Do you stay home with your kids or work?

[HelenePA]

Man dont let Patrick read this.. he does alot of housework around here as well as working 2 jobs.. I wish I could do it all. Most days its pretty good in here but when the 4 kids are here its pretty much me against them.. yes they help clean up their stuff.. but still its 4 on 1!!! He changes diapers, does the dishes, puts laundry away when I just can't get to it.. Now its probably easier for you OP since you only have 1 but good gosh for those of us with more than 1 at home it gets hard to keep up with everyone sometimes!

 

[hentob]

Who would want to work 60 hours per week and then still come home to housework and a baby?

I know my husband loved coming home to his babies What decent man wouldn't?

I agree with you that the OP has debt they need to clean up. But, it seems like her DH is the one racking it up.

 

[bunny]

I know my husband loved coming home to his babies What decent man wouldn't?

I agree with you that the OP has debt they need to clean up. But, it seems like her DH is the one racking it up.

Now you know that is not what I meant. Quit twisting everything I say. I meant some moms think that once their husband gets home, they are off the clock and it is their time to relax. I don't think it is fair for the breadwinner whether it is mom or dad to spend the whole evening doing everything for the baby alone. When they are together both parents should be on duty. But if the OP's husband needs some downtime when he gets home, he deserves it. No matter what you say I would wager that being a police officer in NYC is a lot more stressful than staying at home with a baby.

 

[bunny]

But, it seems like her DH is the one racking it up.

She actually said most of the debt is from before they got married.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

She actually said most of the debt is from before they got married.

yes true, but when a new Wii game comes out or Xbox, he HAS TO HAVE IT. There's no saying anything.. He must have it no matter what. This is him, he was ALWAYS like this. I knew this before we got married too. It's just him. My big thing is I go to Disney almost every year. Like I said I would sell my car to stay home with DD. I could use DH's car all day because he's home, just sleeping. THat would save $400 car payment and $100 in insurance. a month. $500 a month saved right there.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I know my husband loved coming home to his babies What decent man wouldn't?

I agree with you that the OP has debt they need to clean up. But, it seems like her DH is the one racking it up.

Actually i know ALOT of married men with kids that need to unwind when they come home from work. Shoving the baby in DH's face is not what I do. I know he just worked all night, he barely gets 6 hours of sleep a day, he can unwind then spend time with the baby.

 

[bunny]

Maybe you should get a part time job just so he can see how much fun it is to change a stinky diaper and chase a toddler. Maybe then he will decide he really doesn't need every new game that comes out.

BTW, your daughter is beautiful.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

Maybe you should get a part time job just so he can see how much fun it is to change a stinky diaper and chase a toddler. Maybe then he will decide he really doesn't need every new game that comes out.

That's what I've been telling him. I said to him, "ya know if I go to work, you can't sit on the couch and play Xbox while Emma is in the Pack and play. Because that's what he does in the AM. He'll see how hard it is and maybe he'll just do the few hours of overtime then.

ETA:
I know woman act different towards their babies than men. It's just a fact. If I worked the second I walked thru the door, I'd run up to her and give her a million kisses. It's a mother thing. From what I hear in the 70s (when I was born) men weren't involved AT ALL. I've heard this from about 15 diffrerent people, my mother included. But that's the way it was. The men didn't change diapers, feed the baby, give the baths, etc... So honestly my DH does alot these days that I feel that he shouldn't even have to do. Lots of times in the AM, he lets me sleep and he'll feed DD. Then he'll change her. He'll read to her, so he's not like how I portrayed him all the time. It's just alot of time he is, he's not a bad guy,.

 

[bunny]

Sounds like a plan.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

I was a full-time mother for the first twelve years that I had children. While it was hard at times, and money was very tight, I loved being with my kids. Then my marriage broke up, and I needed to work to support my family. I took some part-time work, did freelancing, etc., so that I had maximum flexibility and could be with my kids as much as possible. They are grown now, and I don't regret at all any sacrifices I made to be with them. Life is short, your kids' childhoods are even shorter, and you can't get those years back.

OP, it sounds to me as though you really want to be at home with your child and I think you will regret it if you do go to work. I hope you can find a way to stay with her.

Teresa

 

[DznyLvr2005]

OP, it sounds to me as though you really want to be at home with your child and I think you will regret it if you do go to work. I hope you can find a way to stay with her.

Teresa

It's true. I think it wouldn't have been so bad if I went back right away, but at this point, after a year, I can't imagine leaving her.

 

[DMickey28]

Maybe once she gets a bit older, a little more independent and before you decide to have a second one it would be a good time to get out, work a little, pay off the debt and get a good cushion behind you.

My DS just turned 2. When he was a year I couldn't imagine leaving him either. Now that he is a bit more independent and playing on his own a lot more he would really benefit from the interaction that pre-school/daycare would give him. I'd go back to work part-time right now and feel good about it, if I had to or really wanted too.

 

[hentob]

Shoving the baby in DH's face is not what I do.

I have never shoved a baby in my dh's face He would go right to his babies. They are his life. He misses them while he is at work.

Maybe it is just because I have multiples, but DH was right beside me and a part of our lives every minute he was home.

I could not imagine a grown, mature man playing X-Box instead of playing with his child This is all so strange to me.

A part time job sounds like a plan

 

[hentob]

When they are together both parents should be on duty.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I have never shoved a baby in my dh's face He would go right to his babies. They are his life. He misses them while he is at work.

Maybe it is just because I have multiples, but DH was right beside me and a part of our lives every minute he was home.

I could not imagine a grown, mature man playing X-Box instead of playing with his child This is all so strange to me.

Yeah I don't like it either. But apparently this happens with alot of people... My good friend said her DH does the same thing. He comes home, goes on the computer, or goes running. I hear it all the time. I don't like it, but it happens to not just this family.

 

[tonilea]

I'm used to the way I'm treated, so it's not really anything new. DH is nice when he wants to be, but as soon as he gets into something, it's a war. But honestly I really think it's because of his job, it's a rough job....

I can say this because I have been on both sides of this fence, as a police officer and as the wife of a police officer. DH was in law enforcement before I started (and after we had been married a few years), so I saw this come about differently than most cops wives.

Part of it is the job. You are accustom to giving orders and you expect those orders to be followed. If they are not followed, then you "force" compliance. "Force" doesn't always imply physical.

When DH first started working in law enforcement he started giving orders and acting irritated if those orders weren't followed. I chalked it up to him being on a stressful job.... then one day I realized he was treating me like one of his suspect/prisoners. I told him, very calmly, that I was his wife - not a prisoner or suspect and he did not need to talk to me like that. It kinda took him by suprise, but he quickly realized that I was right and he apologized. It took some time to work it out, but he did.

Then, when I got in law enforcement, I found myself doing the same stinking thing. Giving orders and expecting them to be followed.

But, you can't blame it all on the job. When it comes right down to it, we all have to accept responsibility for our behavior.

Also, I have to agree with a previous recommendation about Dave Ramsey. It would take a lot of stress out of both your lives to be on the same page financially.

 

[pigletliz]

"When DH first started working in law enforcement he started giving orders and acting irritated if those orders weren't followed. "

My husband's department called this the "John Wayne" syndrome. As wives of new officers. we were told that this would happen. The senior wife advised us to let them get away with it for about 5 days and on the 6th day, introduce DH to the trash and chores around the house.

I know a lot of officers who play video games. It is a way to unwind from the stress of the day. No upset citizens talking to them or brass giving them orders. I'm sure he loves his child, but sometimes as public safety employees, you just need a little time getting the rest of the day out of your head. I know I do. I call it "mommy needs 30 minutes of silence" time. After that, I will listen to whatever you have to say.

As a couple, you need to decide what you are both willing to do to get your finances in order. It is possible that your husband thinks if you can afford Disney every year, then what the harm is a video game. Other thought is he sees exactly how much you both owe and is afraid that he can't possibly make enough to cover that debt. Good luck to you both.

 

[DznyLvr2005]

I can say this because I have been on both sides of this fence, as a police officer and as the wife of a police officer. DH was in law enforcement before I started (and after we had been married a few years), so I saw this come about differently than most cops wives.

Part of it is the job. You are accustom to giving orders and you expect those orders to be followed. If they are not followed, then you "force" compliance. "Force" doesn't always imply physical.

When DH first started working in law enforcement he started giving orders and acting irritated if those orders weren't followed. I chalked it up to him being on a stressful job.... then one day I realized he was treating me like one of his suspect/prisoners. I told him, very calmly, that I was his wife - not a prisoner or suspect and he did not need to talk to me like that. It kinda took him by suprise, but he quickly realized that I was right and he apologized. It took some time to work it out, but he did.

Then, when I got in law enforcement, I found myself doing the same stinking thing. Giving orders and expecting them to be followed.

But, you can't blame it all on the job. When it comes right down to it, we all have to accept responsibility for our behavior.

Also, I have to agree with a previous recommendation about Dave Ramsey. It would take a lot of stress out of both your lives to be on the same page financially.

"When DH first started working in law enforcement he started giving orders and acting irritated if those orders weren't followed. "

My husband's department called this the "John Wayne" syndrome. As wives of new officers. we were told that this would happen. The senior wife advised us to let them get away with it for about 5 days and on the 6th day, introduce DH to the trash and chores around the house.

I know a lot of officers who play video games. It is a way to unwind from the stress of the day. No upset citizens talking to them or brass giving them orders. I'm sure he loves his child, but sometimes as public safety employees, you just need a little time getting the rest of the day out of your head. I know I do. I call it "mommy needs 30 minutes of silence" time. After that, I will listen to whatever you have to say.

As a couple, you need to decide what you are both willing to do to get your finances in order. It is possible that your husband thinks if you can afford Disney every year, then what the harm is a video game. Other thought is he sees exactly how much you both owe and is afraid that he can't possibly make enough to cover that debt. Good luck to you both.

Thanks for understanding and making me feel better about it all. He's been a cop for almost 10 years, so he's been one for a while.

 

[RadioNate]

OMG what is wrong with some of these posts? Men shouldn't have to take care of the kids, they need down time???

I'm NOT at all advocating that mom's go "off duty" when the father comes home but he needs "down time" first? Please. I don't know ANY mom, SAH or NOT, that ever goes off duty. I don't know any mom who does anything for herself until the kids are in bed!

When I worked FT there was no "down time." I picked DS up from daycare, came home, started dinner, laundry, cleaning, etc etc. I didn't shove him in a pack n play so I could get online or play video games. I had to put my wants aside to take care of him.

And thank goodness that my DH does the same thing! If he didn't we'd have serious problems. Treat me like a single mom, I might as well just go be a single mom.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

I stay home now and don't think I would return to work unless I absolutely cut back on everything possible and still couldn't afford to live. I worked some piddly part time jobs on and off when the big kids were babies, and dh could stay home with them in the evenings. Then I started a "career" when they were 4 and 6 and it didn't take long for me to regret it and for our whole family to be overwhelmed. Now with the baby, I wouldn't want to work during the day, nor miss out on any of the big kids' activities in the evening.

DH was actually a SAHD (well, really a full time student) for a little while, and he did a good job as far as child rearing and keeping the house clean. There just isn't the same support network out there for SAHD's though.

And I at the thought of DH telling me I HAVE to do anything.