Don't be "that" parent!

[Abbie]

DD is a teacher in our county and after school she is a varsity coach at the high school. Try-outs are going on this week. She has 70 girls vying for 40 spots, with 4 alternates. Never fails that two or three parents will distinguish themselves right off the bat by being obnoxious in one way or another and embarrassing their kid.

Try out days are closed, parents are not allowed to stay and watch. But one mom chooses to make this a battle and demands to know why she can't stay. Several parents haven't attended the parent meeting, which means their daughter can't try out. Another can't be bothered to bring the correct forms on time so her daughter has had to sit and watch the two days of practice prior to the actual try out, which is tonight. If she doesn't show up with the form tonight her daughter won't be allowed to try out. Why do parents do this to their kid?? If you knew there were limited spots on a team, wouldn't you be doing everything in your power to make life easier for your kid? Like it or not, more goes into choosing a team than simply skills and ability....sometimes attitude enters into the process and facing the prospect of dealing with a difficult parent all season might be a deciding factor. All other things being equal they are going to pick the child who's parent has shown support, not given grief!

I just don't get parents like this who don't see how their actions might make their kid's life tougher. And what's up with the parents who need their hand held all the time....the ones who need the numerous phone calls to remind them to bring their signed forms, attend the parent meeting, etc?? How do these people function in daily life?

 

[OceanAnnie]

That is so sad. I feel for those kids.

 

[freckles and boo]

I just don't get parents like this who don't see how their actions might make their kid's life tougher. And what's up with the parents who need their hand held all the time....the ones who need the numerous phone calls to remind them to bring their signed forms, attend the parent meeting, etc?? How do these people function in daily life?

Maybe their daily lives don't revolve around school sports?

 

[missypie]

I really feel for those kids. Some of them will grow up to be as irresponsible as their parents, but others will grow up to be super responsible because they had to do things on their own.

My daughter has been in dance company for 5 years. In that time, I can recall only two girls being kicked out of company. In both cases it was because of chronic absences and being late (hours late in some cases) for competitons and recital. One girl was in the 4th grade and one girl was in the 6th - obviously they can't drive, so it was their parents' fault...but you still can't have a girl on the team who doesn't show up.

A friend of mine coached high school girls select basketball at a pretty high level. He said that when girls were ever cut from the team, it was ALWAYS a parent issue (mostly obnoxious and/or unsportsmanlike behavior) and not a girl issue.

 

[dreamer17555]

I really feel for those children. Yes we are all busy as parents and sometimes a form or two can slip your mind but those that do it all the time You have to make things a priorty.

And I hear you about closed try outs. For dance company they have closed door auditions and it goes without fail there are a handful of moms freaking out about it. Unforunatetly it seems that if the parents are too hard to deal with the girls won't make the team no matter how good they are. Its hard not to know and hard when you want to support your child but sometimes you have to let them go and know they are fine on their own.

-Becca-

 

[dreamer17555]

Maybe their daily lives don't revolve around school sports?

And thats fine but then they shouldn't put their child in sports. I could care less about dance but it is important to my DD so I make it important to me. Its not that the sport is important its that my child is.

And don't think this is all about sports, just as many parents are bad about school forms and functions too.

-Becca-

 

[MM27]

Maybe their daily lives don't revolve around school sports?

But those will be the first parents that complain when their kid doesn't get on the team or is told that they can't try out.

 

[koalababy]

Why would a child's standing on the team be based on their parent's actions? Why do parents have to attend a meeting so their kid can even try out? Why can't the child bring the correct forms to the coach?

I agree that the parents should be following the rules and shouldn't cause a stink. But that shouldn't affect her daughter's standing on the team.

 

[freckles and boo]

And thats fine but then they shouldn't put their child in sports. I could care less about dance but it is important to my DD so I make it important to me. Its not that the sport is important its that my child is.

And don't think this is all about sports, just as many parents are bad about school forms and functions too.

-Becca-

My daughter is in dance, too. Between my kids I get REAMS of paper that come home during the school year. I check backpacks every day and I take care of what needs to be done. But if my kids want to pursue sports once they reach the highschool level, it will be their responsibilities to make sure they can 1) get to practices and events 2) manage uniforms, shoes, equipment and 3) handle all paperwork, including making sure I see and sign what needs to be seen and signed. To be honest, I have a very jaded opinion about high school sports and the focus that is placed on athleticism in that time of life. The time commitments are out of proportion to the relative importance of the activity. I support my children in their passions, but those passions aren't mine.

 

[java]

Unfortunately, not every parent has one child. So often there are conflicts. For example tonite I have a parent meeting at the high school for one child and also a meeting at the preschool for another. I am going to the high school meeting- that doesn't mean I am not interested in what goes on with that child or that school- just that right now the other meeting is my priority.

I can understand the frustration of a coach- and the requirements she has for her team. But please understand that each miss by a parent isn't a direct insult to your daughter. People have lives and sometimes things don't go as smoothly as someone else wants.

 

[missypie]

Unfortunately, not every parent has one child. So often there are conflicts. For example tonite I have a parent meeting at the high school for one child and also a meeting at the preschool for another. I am going to the high school meeting- that doesn't mean I am not interested in what goes on with that child or that school- just that right now the other meeting is my priority.

I can understand the frustration of a coach- and the requirements she has for her team. But please understand that each miss by a parent isn't a direct insult to your daughter. People have lives and sometimes things don't go as smoothly as someone else wants.

We have three kids and I had to miss the mandatory cheer try out parents meeting because of other conflicting meetings- I emailed the sponsor in advance and went to the school before work one day to get the info. It took less than 10 minutes.

Lots of these activites are very demanding - both from the standpoint of time and $$$. At least with dance and cheer, they want to get the parents to a meeting so they can tell them how much it will cost - if they can't afford it, they should not let their daughter try out.

 

[NotUrsula]

I just don't get parents like this who don't see how their actions might make their kid's life tougher. And what's up with the parents who need their hand held all the time....the ones who need the numerous phone calls to remind them to bring their signed forms, attend the parent meeting, etc?? How do these people function in daily life?

Seems to me this rant is all about the coach/sponsor. This is HIGH SCHOOL.
If you're locking parents out of tryouts, then the team is the teen's responsibility, so all of those other things about forms and meetings should be the teen's responsibility, too. If a 15 yo needs to turn in a signed form, that is the teen's responsibility to manage, not the parents'.

If it's all about money, then ask for it up front before tryouts. Make the teen put down the whole amount as deposit, and refund it if they don't make the team.

When I was in HS my mother never had anything to do with any of my extracurricular activities beyond occasionally signing a travel permission slip.
My mother didn't drive, so it was on my head to get myself where I needed to go. The bicycle is a wonderful invention that way, and it worked just fine to get me home from after-school practices. After events I always either walked home, cadged a ride, or took a cab (which I paid for out of my own money.)

For all you know these parents might work nights. You really would want them to take off from work to attend a cheer meeting?
Talk about mixed-up priorities.

 

[java]

We have three kids and I had to miss the mandatory cheer try out parents meeting because of other conflicting meetings- I emailed the sponsor in advance and went to the school before work one day to get the info. It took less than 10 minutes.

Lots of these activites are very demanding - both from the standpoint of time and $$$. At least with dance and cheer, they want to get the parents to a meeting so they can tell them how much it will cost - if they can't afford it, they should not let their daughter try out.

Yes I have 4 children and I have found the key is to just not BLOW IT OFF. If I call and explain often they will offer an alternative. (just as you described) They just want to know that you are contactable I think.

 

[dreamer17555]

My daughter is in dance, too. Between my kids I get REAMS of paper that come home during the school year. I check backpacks every day and I take care of what needs to be done. But if my kids want to pursue sports once they reach the highschool level, it will be their responsibilities to make sure they can 1) get to practices and events 2) manage uniforms, shoes, equipment and 3) handle all paperwork, including making sure I see and sign what needs to be seen and signed. To be honest, I have a very jaded opinion about high school sports and the focus that is placed on athleticism in that time of life. The time commitments are out of proportion to the relative importance of the activity. I support my children in their passions, but those passions aren't mine.

Oh I agree once a child is in HS and old enough they should be responsible for their own activites. My DD is only 6 but it is her job to make sure her dance bag is packed with the correct attire and shoes (black and pink for ballet, long pants and sneakers for hip hop, dance shorts for technique, ect). She packs her own lunch and her own snack to take to dance. I fill out any paper work and put it in her bag.

I make sure that she can get to dance on time and that I attend any meetings. If I cannot attend I speak to her director and work something out. Generally I have found if you ask nicely and before the fact most people will help.

-Becca-

 

[missypie]

For all you know these parents might work nights. You really would want them to take off from work to attend a cheer meeting?
Talk about mixed-up priorities.

Not take off work. Just take 2 minutes to send an email saying "I can't make the meeting. How else can I get the info?"

 

[dreamer17555]

Lots of these activites are very demanding - both from the standpoint of time and $$$. At least with dance and cheer, they want to get the parents to a meeting so they can tell them how much it will cost - if they can't afford it, they should not let their daughter try out.

That how it is at the Company Meeting. Its a shock for all the moms that are thinking about having their DDs try out for the first time. It is not cheap at all. I think its good that the parents know what they are getting into before their child makes a team.

-Becca-

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, yes, Missy, that is a reasonable attitude, but it isn't the OP's scenario. She said that the kids can't try out unless the parents attend the meeting. No alternative options were noted.

 

[Kathi OD]

Why would a child's standing on the team be based on their parent's actions? Why do parents have to attend a meeting so their kid can even try out? Why can't the child bring the correct forms to the coach?

I agree that the parents should be following the rules and shouldn't cause a stink. But that shouldn't affect her daughter's standing on the team.

Because competition at the high school level is fierce and demanding. It requires unwavering commitment on the part of every student who makes the team. Since the students are still minors, coaches need the parents to be aware of the commitment level, team rules, and financial costs required prior to choosing the members of the team, so that means BEFORE tryouts start. Having tryouts, choosing a team, and then having 1/2 the parents say their children can't do such and such creates huge problems for the coach in putting a team on the field in time for the season to start.

Making the students responsible is important, but because of they are minors, their parents have the final say.

 

[BrerMom]

One of our high school coaches held a parent meeting half-way through the season. At the end of the meeting, he added, "Oh, one more thing. I've been a scout and I've seen scouts watching our kids at tournaments. Let me tell you, if I saw the way you parents were behaving in the stands, there's no way I would recruit your kid." It was a desperate measure from what I understand because the behavior was especially inappropriate. How do you teach parents sportsmanship when it reflects poorly on the team? They got the message.

 

[Abbie]

Unfortunately, not every parent has one child. So often there are conflicts. For example tonite I have a parent meeting at the high school for one child and also a meeting at the preschool for another. I am going to the high school meeting- that doesn't mean I am not interested in what goes on with that child or that school- just that right now the other meeting is my priority.

I can understand the frustration of a coach- and the requirements she has for her team. But please understand that each miss by a parent isn't a direct insult to your daughter. People have lives and sometimes things don't go as smoothly as someone else wants.

Oh gosh, no, she's not taking anything as a direct insult. I have three kids too and I all too well understand when things conflict. The thing is, the parent meeting and the forms are mandated by the county. If it was up to DD, she would allow them to try out regardless, but it's not. There were two separate opportunities for parents to attend the pre-try out mtg, and DD made it clear that if they could not attend either one then they needed to be in touch by phone to go over expectations, county rules, etc. And STILL she's begging the girls whose parents haven't bothered to please please call so they can try out. That's what I mean by the hand-holding.

And I agree that the teen needs to be responsible enough to procure the necessary forms, get them signed by the parents, and schedule the needed physical in time. But if they do all that and still the parent doesn't do their part? That's what I don't get. A lot of these girls are 14-15, it's not like they can drive to the dr's office for the physical.

And my vent was about these particular try outs, but I also feel like that with my job at a doctor's office. Patients will routinely call while they are standing in the specialist's office because they forgot their referral, will call after they are totally out of meds for a refill, will need an "emergency" physical required for school or work or whatever. I do whatever I can to help them because I know things happen sometimes and things spiral out of control, but there are certain folks who routinely need someone to bail them out and these are the ones who I wonder how they function daily.