Does anyone have experience with a Protective/Restraining Order (50-B) in Court?

[Jsme]

We are currently going to court on 1/8 to attempt to get a 50B on DD's ex boyfriend and his parents. Does anyone have any experience with this process?

Does the defendant's lawyer question my 16 yo DD? Or is it just the judge?

A 50-B is a restraining order or protective order.

 

[KathyTX]

I think that "50B" refers to a law specific to your state. Since the title of the post won't make sense to those in other states, you might want to make the title more generic if you'd like to get more responses.

 

[N.Bailey]

Contact your domestic abuse office and see if they have a legal advocate available. If not, call your sheriff's office and ask the same thing. This person will walk you thru the entire process free of charge.

If not, dig in on Google. There are many sites that list the entire process and what to expect of.

Keep in mind though that, restraining orders really anger these violent offenders, so upon filing, please, please, please, do all you can to protect yourselves. I'd even suggest getting a gun and a carry permit. While you may not need it, I think it's wise to have it in case you do. You're up against someone who doesn't care about the rules.

 

[Jsme]

Contact your domestic abuse office and see if they have a legal advocate available. If not, call your sheriff's office and ask the same thing. This person will walk you thru the entire process free of charge.

If not, dig in on Google. There are many sites that list the entire process and what to expect of.

Keep in mind though that, restraining orders really anger these violent offenders, so upon filing, please, please, please, do all you can to protect yourselves. I'd even suggest getting a gun and a carry permit. While you may not need it, I think it's wise to have it in case you do. You're up against someone who doesn't care about the rules.

We have to wait until tomorrow for the advocate. A friend told me to do that. We are not allowing our daughter to go anywhere without us.

She is very nervous and wants to know about their lawyer, whether she will be able to question her. She has nothing to hide but she has never had to go to court before, well we have not either.

 

[N.Bailey]

We have to wait until tomorrow for the advocate. A friend told me to do that. We are not allowing our daughter to go anywhere without us.

She is very nervous and wants to know about their lawyer, whether she will be able to question her. She has nothing to hide but she has never had to go to court before, well we have not either.

Well, unfortunately, if he brings an attorney, that attorney will have the right to cross examine anyone who testifies against the boy or his family. Actually, the boy himself could cross any witnesses, but in doing so, anything he might say could be used against him in criminal proceeding (if that were to apply here).

Do you have any reason to believe that he'll show up with an attorney? He may not show up at all and in that case, the court will rule in favor of your daughter's petition. How is the family sitting financially? That's usually a good indicator of what you might expect.

EDIT: BTW, tell her to practice, practice, practice, going over her testimony. It becomes easier and this routine is used frequently when trying to prepare people for testimony.

 

[jjarman]

I dont know the specifics for your state but I worked as a paralegal for 17 years. Your daughter will most likely be questioned on the stand under oath by the lawyers involved. The judge probably won't ask her anything. Judges don't generally question witnesses.

 

[N.Bailey]

The judge will be asking lots of questions when you're dealing with a restraining order. Who knows, if the boy and his family don't bring an attorney, the judge will be the only one asking the questions (more than likely).

 

[kafitty]

If you haven't started already, document EVERYTHING. Phones calls, drive-bys your house, threats, EVERYTHING! Write down dates & times.

They will want to see specific examples of threatening behavior from the family.

good luck. i wish people could just act like adults.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

I am in Mass and I have to say that Restraing orders are a joke here! I had to get one on an abusive ex boyfriend who abused me....bad, and he was arrested for it with years hanging over his head. he got pissed about the order and went the next day to the courts and MADE UP stuff and got one against me , even after I have police photos etc, and then he made himself a victim when in right I was the victim! long story short I had to drop rape charges against him because he made death threats and the courts just let him do what he wanted! this was 3 years ago and I still suffer the PTSD from him!

 

[N.Bailey]

I am in Mass and I have to say that Restraing orders are a joke here! I had to get one on an abusive ex boyfriend who abused me....bad, and he was arrested for it with years hanging over his head. he got pissed about the order and went the next day to the courts and MADE UP stuff and got one against me , even after I have police photos etc, and then he made himself a victim when in right I was the victim! long story short I had to drop rape charges against him because he made death threats and the courts just let him do what he wanted! this was 3 years ago and I still suffer the PTSD from him!

I'm not a real strong supporter of them either. They just really can enrage some people and the people you're seeking them against are the type that are easily enraged. It's just a catch 22.

Still though, it's the first step in the process and is a necessary evil if you have any hope of the law doing anything to try and protect you. If you're unwilling to file for a restraining order, there really isn't a lot they'll be able to do to help you on down the road, UNTIL something happens. I can't stress enough however how important it is to not rely on the law as your only source of protection. It's imperative that you take whatever measures you can to ensure your own safety.

I'm not trying to scare you, OP. I think you're already scared and the fact that you're seeking the restraining order is proof of that fact already. No one really knows what someone like this is capable of doing and IMO, it's better to be overprotective than under protective. I don't blame you for not allowing your daughter to go anywhere alone. I wouldn't either.

 

[N.Bailey]

snip

How is the family sitting financially? That's usually a good indicator of what you might expect.

snip

I just want to clarify this. When I asked how the family was sitting financially, I was asking about the boy's family, not your family. If they're in a low income bracket, it's possible that they may not have sought out an attorney.

 

[Jennasis]

I had to take our an order of protection against my ex many years ago after he threatened to kill me. A TRO was granted (temporary restraining order) until a court date could be set. I showed up with my lawyer and he showed up with his (and an entourage of family). Judge called us in, and I'll be honest, I have no recollection of what he even asked...I believe he asked about the threat and a few other instances in which I was threatened. I was awarded an order against him in the end. I was very worried that it would enrage him, but I waslucky and he just sulked off into the sunset never to be heard from again.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am in Mass and I have to say that Restraing orders are a joke here! I had to get one on an abusive ex boyfriend who abused me....bad, and he was arrested for it with years hanging over his head. he got pissed about the order and went the next day to the courts and MADE UP stuff and got one against me , even after I have police photos etc, and then he made himself a victim when in right I was the victim! long story short I had to drop rape charges against him because he made death threats and the courts just let him do what he wanted! this was 3 years ago and I still suffer the PTSD from him!

Thats about the same as they are in NY- I always said they were good for one thing- to wipe your butt with--not good for anything else. I did not have anyone question me when I took one out on an ex and he did the same things yours did- went and made up a bunch of stuff and took one out on me!! I think that was the biggest slap in the face of it all....didn't have a chance to defend anything in there--they just issue them like a traffic ticket!!

 

[KandD]

What state do you live in?

Most likely the lawyer can ask questions but the judge really controls what is going on. The victim advocate will help you understand the process more, I encourage you to have your daughter talk to him/her so they can prepare her. It is important before you go to the hearing to have everything documented as a PP said. Write down the dates, times, types of contacts, etc. If you can print out texts and emails or have a phone record if he has been harassing her.
Whether or not the restraining order is granted I strongly suggest you ask the victim advocate to refer your daughter to your local domestic violence agency. Dating violence in teens is a growing phenomenon and your daughter could probably benefit from talking to someone about whatever has been going on.
Good luck and I wish your daughter the best.

 

[KandD]

Thats about the same as they are in NY- I always said they were good for one thing- to wipe your butt with--not good for anything else. I did not have anyone question me when I took one out on an ex and he did the same things yours did- went and made up a bunch of stuff and took one out on me!! I think that was the biggest slap in the face of it all....didn't have a chance to defend anything in there--they just issue them like a traffic ticket!!

I forgot to mention...it is true that restraining orders are JUST a piece of paper...especially if not enforced. Your daughter should know that if he violates then she should call the police. But more importantly she should have a safety plan in effect just in case he does violate.

 

[NCRedding]

I believe that you are in NC. A 50-B should only be granted against the boyfriend, as it is allowable only in cases of domestic relationships. I assume your daughter would be taking a 50-C out against the parents.

There will be a hearing. As the plaintiff, it will be your daughter's responsibility to testify to all the elements necessary to prove the existence of grounds to support the entry of the order. In most courtrooms, the judge will ask no questions. They expect the plaintiff to be able to present their case. You need to be prepared to proceed without the judge asking any questions. If the boyfriend is represented, that attorney will certainly be allowed to ask your daughter questions. If not represented, then the boyfriend is allowed to ask questions of your daughter.

Your daughter should also be prepared for the fact that there may be a lot of people in the courtroom while she is testifying. These types of proceedings are open to the public, and are generally crowded with other people seeking the same relief. The court may do something differently given your daughter's age, but I would not count on it.

 

[N.Bailey]

Not every state has the same procedures, but I thought this was a pretty good site to check out. I want to give the caveat that I have never been in a North Carolina courthouse in my life and can acknowledge that some may be sharing personal information where they are giving a 1st party prospective. I do not have that prospective. So take it all for what it's worth. There is also a lot of valuable information at the site that I've not pasted here.

http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=32

What should I do on the day of the hearing?

* Be on time.
* Have your witnesses there and ready.
* Have your evidence ready.
* If you have subpoenaed witnesses or documents and they are not in court, you should inform the judge.
* Dress neatly.
* Speak directly to the judge; he or she will understand if you feel nervous.
* Always address the judge as “Your Honor.”
* Be prepared to spend all day in court. (There may be hearings before yours.) If you have children, try to find someone to take care of them while you are in court.
* If the abuser comes to court with a lawyer and you are not represented, ask the judge for a “continuance” so you can look for a lawyer.
* While you are waiting to be called, it is your right to move seats if the abuser sits next to you, and to receive help from court staff in keeping the abuser away from you. Tell the bailiff or any sheriff, police or security guard if you are afraid for your safety.
* Stand when the judge enters and sit when the judge or bailiff asks you to.
* Try to remain calm but it is OK if you show emotion.
* Take deep breaths if you feel yourself getting tense. Never lose your temper in the courtroom.
* Always tell the truth.
* If you don’t understand a question, just say so. Don't answer a question that you don't understand.
* If you don’t know the answer to a question, just say so. Never make up an answer.
* Remember that you know your story better than anyone - you are the expert. Don't let the abuser or the judge or a lawyer throw you off.

What is the order of events in the courtroom?

Each state and court may have variations on this, but this is generally the order of events:

1. The bailiff will "swear you in" by asking you to state your name and swear or affirm to tell the truth.
2. Since you are the plaintiff, you will tell your side of the story first and enter any evidence that you have.
3. The judge and the the abuser's lawyer (or possibly the abuser himself if he doesn't have a lawyer) may ask you questions, which you must answer truthfully.
4. When you are finished, your witnesses may speak. You may ask them questions, and then the judge and the defendant will have a turn to ask them questions.
5. The defendant will tell his side of what happened and enter his evidence. It may be very different from yours.
6. After the defendant tells his story, you and the judge are allowed to ask him questions.
7. The judge will make a decision after hearing both sides and considering the evidence. The judge may make the decision right away or may take a recess to give the decision. The recess may be only for a few hours or it may take days or weeks to give the final decision.
8. If the judge grants you the final restraining order, the judge may sign it that day at your hearing. If so, then make sure you get a copy, review it, and ask the judge if you have any questions about it. If the judge is not giving his/her decision that day, make sure to ask the judge to extend your temporary restraining order if you have one.

 

[Jsme]

Well, unfortunately, if he brings an attorney, that attorney will have the right to cross examine anyone who testifies against the boy or his family. Actually, the boy himself could cross any witnesses, but in doing so, anything he might say could be used against him in criminal proceeding (if that were to apply here).

Do you have any reason to believe that he'll show up with an attorney? He may not show up at all and in that case, the court will rule in favor of your daughter's petition. How is the family sitting financially? That's usually a good indicator of what you might expect.

EDIT: BTW, tell her to practice, practice, practice, going over her testimony. It becomes easier and this routine is used frequently when trying to prepare people for testimony.

I am positive the entire family will show up. They are going to fight his tooth and nail since they do not believe their son has ever done any wrong, although they admitted he busted her lip once.

We have been practicing a lot. She is going to right everything done and do a time line of the events.

We have letters from her nurses and also from a social worker that she does not need to have any contact what so ever from this family. The nurses have put in writing where she told them of the abuse. We are also getting a statement from her SRO at school that did the report from an incident.

I just want to clarify this. When I asked how the family was sitting financially, I was asking about the boy's family, not your family. If they're in a low income bracket, it's possible that they may not have sought out an attorney.

I knew what you meant. They do have an attorney because this is a continued case. Our first court date was on 12/23 and we found out then they had hired a lawyer and she was out of town so the judge allowed the case to be continued.

 

[Jsme]

The entire case is rather weird. I think we can get the 50-B against the boy without much issue. Or I pray we do. He is a minor as well and he has a GAL (Guardian) which has been names as his father.

We have documentation of the facts and we are making the timeline I mentioned earlier.

I know this case is going to get ugly.

I also know it is only a piece of paper. We are hoping the age thing will come into play. As in, he will not have as much access to bother us as much as an adult would.

Also we pretty much put a stop on the relationship when she came home hurt. We did not take charges against the boy as now I wish we had. However, the phsyical absuse was proceeded with the normal trying to control her and beat her self esteem down, after that is when he became a bit abusive. All of it happening at school. It is documented by her SRO and he did have a coming to Jesus meeting with the kid.

However, the kicker is that she "got" back with the boy behind our backs and it all started again. We found out on December 11 when we had to check her into a Youth psych ward in our Children's Hospital. She wanted to kill herself and had made a plan to do so. Therefore, we have letters from the nurses and her social worker.

I have no clue if we will get the 50-B against the parents because their abuse is going to be harder to prove. There's was an emotional abuse. It will be whether DD can convince the judge if they are guilty of any abuse. I certainly doubt we get these RO's. They basically helped to brain wash my child. It is all a very big mess.

I am sure they will fight this with all that they have because both the boy's dad and his step mom are nurses. They would not want anything against them. Plus they want the kids together....very LONG story and a bit off too. There involvement in the whole thing is a bit off.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

No knowledge of restraining orders, but good luck. It's a sad comment to our society when a 16 year old needs to get a restraining order against an ex. I hope it works out for you. Please keep us updated.