Do you give a gift when they say dont?

[SunshineOR]

I break out in a cold sweat when I receive an invite that says "no gifts". I don't want to disrespect their wishes, but everytime I show up at a no gifts occasion, EVERYONE brings gifts. Do I disrespect the request, or look like a jerk being the only one to show up empty-handed? Oh, the pressure!

I usually do a card with a little something in it, but finding the right little something is sometimes difficult. And even then, I feel like a jerk showing up with my card when everyone else brings big 'ol gifts.

 

[Disneyrsh]

ok

 

[disykat]

From Peggy Post - the current "Emily Post" editor.

"The mistake: Arriving at a party with a present in hand, even though the invitation says "no gifts, please."
Why it's wrong: You'll likely embarrass all the empty-handed guests, who obeyed the instructions.
What to do instead: "No gifts" means that the guest of honor really doesn't want the party to focus on presents. As a guest, it's your responsibility to respect those wishes. If you absolutely can't abstain -- you've found the perfect figurine for your aunt's Precious Moments collection, say -- give your gift in private either before or after the party."

 

[Planogirl]

I've learned from this thread that it's rude to request no gifts and it's also rude to bring a gift or not bring a gift when no gifts are requested. OK...

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Yes, that's me. On another thread I'm offering creative advice to solve the problem of rotten relatives.

"Creative advice"...too funny. OK, I think you're having a blast with the "creative" posts. Good one. But on the off chance that your posts are serious, I'd love to know what made you such a bitter person.

From Peggy Post - the current "Emily Post" editor.

"The mistake: Arriving at a party with a present in hand, even though the invitation says "no gifts, please."
Why it's wrong: You'll likely embarrass all the empty-handed guests, who obeyed the instructions.
What to do instead: "No gifts" means that the guest of honor really doesn't want the party to focus on presents. As a guest, it's your responsibility to respect those wishes. If you absolutely can't abstain -- you've found the perfect figurine for your aunt's Precious Moments collection, say -- give your gift in private either before or after the party."

Makes sense to me!

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

make a donation in their honor to a meaningful charity.

I think this is a lovely idea, especially if you know their values well or know an organization with special meaning to them.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

We have a bit of a dilemma.

My DD had her b'day party recently. She made it a point to tell everyone not to bring gifts. Many asked multiple times, "are you sure?" She told everyone she would really just like their company and please do not bring gifts. Half the kids brought gifts anyway. These are all teenagers. One girl made a huge card and glued all these hot actors in it. That was perfect! Others brought gifts they bought at the store.

One of the girls that came to DD's party is now having her b'day party. She put on her invite, "no gifts." However, she brought a gift for DD. Ugh! Now DD feels like she needs to get her something. I kind of agree. Normally I would follow the instructions on the invite but since this girl didn't, DD feels like she owes her a gift now. WWYD?

You know, maybe that girl wrote down the party on her calendar, threw away the invite and forgot about the no gifts.

Or maybe she thought it was a great idea, planned on doing the same thing and then found out that many mutual friends were bringing gifts and got panicky. When she got to the party realized 1/2 the people didn't bring gifts and it was OK she decied that it really was a great idea after all and kind of regretted bringing gifts.

If I were your daughter I might split the difference with a nice card.

Another gift that's popular with my preteen is an invite to a movie or something -- like a homemade gift card. It's like a gift without a gift, and you can put it in a card which makes other people not feel bad if they didn't bring a gift (otherwise people will be saying "Oh no, DD said no gifts but then she brought a gift to X's no gift party -- was I supposed to bring a gift to HER party?) Teens like to worry about things like that.