DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[RitaZ.]

It's all clear now! I think the problem is that our idea of a small party is very different than what Dawn's son had in mind.

Dawn, about the graduate that has the MB... What did he get his degree in? It used to be that it took years to reach that level of luxury. A lot of college graduates these days expect their first car to be a luxury car (of course, leased), and they don't even have a job lined up.

 

[DawnCt1]

I guess I feel as though you let him get out by the skin of his teeth...

Then I guess when and if you are a parent, you may be surprised that you don't always have as much control as you think you can or should have. I also feel that it isn't always how you start the race, its how you end up. I know a lot of very successful people who could have worked a lot harder and done a lot better in high school, used the community college system and went on to do great things. In the end, scholastic achievement and success has to come from within. When DS 28 graduated from high school the saluditorian recieved great grades, great scholarships and went on to a wonderful college. He flunked out in his first year.

 

[lillygator]

I take it you don't have teenagers? It's hard, but there comes a point when you can't make all their choices for them.

um, let's see, I was one and I will have two soon enough. I know what I was held accountable for and there would have been NO WAY POSSIBLE that I would have had to make up/take extra classes to graduate without it being under the radar before a graduation party came up....seems to me the parents "knew" of the case the entire year....

 

[DawnCt1]

It's all clear now! I think the problem is that our idea of a small party is very different than what Dawn's son had in mind.

Dawn, about the graduate that has the MB... What did he get his degree in? It used to be that it took years to reach that level of luxury. A lot of college graduates these days expect their first car to be a luxury car (of course, leased), and they don't even have a job lined up.

Finance! The kid is half my age, he can't pay for that car yet but its in the driveway!!! My car has 150,000K on it. I am still looking for "my car" however. I want to see what the 2007 look like.

 

[sajetto]

I haven't read this whole thread and I'm sorry if this is OT, but why does everything need a party?

I NEVER had a sweet sixteen or graduation party for high school or college. My mom didn't even COME to my HS graduation because she said that she was going to wait for the "important one" i.e. college.

I didn't even go to my college graduation (so I guess she didn't need to go ). I'm in grad school and I don't think I'll go to that either, its just another excuse for the university to suck one more dime out of me. However, I will go out to eat with my family as a small celebration.

In my family you weren't anything special just because you graduated. You were supposed to do it. A party was like giving you a medal for wiping your *ss

Sorry for being so blunt, but that's just how I was raised

 

[lillygator]

Then I guess when and if you are a parent, you may be surprised that you don't always have as much control as you think you can or should have. I also feel that it isn't always how you start the race, its how you end up. I know a lot of very successful people who could have worked a lot harder and done a lot better in high school, used the community college system and went on to do great things. In the end, scholastic achievement and success has to come from within. When DS 28 graduated from high school the saluditorian recieved great grades, great scholarships and went on to a wonderful college. He flunked out in his first year.

I guess I feel as though you had to know about this all year...right? This wasn't an "oh crap graduation is upon us" kind of thing. Your DS turned it around. He's not getting a GED, he did what he had to and if he hasn't been expected to come home every grading preiod showing A's or improvement then hey - he did his job.

 

[DawnCt1]

a little off topic, but...in college I minored in English, graduated cum laude, and hold a juris doctor degree...and I have been known to use the word "craptastic".

I have to be honest. I have never heard of "craptastic" until tonight. I think its hard for parents who have done well in school to deal with "under achievers". (slackers). Obviously there is no genetic reason for them not to excell and no parental reasons either. He was definately the kid that was most micro managed due to his speech issues.

 

[DawnCt1]

I guess I feel as though you had to know about this all year...right? This wasn't an "oh crap graduation is upon us" kind of thing. Your DS turned it around. He's not getting a GED, he did what he had to and if he hasn't been expected to come home every grading preiod showing A's or improvement then hey - he did his job.

We knew about this "for at least two years". That doesn't change the results. What changed the results is the fact that he wasn't going to graduate with his class unless he did something drastic. There comes a point where no car, no license, grounding, no cell phone, no computer, no, no, no is absolutely useless. Not that one shouldn't try those things but in the end, success or failure has to come from the student, not the parents strangling the student. Although strangulation was an option that I considered. He was expected to come home every grading period showing improvement. He didn't. I also had his teachers email me progress reports in between the progress reports. He was on weekly check sheets. He did great during football season. I suppose I could suggest that football be a year round sport. That might have had an impact.

 

[DawnCt1]

I
I didn't even go to my college graduation (so I guess she didn't need to go ). I'm in grad school and I don't think I'll go to that either, its just another excuse for the university to suck one more dime out of me. However, I will go out to eat with my family as a small celebration.

In my family you weren't anything special just because you graduated. You were supposed to do it. A party was like giving you a medal for wiping your *ss

Sorry for being so blunt, but that's just how I was raised

I don't disagree with you. What is so hard about getting out of high school?

 

[N.Bailey]

Having read a little bit more, I agree that a huge graduation party isn't necessary. I wouldn't think it necessary even if he was a straight A student. A family gathering is perfectly in order though. As I said, graduating high school is a once in a lifetime achievement and certainly deserving of some type of recognition.

I also don't get the gift giving business outside the family either. I might give some money to a few of my children's closest friends when they all graduate, or my best friend's son when he graduates, but aside from that, if it's not family, I won't be sending money.

 

[lillygator]

We knew about this "for at least two years". That doesn't change the results. What changed the results is the fact that he wasn't going to graduate with his class unless he did something drastic. There comes a point where no car, no license, grounding, no cell phone, no computer, no, no, no is absolutely useless. Not that one shouldn't try those things but in the end, success or failure has to come from the student, not the parents strangling the student. Although strangulation was an option that I considered. He was expected to come home every grading period showing improvement. He didn't. I also had his teachers email me progress reports in between the progress reports. He was on weekly check sheets. He did great during football season. I suppose I could suggest that football be a year round sport. That might have had an impact.

to me this post says ALOT. If he has been held accountable - then ??? no party~~~~!!!!


What was IT that turned him around in the end if NOTHING worked the rest of the time? (filing away for my uncontrollable girls)

So his grades were ok by the football coach stds/school stds to play? what about you?



NOTE~~~!!!!


please....I am not trying to be a meanie....I am thinking of my awful teen self (for my Dear MOM) and what my girls will put me through.

 

[sajetto]

I don't disagree with you. What is so hard about getting out of high school?

Not a darn thing. Stick to your guns mom because he'll thank you for it later. It just may be MUCH later

 

[lillygator]

We knew about this "for at least two years". That doesn't change the results. What changed the results is the fact that he wasn't going to graduate with his class unless he did something drastic. There comes a point where no car, no license, grounding, no cell phone, no computer, no, no, no is absolutely useless. Not that one shouldn't try those things but in the end, success or failure has to come from the student, not the parents strangling the student. Although strangulation was an option that I considered. He was expected to come home every grading period showing improvement. He didn't. I also had his teachers email me progress reports in between the progress reports. He was on weekly check sheets. He did great during football season. I suppose I could suggest that football be a year round sport. That might have had an impact.

AHHH.......I reread - so he was allowed to play football or participate in FB? (and actually my worst semesters in college were Fall - UF fball season!!)

 

[Pin Wizard]

...I also feel that it isn't always how you start the race, its how you end up...

He ended up graduating. That's something to celebrate!

 

[MorganLeFey]

I have to be honest. I have never heard of "craptastic" until tonight. I think its hard for parents who have done well in school to deal with "under achievers". (slackers). Obviously there is no genetic reason for them not to excell and no parental reasons either. He was definately the kid that was most micro managed due to his speech issues.

to be honest, my older dd was a fairly good student until she hit high school, and I never expected to have a dd who wasn't "into" school like I was. but I focus on the whole package...she is a beautiful young lady, she has wonderful people skills, she worked hard to make the varsity cheerleading squad, and she does volunteer work at her old elementary school. so she's not a future Ivy Leaguer; she'll find other ways to be successful in life.

and I learned the word "craptastic" from a friend of mine...a dear friend who works in the halls of academia...

 

[bumcat]

I think he already knows how disappointed you are in him. Giving him a party isn't going to change that. It is only going to rub his nose in it.

My thoughts exactly.

 

[Marseeya]

I have to be honest. I have never heard of "craptastic" until tonight. I think its hard for parents who have done well in school to deal with "under achievers". (slackers). Obviously there is no genetic reason for them not to excell and no parental reasons either. He was definately the kid that was most micro managed due to his speech issues.

Oy vey, it could be me writing this post in three years!

I'm with you. I like that you're willing to compromise and give him a small party or take him out to dinner to acknowledge the fact that he did pass. I don't know why people have these huge graduation blow outs anyway. When I was that age, the only kids I knew who had those big parties barely passed by the skins of their teeth anyway.

If he gets through college with good grades and hard work, give him a big party then.

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

I have two male friends who sound a lot like your son when they were in high school. One skipped school to go to the beach, partied a lot, and had to go to summer school. The other never did homework, barely got by, and could care less about his classes. The first attended one of the best med schools in the country (after doing well in college) and now has a very successful medical practice. The other just made partner in a very large law firm. From what I know, they had very supportive parents who understood that not all teens are alike and there's such a thing as a late bloomer. From what you've written here, it sounds like your son has many positive qualities.

By not recognizing this achievement, you are setting the stage for major failure in the future. He will remember that when he did achieve something, it wasn't good enough for you. Next time, he'll just completely give up. He did work hard when he needed to, even if it was on his terms and not on yours. He will remember that you didn't give him a party and he will resent being compared to his brothers.

Your last post makes me wonder if he wasn't trying to get your attention. Do you and he, by chance, have frequent power struggles?

 

[disykat]

celebration.

In my family you weren't anything special just because you graduated. You were supposed to do it. A party was like giving you a medal for wiping your *ss

I totally agree with you and my family was the same way - however I had to laugh at your analagy. When my kids first took that important step I definately felt like throwing a party! A little dancing, some high fiving, cupcakes for dinner, whoo hoo! So, in my family "wiping" is more cause for celebration than completing school! At that age, we celebrated every big boy success - as they get older we sort of expect them to manage certain things. Going to high school and managing to graduate is one of them.

 

[DawnCt1]

to me this post says ALOT. If he has been held accountable - then ??? no party~~~~!!!!


What was IT that turned him around in the end if NOTHING worked the rest of the time? (filing away for my uncontrollable girls)

So his grades were ok by the football coach stds/school stds to play? what about you?



NOTE~~~!!!!


please....I am not trying to be a meanie....I am thinking of my awful teen self (for my Dear MOM) and what my girls will put me through.

It seems as if we have a failure to communicate. During football season, his grades were acceptable to everyone. He loved football and he would have let his team down if he couldn't play. What turned him around was a couple of things. The first was failing geometry. Geometry is easy but you have to do the homework. When he failed it he realized that if he didn't go to summer school he wouldn't graduate on time. He came home and said, "sign me up for summer school". My attitude was; "why should I pay for what you didn't do? If you want to go, it will cost you $175.00. He had a job assisting a landscaper for which he was overpaid, and he gave me the money. I didn't tell him that I had signed him up already but once he made a financial investment in it and begged to go, he did very well. The missing credit was due to his failing Spanish I a second time and being scheduled for acedemic study hall which provided teacher assistance and supervision. He shouldn't have been scheduled for that if he were short a credit so the only way he could make that credit up was to take two evening 3 credit courses at community college.