Do you think we over indulge our kids?

[DisneyPhD]

Not any one person, but in general now a days.

The trend of very indulgent names for babies.

T.V's. DVD players computers, in rooms, cell phones for kids.

3,000 prom dresses (but apparently not EVERY mom thinks this way, just the one that inspired the thread. )

I know I was not over indulged as a child. I hardly got my every desire, but I had a good childhood and wasn't hurting for anything I needed.

Now I must admit that some people (my family and friends) might say my kids are over indulged in a number of ways. (They get to go to WDW many times a year so far, and they are not hurting for toys and that is mostly my doing.)

What does everyone think of this trend now a days?????

 

[Crankyshank]

I think society in general is far too over indulged. To answer your question, yes I think children are way too spoiled now.

 

[missypie]

Yes, probably, but I don't think I'm TOO bad.

The thing is, I make SO much more money than my parents did. As kids, we were decently dressed, but I always wanted more, nicer clothes. So now that I have kids of my own, I don't have any problem buying them nice, stylish clothes. However, they know not to even ASK for the $100 jeans or the $200 designer purses...they know they would get nowhere with me.

Each kid has their own cell phone...I did this last summer because they are involved in activites that take them pretty far from home and I want them to be able to reach me at any time.

No TVs in their rooms; no computers in their rooms.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. I suffer from Middle Child Syndrome. I think my parents and my siblings mistook me for the family dog.

Okay, seriously...I was a teenager about 9ish years ago, so not that long ago. I didn't have a computer until I got married (at 19, but that's another story, haha), I got a cell phone around the same time, never had a landline in my room or a TV. Basically, my bedroom was a bed, a bureau, a stereo (that I bought with my own money) and a desk. My friends had all the same stuff as I did. It's amazing how times have changed in less than a decade. My daughter is 5 and is begging me for a cell phone so that she can call her boyfriend (she has a friend who's a boy, but she insists that she NEEDS to call him on her own phone). I kid you not. I'm dreading her teen years.

Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with the new trend. To each his own. If I don't like my daughter having a TV in her room (for example), I won't get her one. If I don't want to name my child after a breakfast cereal, I won't. Doesn't mean no one else can.

 

[lisajl]

Yes.

My kids do not have all the lastest video gadgets, nor do the younger ones have cell phones.

We had a friend visit us from Germany a few years ago. She noticed we did not have too many toys around and she commented on how nice that was.
Then...she went in our basement, her comment, "American Kids have too much stuff!" She is right.

Lisa

 

[Bob Slydell]

As far as how much "stuff" kids have -- sure, it's a lot more in general than in generations past. But it is possible to have a lot of possessions but yet not be spoiled. Stuff does not make a spoiled child -- attitude is not necessarily developed because of how many things one has.

 

[mickeyboat]

Yes, I think we (DH and I) probably over-indulge our girls. They don't have tv's or cell phones or their own computers. But they have no shortage of clothes, we take nice vacations, they are involved in costly activities, we are saving for their college education. We are able to do things for our kids that our parents could never have dreamed.

I think as working parents we (DH and I) feel that one of the reasons we work is so that our kids can have all the things they have. In a way we give it to them because we feel guilty about working - a vicious cycle, I know.

I don't think we are being excessive, by any means. But I don't think our kids really have any idea about how most people live - in our country, and especially in other parts of the world. They are still young, but I hope someday they realize how lucky they are.

Denae

 

[Evil Queen]

I know I was "spoiled" as a child compared to my 3 siblings, but nothing compared to what my kids got.

My oldest got big ticket items, but only for birthdays and Christmas, or from his grandparents. But it would take me 6 months of saving to get the items. He only had 1 trip to WDW, until he was 19, now he's added 3 more trips on there. He did pay his own hotel room, food and half his PAP last trip. I provided transport, tolls, and half his PAP ticket. He will be paying for these same things again this Sept. except for ticket, since we are using the same pass from last trip.

Now my youngest receives many things, but I would say about a 1/4 of those, he helps pay for himself. I would put him in the "over indulged" category. But he has to maintain certains grades, chores and "extra" things I give him to do,and his allowance doesn't cover all the cost.

 

[disykat]

Yes. I think in general, kids are overindulged in today's society. Too many things, too much freedom, to much "say". I make a conscious effort not to, but I still think I overindulge sometimes as well. Most of my friends are also in the "make a conscious effort not to overindulge" catergory as well - so my kids see it as normal not to have all the things listed above.

 

[DVC Sadie]

I think our society as a whole as "over indulged".

 

[golfgal]

As far as how much "stuff" kids have -- sure, it's a lot more in general than in generations past. But it is possible to have a lot of possessions but yet not be spoiled. Stuff does not make a spoiled child -- attitude is not necessarily developed because of how many things one has.

I agree, our kids have a lot of stuff but they are not spoiled by any means. If they break something, they will earn the money to replace it. They are pretty careful with things. They appreciate getting things.

A friend of mine's kids are extremely spoiled. Her 3rd grader wanted a NEW cell phone, his was a hand me down from his 5th grade sister who got a new camera phone (this was a few years ago when the camera phones were new). His mom said no and he took his phone outside, smashed it in the driveway and told his mom he needed a new one. Well, she went out and got him a NEW camera phone. That to me is spoiled.

Are kid overindulged, you BET they are, mine included (overindulged and spoiled are not the same thing). Most kids today have the attitude that the world revolves around them. They have no respect for anyone and a lot of that stems from being given everything they want at a young age and from having parents and other people DO things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves, cleaning up after themselves is the main one.

 

[LynnTH]

I'm kind of split on this one. I think the reason our kids have more stuff is that is the day and age we live in. When I was growing up we didn't have all the technology we have now. Things change. Every generation probably says the same thing. My parents could have said it because we had more than they had - well of course we did, they barely had TV's, phones and stuff back then. I feel alot of it is just the way the world grows and changes and with it the "toys" change. So, of course my kids are going to have more than I did as most of the stuff didn't exist back then. I don't necessarily think it means we overindulge them I think it is part of the changing ways of each generation.

 

[Kitka]

As far as how much "stuff" kids have -- sure, it's a lot more in general than in generations past. But it is possible to have a lot of possessions but yet not be spoiled. Stuff does not make a spoiled child -- attitude is not necessarily developed because of how many things one has.

You are right on here. My kids have more than they need, for sure. No TV's in rooms or anything, but they have more than plenty. But my kids would never whine for a toy, nor do they have any attitude of entitlement. So I would never consider them spoiled.

I also take my children to volunteer at the shelter, and we will take our DD when she is 13 to India. I will raise them to realize how lucky they are.

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think our society as a whole as "over indulged".

I think that is the real issue, but it is reflected in our kids. I think the 2 working parent household plays a part in it also (but can not be blamed completely). One of my DD's best friends comes from a family with 2 working parents. Her mother has admitted to me that she lets them get away with too much and give them too much to make up for what she feels is lack of time with them. (and lack of energy on her part.) I have to admit when this friend comes over I have to lay down the rules or we have major problems, her behavior is getting worse as she gets older. (4 years old). Her behavior gets worse when her mother shows up to take her home.

I find myself needing self control to not get them too much. The issue is much more mine then theirs, but I don't want to pass it on to them. I don't think they are spoiled, or act spoiled most of the time (they have consequences if they do.) However I need to keep an eye on it and strike a balance.

My 5 years old tells me often that "when I am the mommy I am going to give my kids what ever they want." I tell her I am going to remind of her that some day. So I know at least I am doing something right. I am not giving them EVERYTHING they want.

 

[va32h]

Yes.

And the notion of childhood has been extended to the college years as well, so this indulgence continues well into the "child's" early twenties.

It's not just that children are given so much, but also that so little is expected of them.

We can always argue, "to each his own" and I certainly am not going to tell another adult how to raise their child.

But since my opinion was asked for, I'll give it. I think we will soon see (and are already seeing) a generation of selfish and compassionless adults, who have no comprehension of the needs and concerns of others because they only seek to gratify themselves. Who have mounting credit-card debt because they expect to always get whatever material item they want, and have never had to work or save for anything. Who will act without regard for any consequences, because they've never had to face any.

One of the hardest lessons to teach a child is to accept that they will not always get what they want. Too many kids never have to learn that lesson from mom and dad, and go out into the world expecting everyone else to indulge them just like their parents did.

I'm sure we've all met someone like that.

 

[allison443]

A lot of good points in this thread, but I'm just curious, what do you consider "indulgent names for babies"? Do you mean pretentious? Or babies purposely named after luxury brands (like mercedes, tiffany, etc.)
Just wondering!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

My kids have more than what they need, but not nearly everything they ask for and not as many material possesions as their friends. We live in a fairly affluent area (not rich, but upper middle clas) and I'm amazed at the quantity of "things" that many kids are given. Brand new cars (or very nice used ones)when they turn 16yo and when they total it, they get another one. Designer clothes and lots of them. And it starts when they are teeny. But still, there are people who can look at us and think that we give our kids too much--we live in a nice house, our kids have a half a garage full of outside toys (ok, I should go through the stuff and get rid of 3/4 of it, so not really 1/2 a garage full ), a basement playroom with many toys, games, etc. My kids are not lacking, but still do not have as many things as many of their friends/neighbors.

These are simply observations, however, and I try not to pass judgement on these other families and I hope people are not passing judgement on me.

The most important thing that my DH and I give to our kids are our time. Hopefully they will remember that long after the toys are gone.

 

[DisneyPhD]

But since my opinion was asked for, I'll give it. I think we will soon see (and are already seeing) a generation of selfish and compassionless adults, who have no comprehension of the needs and concerns of others because they only seek to gratify themselves. Who have mounting credit-card debt because they expect to always get whatever material item they want, and have never had to work or save for anything. Who will act without regard for any consequences, because they've never had to face any.

One of the hardest lessons to teach a child is to accept that they will not always get what they want. Too many kids never have to learn that lesson from mom and dad, and go out into the world expecting everyone else to indulge them just like their parents did.

I'm sure we've all met someone like that.

I agree and think this is a real challange in rasing children now a days (every generation has it challanges.)

 

[DisneyPhD]

A lot of good points in this thread, but I'm just curious, what do you consider "indulgent names for babies"? Do you mean pretentious? Or babies purposely named after luxury brands (like mercedes, tiffany, etc.)
Just wondering!

Really the trend of "special" names, that aren't so special because everyone does it. I don't want to give examples because it will offend someone (no mater what names I will pick that will someone's kids names ) It starts with names, and when they are babies and then builds from there. Now I am sure even babies named John, Martha and Carrie can be "spoiled" but it seems more likely with "Paris" (and that is an example of a over indulged child to the extreme.)

 

[DisneyPhD]

My kids have more than what they need, but not nearly everything they ask for and not as many material possesions as their friends. We live in a fairly affluent area (not rich, but upper middle clas) and I'm amazed at the quantity of "things" that many kids are given. Brand new cars (or very nice used ones)when they turn 16yo and when they total it, they get another one. Designer clothes and lots of them. And it starts when they are teeny. But still, there are people who can look at us and think that we give our kids too much--we live in a nice house, our kids have a half a garage full of outside toys (ok, I should go through the stuff and get rid of 3/4 of it, so not really 1/2 a garage full ), a basement playroom with many toys, games, etc. My kids are not lacking, but still do not have as many things as many of their friends/neighbors.

These are simply observations, however, and I try not to pass judgement on these other families and I hope people are not passing judgement on me.

The most important thing that my DH and I give to our kids are our time. Hopefully they will remember that long after the toys are gone.

You could be describing my family too. I agree about the one on one time. The other thing I am working on is teaching them to appreciate what they have and to work for what they want. (not instant gratification.) Family time is the most important also. (one of reasons I love WDW, we have such a times family time together.)

It is actually one reasons I don't want to move to a more affluent area around us. I think getting a used car for your 16 to 18 year old (who also helped work and save for it and is taught how to maintain it him or herself) is very different then getting a 16 year old a $20,000 car on their 16th birthday. (happens often in some of the towns close to us.)