DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[escape]

Wow! I can't believe this thread is 11 + pages long.

Congratulations on your son's graduation. My question is this - Do you have room for one more on your Hawaiian vacation? Sounds like a good trip. Have fun!

 

[disneylizzy]

Congratulations on seeing him thru HS.

Calls for a margarita, at least.

Especially because it is so hot out. Great night for a cruise, though.

 

[BibbidiBobbidiBOO]

I'm late reading this thread, and have not read it all. DH nor I had a graduation party, and DH went off to West Point shortly after he graduated. He was a top 10 student, has wealthy parents too. I think he got a gift, maybe dinner out. Same with me. I did go to Grad night at MK, and that was a party we all enjoyed. We both got gifts from the people we sent grad. announcements to.

I don't see giving my kids a big party, DS seems more like Dawn's DS. He is smart, polite, friendly, and well liked. But the drive to be an academic scholar is not there...yet. He just finished 9th grade and was fine with the grades he got (C's in there). He would rather play ball than study. DD on the other hand IS the academic student and driven to get the best grades. She will cry over a B.

I see having a family gathering or dinner out and a nice gift as enough. I guess I could change my mind in the next 3 years though. If your other DS's did not have big parties, I would not think twice about not having one.

Congrats to your DS Dawn! And to you!

 

[Tiggeroo]

Nobody needs to have a graduation party. But the OP stated that there probably would have been a party if he had done better. Witholding the party as a punishment or because he wasn't deserving is different from not having a party because you don't do that in your family. But I can't see not having a party if you can afford it. Celebrations and parties are wonderful things. We don't have alot of times in life to just be joyful. If your son works and could afford to put 50-100. bucks in toward it even better. He would most likely get gifts that equalled that.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I agree they are ignoring it. Dawn spoke of a family dinner on the first page. They are also ignoring the fact that for some of us, graduation parties aren't mandatory as a way of celebrating graduation. Many people graduate without parties. I don't know ANYONE who had one. Dinner with your family, the ceremony, and then celebrating jointly with friends was enough for me and everyone I knew. I'm really surprised that, for so many people, not having their very own party would have been devastating.

If it isn't a part of a family's status quo of doing things...surely the topic would have been presented differently. Rather it was presented as though there would have been IF her son were a stellar student and it was taken away as punishment since he sucked his whole high school career despite busting his tush to finish on time.

ETA: And the topic was should high school kids have grad parties or not..it was her son isn't getting and am I justified.

 

[DawnCt1]

I don't see Dawn saying she "probably" is going to take her son out to a restaurant; I see her saying she hasn't ruled it out. Her first post was pretty rigid about not celebrating and pretty clear she thought her son had really screwed up and deserved no celebration. I can quote that one for you but you should go back and read it yourself Dawn. Imagine the mood set by your first post and then keep wondering why loads of us are backing your son and not you here. I think the poster who accused her of trying to rile people up was right. She does that because she likes to. Nothing wrong in that if you are then willing to own up to it. It's the denial that's really wrong here. Dawn, like I said before,I hope you let your child know he's loved and that you are aware he finally stepped up. Your first post made it seem like you had told him he was not worthy of congratulations or praise. He is. If you can't do it, give me his email and I'll do it for you.
Mimi

NOW you mention that he JUST asked for a party and that NONE of your other children had one. The time to say that was in the first post-not on the last page. Of course, the last doesn't get more than the first unless he's earned it in some very special way. Be honest, why would you post the way you did and leave out all the specifics unless you really wanted the attention? No party for you either....although I suspect this thread IS like a party to you.

Shortbun, I think its the rare person who can put every permutation of a situation in the first and original post. When I said very early that I was ambivalent and could be swayed in either direction that was true. There are lots of details, feelings and thoughts that emerge and develop and eventually lead to a different opinion. There is the family history of not having a graduation party before. There were plenty of other posters who disagreed with my initial stance, politely said so, were quite persuasive in their arguements and I definately took those into consideration. I left out "specifics" because I quickly posted the original post and you got the Reader's Digest version. I do not need nor want attention. I brought the issue up because I did have ambivalence. If it were a done deal, there would have been no need for me to discuss it at all. No, this thread is not like a party for me. I really thought that there were enough fair minded people who could share their opinions without being mean or questioning my sincerity. I was right. There are a quite a few of them. And then there are others.

 

[DawnCt1]

To be fair to us Dawn, you are sort of giving out mixed signals. Your last sentence of the OP was "Does he deserve a party?" Then in your update you seem to say he deserves one, it's not a punishment, not enough time to plan one, didn't even know he wanted one, etc. Anyway, not a biggie I suppose. Glad your family had a happy day.

I think that the mixed signals comes from my ambivalence about the entire issue. Others who disagreed with my initial post presented very cogent, reasoned arguements as to why I should be open to a party. I considered all of those opinions and I have changed my stance. Again, I am from a family who aren't big party 'ers. Its not something we do and frankly I didn't and still don't see not having one as traumatic. I am willing to consider other opinions however and have. To me, its not what is said, its the way it is said.

 

[disneymom3]

Sorry, my comment was not needed here.

 

[NewJersey]

I think that the mixed signals comes from my ambivalence about the entire issue. Others who disagreed with my initial post presented very cogent, reasoned arguements as to why I should be open to a party. I considered all of those opinions and I have changed my stance. Again, I am from a family who aren't big party 'ers. Its not something we do and frankly I didn't and still don't see not having one as traumatic. I am willing to consider other opinions however and have. To me, its not what is said, its the way it is said.

Dawn, just wondering what the final verdict is? I know last night you mentioned a compromise and I don't want to fish through 10+ pages and I couldn't find the update..maybe I missed it? I hope you decide to do a dinner or something!

 

[DaisyD]

My DS just graduated last week from high school. We too are very proud of him. I had all kinds of banners made for him telling him so and had them plastered all over town! LOL! Anyway we did not have a party for him. We took him out to dinner instead. We do not have a big family. Just my mom lives around her so she did come to dinner with us. If DS did want a party I certainly would have given him one but he was too busy going to everyone else's parties.

 

[Free4Life11]

I didn't have a party. We went out to eat and that was all I wanted. It was nice and no work for my parents.

But I still wanted $$$$$$ so I printed off graduation announcements on my computer (nicer than the ones the school sold I might add) and sent them to EVERY relative, friend, church-goer (dad is a pator) I could think of. Got a boat load of money too

Let's face it, graduation is all about the $$$

My advice: go out to eat, skip the party, and send out as many graudation annoucements as humanly possible

 

[cardaway]

She said originally she was not decided about it. She was feeling stress and frustration at a busy time of year for parents. I hardly think she was just making stuff up as she goes along.

I completely disagree but since it looks like this is another agree with the OP or else thread I'll bow out.

 

[kimmikayb]

NOBODY is talking about the important thing....will there be cake??????? I'm there if there's cake.

 

[Mimi Q]

Dawn, just wondering what the final verdict is? I know last night you mentioned a compromise and I don't want to fish through 10+ pages and I couldn't find the update..maybe I missed it? I hope you decide to do a dinner or something!

The update is on page 11.

Congrats to you DS. I know you are proud of him.

 

[Lynn CC]

We are not big party people either so when our DS graduated last year we took him to his favorite restaurant which is Albertos in Hyannis. He's been going there since he was 2 yo. We did invite the immediate family members which is about 40 of us. They did such a wonderful meal from appetizers to desserts and a Konditor Meister Cake (his favorite). They took the time to ask him all his favorite dishes there and made them for everyone. They decorated and served with white gloves... to make him feel like King for the Day!
I hope you enjoyed your son's graduation day, I'm sure you're all proud that he put in the effort to graduate with his class. Have FUN!

 

[momof2inPA]

Dawn, I've seen threads where you have been treated unfairly. This isn't one of them. When you started receiving negative feedback, you added details and finally changed your story. From your update, it seems you didn't want to have a party because it's a hassle. You can't skip your kid's graduation party because you're too lazy to hang some decorations and cook some food. That's pitiful. Give the kid his party for heaven's sake.

 

[arminnie]

I don't get why graduation parties are so big. When I graduated from high school AND college, all I did was go out to eat with family. That's it, no party, and I had a blast.

I say take him out to eat and call it a day.

Why does he want a party? to get presents? Nothing wrong with just taking him to lunch or dinner. In fact that's a little more special.

 

[DawnCt1]

From your update, it seems you didn't want to have a party because it's a hassle. You can't skip your kid's graduation party because you're too lazy to hang some decorations and cook some food. That's pitiful. Give the kid his party for heaven's sake.

WoW! That NEVER occurred to me! That I am too lazy to give a party? That wasn't even part of the equation. We are typically not party'ers. That doesn't mean we are too lazy or too cheap to give a party. That's a new spin if I ever saw one. With regard to being treated unfairly, I certainly welcomed diverse opinions on this subject and was quite open to them. It was the snide comments, "too lazy to hang soem decorations and cook some food, that's pitiful" for example that I considered cheap shots.

 

[yeartolate]

I thought Jipsy nailed it pretty well.

Yup.

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

NOW you mention that he JUST asked for a party and that NONE of your other children had one. The time to say that was in the first post-not on the last page. Of course, the last doesn't get more than the first unless he's earned it in some very special way.

I agree this should have been presented in the OP. The problem was presented in such a way that it sounded like her son would have been given a party had he been as successful in school as his brothers.

I also missed where he was asking for a kegger, but I could only handling skimming this thread.