Don't be "that" parent!

[missypie]

That how it is at the Company Meeting. Its a shock for all the moms that are thinking about having their DDs try out for the first time. It is not cheap at all. I think its good that the parents know what they are getting into before their child makes a team.

-Becca-

Half the girls who tried out for 7th grade cheerleader made it, which means there were 18 heartbroken girls. We had written materials in advance, telling us the (outrageous!) cost involved. Right before the meeting for all the parents of the girls who made it, I observed a mom telling the sponsor that her daughter couldn't do it becasue they couldn't afford it. The sponsor expressed sympathy but did tell her that some girl didn't make it because her daughter got the spot. Why did she even put her daughter through the emotions of the try out, waiting for the results, celebrating, etc. and only THEN say, "You can't do it." I know parents who are up front with their kids from day 1 - you can do X, but you can't to Y because we can't afford it.

 

[dreamer17555]

Half the girls who tried out for 7th grade cheerleader made it, which means there were 18 heartbroken girls. We had written materials in advance, telling us the (outrageous!) cost involved. Right before the meeting for all the parents of the girls who made it, I observed a mom telling the sponsor that her daughter couldn't do it becasue they couldn't afford it. The sponsor expressed sympathy but did tell her that some girl didn't make it because her daughter got the spot. Why did she even put her daughter through the emotions of the try out, waiting for the results, celebrating, etc. and only THEN say, "You can't do it." I know parents who are up front with their kids from day 1 - you can do X, but you can't to Y because we can't afford it.

Oh that poor girl! I don't get it at all. We have a month from the company meeting until auditions which gives the parents tons of time to talk over the time and money commitment. And to make sure a child can handle that sort of schedual. My DD does 12 hours a dance a week because she is in Company. Some 6 year old can't handle that and still be able to keep up with school.

Parents need to make these choices before letting their children try out. It would save everyone from a lot of broken hearts and headaches.

-Becca-

 

[NotUrsula]

Half the girls who tried out for 7th grade cheerleader made it, which means there were 18 heartbroken girls. We had written materials in advance, telling us the (outrageous!) cost involved. Right before the meeting for all the parents of the girls who made it, I observed a mom telling the sponsor that her daughter couldn't do it becasue they couldn't afford it. The sponsor expressed sympathy but did tell her that some girl didn't make it because her daughter got the spot. Why did she even put her daughter through the emotions of the try out, waiting for the results, celebrating, etc. and only THEN say, "You can't do it." I know parents who are up front with their kids from day 1 - you can do X, but you can't to Y because we can't afford it.

In today's economy, it's entirely possible that a family's financial circumstances might change from week to week. Mine just did, as DH got laid off last week completely out of the blue -AND- yesterday our central AC unit died, and will cost $5K to replace. If one of the kids had been trying out for a team that required several hundred dollars in fees it would have been affected -- we would have had to say that what was OK two weeks ago is now not going to happen.

 

[castleview]

One of our high school coaches held a parent meeting half-way through the season. At the end of the meeting, he added, "Oh, one more thing. I've been a scout and I've seen scouts watching our kids at tournaments. Let me tell you, if I saw the way you parents were behaving in the stands, there's no way I would recruit your kid." It was a desperate measure from what I understand because the behavior was especially inappropriate. How do you teach parents sportsmanship when it reflects poorly on the team? They got the message.

Oh, I deal with college coaches all the time. They don't like rude parents and they don't like recruits who are rude to their parents.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

I will stay focused in my response on HS and Jr. High since we aren't talking about 6 year old dancers.
I agree with some previous posters that the key is communication. I have 3 kids at 3 different schools. Open house is the same night in all the schools. If I miss a teacher I just shoot off an email if I have a concern.
I made it late to the code of conduct meeting at the HS for DD#1. BTW someone asked about meetings--the state (Ohio) requires that meetings are held for parents of HS students in all sports governed by the state--for fall that's golf, football, volleyball, cross country, girl's tennis and cheerleading. It's a real snooze of a meeting but you are supposed to go if you have a kid on one of those teams. I'm sure the coaches aren't crazy about having it either.
DD#2 was the last cut for the 8th grade football cheerleaders this week. She has no feedback about why because they were judged by people from
Cleveland and the coaches are not teachers, but volunteers. She wants to know how to get better so she can make HS cheer (which is a much bigger deal than jr. high) next year.. I don't mind closed tryouts and understand completely but I think she should be able to get feedback on what her weak points are.
If parents are organized, these things shouldn't be a problem. DD#2 had jr. high orientation yesterday. I left work early (teacher work day, it was OK) to take her. 10 minutes before we left her friend called and said her mom had to work and dad was out of town, could we give her a ride to school? For pete's sake, the packets came home 3 weeks ago, that mom should have figured out when her work schedule came out that she needed to get a relative or neighbor or whatever to take her daughter. As it was, this poor girl was put in a spot. I drove to the other side of town to pick her up, but I asked her to find another friend to take her back home afterward. I wasn't mad at the girl. But for major things like that, yes, people DO take days off of work--not cheer meetings per say, but schedule pickup/picture taking/etc.
Robin M.

 

[adkkev]

At least with dance and cheer, they want to get the parents to a meeting so they can tell them how much it will cost - if they can't afford it, they should not let their daughter try out.

gotta love it ... it's not the most talented kids, it's the kids with the most money.

 

[missypie]

DD#2 was the last cut for the 8th grade football cheerleaders this week. She has no feedback about why because they were judged by people from
Cleveland and the coaches are not teachers, but volunteers. She wants to know how to get better so she can make HS cheer (which is a much bigger deal than jr. high) next year.. I don't mind closed tryouts and understand completely but I think she should be able to get feedback on what her weak points are.

Robin M.

Robin, I have a lot of complaints about our schools, but they do have cheer and dance try outs down to a science. (I've never encountered open tryouts for any kid activity, expect maybe city rec basketball placement.) For a week (and only a week) after cheer and dance tryouts, a girl can make an appointment with the sponsor to look at her score card. The sponsor isn't ever a judge (and with cheer, isn't even in the room) but the sponsor can still help the girl interpret the comments. You should get some parents together and make a formal request for that in the future. (There's no way they should deny you...if they are making inappropriate comments on the cards (e.g. about weight or race, for example), that is no reason to hide the score cards - it's a reason to get new judges.)

 

[missypie]

gotta love it ... it's not the most talented kids, it's the kids with the most money.

The cost is ridiculous. They practice every day and for each day they have a different outfit of dance attire (e.g. maybe $80-90 per outfit). They could totally wear sofie shorts and a t-shirt at maybe $10 per outfit. Every year we parents talk among ourselves about how much they'd have to make us spend before we all said no way.

I will say, however, that at the high school level, each activity has a booster club and the booster clubs are very good about giving scholarships (and arranging payment plans) on a confidential basis. But there isn't enough money to pay for all 55 girls, so the parents need to know the cost. Some parents won't pay for expensive activities out of principle, rather than lack of money, so everything needs to be talked about up front.

I know that the owner of DD's private dance studio has been known to "float" families for a long time. One girl has graduated and left the studio and her family is still paying off costume and competition fees a little at a time.

 

[Rock'n Robin]

For DD#1 to cheer at the varsity level, we had to pay $60 for shoes (2 pair in 9th grade and one after--we can wear last year's basketball shoes for footabll), $65 for a warmup suit (last year but still using them this year), and $239 for a 3 day/2 night cheer camp at a local college. We also have to make treat bags for the team once during basketball season. We had to buy clothes for cheer camp so everyone matches but that is a one-year expense as well. I hear the HS dance team costs more to be on than the cheer squad.
Unfortunately, one of the 9th grade girls had to quit. Her sister made JV and her mom is a single mom with an ex husband who doesn't always pay his child support, and she couldn't afford for both girls to cheer. I think she should have talked to the administration, but it's not a matter of them being at free-lunch income level, just things being tight--plus she didn't ask me!
If DD#2 had made 8th grade football cheer I would have had to buy her shoes--that's it. The uniforms are provided by the school.
So they aren't all outrageous, but it looks like some schools go a little crazy! After all, like I told DD#2, does anyone remember who the 7th grade cheerleaders were years later? (don't be offended if your daughter is one, I was trying to make her feel better)
Robin M.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

And STILL she's begging the girls whose parents haven't bothered to please please call so they can try out. That's what I mean by the hand-holding.

And I agree that the teen needs to be responsible enough to procure the necessary forms, get them signed by the parents, and schedule the needed physical in time. But if they do all that and still the parent doesn't do their part? That's what I don't get. A lot of these girls are 14-15, it's not like they can drive to the dr's office for the physical.

.

At least your dd is paid to do this! With any activity involving kids there will be those parents.

As a girl scout leader I spend a lot of my time chasing after forms. Why do I do it? Because in the end it is worth it. I do think that teens should be responsible enough to take care of the forms. In my troop of girls (ages 7 & 8) they are responsible for the forms. They are responsible for getting the necessary signatures on them and returning them on time. I will remind them and thier parents but the girls understand that they are the ones responsible for the forms.

 

[missypie]

For DD#1 to cheer at the varsity level, we had to pay $60 for shoes (2 pair in 9th grade and one after--we can wear last year's basketball shoes for footabll), $65 for a warmup suit (last year but still using them this year), and $239 for a 3 day/2 night cheer camp at a local college. We also have to make treat bags for the team once during basketball season. We had to buy clothes for cheer camp so everyone matches but that is a one-year expense as well. I hear the HS dance team costs more to be on than the cheer squad.
Unfortunately, one of the 9th grade girls had to quit. Her sister made JV and her mom is a single mom with an ex husband who doesn't always pay his child support, and she couldn't afford for both girls to cheer. I think she should have talked to the administration, but it's not a matter of them being at free-lunch income level, just things being tight--plus she didn't ask me!
If DD#2 had made 8th grade football cheer I would have had to buy her shoes--that's it. The uniforms are provided by the school.
So they aren't all outrageous, but it looks like some schools go a little crazy! After all, like I told DD#2, does anyone remember who the 7th grade cheerleaders were years later? (don't be offended if your daughter is one, I was trying to make her feel better)
Robin M.

We have four camp outfits, the cost of camp, shoes, warm ups, sweats AND - get this - a custom made uniform that CHANGES EVERY YEAR. This is what the seventh grade parents are promising each other to protest. Not only does the school not provide the uniform, but the uniform changes from 7th grade to 8th grade.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

Believe it or not, high school sports just aren't that big of a deal to a lot of families and I don't think that they are depriving their children because they don't want to pay for equipment/uniforms or attend meetings for whatever reasons. It just is what it is. Just like people who constantly lose referral forms or wait until the last minute to refill prescriptions aren't bad people, just disorganized. I don't see the big deal.

 

[Mkrop]

Believe it or not, high school sports just aren't that big of a deal to a lot of families and I don't think that they are depriving their children because they don't want to pay for equipment/uniforms or attend meetings for whatever reasons. It just is what it is. Just like people who constantly lose referral forms or wait until the last minute to refill prescriptions aren't bad people, just disorganized. I don't see the big deal.

If HS sports is important enough that my child wants to tryout, then I dont care if HS sports is a big deal or not, I am going to do this for him/her and get the forms in on time, and get to the meetings. To me this is what a parent does! If I cant get to the meetings, then I phone or email and explain that I have other commitments.

I would do this for my child, it isnt about me, I would have the same level of parental involvement that is requried if this was the play, the debate team, whatever, it to me has nothing to with the fact that it is a sport and has to do with an activity my child is interested in participating in and I will do my part and fill in forms, pay dues (if we can afford them etc). I dont know some are getting hung up on the sports thing.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

If HS sports is important enough that my child wants to tryout, then I dont care if HS sports is a big deal or not, I am going to do this for him/her and get the forms in on time, and get to the meetings. To me this is what a parent does! If I cant get to the meetings, then I phone or email and explain that I have other commitments.

I would do this for my child, it isnt about me, I would have the same level of parental involvement that is requried if this was the play, the debate team, whatever, it to me has nothing to with the fact that it is a sport and has to do with an activity my child is interested in participating in and I will do my part and fill in forms, pay dues (if we can afford them etc). I dont know some are getting hung up on the sports thing.

I'm not getting hung up on it being a sports thing. It just so happened that that's what the OP was talking about. I would say the same about drama or church programs or music lessons. Some of these things are just not all that important to families.

While I think it's wonderful that you can put lots of energy into seeing that your kids get to do everything that they want to do, I don't think that parents who don't/can't/won't do the same for their kids are bad parents, based on not supporting extra-curricular activities alone. I can think of dozens of reasons why parents might not be as passionate as you. It doesn't mean that they don't love their children or that they are depriving their children or that their children are unhappy or that their children will grow up to be dysfunctunial adults.

So, while this whole thing might seem inexcusable to the OP and her DD, it is obviously not all that important for others. I don't think that's horrible.

 

[golfgal]

Well, yes, Missy, that is a reasonable attitude, but it isn't the OP's scenario. She said that the kids can't try out unless the parents attend the meeting. No alternative options were noted.

It is just possible that the coach's mom, the OP, didn't have all the details of the various requirements for the meetings and the alternatives if you can't make it.

One of our high school coaches held a parent meeting half-way through the season. At the end of the meeting, he added, "Oh, one more thing. I've been a scout and I've seen scouts watching our kids at tournaments. Let me tell you, if I saw the way you parents were behaving in the stands, there's no way I would recruit your kid." It was a desperate measure from what I understand because the behavior was especially inappropriate. How do you teach parents sportsmanship when it reflects poorly on the team? They got the message.

What is really bad about this is that the parents have no CLUE why this would be.

If HS sports is important enough that my child wants to tryout, then I dont care if HS sports is a big deal or not, I am going to do this for him/her and get the forms in on time, and get to the meetings. To me this is what a parent does! If I cant get to the meetings, then I phone or email and explain that I have other commitments.

I would do this for my child, it isnt about me, I would have the same level of parental involvement that is requried if this was the play, the debate team, whatever, it to me has nothing to with the fact that it is a sport and has to do with an activity my child is interested in participating in and I will do my part and fill in forms, pay dues (if we can afford them etc). I dont know some are getting hung up on the sports thing.

I have been a high school coach off and on for the past 25+ years. I have had to hold plenty of 'required' parent meetings. There is ALWAYS someone that can't make it, good reason or not. We have NEVER denied a child the opportunity to play because of that, however they HAVE to turn in their participation forms, the STUDENTS, not the parents.

If the child couldn't find 2 minutes to have mom or dad sign a paper and then be responsible enough to turn it back into the coach, I don't want them on my team because guess what, they aren't going to be responsible enough to remember to come to practice, keep their grades up, you name it. Keep in mind we are talking 15-18 year olds, not 6 year olds. Yes, it is sad for the kids but they aren't being asked to handle all that much responsibility to get a parent to sign a form.

 

[Mkrop]

I'm not getting hung up on it being a sports thing. It just so happened that that's what the OP was talking about. I would say the same about drama or church programs or music lessons. Some of these things are just not all that important to families.

While I think it's wonderful that you can put lots of energy into seeing that your kids get to do everything that they want to do, I don't think that parents who don't/can't/won't do the same for their kids are bad parents, based on not supporting extra-curricular activities alone. I can think of dozens of reasons why parents might not be as passionate as you. It doesn't mean that they don't love their children or that they are depriving their children or that their children are unhappy or that their children will grow up to be dysfunctunial adults.

So, while this whole thing might seem inexcusable to the OP and her DD, it is obviously not all that important for others. I don't think that's horrible.

But these kids want to try out as I am understanding the OP, so as a parent why would you not support that, finances or other time commitments aside . The coach in this scenario knows the girls want to tryout, they have expressed an interest, if I as their parent need to do A,B and C to get them available for tryouts I am going to do it. Why would I not fill out a form timely so that my child can tryout. Yes at HS age, it does fall onto the student but I need to fill out the form. I can understand the CAN't of your post (cant afford, cant make a meeting, cant have the child commit to a team bc of parents work schedule etc) I dont understand the DONT or WONT if this is something your child would like to be a part of.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

Why would a child's standing on the team be based on their parent's actions? Why do parents have to attend a meeting so their kid can even try out? Why can't the child bring the correct forms to the coach?

I agree that the parents should be following the rules and shouldn't cause a stink. But that shouldn't affect her daughter's standing on the team.

A child's standing can and will be somewhat based on a parents action depending on the age of the child. My son plays football and a parent is required to attend every practice & every game. A couple parents have walked down onto the field because they didn't like a play, thought things were too rough, etc. 1st of all we were asked to not go down on the field for various reasons (insurance, Cori, too confusing), 2nd if I was the coach and mom or dad repeatedly came onto the field to protect little Billy, I would play that child only the stated amount I had to play that child because I wouldn't want to listen to the parent. So don't think it doesn't alter how a coach looks at that kid. Right or wrong.

Believe it or not, high school sports just aren't that big of a deal to a lot of families and I don't think that they are depriving their children because they don't want to pay for equipment/uniforms or attend meetings for whatever reasons. It just is what it is. Just like people who constantly lose referral forms or wait until the last minute to refill prescriptions aren't bad people, just disorganized. I don't see the big deal.

IF high school sports or any extra-curricular activity (not just sports & not just high school) are not important to you or your family then the child should not be able to try out in the 1st place. To allow a child to sign up and then not follow through on the parental responsibility then shame on the parent. Unless you have a child, it is difficult to understand that you do things not because you want to but because THEY want to and you fulfill your part of the deal when it is necessary.

 

[almburr]

WOW! 70 girls trying out. DD hs only has a total of 12 girls in high school, & only 8 went out for VB.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I'm not getting hung up on it being a sports thing. It just so happened that that's what the OP was talking about. I would say the same about drama or church programs or music lessons. Some of these things are just not all that important to families.

While I think it's wonderful that you can put lots of energy into seeing that your kids get to do everything that they want to do, I don't think that parents who don't/can't/won't do the same for their kids are bad parents, based on not supporting extra-curricular activities alone. I can think of dozens of reasons why parents might not be as passionate as you. It doesn't mean that they don't love their children or that they are depriving their children or that their children are unhappy or that their children will grow up to be dysfunctunial adults.

So, while this whole thing might seem inexcusable to the OP and her DD, it is obviously not all that important for others. I don't think that's horrible.

I think most of us are willing to cut the single mom that has to work a break when it comes to meetings/fundraising. But parents that refuse to help out really tick me off. DD is in an activity that is VERY time consuming, especially for the volunteer coaches. It's also very expensive, so we try to do a lot of fundraisers. Some parents are NEVER around, and it's simply because they don't feel like wasting their weekend doing something that supports their child. Because of parents like these, I wish fundraising was applied directly to the students whose parents bothered to show up, but instead the lazy parents benefit, too.

 

[adkkev]

My son plays football and a parent is required to attend every practice & every game.

What age? Is this high school? How many parents can possibly attend EVERY practice? If this is a school sport, and practices are held right after school, then this is an outlandish requirement. Kids with two working parents are just outta luck aren't they, eh?