Do you fill your own stocking?

[Genie+]

Hubby does mine and I do his for the most part. That said, Santa is still very real in our house. Sometimes, if Santa is giving something to everyone, I have to buy all 5 and then give him one to wrap for me. Outside of that, it's his job.

Until my youngest was about 10yo I had a second set of “Santa wrapping paper” that was hidden in a box they’d never bother looking in the basement. It was a big horde I’d gotten for $.01 each at an Ikea after holidays sale that was folded hand-made style red paper. Every year they’d get presents from Mom and Dad in the same paper the rest of the family’s presents were wrapped and Christmas night these red wrapped presents would materialize.

I also made sure to use different handwriting and marker for those lol. Just thought it was fun not to have these clues And gave us a use for all that cool paper!

 

[bigpinkdaisy]

Stockings are one of my favorite traditions of Christmas. When I was little, they were the best part - all of the little treats and fun surprises! When we got married, we naturally melded our favorite family traditions to create our own for us and now our son, and that includes stockings! I enjoy shopping for "stocking stuffers" all year long for them and my mom(who never had a stocking when my siblings and I were younger - but my dad didn't either to my recollection). My husband takes care of mine and if he sees something that would be fun for our son's(now 20), he also picks that up to add to his stocking. Side note: he also wraps EVERYTHING for everyone except for himself - our son and I do those.

 

[LoveDaisy]

DH and I only exchange stockings. He fills mine. The girls get stockings and gifts. The oldest is an adult who lives in another state. She started a new job and won’t be home for Christmas. She asked if she still gets a stocking, of course she does!

 

[barkley]

We always open stocking gifts last because of this.

in our house 'the kids' (not kids anymore ) open theirs first b/c once they were old enough we made an agreement that if they hit the button to start the coffee brewing they could then give us a shout-out to wake up while they opened their stockings.

to the question-i do dh and the kids, dh does mine (though my oldest will come across oddball things to add in like the purple evil minion figure that sits in my medicine cabinet to greet me daily). I enjoy shopping for stocking stuffers-it's usually treats, jars of foodie items they enjoy or just something I think they might need (one year it was a window breaker/seatbelt slicer for each driver).

 

[RangerPooh]

I handle all four kids’ stockings, plus DH’s and the grandparents’. I usually just throw a bit of candy into mine and call it good. Every so often DH has tried to fill it, mostly because the kids noticed mine was practically empty.

Our kids range in age from 14-20, so they're filled with candy/treats, a small toy of sorts, and something practical like toothbrushes, hair ties, or deodorant. DH usually adds a knife to each... we all scout/camp so they come in handy.

 

[Willow Ufgood]

Everyone has a stocking to hang on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning everyone has a stocking filled with candy, small toys and Christmas socks. Everyone except me. Mine is empty. The kids are too little to notice or ask why Santa didn't bring me anything.

 

[disney212]

I fill all the stockings or they go unfilled. I am married to a wonderful but can't choose gifts I like. Our agreement is I get Disney gift cards. Every few years he tries and spends way too much money on something hideous that I would never wear or use. Last year was over $400 in ugly jewelry from a store I will not name as it's very popular but not my style, lol.

 

[marthachick]

Up until a couple of years ago I gilled my own. I was griping about no one filling my stocking and DH must’ve been listening. He has bought me a few things the last couple of years and I appreciate it!

 

[clh2]

You bet I fill my own stocking…with Spafinders gift cards! It is now a joke between my husband and me

I get my DH something for his stocking, as well as for my daughter and her family. Ironically, Spafinders GCs land in her stocking too!

We otherwise do not exchange Christmas, birthday or anniversary gifts.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I stuff DH & DS's stockings. DH mostly stuffs mine, but DS will add a thing or two on occasion. My stocking usually hangs empty, until the last minute. If they didn't fill it, I wouldn't.

 

[dreamer17555]

@Mackenzie Click-Mickelson (not quoting because I wanted to reply to all of it)


I’ll be honest that in my experience, the women/moms I know do most of the holiday magic making. They pick and wrap the gifts, remember the traditions, and keep everything together. But I used the term gift giver intentionally, because I know what I see isn’t universal, not everyone is in a hetero relationship, and even when they are, the person doing most of the emotional/holiday labor isn’t always a woman.

As for stockings, yes, I would feel upset if mine were empty, but that doesn’t mean I want it filled out of obligation. And I don’t think my family sees it as an obligation anyway. I asked them tonight if they’d feel unloved if I stopped doing stockings one year, and they said no but they would be concerned, because it would be so out of character for me.

But cards on the table- one of my traditions is hand making every bow for the gifts each year. It's something I would honestly have given up years ago but it is my daughter’s favorite thing each year (and I love to make her happy more than I hate making them) but a few years ago I was in a pretty severe depression. I managed to plan gifts and wrap some of them (the boys did the bulk) but I could not find the energy to make those bows (getting out of bed was very hard). The second night my daughter is home from college? I go to the living room to find her teaching the boys how to make those stupid handmade bows. They made sure EVERY gift had one. (She knew I would feel bad if the bows didn't happen, while she loves those bows, what she wanted was for me to feel like it was okay if I wasn't 100% at the moment, that they could take something off my plate)

Sometimes making sure every gift has a bow is how we show up for each other. This year my daughter is struggling to manage everything at grad school and the best thing I could do besides listen at 3 AM when she needed to cry? Move the pressure off of coming home for Thanksgiving (saving her 7+ hours on the road) and we will just do Thanksgiving in December after finals. Showing up for her is making sure she knows that her well being is the priority and the dinner can wait.

I think it’s important to give grace when people genuinely can’t show up but there’s also nothing wrong with expecting small gestures, like filling a stocking. If stockings are mostly candy and tiny items, the bar is pretty low, and a partner or older child could easily do it.

I also don’t believe men are incapable of thoughtful gifts- far from it. Many of the comments in this thread sound like people gave up asking, or took over because their partners wouldn’t bother, and that’s sad. I love giving gifts, not to “win,” but because a thoughtful gift can make someone feel deeply seen.

Last year my family gave me something that every friend warned my husband was a terrible idea. They did it anyway, because they knew me! It was the most perfect gift I’ve ever received (one that would’ve infuriated most wives, but I get teary every time I see it). A good gift doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It just has to fit the person.

As for my friend, I’m trying to figure out how to help. She’s not “okay” with it so much as she’s resigned to the fact that no one in her home will think to fill her stocking. If she lived in my state (or within 6 hr driving distance), I’d take her 8 yo shopping to pick something out. I don’t know her husband well enough to talk to him, and sending her stocking stuffers risks causing tension if he notices (he already doesn’t like me). It’s complicated and sad, and I don’t know what the right move is but I hate seeing someone feel so unseen. She does SO much for her husband and child and she deserves a few small items in her stocking.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I’ll be honest that in my experience, the women/moms I know do most of the holiday magic making. They pick and wrap the gifts, remember the traditions, and keep everything together.

Yes and is why I picked up on it, it wasn't a comment against you it was because I know that still is a societal thing.

I was just at my sister-in-law's bridal shower Sunday. My father-in-law's wife's nephew's wife (I know a mouthful) is a few years younger than me and they were casually talking about Christmas gifts (the wedding the shower was for it a few days after Christmas) and the nephew had ask "oh did you get gifts for ___ (and it was for members on his side of the family) and she was like "of course I've got it covered". It's still alive and well that women get the burden of this stuff. I have never bought a gift for my husband's family, I sure am not taking on that responsibility. But I do feel like I am the one who is more asking "did you get so and so a gift" so it affects me as well. ETA: I should mention my husband and I talk frequently about what to get someone (after he's been reminded) but I don't go out and buy the gifts for his family much less what can be the case where the husband has no clue what his wife has bought for his own family.

But I used the term gift giver intentionally, because I know what I see isn’t universal,

But also why I chose to make my comment. It's just an observation that you didn't really need to call out a specific group when in the next breath opt to make it general if you really meant just asking broadly and to no particular group in general.

As for stockings, yes, I would feel upset if mine were empty, but that doesn’t mean I want it filled out of obligation.

I wasn't meaning you wanted it filled out of obligation I meant that you were filling others stockings out of obligation. Yes it's often a lack of consideration towards the other person, they simply just don't think about it and not in a malicious way but it's also why it could be time to review the practice because it's not fulfilling what it used to be for.

I asked them tonight if they’d feel unloved if I stopped doing stockings one year, and they said no but they would be concerned, because it would be so out of character for me.

Exactly though! I mean yes out of character for you...but is that a bad thing?

ETA: Also I re-read this and can really feel for you that you felt the need to phrase it as "feel unloved" if you stopped doing the stockings. That further solidifies to me what the gift giving love language is to you. I never thought for one second your family, even though I don't know you personally, would actually feel less loved at not getting stockings filled. At least for me this is really about freeing yourself from this pressure you've placed on yourself and your family.

I think it’s important to give grace when people genuinely can’t show up but there’s also nothing wrong with expecting small gestures, like filling a stocking. If stockings are mostly candy and tiny items, the bar is pretty low, and a partner or older child could easily do it.

Specific to the holidays though is what I mean. Stockings mean something to you that don't mean the same to others in your family at least seemingly because you're sadden to not see anything in your stocking and your family didn't think to fill yours.

Small gestures don't have to be tangible material things and in this case it's place an importance not on what is in the stocking but that the stocking is filled with something, but that's still a tangible thing that doesn't have to be to give you want you want which is appreciation for your thoughtfulness and presence.

I love giving gifts, not to “win,” but because a thoughtful gift can make someone feel deeply seen.

The love language comment isn't about winning, that's not what it is about. It's about that for you a gift signifies a certain thing but that it doesn't always mean the same for someone else. It's not inherently bad but it can get that way when you end up getting resentful (even just a little) that you put so much effort into the thoughts and it's not reciprocated. You said it in your comment that "I want to know that my family would take a bit of time to think about me the way I think about them and put in the effort. However I do spend a TON of energy and time on all the gifts I give" that's a love language thing that isn't the same for people whose love language isn't that. It can easily slide into the "thing" in this case a stocking filled with something and equate it to how much effort others put into you because you put in the effort to it. That's when it can become more about what is self-serving for you (meaning generically towards the love language) rather than about recipients of said gifts. It's also when you may want to re-evaluate the thing you're doing.

A thoughtful gift can make someone feel deeply seen you're absolutely right about that but not every person and not every instance a gift is given should and can be that. And that's okay.

 

[Disney Ella]

After we had kids and got them stockings, DH asked if we were going to have stockings too. I had never considered it, as adults in my family didn't have them. I told him as long as he would actually fill mine, we could get them too. He fills mine, and I fill everyone else's.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

I do everyone's stocking except mine. For some reason, never thought of doing that. I've had an empty stocking, daughter and husband didn't do it. But, last year husband filled my stocking. I may pick up a couple little things for my stocking. Things he wouldn't think of. I'm the one in charge of gifts, wrapping and all things presents in the house.

 

[Kitty 34]

Dh always filled mine when we did stockings.

 

[QueenIsabella]

@Mackenzie Click-Mickelson (not quoting because I wanted to reply to all of it)


I’ll be honest that in my experience, the women/moms I know do most of the holiday magic making. They pick and wrap the gifts, remember the traditions, and keep everything together. But I used the term gift giver intentionally, because I know what I see isn’t universal, not everyone is in a hetero relationship, and even when they are, the person doing most of the emotional/holiday labor isn’t always a woman.

As for stockings, yes, I would feel upset if mine were empty, but that doesn’t mean I want it filled out of obligation. And I don’t think my family sees it as an obligation anyway. I asked them tonight if they’d feel unloved if I stopped doing stockings one year, and they said no but they would be concerned, because it would be so out of character for me.

But cards on the table- one of my traditions is hand making every bow for the gifts each year. It's something I would honestly have given up years ago but it is my daughter’s favorite thing each year (and I love to make her happy more than I hate making them) but a few years ago I was in a pretty severe depression. I managed to plan gifts and wrap some of them (the boys did the bulk) but I could not find the energy to make those bows (getting out of bed was very hard). The second night my daughter is home from college? I go to the living room to find her teaching the boys how to make those stupid handmade bows. They made sure EVERY gift had one. (She knew I would feel bad if the bows didn't happen, while she loves those bows, what she wanted was for me to feel like it was okay if I wasn't 100% at the moment, that they could take something off my plate)

Sometimes making sure every gift has a bow is how we show up for each other. This year my daughter is struggling to manage everything at grad school and the best thing I could do besides listen at 3 AM when she needed to cry? Move the pressure off of coming home for Thanksgiving (saving her 7+ hours on the road) and we will just do Thanksgiving in December after finals. Showing up for her is making sure she knows that her well being is the priority and the dinner can wait.

I think it’s important to give grace when people genuinely can’t show up but there’s also nothing wrong with expecting small gestures, like filling a stocking. If stockings are mostly candy and tiny items, the bar is pretty low, and a partner or older child could easily do it.

I also don’t believe men are incapable of thoughtful gifts- far from it. Many of the comments in this thread sound like people gave up asking, or took over because their partners wouldn’t bother, and that’s sad. I love giving gifts, not to “win,” but because a thoughtful gift can make someone feel deeply seen.

Last year my family gave me something that every friend warned my husband was a terrible idea. They did it anyway, because they knew me! It was the most perfect gift I’ve ever received (one that would’ve infuriated most wives, but I get teary every time I see it). A good gift doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. It just has to fit the person.

As for my friend, I’m trying to figure out how to help. She’s not “okay” with it so much as she’s resigned to the fact that no one in her home will think to fill her stocking. If she lived in my state (or within 6 hr driving distance), I’d take her 8 yo shopping to pick something out. I don’t know her husband well enough to talk to him, and sending her stocking stuffers risks causing tension if he notices (he already doesn’t like me). It’s complicated and sad, and I don’t know what the right move is but I hate seeing someone feel so unseen. She does SO much for her husband and child and she deserves a few small items in her stocking.

I hear you!

In our house, stockings are my kids' top Christmas thing. The youngest is 19, but this has been true for a while. They mostly get candy and gift cards, with a few other little items.

Like you with the bows, one thing I've done every year, except this one, is make sleep pants. Not this year, because I can't get fabric--Hobby Lobby is too expensive, Jo-Anne's closed, our Michael's doesn't have fabric yet. Typically, I make 9-12 pairs--last year it was 12, because DD22 and her roommates wanted matching ones. Well, last year, I had emergency foot surgery in November--I could sew, but not stand. DD22 bought the fabric and cut out 12 pairs of sleep pants, which I then sewed. I feel bad not doing it this year, but I simply can't get the fabric.

P.S. Our DD30 and her new husband can't make it down until MLK weekend. So, Christmas is extended this year. We'll miss them Christmas morning, but will have gifts, Silly Santa, and a nice holiday meal when we see them.

 

[dreamer17555]

But also why I chose to make my comment. It's just an observation that you didn't really need to call out a specific group when in the next breath opt to make it general if you really meant just asking broadly and to no particular group in general.

I really do not see how being honest that it is often women who carry the holidays in my experience but also including the idea that my experience is not universal so trying to expand it is a bad thing

I wasn't meaning you wanted it filled out of obligation I meant that you were filling others stockings out of obligation. Yes it's often a lack of consideration towards the other person, they simply just don't think about it and not in a malicious way but it's also why it could be time to review the practice because it's not fulfilling what it used to be for.

I do think while not exactly malicious, if you see a partner stocking go unfilled year after year and you choose not to do anything about that's pretty unkind.

Speaking to my husband about this, and he said that it would be the equivalent of seeing somebody drop all of their papers in the office and just walking by without offering to help. Maybe the person doesn't want the help but you should at least offer. The acknowledgment is the important part.

Exactly though! I mean yes out of character for you...but is that a bad thing?

Yes, it would be a bad thing because I like giving gifts and I like helping out and my family likes who I am.

Specific to the holidays though is what I mean. Stockings mean something to you that don't mean the same to others in your family at least seemingly because you're sadden to not see anything in your stocking and your family didn't think to fill yours.

Small gestures don't have to be tangible material things and in this case it's place an importance not on what is in the stocking but that the stocking is filled with something, but that's still a tangible thing that doesn't have to be to give you want you want which is appreciation for your thoughtfulness and presence.

I think we are getting confused about the fact that my stocking is always filled by the others in my family. I actually have a friend who's stocking is not. I am not my friend, this is not a euphemism.

I would be very sad if it wasn't filled because I think the acknowledgment of doing the small gesture is what matters. The items in the stocking could be something very small. Things that don't even cost anything like a note written with intention would be wonderful.

The idea that grown men can see their wives plan a majority of Christmas, but can't handle a simple task to put a few small items that she would like in her stocking is upsetting. I do not hold them men in my life to such a low bar and they are not inconsiderate enough to act like that.

The love language comment isn't about winning, that's not what it is about. It's about that for you a gift signifies a certain thing but that it doesn't always mean the same for someone else. It's not inherently bad but it can get that way when you end up getting resentful (even just a little) that you put so much effort into the thoughts and it's not reciprocated. You said it in your comment that "I want to know that my family would take a bit of time to think about me the way I think about them and put in the effort. However I do spend a TON of energy and time on all the gifts I give" that's a love language thing that isn't the same for people whose love language isn't that. It can easily slide into the "thing" in this case a stocking filled with something and equate it to how much effort others put into you because you put in the effort to it. That's when it can become more about what is self-serving for you (meaning generically towards the love language) rather than about recipients of said gifts. It's also when you may want to re-evaluate the thing you're doing.

A thoughtful gift can make someone feel deeply seen you're absolutely right about that but not every person and not every instance a gift is given should and can be that. And that's okay.

I am really not resentful about gifts that I give and I truly hope that my family is not resentful about the gifts that they give. They always seem excited to come up with something that they know I will love. I know I'm excited to come up with stuff for them every year.

But it can also be a slap in the face if somebody is doing the majority of the holiday planning to not even be really considered. My friend does not deserve that (no one does).

I'm going to continue to brainstorm ideas to see if I can figure out a way to make sure her stocking is filled this year because I want to make sure she is feeling seen. It just sucks that I can't get her family to do it for her because I understand that's what she really wants is for them to do it. She wants them to remember her and is sadly resigned to the fact that they won't and to me that is heartbreaking.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

I love stockings, they are one of my favorite traditions. I fill everyone's and DH fills mine. We usually have things like nice socks, new gloves, candy, unique snacks/foods/spices, maybe a small book, small handheld toys or card games, a small stuffed animal when the kids were young. I don't really know how I'd feel if I needed to fill my own. I kind of want to make one for myself now, I'd put a DCL cruise in it!