DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[damo]

I think he already knows how disappointed you are in him. Giving him a party isn't going to change that. It is only going to rub his nose in it.

 

[DawnCt1]

If your other sons got a party, then he should get a party too. Otherwise he will resent you.

Actually they didn't really want parties because they knew we wouldn't have a "keg". They enjoyed everyone elses parties.

 

[RitaZ.]

well color me confused....if he was held accountable for grades/classes then how is it possible he had to make up/take extra classes?

Dawn doesn't strike me as the kind of parent that isn't involved with her sons, she strikes me as a tough cookie. That's the thing about teens, there comes a point that you have to step back and let their stupid choices teach them a lesson. I think the fact that he had to take extra classes shows that he was held accountable for his choices.

 

[va32h]

Our son had wonderful, caring, attentive parents. I am not sure Britney Spears had that advantage.

What happened to those people? Maybe they can throw him a party.

I might not throw my child a huge all-out party under these circumstances, but I would invite family over for cake and punch. Graduating high school isn't something to be ashamed of.

 

[TimeforMe]

That those who engage in school, do their homework, don't sneak out to Subway for lunch when they don't have senior privilages, get rewarded and those who just do what they need to do to get by....don't. If he had put the effort in through out his first 3 years, he would have done extremely well. He always tested well, all of his teacher liked him, he was pleasant, polite, but he also schmoozed his way through school and had to scramble at the end. He could do very well when it was football season. He managed to get his homework in then.

And don't you think that by him not doing all those things he "could have" he was, in a sense, punished. He didn't reap any of the rewards he could have either.

To me, a party is not a reward--it is a celebration and acknowledgement. I'd do at least a little something.

Out of curiosity, what's he doing after high school? Any college plans?

 

[DawnCt1]

so I still don't understand how HS works then....why did he need so much extra work to graduate if his grades/classes were being monitored by you/DH?

Here, in FL, there are grading periods...and in college ~ semesters...I knew what was expected of me for each.

Monitoring them and effecting a change isn't necessarily the same. One credit was lost because he was in a study skills study hall. No credit there. He always knew what was expected of him. He just didn't expect the chickens to come home to roost.

 

[disykat]

I think you're doing the right thing. IMO, pulling through school by the skin of your teeth is nothing to celebrate. It's more like - you're lucky you're not in big trouble mister! Heck, I was an honor student and I didn't have a party - neither did my siblings. My dad's exact words were "graduating from high school is like going to the dentist". I remember it, not because I was hurt, but because I thought it was funny and I agreed with him! Between my siblings, me, and my mom getting a second degree we had a graduation every year for about a decade.

Some people like to have parties for everything, I understand that. But isn't a graduation party celebrating the fact that you are done - not that you were actually able to do it? People keep saying celebrate his "achievement" and I'm sort of appalled by that. I can see celebrating it as an important milestone, but I think I'd be offended if people were celebrating the fact that I managed to achieve completing high school.

 

[ZipaDeeDooDah]

Go with your instict Mom, it seems to have served you well so far!!! DO NOT feel the need to defend or justify any of your decisions to anybody. We have not lived in your shoes and do not deserve to be armchair philosophers when it comes to your son, your decisions for him and how they may or may not affect his future and yours.


Having said that - what is with all of the mean spirited digs and comments in this thread? Why is it so hard for people to politely phrase a question or make a comment?

Sorry for the hijack - but yeesh!

 

[DawnCt1]

And don't you think that by him not doing all those things he "could have" he was, in a sense, punished. He didn't reap any of the rewards he could have either.

To me, a party is not a reward--it is a celebration and acknowledgement. I'd do at least a little something.

Out of curiosity, what's he doing after high school? Any college plans?

Yes, he plans to attend our local community college and he intends to do well. I am frankly opened to a small gathering, although, as I said, we don't have a very big extended family. I never considered that he was "punished". The message was, "you don't have your license because of the choices you have made". He is the kid who is on his way home and then runs into a friend who says, stop by my house...and he does. Calling home is rarely an after thought. Believe me. We love him. We are a close family and we do a lot of things together. All six of us are vacationing together this summer and the oldest is going to be 28. Maybe its a "baby" thing. He's the "baby".

 

[kayeandjim00]

If you are saying you might give him a small party then why the post saying you aren't giving him a party? Sounds like you haven't decided so a more appropriate title might be "I'm trying to decide if I want to give my DS a graduation party"

 

[momrek06]

If you are saying you might give him a small party then why the post saying you aren't giving him a party? Sounds like you haven't decided so a more appropriate title might be "I'm trying to decide if I want to give my DS a graduation party"

I think what Dawn is saying is...she is NOT going to rent a hall, hire a band, call a caterer....the PRICEY type grad party...

But probably a small family cookout....

 

[DawnCt1]

I think you're doing the right thing. IMO, pulling through school by the skin of your teeth is nothing to celebrate. It's more like - you're lucky you're not in big trouble mister! Heck, I was an honor student and I didn't have a party - neither did my siblings. My dad's exact words were "graduating from high school is like going to the dentist". I remember it, not because I was hurt, but because I thought it was funny and I agreed with him! Between my siblings, me, and my mom getting a second degree we had a graduation every year for about a decade.

Some people like to have parties for everything, I understand that. But isn't a graduation party celebrating the fact that you are done - not that you were actually able to do it? People keep saying celebrate his "achievement" and I'm sort of appalled by that. I can see celebrating it as an important milestone, but I think I'd be offended if people were celebrating the fact that I managed to achieve completing high school.

If I were going to re write my original post, it would be everything that you said. What is so remarkable about getting out of high school by the skin of your teeth? Then when I say that, I feel like perhaps I am being "mean". I don't feel like I am being mean. I feel that DS is asking for a party because his friend who graduated last year got $2000 from his party. My response was, a party isn't to shake down friends and family members for cash because you did what you should have done. I am more than happy to have a party for a college graduation and would have certainly had one for DS #1, and #2 had they wanted one. They didn't. We went out to dinner instead.

 

[DawnCt1]

If you are saying you might give him a small party then why the post saying you aren't giving him a party? Sounds like you haven't decided so a more appropriate title might be "I'm trying to decide if I want to give my DS a graduation party"

We have a back yard. We have a pool and we often have people over for a cook out, swimming, etc. But frankly I have a problem with having a big graduation party to celebrate his "escaping" high school. I see graduation parties being useful for kids going off to college, leaving home, living in the dorm and having expenses related to that. That is not DS's situation. I would have been happy if it were but community college will provide him with an opportunity to focus on his goals. Am I ambivalent? Sure. What parent isn't?

 

[LK03]

I was a scholarly high school student and did fine but didn't have a graduation party. It didn't phase me at all. In fact I didn't want one. H.S. was just the stepping stone to college. I graduated that and didn't have a party either. I think if I get my MBA, maybe then I'll have a party, but it's just not my thing. I still received cards from family in the mail for graduating both, and if your family believes he deserves those, they'll send him kudos gifts. I have no qualms with your decision. If he wanted to slack the last half of the year, then no, he does not deserve a party. Just because he pulled his weight at the very end, doesn't mean he deserves one since he should have never been in that situation.

 

[TimeforMe]

I feel that DS is asking for a party because his friend who graduated last year got $2000 from his party. My response was, a party isn't to shake down friends and family members for cash because you did what you should have done.

LOL Gotta love kids!

Ya know, it's really probably not that big of a deal either way. And like I always tell my friends--you're the mom--you know what's best.

 

[lillygator]

If I were going to re write my original post, it would be everything that you said. What is so remarkable about getting out of high school by the skin of your teeth? Then when I say that, I feel like perhaps I am being "mean". I don't feel like I am being mean. I feel that DS is asking for a party because his friend who graduated last year got $2000 from his party. My response was, a party isn't to shake down friends and family members for cash because you did what you should have done. I am more than happy to have a party for a college graduation and would have certainly had one for DS #1, and #2 had they wanted one. They didn't. We went out to dinner instead.

I guess I feel as though you let him get out by the skin of his teeth...

 

[DawnCt1]

IIf he wanted to slack the last half of the year, then no, he does not deserve a party. Just because he pulled his weight at the very end, doesn't mean he deserves one since he should have never been in that situation.

I agree. He created the situation he was in. We attended a graduation party two weeks ago. When I tell you that I haven't seen weddings as nice, that is not an exageration!. This particular graduate did well in college but doesn't have a job. He does have a lease on the car of my dreams however. That SLK Mercedes two seater with the hard top convertible and the nav system. I really like that car.

 

[disykat]

I guess I feel as though you let him get out by the skin of his teeth...

I take it you don't have teenagers? It's hard, but there comes a point when you can't make all their choices for them.

 

[N.Bailey]

I didn't read this whole thread and after the 1st page, I'm kinda glad I didn't. IMO however, I'd have a small party. Graduating HS is a once in a lifetime event and deserving of something, IMO.

I'm in your corner about the driver's license thing though. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns. I'll be in that boat later this year. My son turns 16 in November. If he puts out no effort to keep his grades up, he won't be getting his permit either. Insurance is high enough, he'd better do his part to keep it as low as possible.

I would also like to toss the kudos your son's way for doing what he had to (at his own expense even) to graduate. Not all kids would have done the same.

 

[MorganLeFey]

Dawn, you punished him when he didn't perform...e.g., no trip to Boca. He finally turned things around and got his act together, some recognition of of that accomplishment is warranted.


my younger daughter will be a freshman in high school in september. she's a straight A student, a member of the honor society, and has alreeady amassed high school credits. hopefully her high school career will continue on this path.

my older daughter, alas, is not that kind of student -- she is far more interested in her social life than in her academic career. she fell apart freshman year, and despite all my efforts to help her turn things around, she simply gave up on school, failed two subjects, and wound up in summer school for six weeks instead of 8 weeks of travel camp with her friend. I think that was consequence enough -- she turned herself around this year. and when she graduates in 2008 I am going to throw a kick-*** party to celebrate her accomplishments, all the more sweet because of her struggles and failures.



a little off topic, but...in college I minored in English, graduated cum laude, and hold a juris doctor degree...and I have been known to use the word "craptastic".