Don't call me "hun"

[Goofyluver]

Honestly, the "chip on their shoulder" comment is exactly why I have never asked anyone not to use "Hon" or "Dear" or any other endearment to refer to me. I've seen this come up on other boards and I'm always shocked by the reactions from the people who use (or at least don't mind) those terms when they discover some people don't feel it's appropriate to use them for strangers. People get very irritated or defensive when they find out some people don't like it. They never think they might be wrong for using the terms. Instead they think the people who don't want to be referred to that way have a problem.

I sort of see it as being similar to when you introduce yourself as "Katherine", and some random person you've just met calls you "Kat" instead. Most people will understand if you aren't comfortable with that. Most people would not take it on themselves to call someone by a nickname when they don't even know them. Those who do go straight to a nickname aren't going to understand why they shouldn't. They are just going to think that the person is being old fashioned or overly formal or stuck up to prefer that you use their real name. For many people, going straight to an endearment is just as inappropriate. (And that's even in the South, in my experience, unless the person you are talking to is a child.) But those who like to use the terms are just going to think you have a chip on your shoulder if you correct them, and if they start using your name or ma'am instead it's going to be because they are humoring you (often with a heavy dose of eye rolling and sarcasm) and not because they actually understand why you were uncomfortable with them referring to you that way.

If you're uncomfortable, by all means, speak up. Better than accepting treatment that you see as demeaning or disrespectful.

I may not agree with your view of the meaning behind my verbage (or that it's disrespectful at all), but I'd "humor you" and your request. I don't have to agree with your level of uncomfort stemming from my friendly gesture in order to respect your stance.

I'd only roll my eyes at you if you had approached me like someone else in this thread observed, and you verbally chastised me as a "fool" for using such terminology. And in that case, you would deserve the rolled eyes.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I agree that people can be jerks (see the post about the woman in store); hower, the comment about thinking that they had a chip on their shoulder was specifically in reference to people who, politely, informed the PP that they'd prefer not to called "Hun" (or whatever). It specifically excluded those who were jerks about it.

I understand, but my point was that if you hear from enough jerks with one common view, it slants your view of EVERYONE that holds that view. Guilt by association, if you will. It is human nature, and we have to fight it.

 

[bumblebee]

I have no problems being called "hun", "sugar", "darlin'", or any variations of it. I see it as just being friendly.

The only time I don't like it is when it's being used in a condescending or rude manner, then they'd be on the receiving end of one of becauseisaid's responses.

 

[disfan07]

I really think that it comes down to the way that it is communicated. I stopped using the terms because women in the Northeast are offended by them. I don't use them at all anymore. But, when I first moved up here, I got some very nasty remarks from people when I used them. Those people did have a problem. Not because they didn't want to be referred to in such a manner, but because they were jerks. Run into enough of these jerks and you can't help but to begin to paint with too broad a brush, kwim?

And I think you are as rude as some of those "jerks" by referring to them as jerks. I guess you would call me the same thing because I grew up in the NE and I don't care to be called hun or darling my someone I don't know and I would let someone know that. The only people who can call me that who are "strangers" are my doctors and nurses.

They are not necessarily jerks. It's something they don't like. I can guarantee, most of my family who were raised in NY wold not like it and would say so but they are not jerks.

Why is it, that if someone doesn't like it, they are jerks or have chip on their shoulder? It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder about the NE in general.

 

[snapppyd]

And I think you are as rude as some of those "jerks" by referring to them as jerks. I guess you would call me the same thing because I grew up in the NE and I don't care to be called hun or darling my someone I don't know and I would let someone know that. The only people who can call me that who are "strangers" are my doctors and nurses.

They are not necessarily jerks. It's something they don't like. I can guarantee, most of my family who were raised in NY wold not like it and would say so but they are not jerks.

Why is it, that if someone doesn't like it, they are jerks or have chip on their shoulder? It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder about the NE in general.

I'm also from NY and find it condescending. Like I said, different areas of the country have different customs.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

And I think you are as rude as some of those "jerks" by referring to them as jerks. I guess you would call me the same thing because I grew up in the NE and I don't care to be called hun or darling my someone I don't know and I would let someone know that. The only people who can call me that who are "strangers" are my doctors and nurses.

They are not necessarily jerks. It's something they don't like. I can guarantee, most of my family who were raised in NY wold not like it and would say so but they are not jerks.

Why is it, that if someone doesn't like it, they are jerks or have chip on their shoulder? It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder about the NE in general.

Did you read the whole thread? Heck, did you even read the entire post that you quoted?

 

[PaulaSB12]

Please tell me you are kidding?

Another one that just doesn't understand the fuss. I grew up in the south and I hear it all the time. I use dear (except my bosses and they are ma'am and sir) at work and no one seems to get upset. Then again some of them are young enough to be my kid.

A man getting out of a chair for a woman, holding a door open etc is not a man being a gentleman but sexism

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2011/0615/breaking31.html
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relation...lly-benevolent-sexism-feminists-conclude.html
Me I can't think of a polite enough word to describe what I think of it .

 

[crashbb]

I understand, but my point was that if you hear from enough jerks with one common view, it slants your view of EVERYONE that holds that view. Guilt by association, if you will. It is human nature, and we have to fight it.

Fair enough. I tend to go by *how* they ask, when deciding on their view, but I could see how (if you are exposed to enough jerks), that you just paint them all the same.

 

[Scurvy]

I agree that the manner it was addressed by the woman was totally wrong, but what if someone politely told you that they preferred not to addresses as "honey, hon, sweetheart, etc.". Would you still think that they were acting inappropriately?

Of course not! But to myself, I'd probably wonder what put the huge chip on their shoulder.

Though like I said above, do not question my motives for using these terms and as someone else mentioned in this thread, do not chastise me or call me a "fool" for being friendly. Those actions really speak more to you than they do to me.

If you're uncomfortable, by all means, speak up. Better than accepting treatment that you see as demeaning or disrespectful.

I may not agree with your view of the meaning behind my verbage (or that it's disrespectful at all), but I'd "humor you" and your request. I don't have to agree with your level of uncomfort stemming from my friendly gesture in order to respect your stance.

I'd only roll my eyes at you if you had approached me like someone else in this thread observed, and you verbally chastised me as a "fool" for using such terminology. And in that case, you would deserve the rolled eyes.

Well, as you said, if someone did speak up you'd just think they had a chip on their shoulder, and it really isn't a big deal to put up with it so there doesn't seem to be much point in saying anything about it. All it's likely to do is to make things even more uncomfortable during what will probably be a brief exchange. If it was going to convince someone stop using endearments for strangers in the future then I would certainly speak up, but I've rarely seen anyone (other than a few people on an etiquette board) alter their behavior as a result of finding out it can make people uncomfortable. Most people who like the endearments feel the problem lies in those who don't like the endearments and so they have no intention of changing, so there's really no reason to bring it up.

 

[NMAmy]

I don't mind for myself. If it's someone who is quite young, I'll roll my eyes if they're calling me "honey" or "Sweetie" but put up with it okay.

It does bother me immensely when nurses call their elderly patients by these terms and speak to them as if they're imbeciles. Not every elderly person has Alzheimers. You've got the patient file in your hand with the name at the top--call the patient by their name. I've spent a lot of time at the hospital with both my parents over the years and while they might have been old, they weren't stupid, kwim?

I also hate, hate, hate it when a doctor or nurse calls me "Mom" when I take my dd to the doctor. I'm A mom but not YOUR mom.

 

[NewYorkRedNeck]

there is no more difference than how the folks up here like to call everyone "boss" , " buddy" , or "pal". I rather have someone address me with a term of endearment than to use boring and sterils terms like sir. But just like everything else in life we are all gonna be different makes life interesting.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I was just called hon today by a woman older than me and it made me think of this thread. It didn't bother me at all. It does bother me when a younger woman calls me hon. Call me weird, LOL

 

[Aisling]

Call me hun, babe, sweetheart, sweetie, doll, and I'll like it. I call everybody baby, and no one has complained yet, at least not to my face. lol

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I will take Hun anyday over the dreaded Ma'am! I am not a Ma'am! I am a Miss!
I don't usually care unless the person is doing it in a snotty way to be a butt.

 

[Mickey Fliers]

It doesn't bother me at all but boy does it chap my hiney when the vaccination lady at my kids pediatrician calls me "momma". Don't know why but that irritates the crap out of me.

"Okay, momma, sit here"
"Here momma, take baby's leg"
"No momma, you need to come back next week".

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

The receptionist at the salon calls everyone SUNSHINE when they walk in. it's always, "Hi sunshine, how are you?"

I find it rather annoying.

 

[Aisling]

The receptionist at the salon calls everyone SUNSHINE when they walk in. it's always, "Hi sunshine, how are you?"

I find it rather annoying.

Hi Sunshine.

 

[Stitchfans]

It doesn't bother me at all but boy does it chap my hiney when the vaccination lady at my kids pediatrician calls me "momma". Don't know why but that irritates the crap out of me.

"Okay, momma, sit here"
"Here momma, take baby's leg"
"No momma, you need to come back next week".

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

This post made me smile. I remember back in 2009 to our trip to Branson when we went to see Legends a show that has impersonators of different stars. A young man, Dean Z if I remember correctly impersonated Elvis. Looked and sounded just like him. A much younger Elvis of course.

When my two DDs and I went up to get pictures taken with him he referred to me as Momma. Kind of melted my heart since Elvis was so close to and loved his mother so much. I mentioned that fact and he just smiled then gave me a big hug.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am a Southern Girl!!!!

I don't call anyone 'Hon'...
And, am not usually ever called 'Hon' by anyone else either.

Here is my take:

1. To call anyone an overly-familiar name, unless one KNOWS that the others find it acceptable, is nothing less than presumptuous!!!

2. To call anyone an overly-familiar name in any business/professional/ or non close-friends and family situaiton is nothing less than presumptuous.

3. To assume that since it seems okay in YOUR personal culture and circle that everyone else has to accept it is nothing less than presumptuous.
( the old, entitlement thing )

4. To call anyone an overly familiar name when demanding/expecting personal service ( as in, can you bring me a beer, Hon..." ) is nothing less than condescending and disgusting.

Most people here seem to have missed the fact that this (the last one above) is the exact example that the OP had given.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...

Here is my take:

1. To call anyone an overly-familiar name, unless one KNOWS that the others find it acceptable, is nothing less than presumptuous!!!

2. To call anyone an overly-familiar name in any business/professional/ or non close-friends and family situaiton is nothing less than presumptuous.

3. To assume that since it seems okay in YOUR personal culture and circle that everyone else has to accept it is nothing less than presumptuous.

4. To call anyone an overly familiar name when demanding/expecting personal service ( as in, can you bring me a beer, Hon..." ) is nothing less than condescending and disgusting.

Most people here seem to have missed the fact that this (the last one above) is the exact example that the OP had given.

We can agree to disagree, because I disagree with all of your numbered points.