Do you think it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes in your home?

[pls5286]

Not rude at all. When I worked on the ambualnce, after I got off duty, but before I got home, if I had to stop by someones house to say pick the kids up or something, I took my boots off at the door, and never even walked in my own house with my boots on until the bottoms were cleaned.

 

[SandrA9810]

growing up in florida, it's not a very common thing. But i have noticed it in the north that it is very common.

i guess it's mostly a regional thing, so when your neighbors come over, it's something they already do.
Now if you had out of town visitor, you can just say "we leave our shoes by the door", and most will follow by lead as to not offend the host.
The rule doesn't bother me at all, and i usually run around barefoot, but i'll usually kick them off in the bedroom instead of by the door.

 

[punkin]

Why is it rude? In some parts of the world, it's required. Anyway, my house is a mess and I really don't care, but I will gladly do it at someone else's house.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I'm seeing a trend here.


I would take it as very rude if a guest walked into my home and removed their shoes. I would expect them to next use the shower and move in for a week. Perhaps their farting on the couch wasn't far behind.

I also wouldn't want to take off my shoes in someone else's house. What if I didn't have a decent pedicure? Why do they want to see my feet? What if they never vacuum?

BUT - it doesn't snow here and we never get weather of any kind. It seems people from places where it snows, there is a REASON to not wear shoes in a home.

 

[Mermaid02]

Yes- it's rude.

 

[bicker]

Asking is never rude. That's why it is called "asking".

Telling is rude.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Rude and tacky. Anything you do that a guest might feel unwelcome is rude.

I would never ask a guest to take off their shoes at a dinner party.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I would never ask a guest to take off their shoes at a dinner party.

But aren't these "guests" your friends? I mean, you didn't just meet them yesterday, did you? Your friends wouldn't judge you for wanting clean floors (or whatever your reason is).

 

[Mermaid02]

But aren't these "guests" your friends? I mean, you didn't just meet them yesterday, did you? Your friends wouldn't judge you for wanting clean floors (or whatever your reason is).

Not necessarily- they might be business associates. Someone's date might not know you from a hole in the wall.

How much work is it to vacuum?

 

[Scurvy]

But aren't these "guests" your friends? I mean, you didn't just meet them yesterday, did you? Your friends wouldn't judge you for wanting clean floors (or whatever your reason is).

Some people feel that it's inhospitable, as though you consider your clean floors to be more important than their comfort. I personally think warning them ahead of time so they can bring whatever they need in order to feel comfortable and/or providing new, clean socks and slippers would mitigate that. But I can understand how people might feel that way. If I was uncomfortable taking my shoes off and you expected me to do so in order to protect your floors, it would bug me. As a host I want my guests to be as comfortable as possible, even if it means I have to clean more often. That wouldn't change just because the guests were my friends.

 

[bicker]

Asking is never rude. That's why it is called "asking".

Telling is rude.

Thinking about this a bit more... Not only is it not rude to ask guests to remove their shoes, I think a good argument can be made for labeling, as rude, a guest declining to remove their shoes. The differentiation I made between asking and telling guests to remove their shoes is a matter of politeness, but being a good guest means respecting your hosts' property as much as they do. Surely you wouldn't be careless in your use of fork and knife while dining off their fine china, so nor should you be careless in your treatment of their floors, if removing your shoes is something that they've kindly asked you to do. No equivocations or excuses -- other than actual physical dependence on wearing shoes (some of which indeed is common among older folks) -- would excuse the rudeness of declining to remove your shoes on entering someone's home, when asked to do so.

 

[Mermaid02]

My sister in law has deformed toes and would be MORTIFIED if she HAD to take her shoes off in someone's home. She would also be embarassed to have to say "I would rather not, I have deformed feet".

 

[curious3069]

If it's rainy/snowy, then maybe I can see it. If it's a cultural thing, totally understandable. Any other time that than, tacky and rude. Floors are designed to withstand shoes and a dinner party of guests shouldn't affect it all that much. If you are that worried about germs on the bottoms of shoes, how are stocking or bare feet any better? Do you make your guests wear latex gloves too to prevent germ transfer from their hands too? I can't imagine being so worried about the floors that you'd put a guest in an uncomfortable position of having to choose between your floors and their comfort. Guess there would be several people not inviting me to dinner!

 

[jrmasm]

Thinking about this a bit more... Not only is it not rude to ask guests to remove their shoes, I think a good argument can be made for labeling, as rude, a guest declining to remove their shoes. The differentiation I made between asking and telling guests to remove their shoes is a matter of politeness, but being a good guest means respecting your hosts' property as much as they do. Surely you wouldn't be careless in your use of fork and knife while dining off their fine china, so nor should you be careless in your treatment of their floors, if removing your shoes is something that they've kindly asked you to do. No equivocations or excuses -- other than actual physical dependence on wearing shoes (some of which indeed is common among older folks) -- would excuse the rudeness of declining to remove your shoes on entering someone's home, when asked to do so.

I completely disagree. By asking, you have potentially caused your guests discomfort.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

It depends on the situation. I never ask adults to take off their shoes, but I do have my kids' friends take off theirs.

If you go to a dinner or a cocktail party, aren't the shoes half the outfit? I would not want to be asked to take off my nice shoes. Now if we've been hiking and going over to someone's house after, then yes, I would want to take off my shoes.

 

[Magpie]

My sister in law has deformed toes and would be MORTIFIED if she HAD to take her shoes off in someone's home. She would also be embarassed to have to say "I would rather not, I have deformed feet".

What? Your SIL doesn't wear socks in her shoes? Or stockings?

Personally, I think instead of hiding her cute little toes in shame, she ought to be displaying them with pride. My daughter was born with a facial "deformity" - and believe me, she does not wear a veil.

 

[bicker]

I completely disagree. By asking, you have potentially caused your guests discomfort.

The point is that that is not some inviolable overriding consideration that trumps all other considerations that could possibly exist. Indeed, the point was that such absolutism is, itself, a big problem. There are myriad considerations in a host/guest relationship, and rather than viewing this issue in a black-and-white "how I want things to be" manner by fiat, the right answer here is far more subtle. And this is very clearly indicated by the fact that people here are posting diametrically oppositional perspectives.

While hosts owe some considerations to their guests, guests owe some considerations to their hosts. It is far more of a balance than you're choosing to see it as. In the end, while being a hospitable host is an eminently noble goal, being a respectful guest is actually a moral imperative.

 

[jrmasm]

In the end, while being a hospitable host is an eminently noble goal, being a respectful guest is actually a moral imperative.

Dude, seriously?

 

[bumbershoot]

... I'm never sure why people feel so strongly one way or another.

Me too. And I'm a person who feels strongly about many things, but whether to take off or not take off shoes isn't one that tweaks me.


DH's mom is Korean, so they definitely have a shoes off home. All of his friends who come over automatically take off their shoes, as they grew up visiting DH's home and are used to it. I go either way, sometimes leaving my shoes on and sometimes taking them off, just depends on how I'm feeling (at MY home, NOT MIL's home...there I take off my shoes!).

I remember one holiday party that my friend called an open house...I guess she meant that it had extended hours to drop by, but I never really understood it. When we would visit her house normally, shoes would be off. So as we entered, we took off our shoes. She had a half up half down house, so the entryway was no man's land...when we descended to the living room, we noticed that no one, not even the hosts, had shoes off. D'oh! I felt silly.

For anyone in the Tacoma/Olympia/surrounding area in WA, though, you really should be taking off shoes. Thanks to the Asarco smelter, we do have problems in the soil, and it's not just the dirt you have to worry about. So for the person in WA who hates having shoes off, it's possible your friends are just used to the Soil Safety program, if you or they are from the Tacoma and beyond area, and that's why they take off shoes.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm curious as to how we've gone from the OP--which talked about a woman asking her sister to remove her shoes to some mythical cocktail party where a group of complete strangers are forced to remove their shoes.