Does anyone else feel like this... For Women Only

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

She may make a valid point about what type of dress is most attractive on different body types, but the way in which she stated it was cruel to many of the people who posted before her. It had a very mean-spirited tone, whether she wants to acknowledge that or not. Bottom line, it shouldn't be a "SERIOUS problem" to her how anybody dresses other than herself. Why would someone else dressing to their OWN disadvantage be a problem for her? ~Ev

 

[formernyer]

She may make a valid point, but the way in which she stated it was cruel to many of the people who posted before her. I had a very mean-spirited tone, whether she wants to acknowledge that or not. ~Ev

I wholeheartedly apologize to you and anyone else here who I may have offended. I truly did not mean for the tone of my comments to be offensive. I just wanted to make the point that most of the overweight people who are stared at have brought it on themselves...not for being fat, but for dressing in clothing that draws attention to the weight. I'm not even saying that every overweight person needs to choose a swimsuit with an attached skirt, because I realize that some people don't care for that style. All I'm saying is that just because a retailer is selling a bikini in a size 26 or a size 22 one-piece with plunging neckline and high cut bikini line doesn't mean that it is ever going to look good on somebody that size.

If I dressed up in a shirt that looked like a bra and a mini-skirt that barely covered my butt cheeks I'd expect to get disapproving stares from virtually every woman who looked at me. That's why I don't dress that way. It's no different for a large woman who chooses to wear a skimpy swimsuit.

To those of you who think I'm being mean, I can't change your opinion. I was just trying to be honest and point out a possible reason why so many overweight women feel like they are being stared at. I know not ALL of you dress in the way I'm describing, but in my experience a LOT of overweight women do.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I am going to get flamed for this I'm sure, but I'm going to add to the comment I made on the first page.

My body is far from perfect, but I worked hard to stay a size 2, even though I'm 36 and had two kids. I prefer to wear bikinis (tasteful) and even though I am self-conscious about the way I look I know I'm not drawing any negative stares or attention because of the way I am dressed.

That being said, I have SERIOUS problems with overweight people wearing two piece bathing suits in public. I think you should all feel comfortable wearing swimsuits in public, swimming in public, and enjoying yourselves just the same as the slender people; however, I find that MOST overweight people wear bathing suits that are highly inappropriate. Not only do very few overweight people choose suits with skirts, but a HUGE percentage of them wear bikinis. How can you expect to NOT get stared at when you're wearing suits that show off a lot more of the fat than needs to be shown? I don't stare at overweight people just because they are wearing swimsuits, but I do stare at the ones in bikinis and wonder how/why they would choose to make us all look at that.

I also noticed a lot of people in this thread claiming that they were size 12s and 14s, but not fat. Sorry, but unless you are over 6 feet tall a size 12 is way too big to be wearing a two-piece suit or a skimpy one-piece suit.
I guess my point is this...
Most overweight people aren't stared at because they are overweight...they are stared at because they are overweight and dressing like they're a size 4.

WOW! I am glad that you admitted that you have serious problems, because you're right.

I am a beautiful size 16 and I will NOT walk around in a bathing suit with a skirt when I can get gorgeous suits in my size that are trendy and up to date. Now I do not wear a bikini, but I am certainly not going to walk around with an extra flap of material because someone might not approve. I usually get suits from cyberswim that are made of high quality material that smooths out any lumps or bumps and highlights my waist and chest. I always have my hair and makeup done and have always taken care of myself whether I was 230 lbs or 112. I think all women deserve to feel beautiful.

The only thing I will agree with you about is that women who wear suits that are too small look silly. A size 12 woman in a size 8 bikini is not a good idea. A size 12 woman in a size 12 bikini can be GORGEOUS!

You have to be kidding about a size 12 unless they are over 6 feet tall being fat. The average woman is a size 12 and 5'4". Real women do have curves and they should be appreciated. As they say, in life as in art, beauty is always moves in curves.

A size 12 at 5'4" equates to about 145 lbs, depending on muscle and fat percentages, which is a 24.9 BMI, which is in the normal BMI range, which is healthy.

Anyone with body issues- I recommend taking up Renaissance art- look at books or go to a museum and when you see how these talented artists treated real women's bodies with reverence, highlighting each curve maybe you will have an epiphany. For a cliffs notes version, head over to www.judgmentofparis.com and look around. You'll see lots of 12's and 14's, even 16's in dresses, bikinis, etc. - all beautiful.

Some friendly advice- Stop trying so hard to be a size 2. Take your time and use if to be closer to your family or friends, or to help out at a homeless shelter or to work with the girl scouts or some other group os children in need of self esteem building. Don't be so hard on yourselves and on others. Curves are beautiful. Smiles are beautiful. Life without an occasional slice of birthday cake or glass of wine isn't life. Men love women who are confident in their looks and exude life and passion. I am extremely proud of my feminine curves partly due to my wonderful boyfriend and how enthusiastic he is about complimenting them and me all the time. He always compliments my beauty inside and out and I wish this for every woman in the universe.

To the OP, promise me you will get in the pool this vacation! I want to hear all about it!

To everyone else, love who you are, take care of yourself, appreciate your natural beauty, and COME TO THE PARTY! Never sit out for anyone or anything. We all belong.

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

I want to thank everyone (well 99% of you) for your posts, men included. I knew 1 of 2 of you would have to peek LOL. I was brought to tears by most of the posts here.

I never really worried about what men thought of how I looked, just the women. At first I thought that was funny, but than formernyer posted and, well women are more "unforgiving" about other women look. Some can be down right catty. Also, even when I was a size 3 I never wore a bikini. Never really liked showing to much skin even when I had less of it to show.

I had cervical disk surgery in 1996 that didn't turn out to well. Like a few other's here I too live with pain on a daily basis. I take 6 different meds daily and it controls the pain, never really gone totally, so I do get to do things. I also get tired very fast.

when I get to Disney and it's time to go to the pool I will say to my self "Remember the disboards". With all this support how can I not have fun!

Again THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Agree completely. Women need to remember their sisters and support each other more.

I wish you a happy, healthy time- during your vacation and beyond.

 

[formernyer]

Stop trying so hard? Huh? I NEVER exercise and I eat pretty much whatever I want. I spend almost all of my time with my kids and family. I am extremely active at my kids' school, as well as Boy Scouts and after-school sports. You don't have to be fat in order to be a good parent. You seem to have alluded to this above. After I had kids I watched what I ate for a month or two in order to get off all of the baby fat. I wasn't going to let children be an excuse for gaining weight. Since then, I do what I want.

As for your comments about size, I guess it's all a matter of opinion. I'm not going to argue with you if you feel that 5'4" and 145lbs looks good. I am 5' 3.5" and I know I would look like a cow if I was 145lbs. Right now I'm at an all-time high for weight and I'm 114 (I'm more like 106-110 during swimsuit season)...I look and feel like I need to lose a few pounds. NO WAY could I look acceptable at 145!!! It all comes down to bone structure and MOST people who are 5'4" could not pull off 145lbs and still look slender.

 

[miller2470]

bdg100]Let me admit that I am an over 40 male. I know it said "Women Only" but ladies, c'mon. You are on vacation. WHO CARES, you will never see these people again anyway. Real men are not looking anyway, they are much too busy looking at their own wifes or, more likely chasing after their three kids. Those extra "baby pounds" are, and let me say this loudly, A BADGE OF HONOR. Finally, take a look back. Most of the men you think are looking at you are nothing to write home about anyway. (me included) My advice to you is wear what you feel comfortable in on vacation. Anyone who takes exception to what you are wearing can take a flying leap in the Living Seas for all I care. Have fun

Way to say it!!! I have always been overly self-conscious. Somewheres along the line I have come to discover that if you dont love yourself, no one will. I see it like this, I will PROBABLY never see these people again (in Disney that is) I am going to have fun and not worry. I will not let what I think others might think stop me from having fun, especially in my happy place...DISNEY!!!

 

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

First post:

My body is far from perfect, but I worked hard to stay a size 2, even though I'm 36 and had two kids.

Last post:

Stop trying so hard? Huh? I NEVER exercise and I eat pretty much whatever I want.

So, exactly HOW is it that you "worked hard to stay a size 2"???

 

[formernyer]

First post:

Last post:

So, exactly HOW is it that you "worked hard to stay a size 2"???

By making sure that I took the baby weight off ASAP rather than using childbirth as an excuse. This thread really isn't about my personal weight though, nor is it about trying to accuse me of being an uninvolved parent simply because I'm not overweight. The thread was about overweight women feeling like they were being stared at and all I did was state a possible reason why that might be happening...unflattering swimsuits.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

Again....

The people who mind DO NOT matter...

the people who matter... never mind!

Peace out!

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

By making sure that I took the baby weight off ASAP rather than using childbirth as an excuse. This thread really isn't about my personal weight though, nor is it about trying to accuse me of being an uninvolved parent simply because I'm not overweight. The thread was about overweight women feeling like they were being stared at and all I did was state a possible reason why that might be happening...unflattering swimsuits.

That really isn't what the thread is about, it is about a woman who needed support and encouragement about her personal situation and wanted to talk to someone else who had been there and could give her that support.

And you certainly didn't just mention unflattering swimsuits, you called anyone over a size 12 fat and that they shouldn't wear bikinis. You expected to be flamed and I am actually happy that that really hasn't happened yet. Everyone had been much kinder to you than you were in your post.

No one has even alluded to the idea that you must be overweight to be an involved parent, that makes no sense, so I have no idea where you got that from me saying stop trying so hard and use your time for better things. A woman of any size can be a wonderful, dedicated motherwhether she's a 2 or a 32- it's all in what attitude and what attention she decides to give. You are the one who said you work very hard to stay a size two. I simply mentioned that you shouldn't waste time trying so hard. No one put those words in your mouth. It seems you're backpedaling now.

As far as the eating whatever you want and never exercising, that is a recipe for disaster. Heart disease is the number one cause of death for women and the majority of women with heart disease and high cholestorol are not significantly overweight. Everyone should get proper nutrition and exercise no matter what their weight.

Everything I stated about the average woman's weight and size and that being a healthy normal BMI is absolutely true. At 112 lbs and 5'5" I was ordered by my doctor to gain some weight back and I hadn't had my period in months, so I can't understand how you would feel like you needed to lose weight at 114 lbs. Perhaps you have a lack of muscle tone and need to gain some muscle, rather than lose weight. You might even do better gaining a few pounds.

I think it's sad that you would think of yourself as a "cow" at 145. I wouldn't think of myself as a "cow" at any weight. I don't necessarily think of 145 at 5'4" as "slender" but I also wouldn't want to look "slender" I would want to look curvy and healthy. It is all in your perspective.

I'm sure you are a wonderful mother and a wonderful person, but I really think you are being too hard on yourself in the area of appearance/weight and consequently are directing it to others. I may not be able to change your mind on this but I'd just like to present you with the idea that curves can be beautiful and that everyone deserves to feel beautiful and comfortable in this world.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

I feel for you OP...even after loosing 35 pounds and going from a 14 to a 6 I still feel gross in a swimsuit...but not because of fat...I exercise a lot...run, do the FIRM, treadmill running 4 mi a day, step aerobics...but I had two c sections and even at 130 pounds I look very very round and saggy in my tummy area... I have what they call a tummy apron (gross gross gross!!) and will need plastic surgery to get it removed...no matter how much I work out or how much weight I loose...
my dh was in a car accident before I met him and his right arm was tore almost completely off...he still has it but it is very deformed...

my point here is that we all have things we do not like about ourselves but we can not stop living or doing the things we enjoy because of what others will say or think...and for the most part...people see the good things before the flawed things!!!

So I'll never look amazing in a string bikini (neither does 99% of the general population!!!) but that will not stop me from pools, water parks, boating, or beaching!!!

Have fun and have less worries!!!

it's all good

 

[kdtwiss]

AH WELL,
Speaking as someone who has been upwards of 230 pounds, back down to 110, and recently began dieting my way back down from a size 16(ish) to a size 12 (and hopefully still going down) I would just like to say thanks to the pp who was,well,honest (euphemism) for reminding me I am still fat. Very kind of you.

Before anyone jumps to reassure me- don't worry - I am thrilled to be in a 12 again, not stopping my diet/exercise yet. Just wanted pp to consider another group of people she probably offended/hurt, that is all.

 

[kaysmommie]

Stop trying so hard? Huh? I NEVER exercise and I eat pretty much whatever I want. I spend almost all of my time with my kids and family. I am extremely active at my kids' school, as well as Boy Scouts and after-school sports. You don't have to be fat in order to be a good parent. You seem to have alluded to this above. After I had kids I watched what I ate for a month or two in order to get off all of the baby fat. I wasn't going to let children be an excuse for gaining weight. Since then, I do what I want.

As for your comments about size, I guess it's all a matter of opinion. I'm not going to argue with you if you feel that 5'4" and 145lbs looks good. I am 5' 3.5" and I know I would look like a cow if I was 145lbs. Right now I'm at an all-time high for weight and I'm 114 (I'm more like 106-110 during swimsuit season)...I look and feel like I need to lose a few pounds. NO WAY could I look acceptable at 145!!! It all comes down to bone structure and MOST people who are 5'4" could not pull off 145lbs and still look slender.

Not everyone else posting is fat as you have assumed! We are just supportive nice people unlike you. Alot of people have issues with there body whatever size they may be, myself included. I don't know why you turned this supportive thread to a weight issue thread. The OP said she feels uncomfortable with her body (like alot of us), mostly because of health issues. No one should be uncomfortable at the pool, we are not there to show off but to enjoy our families on vacation!

 

[Twingle]

In response to the OP:

I have a dear, dear girlfriend that is morbidly obese because of an accident at work and medications she must take to live. She has the best attitude of anyone I know. She feels like every day she is here is a gift (she's right!) and she's going to enjoy it as much as she can. Her daughter has such a healthy image of what "real" people should look like, as compared to those in print ads and celebrities. Meaning, the "normal" woman is not 5'10 and 110 pounds, with no wrinkles or aging showing on her face or body.

A few weeks ago she was shopping for clothing and I happened to be with her at the time. She was trying to find a shirt, and when I asked her what size, her comment was "I wear a 20, but a 22 is so comfortable I think I'll get a 24." Very funny indeed. She always looks lovely and put together, because she takes the time to take care of herself the best way she can. She will be this size for the rest of her life, and she accepts it beautifully. Is it idea? Of course not, she'd rather be healthy. But, she's doing everything in her power to make the best of it.

Most people, no matter what their age, size, or background, have some physical issue with themselves.

As far as B&B women wearing bikinis, I think that is a personal matter. If you are comfortable, that is wonderful. Those that feel you shouldn't wear them because "they" have to look at you, should simply look the other way. Unless you're putting yourself two inches from their face (which I doubt you are), they have no reason to eyeball you.

Please, go, have a wonderful time. There are a few speciality swimsuit shops here where I live, perhaps if you have one nearby you could go? They have special training in helping women with all types of bodies, in all types of situations.

I'm sure you will be beautiful.

 

[jann1033]

well sorry, reality check here....

while i think it is great to have self confidence, for every nice person who maybe really doesn't think some one is a "slob and therefore disgusting and not entitled to enjoy life" because they are packing some lbs . there are at least 2 who don't mind calling you the above if not to your face behind your back,,,being overweight myself i can attest to it

case in point
a few yrs ago we were traveling, i have some chronic illnesses and felt like crap and so while not dressed like a slob, i had on more comfy clothes than i might have on otherwise when out( sweats, not uncovered or in a bikini too small for me ) we stopped at a rest area, my legs were barely working( neurological, nothing to do with weight) so i had a really hard time getting out of the car and walking into the bathroom and the people in the car next to me thought i was just the funniest thing they ever saw, i mean laughing and pointing funny, all 4 of them.( had it not taken me so long to walk in i probably would not have seen them,on the other hand husband who is normally very gentle actually almost decked the man) and i know it was because i am over weight..." hahah look that lady is so fat she can hardly walk"....so you really think if i was in even a modest bathing suit they would have thought "oh great look at her enjoy herself!", nope...

so while one can appreciate all the kind "go for it comments" to be realistic you also have to expect you might hear the mean comments too( just read an ecv thread sometime about all the "fat lazy people" who ride them( not my thinking , it 's in the treads over and over)...

me in a bathing suit won't happen. i've gained about 100 lbs( due mostly to illness concerns but why really makes no difference cause no one knows that but me) so i 'm way over weight ( not like 400 lbs but way more than i would like to be) mainly cause even if i never see them again it is to hurtful to hear.

 

[jamounger]

I am a big girl and last summer I travelled to the world with the added pleasure of being bald from chemo from breast cancer. Not for one minute did I worry what people thought. I was just doggoned excited to be able to take the trip with my famiily. This summer we are going back and I will have the good fortune of a new head of hair, will still be a big girl but have lived another year to enjoy life. How lucky am I?

 

[LouisianaDisneyFan]

...mainly cause even if i never see them again it is to hurtful to hear.

You hit the nail on the head here. The post I made earlier and then edited out dealt with exactly this issue. At 5'6" and size 4, I am not overweight, but I still do not wear shorts or go swimming in public areas anymore because I have a very large scar on my left leg from a third degree burn. It happened while camping with some friends; their daughter accidentally knocked a pan of hot bacon grease over on me. I was pregnant with our first child at the time, and therefore couldn't go through the appropriate surgeries or even take painkillers during the recovery. I would never trade my darling Kate for a pretty leg, but it still hurts to feel the constant stares and hear the whispers when I am bare-legged in public... and this behavior is NOT limited to just the beautiful among us. Unattractive people are just as guilty of this inconsiderate behavior as attractive folk. I'll wear shorts if it's just people I know... I've enjoyed years of Scouting, hiking, climbing, afternoons on isolated beaches, etc. These are all activities with trusted, caring friends or relatives. But put me in a public place with no coverage? I think not. That joy ended several years ago, at DisneyWorld actually, when I was in a bathroom stall at MGM and a large group of girls came in laughing and gossiping... about me. After what seemed like an eternity of their insults, I started sobbing, and they realized I was there. Their reaction? They laughed hysterically and ran out. That's why I posted earlier that the best thing any of us can do is teach our children understanding and compassion for those who are not "perfect" and MODEL THIS ATTITUDE OURSELVES. My subsequent trips to Disney have not included shorts or swimsuits... just capris and jeans in the parks for me. I don't ever want to feel that horrible again. ~Ev

 

[MOMOFMNM]

I am a big girl and last summer I travelled to the world with the added pleasure of being bald from chemo from breast cancer. Not for one minute did I worry what people thought. I was just doggoned excited to be able to take the trip with my famiily. This summer we are going back and I will have the good fortune of a new head of hair, will still be a big girl but have lived another year to enjoy life. How lucky am I?

very lucky indeed...actually I'd say blessed

 

[DebIreland]

OP,
I hope you have a wonderful holiday!! Disney World is expensive, make the most of that pool girl - get every last cent's worth of swimming out of it!!!

I have some pounds to lose too - I was looking at old photos yesterday and got a little bit depressed - God I was so skinny one time and I actually thought I was fat then But now I truly have some weight to lose (working long hours on a computer isn't always conjucive to physical activity but I'm going to work on that!). I'm going to set a realistic goal for myself, like perhaps trying to drop 10 pounds before my trip and the remaining pounds when I get back (yeah, riiiiiiiiiight!)....

To hell with any rude people who might stare at my flabby baby (x 3) belly - who needs the approval of ignorant people like that??!! To liberally paraphrase Winston Churchill "I can lose weight in the morning but they'll still be ignorant dumb jerks".

 

[NotUrsula]

I am 5' 3.5" and I know I would look like a cow if I was 145lbs. Right now I'm at an all-time high for weight and I'm 114 (I'm more like 106-110 during swimsuit season)...I look and feel like I need to lose a few pounds. NO WAY could I look acceptable at 145!!!

Cow? Acceptable? Here's some honesty for you: lighten up on yourself; it really isn't mentally healthy to go around hating your body that much for no good reason. You are NOT fat, and unless you have eating disorder issues that you are not telling us about, there is nothing wrong with your weight.

Me? Well, I'm a lot heavier than I would like to be these days, but I'm still pretty healthy, so I have no real reason to complain. However, I do have a skin condition that looks like a case of poison ivy to many people, though it is actually a kind of mole. This red and blotchy mole covers over 30% of my body, including my arms, legs, and back. I've had lifeguards order me out of public pools "because you obviously have a rash". Believe me, with that kind of humiliation lurking around every buoy, it would be no wonder if I stopped swimming, but I don't. Swimming is EXCELLENT exercise, and even if I don't lose any weight, I'm healthier for having gone swimming, so I put on a suit that fits me, carry my little laminated note from my dermatologist, and happily swim my heart out.