Does this annoy you? How do you react?

[Dakota_Lynn]

She didn't say anything about friends....she generalized about what never to say in front of fat people, people with bad complections [sic] and pregnant people.

In a social setting, how am I supposed to know someone is infertile while I, on the other hand, got pregnant easily? "Sorry if this offends anyone, but I got pregnant easily." That's just ridiculous.

What's the point of taking a vacation if you can't talk about it?

Do you not drive a new car or live in a nice house if you can afford to for fear of offending someone who can't?

It is PC run amok. People are self possessed. You had no trouble listing all the things about yourself that you don't like or are the unfortunate victim of, but it's silly to expect anyone who is a casual friend of yours to know all of your sensitive areas. According to what you think, every adult who gets braces, or mentions getting braces, is secretly trying to make you feel like crap. How realistic is that? Sorry, I can't be your friend any more because when I see you with your braces, I think about my own sensitivity to my teeth. The real trouble is no one accepts herself the way she is.

You assume that everyone who has gray hair is sensitive about it. You assume everyone with "bad" teeth actually cares about it. Your basic assumption is that everyone is hypersensitive to all comments, and I just don't buy that assumption.

Lots of people are really comfortable with who and what they are. Let them be so, and talk freely around them.

I don't have a lot of time to respond right now (I'm not home anymore) but let me make the effort here real quick.

ALL I was saying is that it is nice to TRY to consider other people's feelings. I don't have to brag to a homeless person that I'm going to Disneyland. I don't feel the need to complain about how ugly I am because I have a zit on my nose in front of somebody whose face is disfigured from acne or other facial blemishes. I don't feel the need to complain about a small gap between two of my teeth in front of somebody whose teeth are all falling out.

Obviously when I made the comment about not bragging about being fertile in front of somebody who isn't, I'm making the assumption that I KNOW the person is trying to conceive. Seriously, you do know what I meant by that; I'm sure of it. Of course people should carry on as normal in front of people they know casually. BUT if you happen to KNOW that one of the people in your company are suffering infertility, no need to shove it in their face.

I guess I was just raised differently. I try not to be hurtful to people. I see no reason to be. No, I don't watch every word I say. Of course not. But I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes. For example, I have a friend who is a republican. I'm very liberal. We didn't discuss the elections and I didn't rub the results in his face. I have an anti/Bush button on my desk and when he came over to use the computer the other day I removed it. Why? Because I care about him and saw no reason to be hurtful. It took no effort to move it and it no doubt made him more comfortable to sit at my desk and not have it sitting there. It's just being nice. Why the hell is it so "out" to be nice? Well I don't care. I will continue to try to chose my words carefully so they don't hurt people. No, I don't run amok with it, but I try to be careful, and I always will be. I want to be a friend to people and do everything I can to build the self-esteem of those around me. And if that means avoiding a few topics that could be hurtful, then so be it! There are a billion things to talk about and I don't have to talk about how fat I am in front of my friend who is 100 pounds fatter than I am! Sparing her feelings is far more important than my own personal need to vent about my weight. I can vent about my wieght to people who don't have a severe problem. No big deal!

 

[C.Ann]

C.Ann, I agree with you and see your point. I've had friends who were extremely underweight who had to deal with a lot of comments about their weight.

But the thing is, look at what the media glorifies. It's not the 200 pound woman, it's the woman who's stick thin. People aren't typically disgusted by overly skinny people. While the comments you hear are hurtful, is it said in disgust, like you're some kind of disease?.

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When people say to me, "You look like you should be on a poster for 'Save The Children' -" or - "You should get a job modeling coffins.." - or "How long have you been ill? Is it terminal?" - yes, I feel that is being said in disgust - like I have some kind of disease..

The hurts swing both ways.. People just don't seem to understand that telling me to "eat more" is no more effective (or helpful) than me telling a heavy person to eat LESS..

 

[MushyMushy]

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When people say to me, "You look like you should be on a poster for 'Save The Children' -" or - "You should get a job modeling coffins.." - or "How long have you been ill? Is it terminal?" - yes, I feel that is being said in disgust - like I have some kind of disease..

The hurts swing both ways.. People just don't seem to understand that telling me to "eat more" is no more effective (or helpful) than me telling a heavy person to eat LESS..

Bleh, that sure is said in disgust! I've never heard anyone say it like that to the people I know. They say it in more of a teasing manner that sounds more like jealousy, if you know what I mean.

I agree the answer isn't in "eat more" or "eat less." It drives me nuts to hear it either way, and you often see it on the disboards when a weight discussion comes up. People act like it's so simple. "Eat less and exercise more" or "just eat more." Yeah right.

 

[C.Ann]

I agree the answer isn't in "eat more" or "eat less." It drives me nuts to hear it either way, and you often see it on the disboards when a weight discussion comes up. People act like it's so simple. "Eat less and exercise more" or "just eat more." Yeah right.

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Agreed!