind that you want to help, you need to keep your DH at bay from increasing the grief that others are facing.

I'm so sorry.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would cancel the trip and as much as your dh is a PITA, he is also part of the family. "Keeping him away, to help out MIL" does not sound like the right thing to do to me. Family should be together. JMO

So sorry.

 

[minkydog]

I'd call WDW and postpone the trip. Even though your MIL doesn't want DH at the hospital, she really needs your help. I thinkyou're on the right track. Taking care of the 4yo would be a huge help for her.

And you need to gently tell your DH that he needs to cool off. He can't just go around blowing up at people--it's not helping and is actually hurting the situation and he needs to take responsibility for that. What he does *now* is going to live in the family memory for a long, long time. I can understand if he doesn't want to go to the hospital to see SIL. My brother couldn't make himself go to the hospital when my father was dying. So he stayed home and took care of the animals, paid the bills, cleaned the house, etc. Much better for everyone.

I am so sorry you all are having to go through such a terrible thing. Especially at Christmas. Your SIL must have been in such a state of despair. Please don't blame yourselves.

 

[Libby X 3]

I don't think I could go to WDW under these circumstances- no matter what your MIL said. I think I would try and be around just in case you can help in some way. Sorry your going through this OP.

 

[ilovejack02]

hugs and prayers for your family.

 

[kaffinito]

Thanks all for your thoughts and prayers!

We honestly don't know what's going to happen next. DH wants to go to WDW, DMIL wants us to go, Cousin T wants us to go etc.... They all say that nothing is going to happen for another week or two anyway.

DMIL doesn't want anyone else to take on DN4 for a while yet - she needs him around to keep her from falling apart I think. She can't do anything at the hospital either - DSIL isn't aware of anything anymore and the doctors are only waiting the proscribed length of time before declaring her legally brain dead.

We'll figure it out when we wake up tomorrow. DH is upstairs packing, so I think he might still want to go. I'll have to play it by ear - it is his sister after all.

Anyhow - thanks again for the thoughts and well wishes.

 

[ilovejack02]

Pm

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Thanks all for your thoughts and prayers!

We honestly don't know what's going to happen next. DH wants to go to WDW, DMIL wants us to go, Cousin T wants us to go etc.... They all say that nothing is going to happen for another week or two anyway.

DMIL doesn't want anyone else to take on DN4 for a while yet - she needs him around to keep her from falling apart I think. She can't do anything at the hospital either - DSIL isn't aware of anything anymore and the doctors are only waiting the proscribed length of time before declaring her legally brain dead.

We'll figure it out when we wake up tomorrow. DH is upstairs packing, so I think he might still want to go. I'll have to play it by ear - it is his sister after all.

Anyhow - thanks again for the thoughts and well wishes.

I personally wouldn't care if they said they wanted me to go. I would stay. They may really want you to stay but don't want to say it because they figure that you shouldn't even be asking or even considering going under the circumstances.
As for MIL not being able to do anything at the hospital that is beside the point. That is her child.
My heart breaks for all of you and I hope that there is a miracle.

 

[PaddingtonBear]

I took a Disney trip that was a gift for my college graduation. My dad had surgery a couple of weeks before and was in recovery. I was so torn about whether to go or not and everyone told me to go so I did. When I got home, it was a mess. My mom hadn't been visiting him reguarly without my prompting, Dad's condition had taken a darastic turn and he went into hospice a couple of days after I got home, and though they said he'd have a couple of weeks before he would die, he died three days after starting hospice.

I would really, really think twice about how you'll feel later if you don't reschedule your Disney trip and the worst happens while you are gone.

 

[RitaZ.]

Postpone the trip. Your MIL has a lot to handle right now. Her daughter is about to be declared dead. Her daughter's children, one of which has special needs, will now become her responsibility. Funeral arrangements will need to be made very soon. The woman needs her family around her now. WDW isn't going anywhere.

 

[Micca]

I'm not the best in understanding family relationship dynamics, but I do know a bit about trips to WDW. I would postpone the trip because you don't want the worry of what's happening back home hanging over your head. As far as helping/participating/interfering with the family issues I wish you the best.

 

[petrymom]

I wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you.

 

[krcit]

I'm so sorry. I would really, really think twice before going on your trip. I was with my best friend when her sister was declared brain dead. It was a really, really horrible and emotional time. I would hate for you or DH to have regrets if you go on the trip. My prayers are with your family.

 

[samshane]

I am so, so sorry (((HUGS)))