Do you give a gift when they say dont?

[okeydokey]

Bring a nice card and honor them by honoring their wishes for no gifts.

 

[LisaR]

We have a bit of a dilemma.

My DD had her b'day party recently. She made it a point to tell everyone not to bring gifts. Many asked multiple times, "are you sure?" She told everyone she would really just like their company and please do not bring gifts. Half the kids brought gifts anyway. These are all teenagers. One girl made a huge card and glued all these hot actors in it. That was perfect! Others brought gifts they bought at the store.

One of the girls that came to DD's party is now having her b'day party. She put on her invite, "no gifts." However, she brought a gift for DD. Ugh! Now DD feels like she needs to get her something. I kind of agree. Normally I would follow the instructions on the invite but since this girl didn't, DD feels like she owes her a gift now. WWYD?

 

[TheZue]

I wouldn't bring a gift. People say that for all sorts of reasons. I would respect it.

As for the teenager situation maybe have your daughter ask her friend why she decided to put no gifts. If her mom pushed her it's one thing, if her friend is trying to reduce clutter or really really wants to avoid gifts that's another. Even in that case I'd get her a gift card to the mall or to go get something together like a movie or manicure.

 

[powellrj]

I would bring a nice card

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We have a bit of a dilemma.

My DD had her b'day party recently. She made it a point to tell everyone not to bring gifts. Many asked multiple times, "are you sure?" She told everyone she would really just like their company and please do not bring gifts. Half the kids brought gifts anyway. These are all teenagers. One girl made a huge card and glued all these hot actors in it. That was perfect! Others brought gifts they bought at the store.

One of the girls that came to DD's party is now having her b'day party. She put on her invite, "no gifts." However, she brought a gift for DD. Ugh! Now DD feels like she needs to get her something. I kind of agree. Normally I would follow the instructions on the invite but since this girl didn't, DD feels like she owes her a gift now. WWYD?

I would leave it up to the teen to decide. I stay out of it unless it is a life or death matter (or where are you and when are you coming home/pick you up).

 

[SC Minnie]

We have a bit of a dilemma.

My DD had her b'day party recently. She made it a point to tell everyone not to bring gifts. Many asked multiple times, "are you sure?" She told everyone she would really just like their company and please do not bring gifts. Half the kids brought gifts anyway. These are all teenagers. One girl made a huge card and glued all these hot actors in it. That was perfect! Others brought gifts they bought at the store.

One of the girls that came to DD's party is now having her b'day party. She put on her invite, "no gifts." However, she brought a gift for DD. Ugh! Now DD feels like she needs to get her something. I kind of agree. Normally I would follow the instructions on the invite but since this girl didn't, DD feels like she owes her a gift now. WWYD?

One of DD's friends had a big birthday party and asked for 'No Gifts' but instead asked all the kids to bring at least 2 canned goods for the local food bank. Most brought more than 2 cans and it went very well! The kids didn't have to feel uneasy about coming empty handed.

 

[daisyyy]

Well.. I'm still confused as to what to do. I get the fact it's their request, I still feel weird going with nothing. Oh.. and we didn't go to their first wedding, since we didn't know them then, so we never gave them the 1st gift. But.. I know I have written no gifts for my DH's 40th bday, and everyone brought a gift anyway, and I felt bad, I didn't want them to feel obligated to bring something, but everyone did anyway, I know he wouldn't have been upset, but it's a weird thing for people to come empty handed. Maybe a bottle of wine as someone mentioned, since it's not completely empty handed, and if they don't want it, they can give it to someone else I suppose. Who doesn't enjoy a good bottle of wine?

 

[*BTMRR*]

You're not going empty-handed if you bring a card with a really nice, personal, handwritten note inside.
That's what I do when "no gifts" is specified. If I absolutely feel like I MUST give something else, I put movie passes or something like that into the card. I never ever take a wrapped gift to a "no gifts" party.

 

[LisaR]

One of DD's friends had a big birthday party and asked for 'No Gifts' but instead asked all the kids to bring at least 2 canned goods for the local food bank. Most brought more than 2 cans and it went very well! The kids didn't have to feel uneasy about coming empty handed.

That is an excellent idea. We will definitely use that idea next time.

 

[Disneyrsh]

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[The Mystery Machine]

That is an excellent idea. We will definitely use that idea next time.

My dd went to a party that collected for the animal shelter. I thought it was a great idea.

 

[LisaR]

I think it's sad to have a birthday party for a kid and specify no gifts.

Gifts are associated with celebrations. If you try and buck social trends, this is the result-half the people will ignore you and bring gifts anyway (like me), the other half will obey your demands then feel stupid when they show up.

If you really want to divert the urge to give gifts, set up a link to a charity and let people know it exists, without bullying them into giving to it and only it.

In our case, these aren't 5 y/o that think the best part of the party is the gifts and ice cream. These are teenagers who just want to hang with each other. Money is not something they have a whole lot of right now. When my DD was little, I bought the gifts for her friends. Now that she is older, if she chooses to go to a party, she buys the gift. I know it is that way with many of her friends, as well.

Why does a celebration need to include gifts? My DD wanted to have a day with her friends where they could swim, run around and play games, dance and just be silly teens. She declared it the best birthday ever. It didn't have anything to do with who did or didn't bring gifts.

I do love the charity idea and wish we had thought of that.

 

[Scurvy]

According to etiquette, gifts should never be mentioned on an invitation. It's considered rude. Gift preferences should be communicated by word of mouth, and only if someone actually asks what you prefer. The way I see it, if someone feels strongly enough about not receiving gifts that they are willing put it on the invitation even though it's not appropriate to do so, then I will honor their wishes and not give a gift.

 

[disykat]

You ARE giving them a gift. You are coming to their party. You are honoring their wishes. You are saving them from having to write you a thank you note for doing so.

 

[Disneyrsh]

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[disykat]

According to etiquette, gifts should never be mentioned on an invitation. It's considered rude. .

People always say that and I honestly believe this is one rule of etiquette that HAS changed! The reason you can mention it now is because people now assume an invitation is a gift request. The only way to correct that assumption is to say it. IMO, it is not rude to correct a misunderstanding.

The reason it is considered rude to mention gifts on an invitation is because one should never assume someone will be bringing you a gift. Saying "no gifts" is not making that assumption, it is correcting that assumption.

 

[disykat]

We call people like that "freeloaders" in my neck of the woods.

So you charge admission to parties?

 

[Halloweenqueen]

Truthfully this just make things awkward for everyone.

One of my more embarassing moments....

My daughter gets invited to a friend's birthday party. There are multiple places in the invitation that they ask for no gifts. So we decided to stand by this request and rsvp.

We were supposed to go over to this friend's house on a playdate several days before the party. The little boy was fascinated by Pirates of the Caribbean at that time. My other daughter went through that phase and had a little Dead Man's Chest with a beating heart, Jack's compass, a necklace, and some of Jack's rings. I told the mother I would bring the chest for the boy, since it was about to go to Goodwill.

The day of the playdate they canceled.

I made the STUPID mistake of bringing the chest the day of the party. Of course everyone else brings gifts. This chest ends up on the birthday gift table. Even though I tell the Mom that it wasn't a gift...blah, blah, blah...it remained on the gift table.

How embarassed was I when I saw all the confused people who thought I gave this kid some used toys.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

People always say that and I honestly believe this is one rule of etiquette that HAS changed! The reason you can mention it now is because people now assume an invitation is a gift request. The only way to correct that assumption is to say it. IMO, it is not rude to correct a misunderstanding.

The reason it is considered rude to mention gifts on an invitation is because one should never assume someone will be bringing you a gift. Saying "no gifts" is not making that assumption, it is correcting that assumption.

Agree 100%.

The last thing people need to do is waste money on something that the host has no need for.

Now if you were extremely close with the hosts, then I can see getting them something, like the children of the parents.

But for a big bash, getting tons of "stuff" is just not necessary.

 

[Disneyrsh]

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