DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[antmaril]

I would give him a small party with family. No blow out, but recognition of his accomplishment - he did work hard to get it done! In twenty years, he will look back and understand why you didn't give him a big bash. At the same time, he will appreciate that you did acknowledge his graduation from high school.

You said he is a good kid - give him the party, but make it understated.

 

[disneylizzy]

so I still don't understand how HS works then....why did he need so much extra work to graduate if his grades/classes were being monitored by you/DH?

Here, in FL, there are grading periods...and in college ~ semesters...I knew what was expected of me for each.

OK, I have read this far and will continue reading, but I just have to drop in to say - since when is it the mom's job to daily monitor grades/homework assignments/classwork for a junior or senior in high school? When is a child supposed to take responsibility for their own work? High School? College? First year on the job?

I think it is obvious from the success of 3 older sibs that the OP provided a home with every advantage for studying if her DS chose to do so. You keep implying that somehow OP wasn't doing enough and that's why DS was slacking. Come on! Let's hear it for taking personal responsibility. Colleges report plenty of parents that can't even let go once junior is a freshman. Parents do kids no favors by constantly hovering, checking, monitoring. I'm not saying "anything goes", but that is not the case here. OP's son is a nice kid who chose not to work real hard. This is not due to bad parenting.

 

[annegal]

.

I can't imagine worrying about my little baby with a cleft palate who can't speak well for all those early years and not celebrating the accomplishment of him actually finishing high school. Where's your heart, Dawn?

I'm new here, and didn't realize this young man started life with such great obstacles, he sounds like someone you sould be proud of, not mad at.

Although you know all the stuff he went thru that last year of HS, others don't. I'd, at the very least ,take the whole family out to dinner, that's what we do for graduations.

 

[crz4mm2]

I have read the whole thread.
I have a 26 yo DS who was a terrible student his whole school career. WE never knew from day to day if he would be graduating or not. We even had to check the 'diploma' at graduation to make sure it was SIGNED!!! Attended summer school EVERY year to make up the classes he had failed during the school year (which I PAID for). His Dad told him "YOU WILL GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES" and it looked like he might be on the five year plan.
He didn't like school. Hated it in fact, but he knew he was expected to graduate. He had a very hard time completing more than one task at a time (attention problem) so to take several classes at once was almost unbearable for him.
He did poorly BUT he graduated. He didn't get the kind of grades I would have liked, didn't do the kind of work I would have liked, but he MADE it and that alone was cause for a HUGE celebration at our place! LOL.
Now, for families who have students who can get great grades (and SHOULD) or who have students who just don't try at all, this small victory would not have meant as much, but for us it was wonderful.
I don't know if the OP should have a party or not, I think that is up to her and her DH. BUT, he DID graduate and he DID pull it out (even if he SHOULD have been doing it all along....) so maybe a small celebration is in order....

Good luck to your son. I am sure he will turn out just great and has probably learned a great lesson. Mine is now on his own and engaged, doing pretty well even though he didnt' go to college.....

 

[Mackey Mouse]

OK....Hope you all have a wonderful graduation day....and I do hope you do a little something for him. A cake with some family would be nice, but it does sound like he will be celebrating at other parties.

"Dawn, you're approaching this wrong. If my fourth and last son graduated high school, I'd be throwing that kickass party for myself. "

TeeJay, I have always liked your style. You are right, Dawn should be throwing this party for herself and celebrating the end of those horrific high school years.

 

[Boo'sMom]

It sounds to me like he worked pretty hard after making mistakes to graduate. There are many kids that would have just dropped out rather than pay for their own classes to pick up the slack. Don't be such a hard *** and give the kid a party.

I agree.
We constantly push our kids to do the right thing and suck it up. It seems like he's demonstrated that he can do that by taking those extra course.
Will you be comfortable with your decision in 5, 10, or 20 years?

 

[bubie2.5]

It sounds to me like he worked pretty hard after making mistakes to graduate. There are many kids that would have just dropped out rather than pay for their own classes to pick up the slack. Don't be such a hard *** and give the kid a party.

ITA!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I've read all 9 pages and wanted to add my 2 cents.

Going to Hawaii for 3 weeks to me is a heck of a way to celebrate your son's graduation. Have a great time!

 

[disneylizzy]

Whew, made it through. I'm coming down on the side of a small family celebration. He sounds like a great kid who has personality to spare and I bet he will do just fine, once he discovers what he wants to focus on. People skills can be just as important out in the real world as the ability to write a geometry proof.

Absolutely not for the big, catered, rent a hall and shake down long distance friends and relatives.

Loved the no celebration for wiping your *** comment. How true! Self esteem and motivation have got to come from within.

 

[powellrj]

I too read all nine pages. I agree with Dawn. A small family party is called for in this case. I would use the money you were going to spend on the big party and have a parents relief party. My oldest DS was just like your DS, so I know that you need the party more than he does!!

 

[Blondy876]

I think he should have the party. He worked hard to get to graduate and he should be acknowledged.

I had a slightly different situation but when I graduated college my parents didn't acknowledge it at all. I was the first child in our family to go to college (out of 4 of us). But my step mother convinced my father that since I didn't walk in my graduation it didn't really count. I was married and pregnant at the time and my doctor had me on bedrest. She forbid me from going to graudation because of my health and the health of my baby. So of course, I didn't go. I didn't want a party but it would have been nice to hear my parents tell me they were proud. Don't take that away from him, yes, he screwed up, but he worked hard to try and fix it.

 

[Tiggeroo]

we both have similar sons. My problem was made worst by the fact that I have twin sons and one did ok and one graduated by the skin of his teeth. But we had a party for both of them. In fact the son who had made a mess of things and we didn't know if he would graduate until the last second, the party was even more of a celebration. He was so relieved. He knew he screwed up. All of his friends were going away to college and he was going to be ten minutes away at the CC. He wasn't able to do senior cut day and was probably one of a handful of seniors in school because he was too close to not graduating. But he still deserved a party. He graduated.

 

[SueM in MN]

I think he should have the party. He worked hard to get to graduate and he should be acknowledged. .......................
Don't take that away from him, yes, he screwed up, but he worked hard to try and fix it.

It would have been a lot easier for him to just drop out. Maybe he didn't do it the way you wanted, but he did do it.

 

[buddy&wooz]

Well, my teen son, who isn't a slacker and has no patience for slackers, says you should throw him the party.

I agree with those who said he's already had consequenses for his actions, and in the end he pulled it off and is graduating. Lots of kids don't. Celebrate the good kid you keep saying he is.

 

[Hannathy]

I don't have time to read all 9 pages so sorry if this was discussed but I think you need to consider if his other siblings had a party. If they did he definetly should or he will remember the rest of his life how unfair you were and believe me he will! Besides you are celebrating he graduated not how he graduated.

Have the party, is being vindictive(sp) worth him remembering you like this the rest of his life?

 

[jipsy]

OK I have to admit I only read 5 pages of this drivel, but from what I can gather and what has not really been stated by Dawn in clear terms, is that her son is wanting a "kegger" around the pool with a very large group of family and friends, or possibly even his whole graduating class. What she is thinking of giving him is a family party. She's still probably giving him a party, just not the one he wants.

She has once again, however, managed to get all of you in an uproar because she left out a few details by just stating "I'm not giving him a party". Everyone's idea of a party is different and I am quite surprised that in five pages no one ever asked her in detail what kind of party her son wants.

Leaving out details is a pretty craptastic way of starting a controversial thread and as always, Dawn, you keep us entertained.

 

[Blondy876]

OK I have to admit I only read 5 pages of this drivel, but from what I can gather and what has not really been stated by Dawn in clear terms, is that her son is wanting a "kegger" around the pool with a very large group of family and friends, or possibly even his whole graduating class. What she is thinking of giving him is a family party. She's still probably giving him a party, just not the one he wants.

She has once again, however, managed to get all of you in an uproar because she left out a few details by just stating "I'm not giving him a party". Everyone's idea of a party is different and I am quite surprised that in five pages no one ever asked her in detail what kind of party her son wants.

Leaving out details is a pretty craptastic way of starting a controversial thread and as always, Dawn, you keep us entertained.

Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Here have some and be less of a grouch.

 

[cardaway]

I thought Jipsy nailed it pretty well.

Maybe the son will put together a big bash anyway while the parents are away. They have done it before.

 

[MorganLeFey]

I thought Jipsy nailed it pretty well.

Maybe the son will put together a big bash anyway while the parents are away. They have done it before.

I agree with you on all counts.

 

[MosMom]

OK I have to admit I only read 5 pages of this drivel, but from what I can gather and what has not really been stated by Dawn in clear terms, is that her son is wanting a "kegger" around the pool with a very large group of family and friends, or possibly even his whole graduating class. What she is thinking of giving him is a family party. She's still probably giving him a party, just not the one he wants.

She has once again, however, managed to get all of you in an uproar because she left out a few details by just stating "I'm not giving him a party". Everyone's idea of a party is different and I am quite surprised that in five pages no one ever asked her in detail what kind of party her son wants.

Leaving out details is a pretty craptastic way of starting a controversial thread and as always, Dawn, you keep us entertained.

I was just about to post something similar to this. I agree 100%. Nobody ever had parent sponsored keggers in my area. We had something called an "open house" where family and friends came through and ate a few appetizers then left for the next open house. Parents put some pictures of the graduate out and it is basically a big visit session. I didn't have an open house. I had some quick cake with my parents and grandparents then my friends and I left to go see Jimmy Buffett that night.

I agree everyone has a different idea of a party or celebration but Dawn's original post made it pretty clear there would be nothing.