Do you have your kids call non-family "aunt" and "uncle"

[Handbag Lady]

I am an aunt and I have many aunts and uncles who are not my aunts and uncles. And I have many aunts and uncles who are my aunts and uncles.

Even though we are not Hawaiian, we just adhere to the respect due one's elders. Mr. & Mrs. Smith just isn't close enough, and first names don't work and I'm not allowed to use them, anyway (I am 40 and my Aunt Toni is 54. She'd kill me if I called her just Toni.)

I am aunt to my best friend's four kids. Yes, they have bio aunts, but I'm AuntieinCalifornia and I wouldn't change my status for my life. (They also have a grandmahere and a grandmaonthephone-one lives in their town, one lives in Los Angeles, thus the "onthephone" name.)

Now for my own niece, I am thrilled that she has other elders in her life that are blessed with the name of Aunt. It is nice to know that if I am not available, she has others to fill the spot. I would never bogart her life by insisting that I be the only aunt she has.

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

While I did not do that growing up I have done that with my dd. She has many adults in her family that are not related by blood. She does use Aunt and Uncle with them as well as with my actual brothers and sisters.

I feel that both my dd and I are so blessed to have these people in our family.

It feels right to us and works well for our family.

 

[Jennasis]

I had TONS of "aunts and uncles" who were not related to me.

 

[wdwfan16]

The other day my sister, in front of her son, referred to one of her friends as "Aunt Jane". I took offense to this as I am the real aunt. This person has only been in my sister's life for a couple of years and (in many circumstances) friends come and go, in my opinion. Why should friends have the title "aunt" or "uncle" along side the biological aunt and uncle? What has been your experience?

Blood does not make on a good Aunt or Uncle. Many kids who are not my siblings child(ren) call me Aunt and my DH Uncle and we do the same with our kids.

Aunt and Uncle, as well as Grandmother and Grandfather, are terms bestowed on others for the kid way they treat your children. When they treat your kids the way an Aunt should, then we call then Aunt.

 

[wdwfan16]

That's perfectly understandable. Wondering if anyone has family that IS involved in the kids life but still calls friends aunt and uncle.

Yes we do and so do the ones who gave us the terms.


When I refer to one of the kids I will call them my niece or nephew.

 

[bumbershoot]

My closest friend has tried to be Aunt S, but it hasn't really stuck. She also wants DS to call her sisters Aunt, but he barely remembers them (though one is "the lady that plays swordfights with me" so that's cool), so it's just not working.

Of course, I think that friend is getting back at me for not "making" him call her Aunt S (personally I wish he'd call her what he first called her, which was "weeweesh", his 2 year old version of her name), b/c she's constantly talking about "your mom", when she KNOWS I'm just Molly, not mom (cracks me up too much when he calls me "mom" for it to actually be something he could use routinely).

He has no problem calling his actual aunts and uncles Aunt and Uncle so and so; he just seems to really KNOW that S and her sisters are not his aunts... And still, they want it to happen, so when I think of it I tell him to call them Aunt....

My friends and I don't do that, but some of the kids call us "mom" Talk about a close biological tie! My friends and I did that growing up too -- we called almost all of the friends' parents mom or dad. The parents LOVED it, and it tickles us to see our kids doing that now.

I love that. Although I called my mom by her first name from the age of 4, and we were comfy with that, I would have LOVED to be able to just call my friends' moms "mom". Much better than trying to remember which ones were cool with first names (Deb) and which ones HAD TO BE Mrs so and so...I mean I did work it out, but it would have been fun to just say "mom".

And if he makes Korean friends, I'll be Eamon Umma, b/c he's my first kid, so I'm forever marked as being "Eamon's mom". Former neighbors of ours were Korean (as is hubby) and DS was new, and one day they were calling Hello to me from across the parking lot (man oh man those kids were so nice!) and said Eamon umma and I just about died from how cute it was.

In many cultures this is traditional, including the Chinese culture, which is my background. My parents immigrated (legally) from Shanghai, and settled in the Louisville area. I never knew many of my biological aunts and uncles, as many of them were in China or went to other countries. So the 5 or 6 Chinese families we grew up with became very close, and they were all my aunts and uncles. I think it is a very nice tradition.

Good point! Though it makes it hard for those from the outside to know who you're talking about, LOL. My husband has 2 aunts and one uncle, then their spouses, and then countless non-relation aunts and uncles, and since he doesn't know their names AT ALL, I just tune out. And when we were going to have a ceremony and honeymoon in Korea, it was going to be a serious problem with invitations (from my perspective)...



anyway, I grew up calling most of my mom's friends by their first names, and it was never disrespectful, I love them dearly still. Putting Aunt or Uncle in front of their names wouldn't have added to MY feelings for them...but if THEY needed it, I would have been told to do it and would have done it. Or...if I felt uncomfortable about it...I would have just endeavored to never need to use their names/titles. I do that with half my uncles now, since none of them seem formal enough to need "uncle" but they've never TOLD me I can just use their names...and frankly, once you hit 30, it just feels flat out silly to be using these titles!

 

[jenm2878]

My DH and I both come from small biological families, but are fortunate to have created a large family of friends. I am very active in my niece and nephew's lives, and they still call some of my brother's friends 'aunt' and 'uncle.' Doesn't bother me a bit. Blood isn't what makes a family.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I can't say for certain if I would care or not.

The only "non-relative" (legally) that my kids give that title is my brother's partner. They realized he was part of the family and that is how they label him. They really do not do that for anyone else. (They actually did this towards the beginning of their relationship.)

If a child feel that a grown up is close enough in their lives to honor them with that title, I am not certain it is that big of a deal.

Perhaps different areas of the country have different rules, I don't know.

I honestly don't know too many children who do this.

When I was growing up, sometimes a child would honor a close grownup with "mom" or "dad" especially if the child is really close to the family.

In any case, I don't think a child is purposing to lessen the role of their biological/adoptive relatives.

I do not feel it appropriate for a non-relative to insist on being given those titles though (nor step-parents insisting on the mom or dad title). Those titles should be earned IMHO.

 

[SharpMomOfTwo]

My husband grew up being told to call a lot of people aunt and uncle because they were close friends. So close, that he actually though for 30+ years that his Aunt Cookie was his fathers sister - AND SHE WASN'T!!!!! It took a conversation between myself and MIL to figure out that she wasn't really related. When I told DH, he was in total shock!!!!! It just was never a subject because they were as close as family.

 

[browneyes106]

I never called anyone who was non-family aunt or uncle. Usually I called my parents' close friends by their first names. One of my friend's from high school called a lot of her parent's friends and first cousins aunt and uncle. My boyfriend is called uncle by one of his friend's sons.

 

[Veronica Lodge]

The other day my sister, in front of her son, referred to one of her friends as "Aunt Jane". I took offense to this as I am the real aunt. This person has only been in my sister's life for a couple of years and (in many circumstances) friends come and go, in my opinion. Why should friends have the title "aunt" or "uncle" along side the biological aunt and uncle? What has been your experience?

I actually prefer to be called Auntie Veronica instead of just Veronica by children who are younger, like elementary-school age. IMHO, it is just more respectful than using only my first name but not as formal as Mrs. Lodge. I cringe everytime I hear my neighbor's 7 year old call me by my first name, and I am not particularly close friends with the neighbor.

I don't really understand why it would bother you so much unless you are really insecure abour or jealously guard your relationship with your sister.

 

[kirbsam]

my kids dont do it, but i dont see the issue at all. it would not bother me at all. i would think "who cares"?

 

[S. C.]

No

 

[crz4mm2]

Yep.

 

[lspst8]

If there was another option somewhere between Mr/Mrs and first name basis that could convey both closeness and respect, we'd probably use that instead, but I can't think of any such title

We always called my parent's friends Miss First Name and Mr. First Name. For example, Miss Cindy and Mr. Tim.

My mom is named Mary Lou, so her friend's children called her Miss Mary Lou, which was hard to toddlers to say, so she became Mamoo (pronounced like Shamu the whale)

 

[NHdisneylover]

That's perfectly understandable. Wondering if anyone has family that IS involved in the kids life but still calls friends aunt and uncle.

Yes. Oddly--DH's siblings who are not very involved get called aunt so&so and uncle so&so. The Aunt who is very involved with my kids is generally just called by her first name (they are so close no honorific seems to fit). We have one close friend who the kids call uncle so&so. We have also traveled extensivly with him--it makes it easier when we are all together and people seem to think it is odd for a single guy to be with a family.

My very best friend and his husband are simply called by their first names (again so super close any honorific feels odd). I havae no issues with the kids using a first name only so long as they have asked the person what they perfere to be called (many adutls answer that they prefer to use their first name--that is also the answer I give). I have no siblings of my own so I figure I ahve every rigth to designate a couple friends as mine

 

[okeydokey]

We always called my parent's friends Miss First Name and Mr. First Name. For example, Miss Cindy and Mr. Tim.

My mom is named Mary Lou, so her friend's children called her Miss Mary Lou, which was hard to toddlers to say, so she became Mamoo (pronounced like Shamu the whale)

Almost every kid I know down South uses the Ms. First name or Mr. First name with adults they are close to.

 

[bookgirl]

I don't know if it offends you that they call her "aunt" or if you are offended that they have a close familiar type relationship relationship with her.

Regardless to what they call her the relationship they have with her is what it is. The kids have an "aunt" niece/nephew relationship with her. That wouldn't change if they just called her by her name. She would be thier "aunt" no matter what.

As a blood relationship you have a tie with them, but what your relationship is with them is what you make it.


By the way I am an Aunt and a "Aunt". My best friends kids relationship with thier blood relative Aunt has nothing to do with me and my relationship with them has nothing to do with her. We all grew up together and if she had a problem with it she'd let me know about it.

As for my two "blood" releative nephews I get more annoyed when they were supposed to call me by my first initial, which is what my ex sister in laws family wanted to call me. Like I didn't have a name or something. My nephews would listen to them call me Aunt "T" for ever finally they started telling them "her name isn't T it's ........" LOL. Kids gotta love them.

Don't worry about titles worry about what they think of YOU at the end of the day.

 

[daisax]

When I was a kid, only the very closest of friends got the Aunt/Uncle designation. So maybe 3 non-related adults in total. Everybody else was Mr Last Name/Mrs. Last Name.

It was a title of honor that only people in the innermost circle were given. Seemed to be the case for most kids in our area back then -- occasionally somebody would clarify "my uncle, but not my uncle-uncle" and everybody knew what that meant.

 

[NotUrsula]

For the most part, we use Miz Firstname and Mister Firstname for friends of the family, but there are a few exceptional people that are so close that they get to be honorary aunts and uncles. In every case that I can think of, that person is a former college roommate.

Where we get odd is that number of "Aunts" and "Uncles" who are actually cousins, and vice-versa. This is a huge issue in my family because we have a history of having children who are widely spaced, and having children late in life. It's not that unusual in my family for one generation to span nearly 50 years. (Example: the first of my mother's grandchildren was born in 1962, the last one in 2007.) I have nieces who are just a little younger than I am, and they always reserved calling me "Auntie" for those situations when they wanted to torment me. However, my own children call THEM Auntie, even though they are first cousins, because there is an age gap of over 30 years. Generally, in my family if the relative is older than or less than 5 years younger than than your mother, then they get Aunt or Uncle; if they are younger, then they are treated as cousins and get no title.