Do you know Jesus?

[disneymom3]

. Any preacher who says we should rejoice at the death of a loved one is an idiot.

Well, not to be nitpicky, but I think it depends on the circumstances. When we had my mom's funeral, there was definitely mention of rejoicing that she was in heaven and with God. She was very ready to go and it was time. Now, the priest did not at ALL say we should not be sad, but acknowledged that she was now free from pain and lonliness. (She missed my dad a ton during the last couple of years.) So, it was balanced, but in those circumstances there was also rejoicing there.

Cardaway, I am so sorry about your grandmother and even more sorry that this is what happened at her funeral. Totally inappropriate in my view. DH's grandfather's funeral was a bit like that but more on the fire and brimstone side of things. We pretty much all sat there and just tolerated it but it was very odd.

yes, leaving a portion of your estate to a church is a trick they play on people as a final insurance policy to 'join the lord'. and they pay no taxes on the investment.

leave the money or holdings to your family, it's a better investment.

This is OT, but I just have to say "huh?" My mom did leave some of her estate to her church but not in order to get into heaven. She left it because she loved the worship there, the services offered to those in need, the ministry it provided etc. She left them money out of joy, not out of some misplaced superstition. How odd.

 

[Amity 3]

This is OT, but I just have to say "huh?" My mom did leave some of her estate to her church but not in order to get into heaven. She left it because she loved the worship there, the services offered to those in need, the ministry it provided etc. She left them money out of joy, not out of some misplaced superstition. How odd.

we let our daughter attend various churches if she wants with her friends.

she's now on various church mailing lists, and one of the pamphlets is an instruction on 'have you remembered the church in your will?'

that's where my cynicism comes from.

 

[leafette]

OK, I will bite. What is an appropriate level in your view?

Give it a rest. Seriously.

 

[Buckalew11]

Sorry about your grandmother, Cardaway. It is tough to lose anyone enough if they are older and saying they are ready. The pain of the loss is still there.

Amity, I am sure there are way to many churches who make people think that they can guarentee themselves a spot in Heaven by leaving the church money or even donating it while they are alive. Shame on them. I am not sure whether this church gave Cardaway's grandmother that impression (doesn't sound like it to me) though. Sounds like she just wanted to leave the money to the church because she enjoyed worshipping at this church. I hope no one gave her that false impression.

Funerals here that I have been to never do the Fire and Brimestone (it has been a long time since I have even heard a F&B sermon!) or gave some sort of "invitation" following the service. However, most funerals here (Christian) do have a lot of mention of the dead believer going "home" etc. It is a sort of celebration of their life and of their decision to follow Christ because that is what the basic belief within Christianity is. I hope my funeral is little about me and more about the hope that I have through Jesus Christ. I hope the minister gives enough about me to help my family find comfort and remember some nice things about me and also share what I feel like is the most important decision one can make in this life--to either accept or reject God.
Sounds like my wishes would be offensive to many though. And no, I don't want the minister preaching at people or scaring them with hell but as they come and remember me, I would like them to reflect on that important decision for their own lives and think about their own lives and what else they may want to accomplish, where they want to go etc. etc.

 

[gina2000]

OK, I will bite. What is an appropriate level in your view?

The appropriate level is to offer salvation with love not intent. The appropriate level is to offer solace with kindness not anger. The appropriate level is to offer succor with no strings attached.

It's not a difficult concept to understand. Obviously, though, it's difficult to master.

 

[vettechick99]

And if that wasn't bad enough I had a woman get in my face asking me if "I knew Jesus" and giving me the third degree after I told her that I no longer follow the Christian religion. But of course she will pray for me. Things would have been a lot better had I just lied to her.

This is why I never tell anyone I'm agnostic. I think most of the people in my town would have a heart attack.

Sorry about your grandmother.

 

[Lizzy2]

First, OP, I am so sorry for your loss. Grandmas are irreplaceable. Secondly, don't let one bad apple spoil your Gram's memory. Not all Christians are so rude and thoughtless.

 

[JoeEpcotRocks]

yes, leaving a portion of your estate to a church is a trick they play on people as a final insurance policy to 'join the lord'. and they pay no taxes on the investment.

It's not a trick. Many people willingly leave money to their church, but it's not for their own salvation. It's to help the church bring the Gospel to others.

 

[barbeml]

...one of the pamphlets is an instruction on 'have you remembered the church in your will?'

that's where my cynicism comes from.

My in-laws are being hounded by their priest to set a up a meeting to discuss this. In the meantime, he wants their credit card and bank account numbers so that the church can draw funds when needed.

I am not kidding.

 

[LadyShiva]

My in-laws are being hounded by their priest to set a up a meeting to discuss this. In the meantime, he wants their credit card and bank account numbers so that the church can draw funds when needed.

I am not kidding.

Yowzers.

Brandie

 

[cardaway]

My in-laws are being hounded by their priest to set a up a meeting to discuss this. In the meantime, he wants their credit card and bank account numbers so that the church can draw funds when needed.

I am not kidding.

Seems wrong to ask for 10% of your income during your life and then ask again for another 10%. We sure don't like it when the government does the same thing (taxes).

 

[nuke]

The appropriate level is to offer salvation with love not intent. The appropriate level is to offer solace with kindness not anger. The appropriate level is to offer succor with no strings attached.

It's not a difficult concept to understand. Obviously, though, it's difficult to master.

Yep!

Sorry about your grandmom Cardaway.

 

[disneymom3]

My in-laws are being hounded by their priest to set a up a meeting to discuss this. In the meantime, he wants their credit card and bank account numbers so that the church can draw funds when needed.

I am not kidding.

Well, crapola! That is downright scary. I would be leaving that church!

I still stand by the thought that some people leave money to their churches of their free wil.

 

[JoyG]

Mike,

Sorry about your grandmother.

I think that sometimes the deceased make known their wishes to the Pastor beforehand. The fact that she's leaving 10% to the church leads me to believe that she might have had some conversations about her final arrangements...although if the pastor didn't have anything personal to say about her...maybe not.

Do you know who arranged your grandmother's funeral? Were they onboard with the message given?

Funerals are a lot like weddings...they can run the gamut (sp?) from non religious to really religious. I had the "gospel message" presented at my wedding...I'm sure some people were probably groaning, but that was important to me and dh so that's what we did. I would also want it presented at my funeral.

If this funeral message was not what your grandmother wanted or what the people who arranged her services wanted I see nothing wrong with dropping a note to the church letting them know your opinion.

 

[JoyG]

I believe it's rude to make negative comments about a person on a thread discussing the death and funeral of said person's grandmother.

Amen.

 

[fabshelly]

What a load of garbage.

Yes, you can be happy she's with Jesus, if you believe that. I, personally, do - along with Buddha and Gandhi, so there.

But you're supposed to be sad - for yourself, because you won't be with that person again until probably far later.

 

[Freyja]

Just wanted to say I´m sorry for your loss and that you haf to go through this.

 

[Mugg Mann]

Cardaway;

First and foremost, my condolences on the death of your grandmother. I recognize that regardless of anything else that this must be a very difficult time for you.

Through the course of life, I've unfortunately had the opportunity to attend more funerals than I would prefer. Most of them were religious in nature, and on most occasions I was never made to feel uncomfortable because I did not share the faith of the deceased. Whatever clergy conducting the service understood that the reason for gathering was not recruitment to the faith but rather to provide the opportunity to gather and mourn, grieve, and celebrate the life of the deceased.

On two occasions now I've sat through a funeral service that was seemingly nothing more than a front for unabashed recruitment. Both times I knew the deceased well enough to know that this was not what they would have wanted, and that an overzealous clergy person took over the ceremony and placed their own wants and needs ahead of the deceased. To say that many mourners present were appalled would be an understatement.

I understand how you feel at this moment, and what inspired you to post what you did. Know that you are not alone, and that you are perfectly justified in feeling how you do.

Again, my sympathies and condolences on your loss.

 

[cardaway]

I think that sometimes the deceased make known their wishes to the Pastor beforehand. The fact that she's leaving 10% to the church leads me to believe that she might have had some conversations about her final arrangements...although if the pastor didn't have anything personal to say about her...maybe not.

I can't know for sure, but I do think it was her idea to give this money to the church. Obviously after our experience with them last Friday I wish she would have chosen a Christian charity instead, but there is no way I'm going to lobby my mom to not do as she wished.

Do you know who arranged your grandmother's funeral? Were they onboard with the message given?

I do not have every detail but as far as I know she arranged with the church leader to have her service done there as it was the only church she attended in her final years. Beyond that I don't know if anything specific was agreed upon beforehand. My aunt made the few arrangements there were and she is not one for detail.

 

[Amity 3]

My in-laws are being hounded by their priest to set a up a meeting to discuss this. In the meantime, he wants their credit card and bank account numbers so that the church can draw funds when needed.

I am not kidding.

I know you're not kidding. there's nothing like attending a funeral at a church that is looking to make a nice profit off of the person they're charging you to eulogize.

praise jesus and pass the routing codes to their checking accounts.