Does this annoy you? How do you react?

[MushyMushy]

It says she is uncomfortable with HER weight, no more - no less. It is NOT about you, it is about her insecurities about her body. You have them, I have them, almost every woman in America has them. It is not always about you. Granted, when you feel uncomfortable about yourself it's hard to imagine that everyone isn't thinking how fat, pimply, flat-chested, etc that you are, but really we're just all thinking it about ourselves. And it's only fair that if you get to feel that way, then so does everyone else. I can't believe you think someone is a b-word just because they are insecure and are talking about their feelings of self image. It's really hurtful.

HUH???

Where on earth did you get the B word from any of my posts? You're really reaching.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey Mushy,

Number one, most people can certainly be self-centered and thoughtless with remarks such as these. I truly wouldn't take it as being called a 'cow'. If the person really was feeling concerns about becoming overweight, then perhaps she thought that this was 'commiserating' ????

Number two, those who have mentioned that this is 'fishing' for compliments and having their (wayyy to fragile) ego stroked, are probably right as well. I see this ALL THE TIME!!!! And, if you really look at the person, you can usually see where they have some insecurity issues.

It probably is not really about you at all. I think that the chances are really slim that you were being called/considered a cow.

Most people would only make those kinds of derogatory comments behind the other persons back. Within earshot, maybe. But, to somebody else, behind your back.

 

[Hedy]

Mushy:
1.
2. People are stupid and don't think. But that doesn't make it ok.
3. I tend to respond to those comments (I kind of have a smart mouth) head on, myself. "I don't appreciate that kind of remark." "You say fat like it's a bad thing." "Personally, I make an effort to love and take care of my body by eating right, exercising, taking my meds because I love it. I find this to be a more effective way of living than saying I'm a whale, etc-I don't hate my body (it's helped me achieve x,y, and z." Or the afterward: "Hey Alex, when you said you need to lose 5 pounds to fit into your bikini the other day, it hurt my feelings because I'm fat/heavier/whatever than you."

 

[mytwotinks]

It's happened to me before. I'm overweight. What really iritated the heck out of me was a THIN girl on a talk show a few years ago saying how concerned she was that she was too thin. If that was her problem, SHE SHOULD EAT!!! I'm sorry, but I don't have pity for people like that.

I actually have been in this position (in my teens before kids) and have an adult friend that is there right now. I know that it is easy to say "just eat" but there really are people out there who are just skinny no matter what they do. The difference between this and being overweight is that people will say right to your face that they think you look disgusting. I've got to tell you that it hurts and I know that inside the person who says it is thinking "I'd love to have that problem" but no one wants people pointing out their flaws.

I am really "normal" sized now at 33. Just like most of my friends, I could stand to lose 10, but it doesn't really affect my daily life. I remember how humiliating it was to be singled out in a crowd with everyone discussing my weight.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I also think some people to it because they think it will "encourage" the bigger person to lose weight.

I agree. I think a lot of people do it for that reason. I think others just simply are not thinking about those around them.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

When I get together with my friends we like to vent. We come in all sizes and shapes and as women it's just something we do. I never see men doing this, but I see women doing it all the time. I would never think less of any friend because she said any of the things that have been mentioned. There are times in all our lives (especially women) when we feel too fat, too thin, wish we had straight hair, wish we had curly hair, clearer skin, bigger tatas-you name it. What I'm gathering from this thread is that unless you're the biggest, have the most zits, have the widest butt-you're NOT allowed to vent about it in front of someone who may be bigger, zittier, etc. So, it's OK for you to vent about your weight, but not for anyone who's smaller than you? Think about this ladies (and men) we're all in this together. Most of us have body image problems. Let's support each other when we're having feelings of inadequacy instead of fuming that we're not as bad as you. I would support someone large who is feeling fat and I would support someone a size 6 whose waistband is tighter than it was 2 months ago. We all have our feelings and they're all valid.

I agree 100 percent and was about to post a similar thing, but you covered it quite well.

Editing to add: There are days that I feel like a cow, when my waistband feels too tight. I am 5'5" and my weight fluctuates between 125 and 130 pounds. So according to you all I can't say how I feel. But when I am on that upper end of my weight I do feel terrible. But I admit I have image and food issues. Never, ever am I fishing for a compliment.

I used to be quite overweight and worked to lose it and continue to work to keep it off. My greatest fear in life is gaining it all back. I will tell you that when I talk about myself I am in NO WAY comparing myself to anyone else in that room.

If I make a comment about how I am feeling though, it is around people who understand me. I don't just burst out in public about my issues.

 

[NMAmy]

I have always been pretty underweight until this year. I was one of those disgusting people who could eat anything and never gain weight. Well, I had a really good run (43 years) and it finally caught up to me this year.

So, I don't go around talking about how huge I am but it's really uncomfortable for me because I've never had to use any will power where food was concerned. And, unfortunately, I've had to tell people who are more overweight than me that I'm trying to lose a few pounds when they begin pushing all the office goodies at me--donuts, cake, cookies, etc. They're used to me being the one to dig right in so it got a lot of comments when I would eat a banana from home instead of the yummy, yummy donuts in front of me.

Does it mean that I think my co-workers who are overweight are cows? Not at all--I adore these people. It's simply uncomfortable for me, I don't like it, and I've worn the same size clothes for years and I don't want to invest in all new ones. I don't go on and on about it--nor am I expecting compliments or people to tell me I don't need to lose. I know what I need to do for me and I don't need anyone else's opinion on the subject. I would like them to quit putting candy from home on my desk so they won't eat it, though.

 

[JunieJay]

Its all relative. I used to complain about how fat I was when I was 140 pounds (at 5'10"). My SIL, who is 100 pounds overweight, hated me for it. When I quit smoking and gained 40 pounds I got a real feel for how obnoxious I was. Now that I've lost most of that weight you'll NEVER hear me complain about how fat I am, but sometimes I still think I am. And I'm really not. I just feel that way sometimes. Fortunately, the older I get the less I care. As long as I can still fit in my clothes and don't have to buy new ones I'm usually o.k. with myself.

 

[MushyMushy]

Well, it is good to hear the other side of the coin. I'll try not to take it so personally from now on (although it'll still probably sting!).

I've said this a few times, but I do not have an issue with other people focusing on their weight. But maybe it would be nice if they could see where some of the comments would be insensitive to those around them.

 

[JunieJay]

Well, it is good to hear the other side of the coin. I'll try not to take it so personally from now on (although it'll still probably sting!).

I've said this a few times, but I do not have an issue with other people focusing on their weight. But maybe it would be nice if they could see where some of the comments would be insensitive to those around them.

I think the only way that is going to happen is if they get heavy themselves. It happened to me, and I learned how hurtful it is. You can't help but feel if that thin woman thinks she is fat, what does she think about me? Even though it really isn't about you, it does make you feel that way. But I didn't learn that until I put the shoe on my foot. I think your feelings are valid. As women, we should probably work to bring each other up rather than down.

 

[HelenePA]

I'm a average size girl, but I have this friend who swears she is fat. We are both the same size about 125. One night we went out... she was telling me how she wants to kill herself because she is SOOO fat... I broke down... I flipped out on her I had just lost my mom about a year before this all happened.. I just couldn't believe she would tell me that. I'd be more than happy to gain 200-300 pounds if I could have my mom back.

 

[tinkamom]

DD25 does this all the time to DD13! She is very thin and she eats like a horse! I'm not kidding....I'm measuring out portion sizes for DD13 and myself and DD25 is eating 4-5 servings a meal. And she eats lots of fast food too! Every night! DD13 and I are struggeling with our weight and watching what we eat yet we are still heavy. It really angers DD13 when DD25 calls herself fat. I've often thought it was a passive agressive thing.....DD25 still really hasn't accepted that she is not an only child any more! They battle quite often. They even argue about whether or not DD25 is actually fat! It really hurts DD13's feelings.

 

[Fitswimmer]

I've been on both sides of this issue. Until I hit 35, I was "the skinny one" in the family and I ate whatever I wanted. I never said anything about my weight because I was happy with it. I got some really nasty comments from heavier people, though. If I had the nerve to get on the scale at the gym-"What are you doing weighing yourself, you skinny thing! Afraid you gained an ounce? How 'bout you take some of MY fat?" Same thing at parties at work or family stuff.
Now, 10 years later I'm not obese, but I could lose more than a few pounds and not miss them. So now, the skinny ones at the gym give me the once over as they go by, taking a glance at my thighs. I don't get the comments though, until I go visit Mom. Then it's "Are you sure you want to eat that?"

IMHO, nobody should be saying anything about anyone else, but if I want to gripe about my chubby thighs amoung friends that should be ok.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

I'll admit, I kind of roll my eyes and mutter under my breath..."I must be a beached whale then...billowing gelatinous mass...protoplasm wavering to and fro..."

 

[Chattyaholic]

Oh yes, but I can't say/do much because it's my BOSS that does it!!

She is very petite, she probably weighs around 110 pounds. She watches what she eats all the time, is vigilant about her treadmill, and she will fuss about gaining 2 pounds on a vacation.

 

[U2_rocks!]

IMHO, nobody should be saying anything about anyone else, but if I want to gripe about my chubby thighs amoung friends that should be ok.

Exactly! I really do feel that everyone has things they don't like about themselves, and that's totally understandable. I don't have to like my ruddy skin that's prone to breakouts or my extra 10 - 15 lbs around my middle, just because someone else has worse skin or is carrying an extra 50 lbs! I promise I will show restraint when complaining about it, and I will never make comments that will disparage anyone else! But if I'm in a group where everyone's moaning about what they don't like about themselves, I'm gonna moan - no matter who else in the group may have a bigger problem than I do! I need my chance to whine too!

However, I realize that this moaning can be taken too far, and I think that not all audiences are suitable for that kind of griping. I understand and sympathize with those of you who have been on the receiving end of comments that were either completely inappropriate for the occasion or the company, or have been completely over the top. A little restraint goes a long way!

 

[LauraAnn630]

Sorry I dont care what you say to try to make it better.

1. You do NOT talk about how fat you are in front of someone thats fatter

2. You do NOT talk about your complection problems to someone that has
worse skin

3. You do NOT ask someone if they are pregnant.


I know people that bring up imaginary issues to encourage others to do what they think they should do.
(We do NOT need you to do this! We ARE aware of our issues)

There are people with health probs or they might be on medications that keep or pack pounds on.

I do believe people complain about being fat around fatter people to make themselves feel better. They want to hear, " OHHH at least your not as fat as me! Look at all the weight I have to lose!"

People are miserable and they need to make other feel like crap so they can feel better!
I REFUSE to allow anyone to do this to me!

When a skinny thing complains about being soooo fat. I just tell her, "You can lose that weight! Just eat right and exercise!! Maybe you can sign up at a gym? Get in shape, that would be GREAT for you!!

 

[chobie]

This thread has been enlightening. I am now an average weight, but used to be overweight, although never exactly huge. I still complain about my weight in front of others without thinking about it and I agree it is inconsiderate. I'm going to watch it from now on.

 

[shortbun]

I am confused Does a person have to be obese to worry about their weight to others?

No, but if one is an acceptable weight for their height and goes on and on about their weight, it's irritating.

 

[mytwotinks]

No one body type has cornered the market on low self esteem. I think that there are a lot of "average" size women who are very unhappy with their bodies. I am sure that many of them do think of themselves as "fat cows". That is really the saddest part of this whole discusion.