Does anyone decorate non-military graves on Memorial Day?

[missypie]

My parents always travel to Indiana and Kentucky on Memorial Day weekend to decorate the graves of their parents. It's quite the thing, especially at the small town cemetary in Kentucky. Growing up, I didn't think of Memorial Day as a military remembrance holiday. It was an occasion to visit the graves of all of the beloved departed. Anyone else still follow this tradition?

 

[CapeCodTenor]

We use to. For my family, it was a time for my mom's side of the family to get together to clean the cemetery (we have a family cemetery out in New Mexico) and lay flowers on the graves. Since a lot of the older generation has died off, we don't do that anymore. Kind of sad, really. It was a way of staying in touch and learning about the family history.

 

[powellrj]

I bought flowers this year to decorate my MIL and GMIL graves. I know my MIL use to do her parents, so since she died this year I will do both of them.

My DM was so concerned that I wouldn't decorate her grave properly when she died that she had it moved so it was close to family members she thought would do the job better than I would!! She is really picky about what she likes and was afraid I would do something tacky like artificial flowers. Which by the way is what I got for MIL and GMIL, so I guess she was right! I am tacky!!!

I don't think as many people do it that use to do it, but I know my parents always take a day to visit the cemeteries and decorate them.

 

[missypie]

My DM was so concerned that I wouldn't decorate her grave properly when she died that she had it moved so it was close to family members she thought would do the job better than I would!!

My maternal grandmother also expressed fear that no one would decorate her grave when she was gone.

 

[Chicago526]

I think my grandmother would go to Grandpa's grave on Memorial Day and then again on his birthday (in October). Grandpa never served, he was exempt in WWII because of his job. I don't know if she decorated it though. I don't think she goes anymore, it's too hard for her to get around.

 

[JVL1018]

My husband's fire department has Memorial Day services Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and then they go to area cemeteries and put flags on the graves of firefighters. DH always makes sure to go to his uncle's grave-he was a FF who was hurt on the job and died years later as a result.

But regular family members? No. I don;t visit their graves at all.

 

[mariolatry]

That's the purpose of Memorial Day where I'm from; visiting all the grandparents' and aunts'/uncles' graves and placing flowers, cleaning up, etc. Maybe it's just a Western Michigan thing....

 

[powellrj]

I think it maybe a midwest tradition. My parents don't even call it memorial day, they still call it decoration day.

 

[lynxstch]

we go every Memorial Day to 3 different cemetaries and bring floral bouquets for Husband's parents, and both sets of grandparents..we are the only ones in the family (he has 2 brothers and 1 sister) who ever go..we also go at Xmas time..it's a day for remembering all the lost loved ones as far as we are concerned!

 

[gatormouse]

I grew up in northern Ohio, and most of my extended family still lives there and in Michigan. I remember as a child every Memorial day going from one cemetary to another visiting gravesites and planting flowers. It was a big deal back then, and we all looked forward to it. I loved hearing all the stories my grandparents told about the people we were visiting. When we moved to Florida, of course the tradition kinda stopped, but now my DH and I like to travel to Georgia to visit the graves of his family members and place flowers. My grandparents are now gone and are buried in Florida, so new traditions begin....

 

[ducklite]

My mom will put flowers in the holder on the headstone where my dad and two brothers are buried. My sister will do the same on my grandparents graves. (she lives about 20 minutes from where they are buried)

I always thought of Memorial Day as a day to remember everyone who had died, not just service people.

Anne

 

[Katy Belle]

My mom and dad always decorated the graves...they call Memorial Day, Decoration Day. I'm sure they still do, I'm just not around to do it. I used to help mom pick fresh flowers and decorate tin cans to put them in. We would go to the Green House and buy flowering plants. It was always a big deal. Mom and Dad had two babies die and we always decorated their graves, along with my Grandparents, Uncles, etc. I think its a neat tradition.
Katy

 

[denisekayt]

That's the purpose of Memorial Day where I'm from; visiting all the grandparents' and aunts'/uncles' graves and placing flowers, cleaning up, etc. Maybe it's just a Western Michigan thing....

It must be an Iowa thing then too...growing up (and still to this day back home) Memorial Day is for putting flowers out in the cemetary for loved ones who have passed away. My Mom usually goes out the Friday before Memorial Day and places her flowers, then comes back on Tuesday or so after Memorial Day and picks them up. If I were living closer to home I would be doing the same thing.

I never realized other places consider Memorial Day specifically for military (now Veteran's Day in November certainly is only for military, but Memorial Day was for all loved ones in our location).

 

[Nancyg56]

New Englander here, and I always took my Mom and my Aunt to decorate our family graves. My DH family all decorate grave sites of their family members as well. My Mom passed away this year, so my brother and my sister and I are heading up on Sunday.

 

[NMAmy]

At the cemetary in which my grandparents are buried, the VFW puts small flags on the graves of all servicemembers on Memorial Day. It's a nice touch. Families visit the graves and place flowers on all the graves. So my grandfather gets a flag and flowers he shares with my grandmother and great-grandparents (they have a joint tombstone.)

My mother also donated the big flag she received when my grandfather died and the cemetary flies it on Memorial Day weekend near his grave. Pa was a WWII vet and a member of the VFW so she knew that would make him very proud.

Mom is in the hospital this weekend so I'll be headed to the cemetary by myself with the flowers and hope I can remember where the heck the tombstone is.

 

[shoes99]

I just got back from the cemetary. I bought flags at Walmart, but my Dad's grave already had a new flag. Our local VFW refreshes them every year. I put the flag on my Uncle's grave.... Our cemetary is always decorated for all the major holidays by family members.

 

[Chicago526]

Gotta love Google! Here is the history of Memorial Day.

http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service. There are many stories as to its actual beginnings, with over two dozen cities and towns laying claim to being the birthplace of Memorial Day. There is also evidence that organized women's groups in the South were decorating graves before the end of the Civil War: a hymn published in 1867, "Kneel Where Our Loves are Sleeping" by Nella L. Sweet carried the dedication "To The Ladies of the South who are Decorating the Graves of the Confederate Dead" (Source: Duke University's Historic American Sheet Music, 1850-1920). While Waterloo N.Y. was officially declared the birthplace of Memorial Day by President Lyndon Johnson in May 1966, it's difficult to prove conclusively the origins of the day. It is more likely that it had many separate beginnings; each of those towns and every planned or spontaneous gathering of people to honor the war dead in the 1860's tapped into the general human need to honor our dead, each contributed honorably to the growing movement that culminated in Gen Logan giving his official proclamation in 1868. It is not important who was the very first, what is important is that Memorial Day was established. Memorial Day is not about division. It is about reconciliation; it is about coming together to honor those who gave their all.

General John A. Logan
Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, [LC-B8172- 6403 DLC (b&w film neg.)]

Memorial Day was officially proclaimed on 5 May 1868 by General John Logan, national commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, in his General Order No. 11, and was first observed on 30 May 1868, when flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery. The first state to officially recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. By 1890 it was recognized by all of the northern states. The South refused to acknowledge the day, honoring their dead on separate days until after World War I (when the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war). It is now celebrated in almost every State on the last Monday in May (passed by Congress with the National Holiday Act of 1971 (P.L. 90 - 363) to ensure a three day weekend for Federal holidays), though several southern states have an additional separate day for honoring the Confederate war dead: January 19 in Texas, April 26 in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and Mississippi; May 10 in South Carolina; and June 3 (Jefferson Davis' birthday) in Louisiana and Tennessee.

In 1915, inspired by the poem "In Flanders Fields," Moina Michael replied with her own poem:



We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.


She then conceived of an idea to wear red poppies on Memorial day in honor of those who died serving the nation during war. She was the first to wear one, and sold poppies to her friends and co-workers with the money going to benefit servicemen in need. Later a Madam Guerin from France was visiting the United States and learned of this new custom started by Ms.Michael and when she returned to France, made artificial red poppies to raise money for war orphaned children and widowed women. This tradition spread to other countries. In 1921, the Franco-American Children's League sold poppies nationally to benefit war orphans of France and Belgium. The League disbanded a year later and Madam Guerin approached the VFW for help. Shortly before Memorial Day in 1922 the VFW became the first veterans' organization to nationally sell poppies. Two years later their "Buddy" Poppy program was selling artificial poppies made by disabled veterans. In 1948 the US Post Office honored Ms Michael for her role in founding the National Poppy movement by issuing a red 3 cent postage stamp with her likeness on it.
Traditional observance of Memorial day has diminished over the years. Many Americans nowadays have forgotten the meaning and traditions of Memorial Day. At many cemeteries, the graves of the fallen are increasingly ignored, neglected. Most people no longer remember the proper flag etiquette for the day. While there are towns and cities that still hold Memorial Day parades, many have not held a parade in decades. Some people think the day is for honoring any and all dead, and not just those fallen in service to our country.

There are a few notable exceptions. Since the late 50's on the Thursday before Memorial Day, the 1,200 soldiers of the 3d U.S. Infantry place small American flags at each of the more than 260,000 gravestones at Arlington National Cemetery. They then patrol 24 hours a day during the weekend to ensure that each flag remains standing. In 1951, the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts of St. Louis began placing flags on the 150,000 graves at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery as an annual Good Turn, a practice that continues to this day. More recently, beginning in 1998, on the Saturday before the observed day for Memorial Day, the Boys Scouts and Girl Scouts place a candle at each of approximately 15,300 grave sites of soldiers buried at Fredericksburg and Spotsylvania National Military Park on Marye's Heights (the Luminaria Program). And in 2004, Washington D.C. held its first Memorial Day parade in over 60 years.

To help re-educate and remind Americans of the true meaning of Memorial Day, the "National Moment of Remembrance" resolution was passed on Dec 2000 which asks that at 3 p.m. local time, for all Americans "To voluntarily and informally observe in their own way a Moment of remembrance and respect, pausing from whatever they are doing for a moment of silence or listening to 'Taps."

The Moment of Remembrance is a step in the right direction to returning the meaning back to the day. What is needed is a full return to the original day of observance. Set aside one day out of the year for the nation to get together to remember, reflect and honor those who have given their all in service to their country.

But what may be needed to return the solemn, and even sacred, spirit back to Memorial Day is for a return to its traditional day of observance. Many feel that when Congress made the day into a three-day weekend in with the National Holiday Act of 1971, it made it all the easier for people to be distracted from the spirit and meaning of the day. As the VFW stated in its 2002 Memorial Day address: "Changing the date merely to create three-day weekends has undermined the very meaning of the day. No doubt, this has contributed greatly to the general public's nonchalant observance of Memorial Day."

On January 19, 1999 Senator Inouye introduced bill S 189 to the Senate which proposes to restore the traditional day of observance of Memorial Day back to May 30th instead of "the last Monday in May". On April 19, 1999 Representative Gibbons introduced the bill to the House (H.R. 1474). The bills were referred the Committee on the Judiciary and the Committee on Government Reform.

 

[goofinoff]

Yes. Every year my parents go to my grandparents graves and put beautiful flowers out.