DS 18 is not getting a graduation party. UPDATE; somewhere on Page 10

[DawnCt1]

What do you hope he will learn by not having a party?

That those who engage in school, do their homework, don't sneak out to Subway for lunch when they don't have senior privilages, get rewarded and those who just do what they need to do to get by....don't. If he had put the effort in through out his first 3 years, he would have done extremely well. He always tested well, all of his teacher liked him, he was pleasant, polite, but he also schmoozed his way through school and had to scramble at the end. He could do very well when it was football season. He managed to get his homework in then. He could have done it all along. It wasn't that he had a disability. It was that it wasn't important to him. My BIL and SIL commented on how well read he was and what a broad fund of knowledge he had when we were at WDW with their family last year. His teachers have consistantly commented on his awareness of his world and his "sophistication". Its not like he didn't have the ability to do well and work harder. He is a kid who looks for short cuts. He feels now that he is 18 he doesn't need driver's ed. He does and if he wants to drive on our insurance he will take it. He is planning on community college and he is happy with that. I am happy with that. Maybe by fall he will get to drive himself there.

 

[Bumbles]

wow, just wow

It's your choice, but don't be surprised if you end up in a really craptastic old folks home one day.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

never mind

 

[Keli]

It seems wrong to let our kids know how strongly we disapprove of their slacking and at the same time to withhold out accolades when they do achieve something (even if it by the skin of their teeth).

 

[MosMom]

wow, just wow

It's your choice, but don't be surprised if you end up in a really craptastic old folks home one day.

I can tell you did a subpar job in high school and got a party anyway. Only someone who did would dare use a word like "craptastic".

 

[DawnCt1]

I just think you should spread some of that compassion that you have for Britney Spears over to your own son.

Our son had wonderful, caring, attentive parents. I am not sure Britney Spears had that advantage.

 

[DawnCt1]

wow, just wow

It's your choice, but don't be surprised if you end up in a really craptastic old folks home one day.

Unfortunately for him, he has three older brothers that agree with us. He does get to go to Hawaii for almost three weeks this summer.

 

[4nana]

Isn't parenting is one of the most difficult job in the world?!

I know exactally what you are saying Dawn, you know how much better your son could have done if he only applied himself. I admire any parent who tries to teach their child accountability, to face the conquences of their actions and to build a strong character to face whatever the world throws at them.

Altho I have not walked a mile in your shoes, I feel this is a 'better late than never' situation. He did graduate, maybe not with all the bells and whistles you were hoping...but he did accomplish it in his own way. He could have given up and quit or God knows worse! I hope you make a decison to do 'something' to recognize his graduation that you all will be happy with ~ for they are not really ours, God only lends them to us to raise to the best of our ability.

 

[lillygator]

That those who engage in school, do their homework, don't sneak out to Subway for lunch when they don't have senior privilages, get rewarded and those who just do what they need to do to get by....don't. If he had put the effort in through out his first 3 years, he would have done extremely well. He always tested well, all of his teacher liked him, he was pleasant, polite, but he also schmoozed his way through school and had to scramble at the end. He could do very well when it was football season. He managed to get his homework in then. He could have done it all along. It wasn't that he had a disability. It was that it wasn't important to him. My BIL and SIL commented on how well read he was and what a broad fund of knowledge he had when we were at WDW with their family last year. His teachers have consistantly commented on his awareness of his world and his "sophistication". Its not like he didn't have the ability to do well and work harder. He is a kid who looks for short cuts. He feels now that he is 18 he doesn't need driver's ed. He does and if he wants to drive on our insurance he will take it. He is planning on community college and he is happy with that. I am happy with that. Maybe by fall he will get to drive himself there.

did you never hold him accountable for grades? I mean....I was always held accountable and my parents always knew where my grades were....

 

[AK_Islander]

no way in hades should he not be reconized for this major accomplishment. the kid made it through 13 years of school, he deserves some type of party whether it be big or small.

 

[DawnCt1]

did you never hold him accountable for grades? I mean....I was always held accountable and my parents always knew where my grades were....

Absolutely! But, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. He had an opportunity to visit friends in Boca Raton during winter break if his grades were good. Nope, couldn't go. Getting his drivers license was a really big thing to him...but not big enough to work harder in school. He is a nice kid. He has four older brothers, one who is an engineer, another who does very well in college that all responded to the "carrot" of privileges". He chose not to. He could have gotton the Alfred E. Newman "What me worry" award in high school. In fact, he got mentioned in at least 5 year book notations. I think in some ways he was over programmed for school. He was born with a cleft palate and was unintelligible until 1st grade when he had a surgical revision. He was in speech therapy from the age of 18 months with preschool programs until 8th grade and then became extremely socially popular. That was a big draw. More important that academics. I do think that kids can get burnt out from school and structure but good speech is essential in the world we live in. Unfortunately poor speech can be a severe handicap.

 

[lillygator]

ummm and also not to mention the parents made it through, although we don't know yet how grades/classes were monitored.

 

[disrailfan]

Dawn,

I agree with your stance on this one. My oldest daughter turned 18 last August and this was supposed to be her Senior year and graduation. While she had enough credits to graduate, she lacked the majors that she needed to graduate and she flunked out of English Comp Second Semester this year. While it does not make a lot of sense to me they are allowing her to take this class in a 16 day summer school class. So basically DD scated through her senior year and does not graduate but gets to make it up the class in a blow off summer school class.

I am debating whether I will allow her to have a small party only with close family. My parents say I owe this to her, but I disagree as she is now getting ready to step into life as we know it and she has NO PLANS nor does she have any idea what she is even considering doing. She met a guy on the Internet last year who is from Rochster NY whom she plans to move in with there after she has completed Summer School and Graduates (Gets a Diploma). Consider yourself lucky if he is a good kid, things could be much worse.

 

[lillygator]

Absolutely! But, you can lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. He had an opportunity to visit friends in Boca Raton during winter break if his grades were good. Nope, couldn't go. Getting his drivers license was a really big thing to him...but not big enough to work harder in school. He is a nice kid. He has four older brothers, one who is an engineer, another who does very well in college that all responded to the "carrot" of privileges". He chose not to. He could have gotton the Alfred E. Newman "What me worry" award in high school. In fact, he got mentioned in at least 5 year book notations. I think in some ways he was over programmed for school. He was born with a cleft palate and was unintelligible until 1st grade when he had a surgical revision. He was in speech therapy from the age of 18 months with preschool programs until 8th grade and then became extremely socially popular. That was a big draw. More important that academics. I do think that kids can get burnt out from school and structure but good speech is essential in the world we live in. Unfortunately poor speech can be a severe handicap.

well color me confused....if he was held accountable for grades/classes then how is it possible he had to make up/take extra classes?

 

[DawnCt1]

well color me confused....if he was held accountable for grades/classes then how is it possible he had to make up/take extra classes?

Because there can be consequences but if those consequences don't effect a change, then the grades remain poor. If one chooses NOT to learn Spanish and they repeat the class and still don't learn Spanish, that's two credits gone. I was actually surprised that he knew more Spanish than I imagined. He understood the bilingual tour at Biscayne Bay.

 

[alliecats]

wow, just wow

It's your choice, but don't be surprised if you end up in a really craptastic old folks home one day.

Literally, LOL. With tears.

 

[RitaZ.]

Dawn~ Unless there are other details that only you know about, I think you need to give this some more thought. Yes, he scrambled at the end, but he did accomplish what he set out to do. It would have been so much easier to let all of it overwhelm him and give in to failing and not graduate. Read some of the threads posted by other parents, some are really going through some very difficult times with their teens. Just do a low key celebration... It's not about celebrating mediocrity, it's about celebrating a huge milestone in your son's life, even if he didn't reach it according to your standards. Think about it!

Who knows, maybe this experience is what your son needed to get his act together in school, he may surprise you in college.

 

[DawnCt1]

Dawn,

I agree with your stance on this one. My oldest daughter turned 18 last August and this was supposed to be her Senior year and graduation. While she had enough credits to graduate, she lacked the majors that she needed to graduate and she flunked out of English Comp Second Semester this year. While it does not make a lot of sense to me they are allowing her to take this class in a 16 day summer school class. So basically DD scated through her senior year and does not graduate but gets to make it up the class in a blow off summer school class.

I am debating whether I will allow her to have a small party only with close family. My parents say I owe this to her, but I disagree as she is now getting ready to step into life as we know it and she has NO PLANS nor does she have any idea what she is even considering doing. She met a guy on the Internet last year who is from Rochster NY whom she plans to move in with there after she has completed Summer School and Graduates (Gets a Diploma). Consider yourself lucky if he is a good kid, things could be much worse.

It is so difficult raising teens. Some kids just get up in the morning, they do what they are supposed to do, excell at it and their parents never give it a second thought. I can't recall my mother going to one parent teacher conference. She worked hard, my dad worked nights and it was my responsibility to do my work. I had just turned 17 when I graduated from high school. As parents we can do every thing right. We can show up in the schools every week, volunteer for every committee, take the kids to baseball, foot ball, karate and scouts and in the end, they are going to do what they are going to do. Today I saw the Vice Principal and I said; "Mr. G. Next September I want you to call me and tell me that P is not in his 3rd period class".

 

[LoraJ]

If your other sons got a party, then he should get a party too. Otherwise he will resent you.

 

[lillygator]

Because there can be consequences but if those consequences don't effect a change, then the grades remain poor. If one chooses NOT to learn Spanish and they repeat the class and still don't learn Spanish, that's two credits gone. I was actually surprised that he knew more Spanish than I imagined. He understood the bilingual tour at Biscayne Bay.

so I still don't understand how HS works then....why did he need so much extra work to graduate if his grades/classes were being monitored by you/DH?

Here, in FL, there are grading periods...and in college ~ semesters...I knew what was expected of me for each.