Don't be "that" parent!

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Like it or not, more goes into choosing a team than simply skills and ability....sometimes attitude enters into the process and facing the prospect of dealing with a difficult parent all season might be a deciding factor. All other things being equal they are going to pick the child who's parent has shown support, not given grief!

Wow, I find this ridiculous. My mother could have kept me off the cheer team back in the day? she worked and she traveled a lot. I was on cheer team, because I wanted to be. I understood that she wouldn't be able to make it to meetings and such and it was something I am glad my coach realized that parents have work, other children etc.

Forms were forgotten, heck I even forgot those darn underpants that go under my skirt when we went to STATE!!! It wasn't my moms job to pack my bag and tuck the forms into my backpack. It was MINE!

 

[Mkrop]

To allow a child to sign up and then not follow through on the parental responsibility then shame on the parent. Unless you have a child, it is difficult to understand that you do things not because you want to but because THEY want to and you fulfill your part of the deal when it is necessary.

 

[Mkrop]

Wow, I find this ridiculous. My mother could have kept me off the cheer team back in the day? she worked and she traveled a lot. I was on cheer team, because I wanted to be. I understood that she wouldn't be able to make it to meetings and such and it was something I am glad my coach realized that parents have work, other children etc.Forms were forgotten, heck I even forgot those darn underpants that go under my skirt when we went to STATE!!! It wasn't my moms job to pack my bag and tuck the forms into my backpack. It was MINE!

Coaches do realize this and do work with kids. But many parents work, travel and have other kids and are still able to make these meetings or they keep in contact if they cant. DH works, travels and has two kids in sports now and still manages to be there for his kids activities, go figure.

No it wasnt your mom's job to pack your bag or hand in the forms but it was her job to fill them out or sign them if that was required of your team

 

[adkkev]

Like it or not, more goes into choosing a team than simply skills and ability....sometimes attitude enters into the process and facing the prospect of dealing with a difficult parent all season might be a deciding factor. All other things being equal they are going to pick the child who's parent has shown support, not given grief!

Attitude? Sounds like you're speaking of the parental attitude and not the child!! So the decision about "making the team" is more about the parents than the child? Give me a break. Any coach that picks a team on this basis isn't worth playing for. And what constitutes support? $$$??? What constitues grief? being unable to provide cash? So essentially, the more you "do for the team/coach", then the greater the chances your child "makes the team"?? So you buy your child's way onto a team? That's simply wrong.

 

[Abbie]

Wow, I find this ridiculous. My mother could have kept me off the cheer team back in the day? she worked and she traveled a lot. I was on cheer team, because I wanted to be. I understood that she wouldn't be able to make it to meetings and such and it was something I am glad my coach realized that parents have work, other children etc.

Forms were forgotten, heck I even forgot those darn underpants that go under my skirt when we went to STATE!!! It wasn't my moms job to pack my bag and tuck the forms into my backpack. It was MINE!

I think you're misunderstanding me. No one is requiring parents to attend multiple meetings, heck, who would have time for that? They WERE required to attend one meeting prior to try outs OR make arrangements to speak to the coach via phone to go over expectations for being on the team. If, after hearing the rules the parent decided they couldn't meet them, then it would make no sense for the daughter to try out. The parents' job is basically getting their daughter to practice every day, on time, and their responsibility ends there. If you know you can't do that, then why try out?

 

[Abbie]

Attitude? Sounds like you're speaking of the parental attitude and not the child!! So the decision about "making the team" is more about the parents than the child? Give me a break. Any coach that picks a team on this basis isn't worth playing for. And what constitutes support? $$$??? What constitues grief? being unable to provide cash? So essentially, the more you "do for the team/coach", then the greater the chances your child "makes the team"?? So you buy your child's way onto a team? That's simply wrong.

My goodness, calm down, you're really reading a lot that isn't there. Nothing about the team has to do with money, nothing at all. What constitutes support is being willing to get your child to practice, every practice, on time. It's also nice if you're willing to pitch in when needed and give a hand to the boosters, work concession occasionally, etc. What constitutes grief is the parent who wants to argue that her child needs to leave every practice half an hour early to do some other activity she is involved in. Nope, if you make a commitment to the team, it's gotta be 100%. Why should 47 other girls be expected to be there every day for the full practice but this one should be allowed to leave early? Not fair to the team at all. So yes, like I said, ALL OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, this girl will suffer and be cut due to mom's attitude. And that was my original point: why would you sabotage your child's chances of making the team when you know the competition is tough and so many will unfortunately need to be cut?

 

[It's A Happy Day]

What age? Is this high school? How many parents can possibly attend EVERY practice? If this is a school sport, and practices are held right after school, then this is an outlandish requirement. Kids with two working parents are just outta luck aren't they, eh?

Just to clarify on this....my son is 7 and this is his 1st year of tackle football. We were told that in case of injury, early ending of practice, cancellation due to weather, etc. a parent (an adult - could be a relative too I'm sure) HAS to be at every practice which is M-F from 6P-8P. We have another child who is 12 months younger to accomodate as well but has thus far decided against an extracurricular activity although she is expressing an interest in taking an art class and we will work that out. BOTH my husband and I work full time but we still manage to have at least one parent at each practice and 95% of the time it is both of us as well as a plethora of relatives who come to support him.

 

[Mkrop]

Attitude? Sounds like you're speaking of the parental attitude and not the child!! So the decision about "making the team" is more about the parents than the child? Give me a break. Any coach that picks a team on this basis isn't worth playing for. And what constitutes support? $$$??? What constitues grief? being unable to provide cash? So essentially, the more you "do for the team/coach", then the greater the chances your child "makes the team"?? So you buy your child's way onto a team? That's simply wrong.

It is not about the money, it is sometimes the parent who is over involved who's child would not make a team. Like a child who's parent has to argue every call, a child who's kid doesnt show up to practice but then complains to high heaven that their kid is not getting enough playing time etc. It is not the one who can throw money around that makes a team.

I have read interviews with college recruiters (and DH saw this happen when he was recruited for college baseball) and they will pass over Johnnie/Susie even if they are outstanding, if they think the parents are going to be difficult.

 

[mjkacmom]

My goodness, calm down, you're really reading a lot that isn't there. Nothing about the team has to do with money, nothing at all. What constitutes support is being willing to get your child to practice, every practice, on time. It's also nice if you're willing to pitch in when needed and give a hand to the boosters, work concession occasionally, etc. What constitutes grief is the parent who wants to argue that her child needs to leave every practice half an hour early to do some other activity she is involved in. Nope, if you make a commitment to the team, it's gotta be 100%. Why should 47 other girls be expected to be there every day for the full practice but this one should be allowed to leave early? Not fair to the team at all. So yes, like I said, ALL OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL, this girl will suffer and be cut due to mom's attitude. And that was my original point: why would you sabotage your child's chances of making the team when you know the competition is tough and so many will unfortunately need to be cut?

DH coaches ds10 travel soccer team. There was a kid on the team who was pretty good. However, his mom always brought him to practice late, then he would complain he was hungry, so she's grab him some Burger King, and he'd sit and eat. He missed 1/2 of the games. The following year, he was cut - there were only 12 spots, and although DH knew it was the parents, he wanted a player who would be at the games and practices.

 

[adkkev]

DH coaches ds10 travel soccer team. There was a kid on the team who was pretty good. However, his mom always brought him to practice late, then he would complain he was hungry, so she's grab him some Burger King, and he'd sit and eat. He missed 1/2 of the games. The following year, he was cut - there were only 12 spots, and although DH knew it was the parents, he wanted a player who would be at the games and practices.

I understand this situation ... but my question is ... since this was an issue, apparently early on during the season, was it addressed with the parent AND child at that time? It may have been best to explain to mom that her child was expected to be at practice on time and ready to go, and if that wasn't possible, then perhaps her son should not play, and give that spot on the team to another child who could meet those expectations. If after the "warning" was given, and these things continued, then the child should have been taken off the team right then and there. That possibly might end both mom and child's sense of entitlement simply because of the child's skills. And if the child recognizes that mom is the reason why he/she's off the team, maybe the child will get p-o'd enough to get on mom's case so it doesn't happen again.

oh course, hindsight is usually 20-20 ...

 

[SHAYMARAYSMOM]

Believe it or not, high school sports just aren't that big of a deal to a lot of families and I don't think that they are depriving their children because they don't want to pay for equipment/uniforms or attend meetings for whatever reasons. It just is what it is. Just like people who constantly lose referral forms or wait until the last minute to refill prescriptions aren't bad people, just disorganized. I don't see the big deal.

I do not think anyone is saying that a child is being depived of anything.
I know from when my DD was involed in sports and other things we had to find ways to make it work out.
I think it is best have the parents involed from the get go. Then they also will be informed on how things will go.
When a child get involed in things in effects everyone in the family. So if you do not know the ground rules from day one then it is only going to make it harder on the family.
So unless you have kids then it is hard to judge what is going on.

 

[Mr. & Mrs. Smith]

IF high school sports or any extra-curricular activity (not just sports & not just high school) are not important to you or your family then the child should not be able to try out in the 1st place. To allow a child to sign up and then not follow through on the parental responsibility then shame on the parent. Unless you have a child, it is difficult to understand that you do things not because you want to but because THEY want to and you fulfill your part of the deal when it is necessary.

I disagree 100%. I think that if a child is able to get themselves to practice, work hard for the team, has the necessary talent, and plays by all the rules then they should not be punished because their parents aren't involved in this aspect of their lives.

I know it's hard for everyone on this thread to understand because you all seem very involved in your children's lives. I think that's absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, though, there are parents who can't or won't or, for whatever reason, don't involve themselves. I know of many young children who get themselves up every morning and put themselves to be every night and also feed, entertain and educate themselves the best way they know how. That's an absolute shame. Not attending meetings and not filling out paper for extra-curricular sports for a high school-aged student? Not a shame, just disinterest.

 

[missypie]

I disagree 100%. I think that if a child is able to get themselves to practice, work hard for the team, has the necessary talent, and plays by all the rules then they should not be punished because their parents aren't involved in this aspect of their lives.

I know it's hard for everyone on this thread to understand because you all seem very involved in your children's lives. I think that's absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, though, there are parents who can't or won't or, for whatever reason, don't involve themselves. I know of many young children who get themselves up every morning and put themselves to be every night and also feed, entertain and educate themselves the best way they know how. That's an absolute shame. Not attending meetings and not filling out paper for extra-curricular sports for a high school-aged student? Not a shame, just disinterest.

States and school districts require certain paper work....mosly releases. The school can't waive the requirement.

 

[Mkrop]

I disagree 100%. I think that if a child is able to get themselves to practice, work hard for the team, has the necessary talent, and plays by all the rules then they should not be punished because their parents aren't involved in this aspect of their lives.

I know it's hard for everyone on this thread to understand because you all seem very involved in your children's lives. I think that's absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, though, there are parents who can't or won't or, for whatever reason, don't involve themselves. I know of many young children who get themselves up every morning and put themselves to be every night and also feed, entertain and educate themselves the best way they know how. That's an absolute shame. Not attending meetings and not filling out paper for extra-curricular sports for a high school-aged student? Not a shame, just disinterest.

What 14 or 15 year old can get to and from practice, or can afford the money involved? Parents have to be invovled. It would be a great liabilty for the school if these parents did not sign these necessary forms.

I think both examples are a shame, no kid should have to raise themsleves and no parent should be that disinterested in their childs life that they cant be bothered to do the bare minimum and sign a form.

Where I went to HS, most things occurred right after school but then we had to find our own way home, which was too far to walk and we did not have late buses so parental involvement was necssary for a kid to do anything whether it was sports, cheer, drama, band etc.

 

[mom2boys]

And thats fine but then they shouldn't put their child in sports. I could care less about dance but it is important to my DD so I make it important to me. Its not that the sport is important its that my child is.

And don't think this is all about sports, just as many parents are bad about school forms and functions too.

-Becca-

It's not always the parents. My son just presented me with the deposit check I wrote for marching band in May! He never turned it in. I knew it hadn't cleared but band checks are notorious slow at being deposited.
My son also left his medical forms home when he went to the first rehersal. My son is 14.5. He is going into high school. I try to keep him organized. I remind him to turn things in. I ask him if he did it. He honest & tells me when he forgets. Short of embarassing the heck out of him, I don't know what else to do.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

I disagree 100%. I think that if a child is able to get themselves to practice, work hard for the team, has the necessary talent, and plays by all the rules then they should not be punished because their parents aren't involved in this aspect of their lives.

I know it's hard for everyone on this thread to understand because you all seem very involved in your children's lives. I think that's absolutely wonderful. Unfortunately, though, there are parents who can't or won't or, for whatever reason, don't involve themselves. I know of many young children who get themselves up every morning and put themselves to be every night and also feed, entertain and educate themselves the best way they know how. That's an absolute shame. Not attending meetings and not filling out paper for extra-curricular sports for a high school-aged student? Not a shame, just disinterest.

Your comment(s) to me seem to lack the 1st hand knowledge of being a parent. I'm not sure if you are or if you have taken the stand that it is a childs responsibility to take care of that aspect of their lives themself. Yes, there are children out there that unfortunately have had the rough hand dealt in life and have to fend for themselves on day to day skills needed to just survive and that in itself is sad. However the topic at hand is extra curricular activities and many many team activities involve hundreds of dollars to sign up and participate and I know of very few minors (of any age) who can afford such a luxury. So not only does it require a parent to fill out paper work but it also generally involves them writing out a check as well. And ANY parent that is so disinterested in their childs life to not take but a few hours out of their lives to email the person in charge of that activity, fill out a form when its presented to them, or go to a meeting (or arrange something in lieu of a meeting)...shame on them! What else have they neglected to do. IMHO these are the parents that are not involved in their childs lives unless it's because the school has called a meeting, they are in some sort of trouble, or the police are at the door. Those are the parents that don't know where there child is because they are too busy to take the time. From this involved parent, sports has been a great bonding experience for my children & myself/DH and I do not look at it as a burden. It's sad others feel that a childs interests (no matter the age and a minor is any CHILD under 18 here) do not merit the time or interest they deserve.

 

[bluesaturn]

Not attending meetings and not filling out paper for extra-curricular sports for a high school-aged student? Not a shame, just disinterest.

A parent that won't take 10 seconds to sign a form is a shame. What kind of message does that send to the kid... sorry I'm too busy to put my name on this form you desperately need.

 

[tasha99]

The forms are the kids' responsibility (this is high school not preschool!). They need to have a parent sign, then remember to take it in. The kids without a signed form either forgot to show it to their parents (which might explain no parent at the meeting as well) or forgot to bring the form in.

As for getting to practices, I think your average 15 year old can do that either by bike or bus. That won't work for some areas, of course, but where I live, student ID's have city bus pass stickers on the back.

 

[bluesaturn]

As for getting to practices, I think your average 15 year old can do that either by bike or bus. That won't work for some areas, of course, but where I live, student ID's have city bus pass stickers on the back.

As you said that is definitely dependent on area. Where I live, there is no way the kids could get to the high school without rides, it just isn't possible.

 

[golfgal]

What 14 or 15 year old can get to and from practice, or can afford the money involved? Parents have to be invovled. It would be a great liabilty for the school if these parents did not sign these necessary forms.

I think both examples are a shame, no kid should have to raise themsleves and no parent should be that disinterested in their childs life that they cant be bothered to do the bare minimum and sign a form.

Where I went to HS, most things occurred right after school but then we had to find our own way home, which was too far to walk and we did not have late buses so parental involvement was necssary for a kid to do anything whether it was sports, cheer, drama, band etc.

As you said that is definitely dependent on area. Where I live, there is no way the kids could get to the high school without rides, it just isn't possible.

There is always a way--carpools with other team members being one of them. Around here they encourage the carpools and if you can't find a ride the coaches/teachers/directors will help you. Now, we live in an area where the majority of the kids COULD walk if they needed to but walking while transporting a tuba isn't always an option. We have never had a problem with our kids finding a ride if we couldn't take them somewhere. As for the money, all the kid needs to do is show need. Talk to the coach, the school will waive the fee.

It really comes down to 2 things, the HIGH SCHOOL kid should have spent 4 minutes filling out the form and then 20 seconds asking her mom to sign the form and mom should have spend 2 minutes calling the coach and telling her that she couldn't make the meeting and what did she need to do--plain an simple.