Do you visit your inlaws without your spouse?

[ZachnElli]

Nope, no way. My mil is the meanest person I've ever met in real life. At any given time, any or even all family may not be speaking to her. DH usually makes sure at least one of his sisters is there when he goes to see her, they do the same. Safety in numbers! FIL passed away, dh spent more time with him.
Those of you saying you wouldn't /couldn't marry someone if you didn't get along with their family, really?! It's not my dh's fault his mom is the way she is!! I could tell so many stories of his mom's abuse, but I won't , I'm incredibly amazed and proud of my husband learning to be the person he is by doing the opposite of his parents!

 

[bethy]

Nope, no way. My mil is the meanest person I've ever met in real life. At any given time, any or even all family may not be speaking to her. DH usually makes sure at least one of his sisters is there when he goes to see her, they do the same. Safety in numbers! FIL passed away, dh spent more time with him.
Those of you saying you wouldn't /couldn't marry someone if you didn't get along with their family, really?! It's not my dh's fault his mom is the way she is!! I could tell so many stories of his mom's abuse, but I won't , I'm incredibly amazed and proud of my husband learning to be the person he is by doing the opposite of his parents!

To each their own. Of course it's not your DH's fault. It's just not a lifestyle choice I would make for myself, personally. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be attracted to someone in the first place who wasn't pretty close with his family. Just my personal choice and preference and what I want for my own life.

This is one of the life altering choices I did have at least some control of. Although there are never any guarantees of course!

 

[Disneylover99]

I used to visit my mil all the time by myself when she lived close to my work. Now she has moved far away, so the whole family visits her together and we spend the night. She's a great lady!

 

[ronandannette]

Totally agree with this. I wouldn't have married my DH if I didn't really really like his family, too. For me, that was/is the way it needed to be.

I wish I hadn't been so naive about the importance of this issue.

Thanks everyone for sharing!

I think I sort of just forced my way into my in-laws and developed a relationship. My husband was not very close with his family when we married but his deployments were hard on both myself and his family. He would call me and I would call them as a courtesy for updates. I remember the first time I went to visit without him. He was deployed and it was Thanksgiving. They were so confused why I was there and I said hey I married him, you got me. You're getting a better bargain.

I originally assumed their weak relationships just needed my input to become something more like I have with my own family. That was a mistake on my part. Not only weren't they interested, my pushiness re-opened some wounds for DH that I really didn't understand even existed. None of us spend any time with his family now - his siblings are scattered to the winds. Both of his parents have passed away and they were each married 3 times a piece. The spouses that were "current" at the time of their deaths are literally nothing to us (nor are we significant to them); it's likely we'll never see or speak to either of them ever again. Sad for my DS, but I think it bothers me more than him or my DH. We are all very close to my family and DH spends a fair amount of time with various ones of them without me.

 

[nene0182]

I would if the situation presented itself, the live in FL and we live in ND so I can't just pop in for a visit. My MIL is one of my favorite people. Whenever she comes to visit we normally spend hours just her and I chatting and catching up. On a side note, my parents and in laws have become great friends. In fact my parents flew to FL to visit them and ended up buying a house 5 minutes from them. While they don't get together a to , they do celebrate birthdays and holidays together and often take day trips to Disney together. I love that our families blended so nicely together.

 

[Kellykins1218]

My mother-in-law just asked me yesterday if I'd bring the kids for a few weeks next summer whether my husband can come or not. She knows I'm more fun anyway.

 

[ZachnElli]

To each their own. Of course it's not your DH's fault. It's just not a lifestyle choice I would make for myself, personally. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be attracted to someone in the first place who wasn't pretty close with his family. Just my personal choice and preference and what I want for my own life.

This is one of the life altering choices I did have at least some control of. Although there are never any guarantees of course!

So if your husband had been abused as a child by his mom, you wouldn't be attracted to him because he's not close to his abuser? I have no words. You can't help who you fall in love with or I guess YOU can! Btw, my husband will go see my parents without me and he calls them regularly just to chat. He finally got the loving kind parents he never had growing up in my parents. I can't imagine being so judgemental of him because of his upbringing!

 

[wilkeliza]

So if your husband had been abused as a child by his mom, you wouldn't be attracted to him because he's not close to his abuser? I have no words. You can't help who you fall in love with or I guess YOU can! Btw, my husband will go see my parents without me and he calls them regularly just to chat. He finally got the loving kind parents he never had growing up in my parents. I can't imagine being so judgemental of him because of his upbringing!

I think you may be stretching what the PP was saying just a little.

I would clarify my stance to say I don't understand people who can't hang out with their significant other's family if their significant other is close to their family. My father was abusive and my mother is dead so no I do not expect my fiance to hang out with either of them and would actually pretty upset if he was hanging out with my father. Now on the other hand I am very very close with my cousin and grandmother. It would have been a no go if my fiance did not get a long with either of them. My cousin was just recently diagnosed with cancer and my fiances first words was is there anything I can do if you can't go be with her I will. That meant the world. I feel the same way with his family. I get not ever dealing with a single in law if your significant other doesn't even deal with his family but if you are marrying into a close nit family it just seems odd not to be apart of that relationship. Just my opinion though and what works for you works for you but I know I couldn't do it.

 

[RedAngie]

MIL is in an assisted living place. I go with DH to visit about once a month; he goes alone more often. About every other month I'll visit her on my own, taking her out for lunch or shopping,or just sit and talk or watch TV.

I see DH's sister more often without him present than with him.

I still speak to and visit my ex-parents in law. They're relatively local, and I've always liked them. No need to cut ties just because their son and I got divorced. And they're still grandparents to our daughters.

I'm also very close with my cousin's wife. (Cousin-in-law?).

 

[MIGrandma]

I used to run over to see my MIL all the time when they lived next door. She was a wonderful lady and I loved her dearly. Sadly she passed away 15+ years ago after a lengthy battle with ALS. FIL remarried a year later. He moved into her home so doesn't live next door anymore. No, I don't visit them unless DH wants to go then I tag along generally. DH works (farming) with his Dad so sees him often, and we go out to eat with them occasionally but don't really go back and forth to each other's homes much. I'm not comfortable in their home, it's too "perfect." Super clean (which that alone is fine) but nothing out of place and it's just not welcoming. I'm afraid to sit on the couch and muss up a cushion, or use the bathroom and leave a drop of water on the counter after drying my hands on the perfectly folded towel, that sort of thing. And I don't think my house is "perfect" enough for her. She's nice enough and we get along okay, I'm just not close to her like I was my MIL. They are more into doing things/visiting with her family, not so much his. Kind of sad, but not much I can do about it.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Not unless you count traditionally "women-only" party events like wedding and baby showers.

 

[Bluestars]

My in-laws live across the country, so I have never visited them without my spouse. They are great people, but I can't imagine hanging out with them without my husband.

 

[bigbabyblues]

My ILs live about 5 minutes away, and we see them often, with or without DH. My ILs are great, we get along well, they have always treated me the same as they treat their own kids.

My parents, that is a whole different story. I don't visit them without DH, I prefer not to visit them at all. they live about 30 minutes away and we see them once or twice a year, and that is more than enough.

 

[yeheyprincex2]

both of my DH parents have passed. My HD works evening and weekend so if there is a family celebration or gathering on his side I usually go with our two boys with out him. We all live within on hour of each other. I'm comfortable with his family so I don't mind.

 

[Aladora]

To each their own. Of course it's not your DH's fault. It's just not a lifestyle choice I would make for myself, personally. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be attracted to someone in the first place who wasn't pretty close with his family. Just my personal choice and preference and what I want for my own life.

This is one of the life altering choices I did have at least some control of. Although there are never any guarantees of course!

I didn't even meet my future inlaws until after DH and I were engaged.

 

[superme80]

I have. I love my mother in law! I can totally sympathize with those who do not get along with their in laws. I was blessed to fall in love with my husband and most of his family. It isn't like that for everyone.

 

[FINFAN]

I'm packing today to go see my in-laws for a long weekend. My sister in law is having her first baby and first baby shower this weekend. I wanted to make sure she felt we were also celebrating with her. My husband is out of country(naturally) so I'm flying from the 90 degrees of the desert to the cold to me Chicago.
I'm fortunate I have a great relationship with my SIL and though my MIL is a loon she is tolerable. It was always important to me to cultivate this relationship with my inlaws because my husband loves them. He has always been kind and helpful to my side of the family and I want to extend the same to his.

So do you visit with your in-laws without your spouse?

Just want to say have a great visit here in Chicago (gonna be cold this weekend)enjoy the shower ~and if you could , while you're here...root for our CUBBIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

It depends on which in-laws

I try not to even talk to my MIL even with my DH *in* the room, so I only visit when I absolutely have to, and only when DH is there as a buffer. She is OK, but for some reason everything I say to her is taken as offensive or defensive, then when I try to explain myself, it just makes it worse. She exhausts me, and I always have to be on guard. And she is very passive aggressive so she starts arguements and tries to make you feel guilty about things, but if you call her out on it she will back down and act like she never had those intentions. The guilt doesn't work on me anyway....I NEVER feel bad about not setting up a reoccuring every Sunday afternoon dinner or saying no to T-giving when it is not her turn that year. Then it doesn't matter anyway - she just goes behind my back and talks about me anyway. I don't take offense because she does that to everyone she knows, but I have found that VERY limited contact is best.

There are some older BIL's that I don't talk to or associate with unless it is a big family thing (like a wedding) that we are all invited to, for various reasons (one being that I don't feel like being caught in the "arrest now, ask questions later" scenario that they seem to live in a perpetual state of!) but then other siblings I love hanging around with almost more than DH LOL . Two in particular, I was friends with before I dated DH, so we go back more than 25 years. We all grew up with each other, really. Except the older brothers - they grew up very differently than the younger set (there are 8 kids) that I knew, and didn't even live in the same state - they were both out of the house getting into their own trouble by the time I met the family.

I have, and would, have dinner with, or visit with DH's dad and stepmother on my own. They are wonderful people to hang around with and we always have very nice conversations and visits.

 

[bethy]

I didn't even meet my future inlaws until after DH and I were engaged.

To each their own. You did what worked best for you and your DH and I have done the same for my marriage. There is no harm in that. Different strokes!

 

[Aladora]

To each their own. You did what worked best for you and your DH and I have done the same for my marriage. There is no harm in that. Different strokes!

Totally...I was just giving my example of how you can fall in love with someone and not get along with their inlaws. In my case, DH and I live 4500 km away from his family so I never met them before we got engaged.