Do You Ever Wish....

[ugadog99]

Do you ever wish things were different in your life? Normally, I don't allow myself to think about how things could be different, but I have today. As some of you know, I am a widow with two girls-12 and 15. I was only 30 when their father died and had not even given birth to the younger child at the time of my husband's death. Anyway, I was involved in two different relationships after my husband died. Both were with alcoholics and were just really, really bad choices. After the last relationship ended, I swore off dating completely. It's been five years since the last relationship, and I never even thought of trying to find someone again until recently. I just don't know if I can do it, though. The thought of finding someone special is very appealing, but very, very scary. So, do you ever wonder what things would be like if you made different choices or even did things differently now?

 

[Lisa AF]

I'm sorry things haven't been like you wish they were. Sometimes we need a day to wish things were different. Hope that special person shows up for you!

 

[Kim&Chris]

Hmmm....If I had a dollar for every bad choice/man in my life, I'd be a millionaire (well, not really a millionaire )

It wasn't until I became completely fed up with the liars, cheaters, etc that I swore off dating, and resolved myself to being alone. That's when I met Chris

It took a long time to meet/marry him, and as such we've not been able to have any children because of our ages (and other reasons).

I'm so sorry that you've experienced so much pain, but don't give up on finding someone to love. He's out there, maybe searching for you as well. Don't let fear and anxiety dictate your future.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I'm sorry that life has thrown you some major curve balls and a few bumps in the road. I commend you for having the strength to have seen the toxic relationships your are in. It could be that now you are more self assured woman and ready for an equal partner.


And to answer your question, yes. Some day I woke up wondering what the hell am I doing married to the military, lol, when I could be married to a respectable plumber that I would see more than a couple times a year. Then I look at one of the pictures of my Matt and my heart turnsover and I think about him and his love and I remember.


Love and life is not an easy thing for so many people but it really sounds like you are in a different place in your life. Just remember that you are always worth the best and expect nor take anything less. Good luck

 

[Cantw8]

Perfectly normal thing to ponder Of course I do. The thing about we humans is that we are constantly evolving....things that we liked a year ago, we no longer like now. Choices we have made in the past, are no longer consistant with our standards now. Sometimes the choices that we make we are locked into, like it or not. There's really not a whole lot you can do about that. What you can do is to live each day as it comes. I highly encourage you to seek out other relationships, no one should be alone Best of luck to you and I am sorry for any hardships you have encountered.

 

[HaleyB]

Don't be down on yourself for the past. You can only control the future, and only to a point. You are young and if looking for the right guy is something you want to do, go for it. Don't look back except to keep from repeating mistakes.

There are still some really great guys out there. I know, because my sister keeps dumping on them

But you do have to put yourself out there sometimes or go out on a limb. I met my husband on a sort of blind date. That was only 6 months after the father of my oldest child died. I was 20. He was the addict/mistake- so I guess I do sometimes wonder what my life would be like if he had not died. I was stupid enough to stay with him, and go back to him for years so I doubt I would have gotten a clue very fast.

Thank goodness for my good friend that set me and Mr. Silly up many many moons ago. And then kept pushing us together because we were both too shy. I wasn't looking for anyone at the time, and we took some heat for the 6 month thing, but you just can't turn away from the best guy you have ever met on a formality like that.

I think everyone feels like they could have done things differently and maybe would be in a better place if they had at times. You can use that state of mind to motivate yourself, or to beat yourself up.

 

[kayeandjim00]

sent you a pm

 

[ilovepcot]

Sure, the "what ifs" are pretty much human nature. I don't question whether I made the right choice where DH is concerned. I more or less wonder how things would be for us had I gone into a different profession or had we stayed in NC rather coming to FL. In NC we'd have a different set of friends, be closer to family and work situation would be far different. Would that be better? Worse? These are some things I ponder, especially on quiet rainy days or after taking pain pills for my troublesome back (they get me really unwound) and the conclusion I've come to is....who knows?

 

[ugadog99]

Thanks ya'll. Today was the first day in a long time that I played the "What if" game. Maybe I am ready to move on. We'll see what happens.

Melanie

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[fanofdisney]

Just be satisfied with yourself first. And trust your gut instincts...they're usually right.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[beckmrk04]

The worse thing about the what-if game is that when you are looking back, you can never get definitive answers. I play the what-if game, and always find it pretty fruitless- because I can't change anything that has already happened.

So, instead, I am working on controlling what I can in the present.

I'm sorry that you lost your husband. But you deserve a happy and healthy relationship, and if you are ready, you never know who you'll bump into... Mr. Right? And it is great that you can recognize your past relationships weren't healthy, so now you can find one that is, that will be good for your daughters as well.

Sometimes hindsight is a hindrance, sometimes we can make it work for us. We can always wish the past would change, but it never will. We can actively do something to change the direction of our future, though.

 

[Stacerita]

The "what if" game is a tough one. I try not to play, but most of the time can't help it. I just try to remember that all the decisions I have made in the my life have brought me to where I am today. And even the bad choices I have made in my life become a lesson learned.

 

[sajetto]

"what if" always makes you think your life isn't good enough when there may be great things about it that you are missing.

I'm sorry to hear of the things that life has thrown your way...sometimes it can be so cruel and unfair in this world.

 

[MinnyGranny62]

I think we all wonder what if. But we tend to cope with
the things that are brought us. Sure hope you find your special
someone. Shirley

 

[Nancy]

The "what if" game is a tough one. I try not to play, but most of the time can't help it. I just try to remember that all the decisions I have made in the my life have brought me to where I am today. And even the bad choices I have made in my life become a lesson learned.

That is so right and lessons learned makes us stronger and more able to cope when we still make those "bad" choices.

 

[Stitchfans]

Sure I think that is human nature. Everyone sometimes thinks to themselves what if?