DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[NewJersey]

OK I have to admit I only read 5 pages of this drivel, but from what I can gather and what has not really been stated by Dawn in clear terms, is that her son is wanting a "kegger" around the pool with a very large group of family and friends, or possibly even his whole graduating class. What she is thinking of giving him is a family party. She's still probably giving him a party, just not the one he wants.

She has once again, however, managed to get all of you in an uproar because she left out a few details by just stating "I'm not giving him a party". Everyone's idea of a party is different and I am quite surprised that in five pages no one ever asked her in detail what kind of party her son wants.

Leaving out details is a pretty craptastic way of starting a controversial thread and as always, Dawn, you keep us entertained.

I agree as well. I left the thread last night and it was people discussing how she should have a small party and now what, 10 pages later everyone has their underwear in a bunch...over a graduation party...man, I wish I had these "important" things to worry about and comment about and get into an argument about in my life too instead of the real things I have.

 

[Karel]

OK I have to admit I only read 5 pages of this drivel, but from what I can gather and what has not really been stated by Dawn in clear terms, is that her son is wanting a "kegger" around the pool with a very large group of family and friends, or possibly even his whole graduating class. What she is thinking of giving him is a family party. She's still probably giving him a party, just not the one he wants. :

Actually, her older sons wanted kegs at their graduation parties and when told no, didn't have graduation parties either.

Her son thought that he would have a huge graduation party but the drinking subject was not part of it.

It was suggest that instead of nothing, at least have a small family party or go out for dinner.

 

[Tiggeroo]

I didn't hear anything about a kegger. Of course that would be out. Here graduations are open houses like others said. You do burgers, salads, cakes. If your family does it you have some alcohol but not for the under 21's. People drop by all afternoon, family and friends. You don't need to dump a bunch of bucks on it. I would do whatever you normally do in your family. If with everybody else you have family only that's what I'd do. But if you usually have the full graduation party I still think you should do that. This son may not make it thru college, or decide on a trade. You should celebrate because he did get thru. I'm not going to change my mind on this and I generally agree with being tough on kids. Basically you are punishing him for the four years of misery he gave you. I can understand wanting to do this. But as a mom you need to be above that. Like I said he has already paid consequences and CC will be another one. He knows he disappointed you even if he acts like he doesn't. Around here nearly every hs kid has a party. The kids will be spending this weekend going from party to party spending a little bit of time at each.

 

[eclectics]

I always got the impression that you are a pretty strict parent (not a bad thing at all) but he's your son and he only graduates once in his life. Maybe this is one of those times when giving the kid a little break would be the better thing to do instead of teaching him a lesson. I'm not saying throw him a kegger and invite the whole class but at least take him out somewhere with the family and later let him have some friends over and order them some pizzas or something.

 

[PolyAddict]

My kids scramble all year long. Hey, so did my DHH and I for that matter. DH is a CPA and I work in Acct. for a Non-profit. The kid made it no matter what and years from now you will regret being so hard on him. Life is short. Celebrate while you can. Our very good friends lost their 17 year old son in a car accident and he would have graduated this year. They would give anything to have seen him graduate.

 

[maxiesmom]

So now our children only deserve to celebrate graduating high school if we think they worked hard enough for it? What adult works with their nose to the grindstone for 4 years in a row without slacking off at least a little?

I still have bad memories about my graduation party. And that was 20+ years ago. Please don't do that to your son. He deserves some acknowledgement from you that he did indeed do the work and earn his diploma.

 

[DawnCt1]

Is everyone ignoring the fact that Dawn said they would probably take him out to eat or something like that??

I guess they are Lindsay. Its more "fun" that way.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

If he had to do summer school--no party. But he finished and you should do something nice.

My mom was always one to NEVER use milestones as teaching points--so our birthday wouldn't get cancelled b/c we were naughty. Maybe less fanfare--but not cancelled. Same for holidays and same for celebrations.

To do nothing punishes your son really for no good reason and is nothing but vindictive as though you are getting even.

I didn't have a big party for my graduation but we certainly did dinner and stuff. We had senior classmen who missed graduation--one for an inappropriate senior prank (wasn't allowed to walk) and one b/c he's an idiot and was credits short. Hello summer school.

Your son finished. Does it really matter how he finished?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I guess they are Lindsay. Its more "fun" that way.

The thread is 10 pages long and this is not in your OP. Noone is having fun at your expense. You asked an opinion and opinions have been provided.

Had you not wished to been the object of "fun"--more details in your OP would have been a good way to prevent that.

 

[Miss Kelly]

The thread is 10 pages long and this is not in your OP. Noone is having fun at your expense. You asked an opinion and opinions have been provided.

Had you not wished to been the object of "fun"--more details in your OP would have been a good way to prevent that.

Ditto and Where is the Update(as indicated in the title)? Just wondering.

 

[disykat]

I guess they are Lindsay. Its more "fun" that way.

I agree they are ignoring it. Dawn spoke of a family dinner on the first page. They are also ignoring the fact that for some of us, graduation parties aren't mandatory as a way of celebrating graduation. Many people graduate without parties. I don't know ANYONE who had one. Dinner with your family, the ceremony, and then celebrating jointly with friends was enough for me and everyone I knew. I'm really surprised that, for so many people, not having their very own party would have been devastating.

 

[DawnCt1]

Here is an update of sorts; DH, I and the family just returned from DSs graduation. Contrary to some popular opinion on this thread, we are enormously proud, do love our son and feel confident that he will grow up and be a wonderful young man. We know he is bright, that he worked hard to finish with his peers and enjoyed his graduation as much as any of the students that went up repeatedly to get their awards and scholarships. Out of two hundred or more graduates, he received among the top 5 in sustained, loud applause. We know he is well liked. I believe I stated, perhaps 8 pages ago that we would compromise and have a small party with some extended family and friends. I believe that I also stated very early that I was quite ambivalant and could be swayed in either direction. There is a certain amount of fatigue that comes with getting your forth, less ambitious son out of high school. Today, he doesn't have time for that. He will have time for that on another day. Additionally, his graduation wasn't confirmed until 3 days ago. Most people have their plans set by then. He has a list of about 4 parties to attend in the next 5 hours before he boards the bus to Boston for their Safe Party Cruise.
Now to clear up any misconceptions that seem bantered about on this thread. 1. We are not ashamed of him. We are very proud. We know he worked hard. he could have worked harder.
2. His cleft palate wasn't as much of an obstacle as the constant attention, intervention and programming was to correct speech issues. I think that kids get over structured, over treated but the danger in not doing so is to be left with serious speech impediments that make people assume that the speaker is "dumb". He was never teased, picked on or treated badly by peers. He became the class clown and everyone has always loved him.
3. We have never had parties for the older boys. They didn't want the quiet, family party with friends and neighbors that we were willing to give. (no keg) and were happy with an "out to dinner", etc. We have a small extended family so most parties would be small. Withholding a party wasn't a "punishment". Frankly we were surprised that he wanted one. He hadn't held a graduation party before and he never mentioned it until Friday. That was yesterday morning!!
4. And four....I am always amazed that there are those posters who will take an opportunity to wage a personal attack or make a snide comment because I happen to be the original poster. Cardaway, I am talking to you. Their are a couple more of you as well. I do try to put away any "history" I have had with a poster when I chose to participate in a discussion and deal with the subject at hand. Some of you chose not to do that or do not have the ability to participate politely in that way.
5. I am sure there will be a five. I just don't know what it is right now. Oh yeah. DS gave the Vice Principal (you know, the one who has my telephone number in speed dial) a BIG HUG and the VP gave him an equally big hug back. Everyone is HAPPY!

 

[JerseyJanice]

Well, it sounds like it all ended well, Dawn. I'm very glad that you, your family and your son enjoyed the graduation ceremony so much.

Congratulations to your boy! Surely he's learned some lessons about procrastinating and will improve his work habits as he matures.

 

[Freyja]

It sounds to me like he worked pretty hard after making mistakes to graduate. There are many kids that would have just dropped out rather than pay for their own classes to pick up the slack. Don't be such a hard *** and give the kid a party.

I couldn´t agree more.

 

[DawnCt1]

I agree they are ignoring it. Dawn spoke of a family dinner on the first page. They are also ignoring the fact that for some of us, graduation parties aren't mandatory as a way of celebrating graduation. Many people graduate without parties. I don't know ANYONE who had one. Dinner with your family, the ceremony, and then celebrating jointly with friends was enough for me and everyone I knew. I'm really surprised that, for so many people, not having their very own party would have been devastating.

Frankly, I too, do not see what is so devastating about NOT having a party. DH nor I had graduation parties, my brother didn't. A lot of families of grads are not having a graduation party. We aren't the only ones and when we have one, it will be the first graduation party in our family. DS #2 graduated in January with a degree in Engineering. We took him out to dinner. That was his party. He was happy with that. If its true that "DS could be resentful and bitter" because he doesn't get the kind of party he wished for, he isn't as resilliant as we think he is. We know better however. We must be doing alright in the parenting department because all of our four sons are looking forward to vacationing with us this summer. The oldest is 28.

 

[shortbun]

I actually haven't ruled out that compromise. A dinner in a restaurant, a small cook out. We have a very small family so a huge party isn't in the cards anyway. He worked hard to a point. I didn't see him doing a lot of homework. I saw him scrambling at the last minute. He got a C in one of his college course and he got an A in the college Acting course. No surprise there. He also had some other issues that emerged that weren't his fault at all and were beyond his control, that served as a distraction, but that is a long story.

I don't see Dawn saying she "probably" is going to take her son out to a restaurant; I see her saying she hasn't ruled it out. Her first post was pretty rigid about not celebrating and pretty clear she thought her son had really screwed up and deserved no celebration. I can quote that one for you but you should go back and read it yourself Dawn. Imagine the mood set by your first post and then keep wondering why loads of us are backing your son and not you here. I think the poster who accused her of trying to rile people up was right. She does that because she likes to. Nothing wrong in that if you are then willing to own up to it. It's the denial that's really wrong here. Dawn, like I said before,I hope you let your child know he's loved and that you are aware he finally stepped up. Your first post made it seem like you had told him he was not worthy of congratulations or praise. He is. If you can't do it, give me his email and I'll do it for you.
Mimi

NOW you mention that he JUST asked for a party and that NONE of your other children had one. The time to say that was in the first post-not on the last page. Of course, the last doesn't get more than the first unless he's earned it in some very special way. Be honest, why would you post the way you did and leave out all the specifics unless you really wanted the attention? No party for you either....although I suspect this thread IS like a party to you.

 

[eclectics]

To be fair to us Dawn, you are sort of giving out mixed signals. Your last sentence of the OP was "Does he deserve a party?" Then in your update you seem to say he deserves one, it's not a punishment, not enough time to plan one, didn't even know he wanted one, etc. Anyway, not a biggie I suppose. Glad your family had a happy day.

 

[cardaway]

5. I am sure there will be a five.

So am I. As the story gets changed page by page, the number of attempts to link them up grows.

 

[MinnieM21]

I don't get why graduation parties are so big. When I graduated from high school AND college, all I did was go out to eat with family. That's it, no party, and I had a blast.

I say take him out to eat and call it a day.

That's what I did when I graduated from high school and that's what I'll be doing when I graduate from college in March. Now that I think about it, none of my friends had parties when they graduated from high school.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

There have been many times that I think Dawn has been on the receiving end of verbal assaults....maybe because she has very definite opinions about life, politics and her family. I have always respected her and most times agree with her. I did speak out on this thread as she asked our opinions and I am kind of a stand-up person and will speak my mind as well.

I do hope that her and her family especially her graduating son have a wonderful graduation day and enjoy their summer vacation together. I think that is pretty cool to have the whole family going together, but of course, when we offer and as long as we are paying, they all come as well...including a son in law..