Done with giving gifts to nephews

[CookieandOatmeal]

After today, I'm done giving gifts to my nephews (via marriage). Whenever either one opens gifts, they show no appreciation to the gifter. It's like a marathon gift opening session where they dump contents out of gift bags, rip gifts out of people's hands, and go from one present to the next. If you're lucky, you might get a thank you. When their parents were married, it was a no rules/no structure household. Now that they are divorced, mom still runs that way and dad half-heartedly tries to raise them with some manners/rules. Because of their circumstances, everyone makes excuses for them and their behavior. They are addicted to computer and video games since they were very little.

Today, one of the boys had a birthday and since he just had Christmas and got a bunch of toys, I opted to get him two books (diary of a wimpy kid 1st and 2nd of the series) after talking to his dad about it. My hubby and I tend to be the rational, practical members of the family. I figure kids will enjoy opening a present instead of hearing that his uncle/aunt put money in the bank for him (like we usually do for Christmas and birthdays). So as he is opening his last present which happened to be the books, he says as he sees what it is-"oh my last present are books that I'll never read". I couldn't believe the rude response! This kid just turned 9. I wasn't expecting him to be jumping for joy but a thank you would've sufficed even if you hated the gift. I was so offended that I was tempted to grab the books back and return them. They weren't cheap! Sad thing was no one even corrected him- some laughed, others couldn't believe how disrespectful the response was but didn't say anything like they usually do. Dad had said that the kid was interested in the series and that's why I bought them. Guess we're just going back to putting money in the bank. Hubby felt bad and pulled me aside to tell me it was a nice thought but they never show proper appreciation.

I'm just frustrated with their behavior because they have zero manners. People are afraid to have them over their houses, no one wants to go out to restaurants with them, etc. Sigh. I'm not a parent and their behavior is a huge point in why I don't want kids at this point. I know things will never change but just had to write somewhere and get these feelings out.

 

[sonnyjane]

Um.... I wouldn't even go back to giving them money.

 

[Hibiscus]

The problem is not the kids. It's the parents. These children have been set up for failure by selfish people who cannot be bothered to teach them how to behave. A 9yo child cannot "know better" if appropriate behavior has not been modeled and inappropriate behavior has been rewarded.

You are under no obligation to give gifts, but lay the blame where it belongs.

 

[Disneylover99]

Save your money. Wrap an empty box or put tissue paper in a gift bag next year and see if they even notice.

 

[eliza61]

The problem is not the kids. It's the parents. These children have been set up for failure by selfish people who cannot be bothered to teach them how to behave. A 9yo child cannot "know better" if appropriate behavior has not been modeled and inappropriate behavior has been rewarded.

You are under no obligation to give gifts, but lay the blame where it belongs.

Absolutely!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yeah, I get what you are saying.

What I do now is give cash or something under 20.00.

 

[bsblady01]

I would give them nothing if they can't say thankyou

 

[katie01]

Maybe next year you can give them a book on etiquette. If they say it's another book they'll never read, you can say, "You should if you ever want a gift from me again"

Ok, so maybe I wouldn't have the nerve to do that. But I don't blame you one bit if you choose not to gift at all, or stick to something small.

 

[disykat]

Time to stop giving them anything. That was incredibly rude.

 

[hereyago]

Or get them a gift in their name by gifting a goat or mosquito netting, and if they say something
tell them you gave them the gift of humanity. you little brats.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

The problem is not the kids. It's the parents. These children have been set up for failure by selfish people who cannot be bothered to teach them how to behave. A 9yo child cannot "know better" if appropriate behavior has not been modeled and inappropriate behavior has been rewarded.

You are under no obligation to give gifts, but lay the blame where it belongs.

I totally agree that the parents are to blame too. I'm sorry if my post didn't convey that but at the same time, at 9- I do think you've been to enough outside situations and to family parties where he has seen the proper etiquette. Everybody else in my hubby's family is pretty structured and proper. I think my upbringing has a lot to do with it. I always say thank you and please. Show appropriate appreciation. I'm the one that usually ends up telling them that there is no running around in the restaurant. I feel so weird doing that when his dad/grandparents say nothing. I'm like a fish out of water with kids like this.

 

[diz8297]

Well, I wouldn't let them be the measuring stick against procreating. Having said that, one should never feel obligated to give a gift. If you don't feel inclined to, don't! Their parents certainly are not doing them any favors.

 

[LilyWDW]

Kids wouldn't be getting one dang cent from me after that sort of reaction. My nephews who are 4.5 and 2.5 have better manners then that! Without any prompting from their parents I get a thank you and a hug when they open a gift (though it may be delayed if they are super excited about the gift haha).

 

[minnie mum]

If one of my nephews behaved like this ( and one little snot has come close a few times), I would be having a discussion with both parents. And explaining exactly why the kids would no longer be getting gifts from me. These "parents" are doing their children a huge disservice by not teaching them socially acceptable behavior.

 

[disney4us2002]

As a mom to three video-loving, athletic, rambunctious (but never rude ha) boys, I will tell you that my sons thought books were a drag to receive. My boys did not act like your nephews and always said thanks but every year it was the running joke that Uncle Jeff would be giving books. They just didn't enjoy reading and no matter what suggestions were offered, it was a big book of baseball encyclopedia knowledge, how things/the world works, etc.

Just a thought from the other side....sort of anyway.

 

[SmallWorld71]

The problem is not the kids. It's the parents. These children have been set up for failure by selfish people who cannot be bothered to teach them how to behave. A 9yo child cannot "know better" if appropriate behavior has not been modeled and inappropriate behavior has been rewarded.

You are under no obligation to give gifts, but lay the blame where it belongs.

I agree with this 100%.

That said, if one of my nephews/ nieces said something like that, I would have no qualms in kindly, but firmly, speaking to them about it and letting them know that Auntie (and most people) expect thank-yous and that it is the polite and correct thing to do. While it may not be your responsibility, that doesn't mean that you can't be a positive role model. The child is clearly not going to learn it from his parents.

 

[CookieandOatmeal]

As a mom to three video-loving, athletic, rambunctious (but never rude ha) boys, I will tell you that my sons thought books were a drag to receive. My boys did not act like your nephews and always said thanks but every year it was the running joke that Uncle Jeff would be giving books. They just didn't enjoy reading and no matter what suggestions were offered, it was a big book of baseball encyclopedia knowledge, how things/the world works, etc.

Just a thought from the other side....sort of anyway.

I totally get your point of books being a drag but I want to point out that I did check with dad first.

 

[justgrace]

A response like that should never be coming out of a 9 year old. I would have gotten a good spanking if I ever dreamed of acting like that or saying that at that age, or any age for that matter!

I doubt a discussion with the parents is going to help, if anything it could make things worse. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't be giving any more gifts. That's just ridiculous!

 

[NewRVLady]

Um.... I wouldn't even go back to giving them money.

me either! shame on the parents for not correcting him RIGHT then and there

My kids have gotten some weird presents-esp from my elderly Mom-like a tie with polar bears when they were not in an age to wear ties...you bet they said Thank you to their Granny

 

[EMom]

Give them a check to The Human Fund.