do you hold a

[beansmom]

Lisa that's so sad. If she died tomorrow, how would that make you feel? Is whatever you are mad at her for really worth it

Please let me respond to this:

Sometimes you have to sever ties with people for your own sanity and self-respect. My sister does not like my husband (my second) and is very rude and downright ugly to him. She won't even let me speak his name. I finally had to tell her that she married who she wanted to and I don't mistreat her husband and I wasn't going to tolerate her mistreating mine anymore. She and I didn't speak for several months.

On the bright side, she emailed me a 'start over' message last week and we are speaking again.

So, to answer your question: If something happened to my sister, I would feel sad but in the grand scheme of things, if you have a toxic relationship, you need to sever it to keep yourself healthy.

 

[gemmie214]

Depends on the situation, if the person is truly sorry and I am close to him/her I can get over it. Other than that I can hold a grudge for a very very long time.

 

[ASFCurly]

It depends on hte person, I can't stay mad at my sister at all, sometimes I stay mad at them for a while, like with some of the people that I work with that are just so dumb, and with others, like my Dad, I realize that that is just the way they are and learn to not take what they are saying to heart because they really don't realize that what they say hurts you.

 

[JohnTBap]

The longest that I ever held was against EROS and now that is gone. Forgiveness is awesome. I highly recommend it.

 

[helenabear]

I held a grudge once in my life and never again. This person not only hurt me, but my DH very deeply. I eventually had to let it go because it almost consumed me.

Now that's not to say I don't get mad (I have a very hot temper at times), but I can let things go very quickly. I learned it was easier to forgive than to hold a grudge.

 

[Boots]

Well not really, but I sometimes remember things for a long time. I know that this isn't really forgiving but it is hard to sometimes forget things that hurt.

 

[Lucky4me]

Nope, can't hold grudges at all. I'm a pushover. DH can hold a grudge for a month.

 

[catsrule]

No, I forget about it the next day, unless it is msn.

 

[Pooh93]

Depends.

 

[oldkicker]

I'm irritated that you posted this question Jason....

 

[Mamu]

I try to be forgiving and understanding, but there are some things no matter how hard we try we can not forgive.

These are the times I Pray help me to understand why and to put it in the past. Whether I forgive or not, depends on the pain. I think one example is 9/11. Can we ever forgive. I think not.

 

[oldkicker]

...but who could stay mad at you for long....

 

[JulesMom]

I agree scarlett... it depends on the grudge

 

[caitycaity]

i agree with wmcc. i forgive, but don't forget.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

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Okay, so I looked up grudge in the dictionary so I could make sure to give the right answer:

A deep-seated feeling of resentment or rancor: bears a grudge about the accident. or Sullen malice or malevolence; cherished malice, enmity, or dislike; ill will; an old cause of hatred or quarrel.

I can say that I do not hold grudges. However, if I am in a hurtful relationship I will drop it - whether it be with family or friend. I don't bear the other person any ill will, but I don't open myself up to more hurt, either.

 

[Rajah]

Is it possible to both forgive and hold a grudge at the same time? Is that forgiving but not forgetting?

I can (and, sadly, often do) hold grudges for a very, very long time. Basically, I'll hold a grudge against a person I care about until they honestly apologize and sometimes (depending on the situation) make up for it. If they never apologize, I'll hold the grudge forever -- not necessarily let it eat me up, but I'll never forget it and if they repeat the action, I get mad about it again. If they honestly apologize, I typically drop it within a couple of days. I can still care about the person while holding a grudge, though. A kind of "I'm mad at you because you did *this*, but I still love you anyway" thing.

If it's someone I don't like for whatever reason, I can hold the grudge (but not let it consume me, I guess more like "keep a scorecard" I guess) for the duration of time I know that individual.

But, on the other side of the coin, if someone does something special or nice for me, I tend not to forget that, either, and consider them special for a long time.

I guess I just have a "long memory" for good or bad.

 

[Princess Michelle]

I try very hard not to hold grudges, it's very difficult at times but I find staying angry at someone usually hurts me more than it does them. Life is just too short for stuff like that.

 

[CathyCanada]

Shannon, I swear that no food has ever entered my bathroom!!!!

Bernie, you had me going there for a minute!! LOL
CC

 

[snoopy]

I'm not one to hold grudges. I tend to get mad quickly, and let go of it quickly - a hot temper but a soft heart. My father was the same way, I see so much of him in myself now that I am growing older.

I never could understand people who hold these grudges for years - how do they sleep at night? My granny is like that, she has grudges that she has held for years over the stupidest things. She hasn't spoken to my SIL in 8 years - this is one of the nice SIL's, too - because she borrowed a pot from my Granny and apparently forgot to return it. Of course Granny never said anything to her about it, just stopped speaking to her for 8 years.

I would explode if I had to keep track of all that hatred and negativity, personally.

 

[Rajah]

Snoops -- for me, it's really more like when something reminds me of the grudge, *then* I think of it after it's no longer new. Otherwise, I don't think about it at all. So it's like if I see something that reminds me of the grudge, I go "Oh yeah, I remember that. Grr, I'm still mad about that." And then a few minutes to hours later, I've forgotten it again until I'm reminded.

So I don't dwell on the negativity, but I don't forget it, either. Unless I get a sincere apology.

Just a point of view from one of those who does hold grudges a while, since you asked.