DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[disneymom3]

um, let's see, I was one and I will have two soon enough. I know what I was held accountable for and there would have been NO WAY POSSIBLE that I would have had to make up/take extra classes to graduate without it being under the radar before a graduation party came up....seems to me the parents "knew" of the case the entire year....

You know though, there are all kinds of personalities in this world. In my life no WAY would I have been able to get away with this kind of stuff, BUT the threats and the expectations worked with me. THat is my personality. I didn't want to not get a license, not go on the family trip, heck I couldn't even stand having my mom disappointed in me. I got straight As because if I brought home anything less, my dad would have given me a look that I swear to this day if I saw it again would still make me cry.

However, my brother is 16 years older than I am. He sounds a lot like Dawn's son. He had personality to beat the band, was president of his senior class, had the administration duped enough that he worked in the office where he managed to score an excused dismissal pad to write his own notes for abscences! He did graduate, but barely and at his own graduation streaked the football field.

Same parents, two very different results.

As far as the party goes, I would give him one but not a huge blow out, just close friends and family.

 

[N.Bailey]

It seems as if we have a failure to communicate. During football season, his grades were acceptable to everyone. He loved football and he would have let his team down if he couldn't play. What turned him around was a couple of things. The first was failing geometry. Geometry is easy but you have to do the homework. When he failed it he realized that if he didn't go to summer school he wouldn't graduate on time. He came home and said, "sign me up for summer school". My attitude was; "why should I pay for what you didn't do? If you want to go, it will cost you $175.00. He had a job assisting a landscaper for which he was overpaid, and he gave me the money. I didn't tell him that I had signed him up already but once he made a financial investment in it and begged to go, he did very well. The missing credit was due to his failing Spanish I a second time and being scheduled for acedemic study hall which provided teacher assistance and supervision. He shouldn't have been scheduled for that if he were short a credit so the only way he could make that credit up was to take two evening 3 credit courses at community college.

Who paid for his college credits so he could graduate? If you did, I'd tell him that's your graduation gift!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I have read three pages here and might finish reading everyone else's opinion, but feel like I have to say what I think now.

Dawn, you and I are most times on the same page, but this time I am having a hard time agreeing. As a Mom of 3 girls, I have not always been pleased with everything they have done or how they have done it.....I know you feel he screwed up this year and probably other years as well....he knows how you feel and probably knows how his brothers feel. Right now that feeling is probably tough enough to deal with knowing he has disappointed his parents and his siblings. You might not think he cares, but deep down I am sure he does. It is tough to know that you have disappointed your family. If it were me, I would run a small family party for him. I would recognize that he did indeed graduate...It would not be a knock down blast with all his friends but I would acknowledge his graduating with something smaller.

And just for the record, there were never keggers at my house either.....not for high school, college was another deal as they were old enough then. Even then I did not like it, but everyone stayed at the house.....and left the next morning.

 

[sajetto]

I totally agree with you and my family was the same way - however I had to laugh at your analagy. When my kids first took that important step I definately felt like throwing a party! A little dancing, some high fiving, cupcakes for dinner, whoo hoo! So, in my family "wiping" is more cause for celebration than completing school! At that age, we celebrated every big boy success - as they get older we sort of expect them to manage certain things. Going to high school and managing to graduate is one of them.

Every family is different. Mine didn't celebrate anything that was expected to occur. It just wasn't their style, but just because they didn't celebrate that doesn't mean that they weren't supportive and encouraging, they were wonderful even if I got the "look" a few times"


Just wanted to add that I wasn't always great at school. The worst talking to I ever got in my life was when my grades started going south in middle school. That was the only thing that enraged both parents and I never wanted to see that rath again.

 

[DawnCt1]

I
Your last post makes me wonder if he wasn't trying to get your attention. Do you and he, by chance, have frequent power struggles?

He had had my FULL attention for some time now. So, no, I think he would have liked less attention. Teens and power struggles? That's almost a definition of adolescence. Do I worry about his future? No. I think he will do fine. He likes nice things. He is a nice person and he knows that we will support him and stand behind him.

 

[momrek06]

I don't know why people have these huge graduation blow outs anyway.

In our town it was "keeping up with the Jones" mentality...and so we all did it..YUP, me as well. I actually started planning in November..renting a Hall for June can be hard with Weddings, so we booked early. Then caterer and getting a d.j.!! Then off to the printer to order invitations. The decorations had to be ordered and additional tables and chairs. We had to reserve rooms for those coming out of state....ugh.... I was a WRECK by the time the party date was actually arriving....BUT all the while EVERYONE was having their party...and bigger and better than the next one....
This was in 2000 when DS#1 grads h.s. and DS#2 grads 8th grade Catholic school.

FAST FORWARD: 2004..DS#1 grads college...DS#2 grads h.s...we went to Vegas for one week. NO PARTY..NO HALL..NO CATERER..NO DJ..just some really good family bonding time.

 

[Micca]

Who wants to have a party with their parents?

 

[DawnCt1]

BTW. He's the one on the left flashing the "hang loose" shaka sign. What else?

 

[momrek06]

BTW. He's the one on the left flashing the "hang loose" shaka sign. What else?

Ahh, Dawn..he is a cutie!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

he deserves a party. He will remember this his whole life if he doesn't have one and you should have a party just because you love him -- not based on academic performance.

Is that what people REALLY base the parties on -- academic performance?

(DAWN- Did you NEVER make any mistakes? ever?)

 

[Lanshark]

Sometimes no matter how much we encourage, support and model certain behaviors our teens are going to do what they're going to do. Unfortunately IRL performance is what counts. If a child is not capable of doing better then that's one thing. If your child is capable of doing better and then makes the wrong decisions then there are consequences.

Personally,I think, his paying the $175, having to go to summer school and having to take the college course is a natural consequence to blowing off school. The lack of a celebration, of some sort, is not going to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't do a big blowout but I would think a small celebration is in order for him working through the mess he created

 

[DawnCt1]

Well tomorrow is graduation and he will be busy attending a whole slew of graduation parties....which would have been the down side to him having his own graduation party. He wouldn't have been able to make the rounds. Fortunately our school has a "safe party' which will have all of the kids report to the school at 6 pm and take bus to Boston where they will take a cruise. The bus will return to the high school at 2 am. I will see how I feel after tomorrow. I can honestly see both sides of this issue.

 

[SplshMtn99]

Haven't the entire thread....but absolutely no celebration? Not even a small one? Glad you aren't my mother. That's one of those things you'll never be able to fix. And I would remember it for a LONG time.

My family was never big on parties or Christmas or gifts. But at least I had a cake, my immediately family, my boyfriend & a few cards / small gifts one night.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think that when a kid graduates and has overcome his own stupidity, immaturity or whatever caused the previous problems....even more reason to celebrate!

I totally believe in not rewarding bad behavior, but sheesh...recognizing the good is what gives our kids the steam to continue on that track. Acting like it wasn't good enough is just defeating. Sometimes it is important to remember that an vital role of parenting is showing unconditional love and support. Especially important to stress when they are trying hard. If you cannot depend on your parents giving you a second chance, well how sad.

"I am sure my parents loved me, but there was no room for failure and even success was bittersweet. They were so rigid that eventually our relationship just broke under the strain." I read that somewhere ...it's food for thought.

 

[disykat]

Every family is different. Mine didn't celebrate anything that was expected to occur. It just wasn't their style, but just because they didn't celebrate that doesn't mean that they weren't supportive and encouraging, they were wonderful even if I got the "look" a few times"
:

Oh, I agree with you and my family is/was the same way. Remember my family is the one that compares graduations to going to the dentist - it's just something you do. You'll get why I thought your analogy was funny if you have kids and go through potty training! The first time they wipe their own bottom, trust me, it'll be cause for celebration!

 

[disykat]

It would be interesting to do a poll, because I'd never really heard of doing a high school graduation party - unless it was to have all your friends over and celebrate together. I haven't known anyone to have a "get gifts and honor the high school graduation of one individual" party. I'm surprised so many people think it is a given when I've never really heard of it.

 

[Teejay32]

Dawn, you're approaching this wrong. If my fourth and last son graduated high school, I'd be throwing that kickass party for myself.

You've set the bar high and I respect that, and I don't have any problem with you not wanting to "reward" him for this. For myself and many other people I know, graduating was its own reward - whoo hoo, I'm done. Best present ever. Even so, it's a big event in his life and obviously one that is celebrated big in his crowd, and yes, he had to put in some work and sweat at the end...I'd have caved in somehow by now.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think that when a kid graduates and has overcome his own stupidity, immaturity or whatever caused the previous problems....even more reason to celebrate!

I totally believe in not rewarding bad behavior, but sheesh...recognizing the good is what gives our kids the steam to continue on that track. Acting like it wasn't good enough is just defeating. Sometimes it is important to remember that an vital role of parenting is showing unconditional love and support. Especially important to stress when they are trying hard. If you cannot depend on your parents giving you a second chance, well how sad.

.

I think all of our boys know that they can depend upon their parents to give them a second, third and fourth chance. I don't have a problem with a small, modest celebration. There are parties here that rival weddings. We won't be doing that for sure.

 

[DawnCt1]

.I'd have caved in somehow by now.

And we probably will to some degree.

 

[poohandwendy]

Oops, sorry, I was under the impression that you had decided there would be no celebration at all, not even a minor one.