DSIL is in a coma

[OK!]

I don't have any advice other than what's already been said, but I'm so sorry for your family.

 

[BelleWDW]

Thanks all for your thoughts and prayers!

We honestly don't know what's going to happen next. DH wants to go to WDW, DMIL wants us to go, Cousin T wants us to go etc.... They all say that nothing is going to happen for another week or two anyway.

Would they really keep a brain dead person on life support for 1-2 weeks??

 

[momof1princess]

i am so sorry for your family's loss i know how you feel-my middle step-sister was found dead this morning by her estranged husband. my dad and step-mom are beside themselves and i don't know what, if anything, i can do at this point. i know how you feel-pulled in multiple directions and wondering which way to go.

 

[LoraJ]

I am so sorry that you all are going through this.

If I were in your shoes, there is no way I would go to WDW. There's a good chance your trip may be cut short. Do you want to have suchh bad memories attached to your WDW trip? I really think you should postpone your trip.

There is so much that needs to be taken care of at home. Does your family have someone your DH could talk to so he can sort out his feelings? Like a pastor?

 

[TheBigBadWolf]

I'm sooo sorry.

 

[portocall]

I am so sorry! Hugs from across the miles.

 

[teskak]

Dad & I never forgave my uncle & his wife (my mother's brother) when he put his holiday before my mother's funeral.

 

[Disney Doll]

OK...a couple of issues here:

1. Dying SisIL- my sympathies for you during this difficult time

2. WDW trip- needs to be cancelled. MIL needs you now, whether she wants to admit it or not. Can any of you really enjoy yourself at WDW knowing what is happening at home?

3. Uncontrollable DH- Biggest long-term issue as I see it. You need to nip this in the bud. Get him counselling, threaten, do whatever you have to do, but this behavior She doesn't want my DH around - he tends to go off and order people around (his way of dealing with stress) and he upsets everybody. from your DH needs to stop. It is abusive and controlling and calling it a reaction to stress just allows it to continue.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Dear OP,



It would be hard to enjoy what should be a happy trip to WDW under these circumstances.

My prayers are with all of you!

TC

 

[DawnCt1]

Would they really keep a brain dead person on life support for 1-2 weeks??

I think that is very unlikely.

 

[DawnCt1]

OK...a couple of issues here:

1. Dying SisIL- my sympathies for you during this difficult time

2. WDW trip- needs to be cancelled. MIL needs you now, whether she wants to admit it or not. Can any of you really enjoy yourself at WDW knowing what is happening at home?

3. Uncontrollable DH- Biggest long-term issue as I see it. You need to nip this in the bud. Get him counselling, threaten, do whatever you have to do, but this behavior She doesn't want my DH around - he tends to go off and order people around (his way of dealing with stress) and he upsets everybody. from your DH needs to stop. It is abusive and controlling and calling it a reaction to stress just allows it to continue.

I agree.

 

[Bluestars]

I am so sorry your family is going through this.

I can only tell you what I would do. I would cancel the trip because I would want to be there for my family to give them support and also because there is no way I could enjoy myself on a trip to WDW knowing what is happening at home.

If you postphone the trip, you can go at a later time where you will be able to enjoy it. Also, staying at home and being with the family is a very caring, unselfish thing to do, IMO. They will need emotional support.

 

[laurie31]

First, I'm so sorry.

IMHO, I believe the ones telling you to go are in denial of just how bad things really are. It isn't going to take 1-2 weeks to declare her brain dead, if in fact, that is the case.

I can only imagine the funeral will be taking place by the end of next week. That is a LOT on your MIL. No one's mentioned the SIL's husband, or father of the children, but someone will need permanent custody of them, and then to try to plan a funeral on top of all that - the children's grief over losing their mother, the MIL's grief over losing her daughter, the tragedy that it was by her own hand (no one's fault, but people often feel guilty that they didn't "see the signs") and I could go on.

I think they're telling you to go because they don't want to be a "burden" but I think the appropriate response to "Oh yes, go ahead and take your trip!" is "Oh, we wouldn't dream of it!"

I don't see how you would be able to enjoy yourselves anyway. Go later. Please.

 

[sunnyday123]

I am really in shock that you would consider going on a vacation when your sister in law is laying in the hospital, dead. Brain dead is dead, you don't get any more dead.

And if your MIL said to go, she doesn't want to be a burden, well she's probably one of those passive old-school Mom's who takes on the world and doesn't want anyone to be put out, she'll handle it all. Go TO HER and help her, she daughter is dead for pete's sakes.

And tell your DH you understand he's very upset that he lost his sister in such a tragic way, but your MIL lost her daughter, and he cannot act the way he does. If he needs to blow off steam, go outside and do it.

I truly cannot fathom even questioning if I should go on vacation when something like this has happened.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

I just came across this, Karen. I am so very sorry for the ordeal your family is going through right now.

When you get home and things unfold for the worse, no matter what your MIL says, she is going to need family close by....not to ask "how can we help", but to be there, go over, take her food, take her to the store.

When my son passed I thought I could be alone overnight 3 days later - it was horrible. We are falling apart, yet want to appear strong. I thought I could go to the store, do "normal" things, but nothing would ever be the same 'normal' again. It took me many years to go shopping alone. If I can offer any support please do not hesitate to pm or email me. Take good care. Holding you all very near in heartfelt prayer.

 

[pepperw23]

I just came across this, Karen. I am so very sorry for the ordeal your family is going through right now.

When you get home and things unfold for the worse, no matter what your MIL says she is going to need family close by....not to ask "how can we help", but to be there, go over, take her food, take her to the store.

When my son passed I thought I could be alone overnight 3 days later - it was horrible. We are falling apart, yet want to appear strong. I thought I could go to the store, do "normal" things, but nothing was would ever be the same 'normal' again. It took me many years to go shopping alone. If I can offer any support please do not hesitate to pm or email me. Take good care.

 

[pepperw23]

Sorry to be a downer, but DSIL is in a coma. My DH's sister.

She took an over dose of drugs last night -Valium - and passed out. Her 'friend" found her slumped over and blue and called paramedics. They couldn't revive her, and the hospital couldn't either. She's on a respirator, and the neurologist said that there is no brain stem activity and no hope that she'll pull though. They expect her to die in the next few days.

So with all of that, DMIL has her son, who is 4 and has CP, and her other son and daughter are with her helping her. She doesn't want my DH around - he tends to go off and order people around (his way of dealing with stress) and he upsets everybody. So should we stay in town and I could help out DMIL my taking DN4? Or should I help out by keeping DH out of the way (we were supposed to leave tomorrow for WDW)?

I'm in a pickle as to what to do here. I want to be a help, but am thinking that keeping DH from bellowing at everyone might be the best help. DMIL doesn't care either way.

I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through during the holidays. I can't even begin to imagine the pain your MIL is going through right now.

Regardless what you decided about WDW, my advice is to just "linger" around and see where you may be needed.

Your DH sounds like he may need you to be there for him too. My DH can be a bit overbearing during stressful times as well so I understand where you are coming from. Stay by his side and when he seems like he is getting over stressed, gently tap him on the hand, or rub his shoulders, something to let him know you are right there. That will probably give him the strength he needs to stay calm. He needs to know that above all else at the end of the day someone in that room is there for him.

God Bless you and your family.

 

[Disneylover79]

for you and your DH.....I agree with most of the PP....I am an RN in the ICU so I see this frequently....if I was your DSIL nurse I would tell you that you need to postpone your trip due to the fact that there is talk of brain dead....as a PP said that once you are declared brain dead that the life support is withdrawn and she will not breath and pass very quickly (sorry for the bad news, but I want you to know what to expect so you can make an educated decision) I also agree that your family is telling you to go because they don't want to be a burden...if it is the plan tickets you are worried about the hospital/MD can give you a letter to give to them and the same for WDW...

I am very sorry you are having to go through this...please know that you and your family are in my prayers... Please PM if you need to talk or have any questions....

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I am so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this. I know that you are torn as to what to do but there is no way that I could even enjoy a vacation knowing what was happening at home. I agree with the others that the trip should be cancelled, but that is your choice and you know your family and what is best, better than us. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[starann]

for you and your DH.....I agree with most of the PP....I am an RN in the ICU so I see this frequently....if I was your DSIL nurse I would tell you that you need to postpone your trip due to the fact that there is talk of brain dead....as a PP said that once you are declared brain dead that the life support is withdrawn and she will not breath and pass very quickly (sorry for the bad news, but I want you to know what to expect so you can make an educated decision) I also agree that your family is telling you to go because they don't want to be a burden...if it is the plan tickets you are worried about the hospital/MD can give you a letter to give to them and the same for WDW...

I am very sorry you are having to go through this...please know that you and your family are in my prayers... Please PM if you need to talk or have any questions....

I must disagree just a little. It really depends of the level of brain death. DH's sister died a few years ago in a similar manner. My in laws found her slumpped over her computer, blue in the face, called 911 and started CPR, they were able to get her 'back' but it was determined after the 1st EEG that she had a severe brain injury and was brain dead. They had to wait 48 more hours to do another test (not sure if that is standard practice or just hospital protocol) which showed the same thing. The family them took her off of life support and she died......4 days later. I am a nurse as well and have had patients removed from life support and transferred out of ICU to our floor (I was onlcology) for a comfort care bed who have hung on for several days. It was felt in our hospital that the cancer floor dealt the best with those who were dying and their families


I have no opinion if you should cancel or go...that is your decision. I went to see family in NC the day before my SIL went into the hospital and offered to come home (DH was home, he didn't go to NC) but he insisted I stay, as it turned out, she lived til after I got home. Looking back now, I feel badly that my DH had to go thru that alone, but I am grateful I stayed in NC, as that would be the last time I would see my grandfather. Like I said, it's your decision. HUGS.